Serenity

& River: ... We’re in their homes and in their heads and we haven’t the right. We’re meddlesome.
    Teacher: River, we’re not telling people what to think... we’re just trying to show them how.

& Malcolm: Jayne, how many weapons you plan on taking? You only got two arms.
    Jayne: I just get excitable... as to choice. Like to have my options open.
    Malcolm: I don’t plan on any shooting taking place during this job.
    Jayne: What you plan and what takes place ain’t ever exactly been similar.

& Malcolm: Kaylee! Kaylee, what in the sphincter of hell are you playing at?

& Malcolm: Don’t push me, and I won’t push you.

& Malcolm: Zoe, Wash gonna straighten this boat out before we get flattened?
    Zoë: Like a downy feather, sir. No one flies like my mister.

& Malcolm: Hey, little one. Understand your part in all this?
    River: Do you?
    Malcolm: This is what I do, darling... This is what I do.

& Zoë: Do you know what the definition of a hero is? Someone who gets other people killed.

& Simon: River?
    River: I swallowed a bug.

& Zoë: Sir, I don’t disagree on any particular point. It’s just... in the time of war, we would’ve never left a man stranded.
    Malcolm: Maybe that’s why we lost...

& Jayne: How’s a guy get so wrong? Cutting on his own face, raping and murdering. I’ll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight... or if he bothers me, or if there’s a woman... or if I’m getting paid. Mostly only when I’m getting paid.

---

& Jayne: Eating people alive? Where does that get fun?

& Zoë: So, trap?
    Malcolm: Trap.
    Zoë: We going in?
    Malcolm: Only but a few hours out.
    Wash: Yeah, but, remember the part where it’s a trap?

& Kaylee: But how can you be sure Inara don’t just wanna see you? Sometimes people have feelings... I’m referring here to people.
    Malcolm: You all were watching, I take it...
    Kaylee: ...Yes.
    Malcolm: Did you see us fight?
    Kaylee: No.
    Malcolm: Trap.

& Malcolm: It’s cold out there. Remember. If anything happens to me... or if you don’t hear from me within the hour... you take this ship and you come and you rescue me.
    Zoë: What? Risk my ship?
    Malcolm: I mean it. And I don’t wanna get left.

& Malcolm: Advice from an old tracker. You want to find someone, use your eyes.

& Inara: I just want to know who I’m dealing with. I’ve seen too many versions of you to be sure.
    Malcolm: I start fighting a war, I guarantee you’ll see something new.

& Malcolm: Half of writing history is hiding the truth.

& Book: I killed the ship that killed us. Not very Christian of me.
    Malcolm: You did what’s right.
    Book: Coming from you, that means almost nothing.

& Malcolm: There’s a lot of fine ways to die. I ain’t waiting for the Alliance to choose mine.

& The Operative: Define «disappeared.»

& Jayne: Shepherd Book used to tell me: «If you can’t do something smart... do something right.»

& The Operative: Target the Reavers! Target everyone! Somebody fire!

& Wash: I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.

& Malcolm: The hell?
    Wash: It’s okay. I am a leaf on the wind!
    Malcolm: What does that mean?

& Jayne: Captain’s right. Can’t be thinking on revenge if we’re gonna get through this.
    Zoë: Do you really think any of us are gonna get through this?
    Jayne: ... I might.

& Simon: My one regret in all of this... is never being with you.
    Kaylee: With me?! You mean to say, as... Sex?
    Simon: I mean to say.

& Malcolm: You shot me in the back!

& The Operative: Do you know what your sin is, Mal?
    Malcolm: Hell. I’m a fan of all seven. But right now... I’m going to have to go with wrath.

& Malcolm: You know what the first rule of flying is? Well, I suppose you do, since you already know what I’m about to say.
    River: I do. But I like to hear you say it.
    Malcolm: Love. You can learn all the math in the ’verse... but you take a boat in the air that you don’t love... she’ll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds. Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down... tells you she’s hurting before she keels. Makes her a home.

& Malcolm: What was that?

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ Totally understand & agree with Sheldon. How they possibly could to close the Firefly!

Objects in Space

Firefly × 14

& Kaylee: So you had to be naked?
    Simon: Naked, yes. And on top of the statue of Hippocrates. Can you just picture me?
    Kaylee: What, naked? Let’s see... I’m gonna have to conjure up... Yeah, that’s, that’s gonna be difficult.

& Jayne: So, like, never?
    Book: Well, no.
    Jayne: Not ever, never?

& Malcolm: Fully loaded, safety off. This here is a recipe for unpleasantness.

& Malcolm: We’re deep in space, corner of No and Where.

& Wash: Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
    Zoë: We live in a spaceship, dear.
    Wash: So?

