Old Wounds

The Orville 1×1

Admiral Halsey: I have good news. There’s a ship available. It’s a mid-level craft. The USS Orville. It’s not exactly a heavy cruiser, but it is an exploratory vessel. And we’re offering you command.

Admiral Halsey: Look, the truth is, you’re nobody’s first choice for this job. But we have 3,000 ships to staff, and we need captains. We’re giving you one last chance.

Gordon: Oh, this is a program I wrote where you can battle an ogre in a samurai village. It’s pretty cool, right?

Ed: You’re 23, and you’re chief of security on a starship?
Alara: Xelayans don’t usually join the military, so when one of us does, the Union generally fast-tracks us.

Lamarr: Uh, so, our last captain let us have soda on the bridge while we were working, and I just want to make sure that’s still okay.
Ed: Uh, yeah, if you keep it below the equipment and don’t spill any, sure.
Lamarr: Oh, dig it. Boom.

Admiral Halsey: I wish I could give you something more exciting for your maiden voyage, but it’s pretty straightforward. You’ll be delivering supplies to the science station on Epsilon 2...

Kelly: Okay. Gordon, I just want to make sure...
Gordon: You know what? You should probably call me Lieutenant Malloy, seeing as how you’re my boss now... sir.

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Kelly: ...That’s very magnanimous of you.
Gordon: I got you. I got you. So... um, permission to pee?
Kelly: Granted, yes.
Gordon: Sweet, sweet. Hey, I’m gonna go look up what «magnanimous» means.
Kelly: Great.
Gordon: Great. I mean, pee first, though.
Kelly: Priorities.
Gordon: You know it.

Lamarr: You see that dog in the background licking his balls?
Gordon: First thing I saw.

Bortus: Did you say... a pizza party?
Kelly: It’s for office birthdays.
Ed: Lot of September birthdays down here.

Ed: All right, he’s got a gun. But we have something better... Seat belts.

Ed: The code is six, alpha, nine, three, seven, alpha, three, zero, zero... Happy Arbor Day.

Ed: What would you have said?
Kelly: I would’ve said... «You got wood.»

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