---

& Jayne: Well, I don’t like the idea of someone hearing what I’m thinking.
    Inara: No one likes the idea of hearing what you’re thinking.

& Kaylee: H... How did you... get on?
    Early: Strains the mind a bit, don’t it? You think you’re all alone. Maybe I come down the chimney, Kaylee. Bring presents to the good girls and boys. Maybe not, though... Maybe I’ve always been here.

& Early: You ever been raped?

& Simon: Are you Alliance?
    Early: Am I a lion?
    Simon: What?
    Early: I don’t think of myself as a lion. You might as well, though. I have a mighty roar.

& Simon: So you’re a bounty hunter.
    Early: No. That ain’t it at all.
    Simon: Then what are you?
    Early: I’m a bounty hunter. I’m named Early.

& Simon: You’re out of your mind.
    Early: That’s between me and my mind.

& Early: You ever been shot?
    Simon: No.
    Early: You ought to be shot... or stabbed. Lose a leg. To be a surgeon, you know? Know what kind of pain you’re dealing with. They make psychiatrists get psychoanalyzed before they can get certified... but they don’t make a surgeon get cut on. That seem right to you?
Ω He talks too much, no?

& Simon: Come on out, River. The nice man wants to kidnap you.

& Early: Man is stronger by far than woman... yet only woman can create a child. Does that seem right to you?

& River: River’s gone.
    Early: Then who exactly are we talking to?
    River: You’re talking to Serenity. And, Early... Serenity is very unhappy.

& Early: You folks are all insane.
    Simon: Well, my sister’s a ship. We had a complicated childhood.

& Malcolm: I’m not dreaming?
    River: We all are... Don’t make faces.

& River: You’re not righteous. You’ve got issues.
    Early: No! Or yes. I could have that. You might have me figured out then. Good job. I’m not a hundred percent.
    River: You talk too much.
Ω Say so!
    Early: I’m flawed in that way. I sometimes go on.

& River: Permission to come aboard?
    Malcolm: You know, you ain’t quite right.
    River: It’s the popular theory.

& Wash: Can I mop your brow? I am at the ready with the fearsome brow mop.

& Book: I just feel such a fool.
    Jayne: Yeah. All them years of priest training... and taken out by one bounty hunter.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ It’s such a shame they've cancelled the Firefly.

Heart of Gold

Firefly × 13

& Inara: It sounds like something this crew can handle...
    Nandi: If they’ve got guns and brains at all...
    Inara: They’ve got guns.

& Inara: I suppose you heard most of that.
    Malcolm: Only because I was eavesdropping.

& Zoë: As has been stated, this job is strictly speculative.
    Jayne: Good. Don’t know these folks. Don’t much care to.
    Malcolm: They’re whores.
    Jayne: I’m in!

& Inara: Nandi, this is Malcolm Reynolds.
    Nandi: I appreciate your coming.
    Malcolm: Well, any friend of Inara’s is a strictly businesslike relationship of mine.

---

& Jayne: Can I start getting sexed already?

& Kaylee: Look. They got boy whores. Isn’t that thoughtful? I wonder if they service girl folk at all?
    Wash: Let’s not ask.

& Kaylee: Everyone’s got somebody. Wash, tell me I’m pretty.
    Wash: Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.
    Kaylee: ’Cause I’m pretty?
    Wash: ’Cause you’re pretty.

& Nandi: Rance Burgess is just a man... and I won’t let any man take what’s mine. I doubt you’d do different in my position.
    Malcolm: Well, lady, I must say... you’re my kind of stupid.

& Book: I’m fair handy with a hammer, Captain.
    Malcolm: That so, Shepherd?
    Book: Been following the footsteps of a carpenter for some time now.

& Nandi: Malcolm, I’ve been waiting for you to kiss me since I showed you my guns. ... You okay with this?
    Malcolm: I’m just waiting to see if I pass out... Long story.

& Inara: One of the virtues... of not being puritanical about sex is not feeling embarrassed afterwards. You should look into it.

& Malcolm: Remember shoot the man, not the horse. A dead horse is cover. A live horse, great pile of panic.

& Petaline: Rance, this is Jonah. Jonah, say hi to your daddy. Say good-bye to your daddy, Jonah.

& Inara: There’s something... There’s something I should have done a long while ago. And I’m sorry, for both of us, that it took me this long....... I’m leaving.
Ω WHAT?! Gorrammit! You gotta be kidding.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

The Message

Firefly × 12

& Kaylee: Poor little thing never even saw the light of day. Now it’s in show business.
    Simon: You manage to find the bright side of every single thing.

& Wash: Do not fear me. Ours is a peaceful race and we must live in harmony.

& Inara: The Lassiter is universally known. Fencing it is like fencing the Mona Lisa.
    Malcolm: Well, wh... The Mona who?

& Inara: So, do aliens live among us?
    Kaylee: Yeah. One of them’s a doctor.

& Jayne: What’d y’all order a dead guy for?

---

& Tracey: I didn’t hear a single thing.
    Zoë: First rule of battle, little one... don’t ever let them know where you are....
    Malcolm: I’m right here! I’m right here! You want some of me? Yeah, you do! Come on! Come on!
    Zoë: .... Course, there are other schools of thought.

& Tracey: Sarge...
    Malcolm: Yeah?
    Tracey: I think I’m nekkid.

& Wash: Oh, no! Whoa-kay!

& Tracey: Do you think I’m stupid?
    Malcolm: In every way possible!

& Malcolm: You know the old saying.
    Tracey: When you can’t run, you crawl... and when you can’t crawl, you... when you can’t do that...
    Zoë: You find someone to carry you.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Trash

Firefly × 11

& Malcolm: Yeah... That went well.

& Malcolm: You know what? We got work to do. Let’s shut up and do it.

& Inara: I’m not sleeping with you, Mal.
    Malcolm: No, I think I would have noticed. I think my keenly trained senses...

& Durran Haymer: I owe you a great debt of thanks. ... You’ve returned to me the only thing I truly treasure.
    Malcolm: Well, then this is a day I’ll feel good to be me.

---

& Durran Haymer: How long have you been with him?
    Malcolm: We are not together.
    Saffron: He’s my husband.
    Malcolm: Well, who in the damn galaxy ain’t?!

& Malcolm: I seen you without your clothes on before. Never thought I’d see you naked.

& Malcolm: I’m guessin’... the pain of this fades away, you’ll just go back to being what you are.
    Saffron: What is that?
    Malcolm: A brilliant... beautiful, evil double-crossing snake.

& Simon: How much did they offer you to sell out me and River on Ariel?
    Jayne: That’s crazy talk.
    Simon: Then let’s talk crazy. How much?
    Jayne: Anybody there?.. Anybody else?

& Simon: I want you to understand one thing very clearly. No matter what you do or say or plot... no matter how you come down on us... I will never ever harm you.

& Simon: I don’t care what you’ve done. I don’t know what you’re planning on doing, but I’m trusting you. I think you should do the same. ’Cause I don’t see this working any other way.
    River: Also... I can kill you with my brain.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

War Stories

Firefly × 10

& Book: Did you ever read the works of Shan Yu?
    Simon: Shan Yu the psychotic dictator?
    Book: Yep. Fancied himself quite the warrior poet. Wrote volumes on war, torture... the limits of human endurance... He said, “Live with a man 40 years. Share his house, his meals. Speak on every subject. Then tie him up and hold him over the volcano’s edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man.”
    Simon: Sadistic crap legitimized by florid prose. Tell me you’re not a fan.

& Book: I’m just wondering if they were... the people who did this to your sister.
    Simon: The government did this to her.
    Book: A government is a body of people usually notably ungoverned.

& Book: Yes, I’d forgotten. You’re moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
    Simon: No. But I’m thinking about growing a big, black moustache. I’m a traditionalist.

& Niska: Tell me... Are you familiar with the works of Shan Yu?

& Malcolm: One of you is gonna fall and die, and I’m not cleaning it up.

& Wash: Could have made more...
    Malcolm: That wasn’t a bad idea, Wash... but eliminating the middleman... never as simple as it sounds. About 50% of the human race is middlemen... and they don’t take kindly to being eliminated.

& Zoë: I thought your plan was too risky. I thought!
    Wash: Then tell me! I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it.

& Wash: What this marriage needs is one less husband. Right now it’s kind of crowded.

& Jayne: I’ll be in my bunk.

& Malcolm: You okay?
    Wash: I think I’ve been kidnapped.

---

& Wash: If you think you know what’s happening, then you tell me. You wouldn’t spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning and plotting and possibly scheming. So whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do. And you know why? Because no matter how ugly it gets... you two always come back with the stories. So I’m Zoe. Now what do I do?

& Wash: Mal, she’s my wife. What gives you the right to put her in a dangerous situation like this?! {...} I mean, I’m the one that she swore to love, honour and obey.
    Malcolm: Listen, if... She swore to obey?!
    Wash: Well, no... Not... But that’s just my point! You, she obeys! She obeys you. There’s obeying going on right under my nose.

& Malcolm: There’s plenty of orders of mine that she didn’t obey!
    Wash: Name one!
    Malcolm: She married you!

& Kaylee: W... What is that?
    Simon: It’s his ear.
    Zoë: We’re getting him back.
    Jayne: What are we gonna do, clone him?

& Simon: Well, it’s a clean cut. With the right equipment, I should be able to reattach it. That’s assuming there’s a head...

& Zoë: Here. Six shots and then just drop it. Keep moving.

& Jayne: You really think you can mount a two-man frontal assault on Niska’s Skyplex and live?
    Wash: Technically, it’s a one-man, one-woman assault, a unisex.

& Kaylee: What are they doing?
    Jayne: Fixin’ to get themselves killed.
    Zoë: We’re gonna go get the captain.
    Kaylee: Good... Can they do that?
    Jayne: No.
    Wash: You know, there’s a certain motto... a creed among folks like us. You may have heard it... “Leave no man behind.”
    Jayne: Suicide.

& Zoë: Let’s go get the captain.

& Niska: You died, Mr. Reynolds.
    Malcolm: Seemed like the thing to do.
    Niska: When you die, I can’t hurt you anymore. And I want two days at least, minimum.

& Jayne: I’m smellin’ a lot of “if” coming off this plan.
    Zoë: You could’ve stayed in your bunk.
    Jayne: Coulda, shoulda, woulda.

& Malcolm: Haven’t you killed me enough for one day?

& Malcolm: I know it’s a difficult mission, but you and I... have to get it on.
    Zoë: I understand. We have no choice... Take me, sir. Take me hard.
    Jayne: Now something about that is just downright unsettling.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Ariel

Firefly × 9

& River: I don’t want it.
    Simon: River, you have to eat. It’s good. It tastes like... It’s good.
    Jayne: It smells like crotch.

& Wash: So how long are you gonna be planetside?
    Inara: Shouldn’t be more than a day or two.
    Wash: Big stop just to renew your license to Companion... Can I use “companion” as a verb?

& Simon: River?!
    River: He looks better in red.

---

& Malcolm: Patients were cynical, and not responding, and we couldn’t bring ’em back.
    Simon: They were cyanotic...
    Malcolm: They were cyanotic...
    Simon: And not responsive...
    Zoë: ...responsive.
    Malcolm: And we were unable to...
    Simon: Resuscitate them.
    Zoë: Yes!
    Malcolm: Resuscitate!
    Zoë: Resuscitate them.

& Simon: If I didn’t know better, I’d say you’re ready to save some lives.
    Malcolm: All we need are a couple of patients.
    Simon: Corpses, actually. For this to work, River and I will have to be dead.
    Jayne: I’m starting to like this plan.

& River: Copper for a kiss.

& Inara: What’s going on here?
    Kaylee: Well, let’s see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine... and now the Captain and Zoe are off springing the others that got snatched by the feds.

& Malcolm: The next time you decide to stab me in the back... have the guts to do it to my face.
    Jayne: ...... Can I come in?

& River: Is it time to go to sleep again?
    Simon: No, little sister... It’s time to wake up.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Out of Gas

Firefly × 8

& Malcolm: Okay, she won’t be winning any beauty contests anytime soon... but she is solid. Ship like this, be with you till the day you die.
    Zoë: Because it’s a death trap.

& Malcolm: You are very much lacking in imagination.

& Malcolm: I already know what I’m gonna call her. Got a name a-a-all picked out...

---

& Kaylee: Happy Birthday, Simon.
    Simon: This is... How did... How’d you know? River, did you?..
    River: “Day” is a vestigial mode... of time measurement based on solar cycles. It’s not applicable. I didn’t get you anything.

& Kaylee: Couldn’t get ahold of no flour, so it’s mostly protein. In fact, it’s pretty much what we just had for dinner. But I tried to get... the frosting as chocolatey tasting as possible, so...

& Simon: I always thought the name... Serenity had... a vaguely funereal sound to it.

& River: You are afraid.
    Book: Yes.
    River: You’re afraid we’re going to run out of air... That we’ll die gasping... But we won’t. That’s not going to happen... We’ll freeze to death first.

& Malcolm: Without this, engine don’t turn?.. Engine don’t turn. Life support won’t function. We don’t breathe. You wanna keep breathin’, don’t you?

& Inara: Mal, you don’t have to die alone.
    Malcolm: Everybody dies alone.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Jaynestown

Firefly × 7

& Simon: I swear... when it’s appropriate.
    Kaylee: Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain’t appropriate.

& Kaylee: Bye now. Have good sex.

& Kaylee: Now, this would be a perfect time for a swear word.

& Simon: My God. You’re like a trained ape. Without the training.

& Wash: I vote we do this job really, really fast...
    Malcolm: We go in, make contact... Easy-peasy.

& Malcolm: The management here don’t take too kindly to sightseers, which is why we’re... posin’ as buyers. There ain’t a one of us looks the part more than the good doctor. I mean, the pretty fits... soft hands... definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over...
    Simon: All right! Fine. I’ll go. Just stop describing me.
    Malcolm: You’re the boss, boss.

& Malcolm: Jayne? You wanna tell me how come there’s a statue... of you here lookin’ at me like I owe him somethin’?

& Wash: This must be what going mad feels like. I think they captured him, though. You know, captured his essence...
    Kaylee: Looks sorta angry, don’t he?
    Wash: That’s kinda what I meant.

& Higgins: I have a feeling it will take all your art to deal with this particular problem.
    Inara: Every problem, Mr. Higgins, is an opportunity in disguise.

---

& Book: What are we up to, sweetheart?
    River: Fixing your Bible.
    Book: I... What?!
    River: Your Bible’s broken. Contradictions, false logistics... Doesn’t make sense.
    Book: No, no. You can’t...
    River: So we’ll integrate non-progressional evolution theory with God’s creation of Eden. Eleven inherent metaphoric parallels already there. Eleven... Important number. Prime number. One goes into the house of 11, 11 times... but always comes out one.

& River: Noah’s ark is a problem.
    Book: Really?
    River: We’ll have to call it “early quantum state phenomenon”. Only way to fit 5,000 species of mammal on the same boat.

& River: It’s broken. It doesn’t make sense.
    Book: It’s not about... making sense. It’s about believing in something. And letting that belief be real enough to change your life. It’s about... faith. You don’t fix faith, River... It fixes you.

& Jayne: They call it mudder’s milk. All the protein, vitamins and carbs of your grandma’s best turkey dinner... plus 15 percent alcohol.
    Wash: It’s horrific!
    Simon: Worked for the Egyptians.
    Wash: What’s that?
    Simon: The ancient Egyptians. Back on Earth that was. Not so different from the ancestral form of beer they fed the slaves to build pyramids. It’s liquid bread. It kept them from starving... and knocked them out at night, so they wouldn’t be inclined to insurrection.
    Kaylee: Simon, that was so... historical.

& Malcolm: Jayne?
    Jayne: Yeah, Mal?
    Malcolm: You got any light you’d like to shed on this development?
    Jayne: .... No, Mal.

& Simon: No, this must be what going mad feels like.

& Malcolm: I understand your concerns, friend. This here’s all part of our new plan.
    Kaylee: Captain, how exactly is this part of...
    Malcolm: Still working the details.

& Simon: To Jayne, the... box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong thing.
    Kaylee: You know, you are pretty funny.
    Simon: And you’re pretty... pretty.

& Malcolm: It’s time to get out of this nut house. I got some plannin’ to work out.
    Kaylee: Now, Captain? Things are goin’ so well.
    Malcolm: I suppose. Jayne’s certainly feeling better about life, but...
    Kaylee: I said, things... are going... well.
    Malcolm: Oh, well.

& Inara: It’s not embarrassing to be a virgin. It’s simply one’s state of being.

& Fess: I just thought I’d feel... different... after. Aren’t I supposed to be a man now?
    Inara: A man is just a boy who’s old enough to ask that question.

& Jayne: I’m no good with words. Don’t... Don’t use ’em much myself. But I want to thank you all for bein’ here and... thinkin’ so much of me. Far as I see it... you people been given the shortest end of the stick... ever been offered a human soul in this crap-heel ’verse. But you took that end... and you... well, you took it. And that’s... Well, I guess that’s somethin’!
    Kaylee: That didn’t sound half bad.
    Malcolm: I’m shocked my own self.

& Malcolm: My estimation that... every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of a son of a bitch or another.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Our Mrs. Reynolds

Firefly × 6

& — ...And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
    Jayne: Oh, I think you might want to reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
    Malcolm: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
    Jayne: If I could make you prettier, I would.
    Malcolm: You are not the man I met a year ago.

& Inara: ...So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn’t in the dress.
    Malcolm: Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back. Besides, those soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. There’s a whole airflow.

& Malcolm: You can’t open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I’m a mystery.

& Malcolm: What are you doing on my boat?!
    Mrs. Reynolds: But... You know I’m to cleave to you...
    Malcolm: To-wubba-who?

& Malcolm: Wh... Who are you?
    Mrs. Reynolds: Mr. Reynolds, sir... I’m your wife.

& Malcolm: Zoe, why do I have a wife?

---

& Kaylee: Oh, sweetie, don’t feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He’s like a monster.

& Malcolm: I’m sorry. You... You have very nice qualities, but I didn’t ever marry you.
    Book: I believe you did... last night. ... It says here... “The woman lays the wreath upon her intended...” which I do recall. “Which represents his sovereignty...” “And he drinks of her wine. And then there’s a dance with a joining of hands.” The marriage ceremony of the Triumph settlers. You, sir... are a newlywed.
    Malcolm: What’s it say in there about divorce?

& Malcolm: Hello! Woman... person.

& Malcolm: Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back.

& Malcolm: Look, wife or no... you are no one’s property to be tossed aside. You got the right, same as anyone... to live and try to kill people.

& Mrs. Reynolds: I’d be a good wife.
    Malcolm: Yeah, well, I’d be a terrible husband.

& Book: If you take sexual advantage of her... you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell... a level they reserve for child molesters... and people who talk at the theater.
    Malcolm: Wh... I am not... Preacher, you got a smutty mind.
    Book: Perhaps I spoke out of turn.
    Malcolm: Per-maybe-haps, I’m thinkin’.
    Book: I apologize. I’ll make her up a room in the passenger dorm.
    Malcolm: Good.
    Book: ... The special hell.

& Malcolm: I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume... that I’m an evil, lecherous hump.
    Zoë: Nobody’s saying that, sir.
    Wash: We’re pretty much just giving each other significant glances... and laughing incessantly.

& Saffron: You don’t want to finish?
    Malcolm: No, I just... I have captainy things to do, but truthfully, that’s a fine meal.

& Saffron: Do you need anything else?
    Malcolm: No. No. You just have something to eat yourself, and, uh... and I’m gonna go... captain.
    Saffron: If you’re done with supper... would you like me to wash your feet?

& Malcolm: Can I come in?
    Inara: No.
    Malcolm: See? That’s why I usually don’t ask.

& Malcolm: Are you touchy because I got myself a bride or ’cause I don’t plan to keep her?
    Inara: I find the whole thing degrading.

& Malcolm: Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’re soul mates.
    Inara: Yes. Great. I wish you hundreds of fat children.

& Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time... and the best of them carried this. It’s a Callahan, full-bore, auto-lock... Customized trigger, double-cartridge thorough gauge... It is my very favourite gun.

& Malcolm: My days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin’ to a middle.

& Malcolm: Jayne... Go play with your rain stick.

& Malcolm: Hey! Well, you’re... Well... there you are.
    Saffron: I’ve made the bed warm for you.
    Malcolm: It... It looks, uh... warm.
    Saffron: And I’ve made myself ready for you.
    Malcolm: Let’s ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means.

& Saffron: But we’ve been wed. Aren’t we to become one flesh?
    Malcolm: Well, no. Uh, we’re still two fleshes here... and I think that your flesh oughta sleep somewhere else.
    Saffron: I’m sorry. When we talked, I’d hoped...
    Malcolm: Hey! Flesh...

& Malcolm: Saffron... It... it ain’t a question of pleasing me. It’s more a question of what’s... of what’s morally right.
    Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. “On the night of their betrothal... the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow... and he shall work in her... in and again... till she bring him to his full... and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.”
    Malcolm: Oh. Good Bible.

& Malcolm: Saffron. You’re pleasing. You’re... Hell, you’re all kinds of pleasin’... and, uh, it’s... it’s been a while... A long damn while... since anybody but me took ahold of my plow...

& Malcolm: Oh, I’m gonna go to the special hell...

& Malcolm: Is it Christmas?

& Malcolm: What was she after?
    Book: Besides molesting innocent captains?

& Wash: Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere.

& Jayne: I don’t get it. Where are we headed?
    Book: The end of the line.

& Jayne: What do I do?
    Malcolm: You go get Vera.

& Wash: Captain, don’t you know kissing girls makes you sleepy?
    Malcolm: Sometimes I can’t help myself.

& Malcolm: Honey, I’m home.

& Malcolm: Come on, Inara. How’s about we don’t play? You didn’t just trip, did you?
    Inara: ... No.
    Malcolm: Well, isn’t that something? I knew you let her kiss you!

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ Sometimes it reaches 11 from 10 level.

Safe

Firefly × 5

& Malcolm: As soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed... although I would take it as a kindness if she didn’t.
    River: The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds, given adequate vacuuming systems.
    Malcolm: See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with. Long as she does it quiet-like.

& River: They weren’t cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see sky, and they remember what they are.
    Malcolm: Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

& Simon: She didn’t mean any harm.
    Malcolm: I never figured she did. But when a man engages in clandestine dealings... he has this preference for things being smooth. She makes things not be smooth.

---

& Kaylee: Give you a chance to have a little fun.
    Simon: Fun? Right. I, uh... I consider this fun. It’s fun being forced to the ass end of the galaxy... to get to live on a piece of crappy wreck... and eat molded protein, and be bullied around by our... stubborn martinet of a captain. That’s fun.
    Kaylee: Crappy?!

& Malcolm: Never goes smooth. How come it never goes smooth?

& Zoë: Captain will come up with a plan.
    Kaylee: Well, that’s good. Right?
    Zoë: Possible you’re not recalling some of his previous plans.

& Doralee: It’s the way of life in my findings that journeys end... when and where they want to, and that’s where you make your home.

& Book: I am a shepherd. Folks like a man of God.
    Malcolm: No, they don’t. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged.

& Malcolm: Well, look at this. Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?
    Zoë: Big damn heroes, sir.
    Malcolm: Ain’t we just?

& Malcolm: Cut her down.
    Patron: The girl is a witch.
    Malcolm: Yeah, but she’s our witch, so cut her the hell down.

& Simon: Why did you come back for us?
    Malcolm: You’re on my crew.
    Simon: Yeah, but you don’t even like me. Why’d you come back?
    Malcolm: You’re on my crew. Why are we still talking about this?

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Shindig

Firefly × 4

& Zoë: Planet’s coming up a might fast.
    Wash: That’s just ’cause I’m goin’ down too quick.
    Zoë: Likely crash and kill us all.
    Malcolm: Well, if that happens, let me know.
    Wash: Okay... No, we’re good. We’re good! It’s okay.

& Wash: What am I looking at, the girls or the clothes?
    Malcolm: The girls.
    Zoë: The clothes, please.

& Badger: Know a place he’ll be. Safe place... High class, too. Won’t let me in there. You might slip in. ’Course, you couldn’t buy an invite with a diamond the size of a testicle. I got my hands on a couple. ... Of invites!

& Malcolm: Kaylee! Kaylee...
    Kaylee: I’m not speaking to you, Captain.
    Malcolm: Got no need to speak. Come on. Got a job for you.

---

& — Miss Kaywinnit Lee Frye and escort.

& Zoë: I thought you wanted to spend more time off-ship this visit...
    Wash: Out there it seems like it’s all fancy parties. I like our party better. The dress code’s easier, and I know all the steps.
    Zoë: I’d say you do at that.

& Inara: These people like me, and I like them. I like Atherton too, by the way.
    Malcolm: Well, sure. What’s not to like? I’m liable to sleep with him myself.

& Atherton: I accept!
    Malcolm: That’s great. What?

& Malcolm: Well, why wait? Where’s that guard? He collected a whole mess of pistols.
    — If you require it, any gentleman here can give you use of a sword.
    Malcolm: Use of a sw... what?

& Kaylee: Up until the punching... it was a real nice party.

& Inara: You always attack the same way... swinging from the shoulder like you’re chopping wood. You have to thrust with the point sometimes or... or swing from the elbow.
    Malcolm: Swinging from the shoulder feels stronger.
    Inara: It’s also slower, Mal. You don’t need strength as much as speed. We’re fragile creatures. It takes less than a pound of pressure to cut skin...

& Malcolm: Don’t take his offer.
    Inara: What?
    Malcolm: Don’t do it. Just in the case that it happens, that means that he’s the fellow who killed me... and I don’t like fellows who kill me, not in general.

& Malcolm: Mighty fine shindig.

& Jayne: We was just about to spring into action, Captain. Complicated escape and rescue op.
    Wash: I was gonna watch. It was very exciting.

& Inara: Thank you for the wine. It’s... very fresh.
    Malcolm: To Kaylee and her inter-engine fermentation system.

& Inara: I wasn’t gonna stay, you know.
    Malcolm: Yeah? Why’s that?
    Inara: Oh, someone needs to keep Kaylee out of trouble. And all my things are here... Besides, why would I want to leave Serenity?
    Malcolm: Can’t think of a reason.

--
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Bushwhacked

Firefly × 3

& Kaylee: We could probably bypass that easy, we get to the D.C. line.
    Malcolm: You tell me right now, little Kaylee. You really think you can do this?
    Kaylee: Sure. Yeah. I think so. Besides, if I mess up... it’s not like you’ll be able to yell at me.

& Commander: Is there any particular reason you don’t wish to discuss your marriage?
    Zoë: Don’t see that it’s any of your business is all. We’re very private people.
    Wash: The legs. Oh, yeah. I definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down. Her legs, and right where her legs meet her back. Actually, that whole area. That... and above it.

---

& Wash: Have you seen what she wears?.. Forget about it. Have you ever been with a warrior woman?

& Commander: Some say that after Serenity the browncoats were through... that the war ended in that valley. Seems odd you’d name your ship after a battle you were on the wrong side of.
    Malcolm: May have been the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.

& Jayne: You save his gorram life. He still takes the cargo.
    Malcolm: He had to. Couldn’t let us profit. Wouldn’t be civilized.

--
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The Train Job

Firefly × 2

& Malcolm: Ladies and menfolk, we have ourselves a job. Take us out of the world, Wash. Got us some crime to be done.

& Malcolm: Well, they tell ya, never hit a man with a closed fist... but it is, on occasion, hilarious.

& River: Mal. Bad. In Latin.

& Malcolm: If I’m your mission, Shepherd, best give it up. You’re welcome on my boat... God ain’t.

& Zoë: Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

---

& Simon: So... what are we doing?
    Kaylee: Oh, crime.
    Simon: Crime!.. Good. Okay. Crime.

& Kaylee: Easy as lyin’.
    Simon: So you’ve done this before.
    Kaylee: Hell, no. But I think it’s gonna work. The captain’s an absolute genius when it comes to plans.

& Jayne: Time for some thrilling heroics.

& Malcolm: Whatever happens, remember I love you.
    Zoë: Sir?
    Malcolm: Because you’re my wife.
    Zoë: Right... sir.

& Malcolm: That sounds like the Alliance. Unite all the planets under one rule... so that everybody can be interfered with or ignored equally.

& River: Two by two. Hands of blue. Two by two. Hands of blue.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb

Serenity

Firefly×1

& Malcolm: We’ve done the impossible, and that makes us mighty. Just a little while longer.

& Bendis: We’re gonna die.
    Malcolm: We’re not gonna die. We can’t die, Bendis. And you know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.

♪ Take my love, take my land, ♪
♪ Take me where I can’t stand. ♪
♪ I don’t care, I’m still free. ♪
♪ You can’t take the sky from me. ♪

& Malcolm: Wheel never stops turnin’, Badger.
    Badger: That only matters to the people on the rim.

& Kaylee: So, uh, how come you don’t care where you’re goin’?
    Book: ’Cause how you get there is the worthier part.

& Kaylee: Are you a missionary?
    Book: I guess. I’m a shepherd from the Southdown Abbey. Book. I’m called Book.

& Kaylee: Can you pay or...
    Book: Well, I got a little cash and...
    Kaylee: Ooh! Grandpa...
    Book: ... I never married.

& Zoë: Now we have a boat full of citizens right on top of our... stolen cargo. That’s a fun mix.
    Malcolm: Ain’t no way in the ’verse they could find that compartment, even if... even if they were looking for it.
    Zoë: Why not?
    Malcolm: ... ’Cause.

---

& Malcolm: If anyone gets nosy, you know, just... shoot ’em.
    Zoë: Shoot ’em?
    Malcolm: Politely.

& Simon: What do you pay [Jayne] for?
    Malcolm: What?
    Simon: I was just wondering what his job is... on the ship.
    Malcolm: Public relations.

& Malcolm: Kaylee, stay with me. Stay with me! Can you move your feet?
    Kaylee: Are you asking me to dance?

& Wash: Can we maybe vote on the whole murdering people issue?
    Malcolm: We don’t vote on my ship. My ship is not the rutting town hall.

& Malcolm: The way it is, is the way it is. We gotta deal with what’s in front of us.

& Malcolm: So... I’ve given Jayne here the job of finding out.
    Jayne: He was nonspecific as to how...
    Malcolm: Now you’re only gonna scare him.
    Jayne: Pain is scary.

& Zoë: You never heard of Reavers?
    Simon: Campfire stories... men gone savage on the edge of space, killing...
    Zoë: They’re not stories.
    Simon: What happens if they board us?
    Zoë: If they take the ship, they’ll rape us to death... eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we’re very, very lucky... they’ll do it in that order.

& Malcolm: Gettin’ awful crowded in my sky.

& Kaylee: You are a nice man, Captain. You’re always looking after us. You just gotta have faith in people.

& Jayne: Testing. Testing, Captain, can you hear me?
    Malcolm: I’m standing right here.
    Jayne: You’re comin’ through good and loud.
    Malcolm: ’Cause I’m standing right here.
    Jayne: Yeah, well, but... the transmitter’s...

& Zoë: Don’t think it’s a good spot, sir. She still has the advantage over us.
    Malcolm: Everyone always does. That’s what makes us special.

& Zoë: Sir? I’d like you to take the helm, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off.
    Wash: Work, work, work...

& Simon: I’m trying to put this as delicately as I can... How do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?
    Malcolm: You don’t know me, son, so let me explain this to you once. If I ever kill you, you’ll be awake. You’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed.
    Simon: Are you always this sentimental?
    Malcolm: I had a good day.

& Simon: You had the Alliance on you... criminals and savages. Half the people on this ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself... and you’re harboring known fugitives.
    Malcolm: Well, we’re still flyin’.
    Simon: That’s not much.
    Malcolm: It’s enough.

--
+ quotes on the IMDb