Whistleblower

The Office 6×26

Michael Scott: There is nothing wrong, nor will there ever be wrong, with any Sabre printers. Case closed. Michael Scott, as seen on TV.

Kevin Malone: Jo, I think that I know what happened.
Jo Bennett: I'm not sure you do, teddy bear.
Kevin Malone: Well, now I think I might not.

Michael Scott: Anyone who talked to the press, please raise your hand. ... If you say anything, so help me God, I'll break off the temples of your glasses and stick them in your eye sockets.

Andy Bernard: So unfair. Even if I thought that our printers killed baby seals, I would not be a whistleblower. The Bernards, for generations, have silenced whistleblowers. It's how we made all our money. Woody Guthrie wrote a song about us.
     Old Mister Bernard
     Old Mister Bernard
     Who have you silenced today?

Jo Bennett: When Mama was working as a prison guard, and something went missing, she'd ask one question, "What do we do when we find the guilty party?" And if they said, "Come down on them with that swift hammer of justice," innocent. A clear conscience don't need no mercy. But if they said, "Officer Bessie, well, they may have had a reason." Blah, blah, blah, blah... Well, nine times out of 10, that's the anus they checked.

Jo Bennett: Okay, Dwight--
Dwight Schrute: Hold that thought. I don't want to waste your time and I wouldn't dare waste mine. I didn't do it. Now, I don't know exactly who did it, but I have a list right here. You should fire the following people.

Michael Scott: Is there something that you would like to say to me?
Andy Bernard: About talking to the press? Uh, I do... No... I didn't do that. Okay? Didn't do it.
Michael Scott: I don't believe you.
Andy Bernard: I swear on the graves of my parents who aren't even dead yet.
Michael Scott: That's a little much.
Andy Bernard: All right, all right.
Michael Scott: I don't care. That's how much, I swear.

Jo Bennett: And we didn't find anything on your computer.
Toby Flenderson: Good.
Jo Bennett: Except this...
Toby Flenderson: Wow. This is just a mystery novel that I've been working on.
Jo Bennett: I know what it is. I skimmed the first chapter. I'm just curious, why would a man who hates people want to have a relationship with a maid?
Toby Flenderson: I don't know...
Jo Bennett: The way I look at it, there's only one of two reasons. He knows a secret about her that she doesn't know herself. Or he wants to use her services to mop up after a murder.
Toby Flenderson: ... Yes! Write your own damn novel.

Michael Scott: Oh, God. My mind is going a mile an hour.
Pam Beesly: That fast?

Michael Scott: Two whistleblowers. Two.

Michael Scott: It's okay, she's cool. She also whistle-blew.

Kelly Kapoor: Of course I'm the leak. I think I tweeted it. I can't control what I say to people. I spend the whole day talking. I mean, I video chat, I skype, I text, I tweet, I phone, I woof.

Ryan Howard: Woof is a site that I'm launching to be the last word in social networking. For just $12.99 a month, Woof links up all your communication portals, so you are always within reach. It's part of the dog pack, as I call it.

Michael Scott: You know what I think we should do? We make them come to work. And we work them, and we make them sit next to all the people they screwed over. And we pay them, but we make them feel like they did something really wrong. The one question I have is, "Do we give them a Christmas bonus?" I say yes, it's Christmas, but right after, they're back into the thick of it.

Jo Bennett: Michael Scott... What do you know?
Michael Scott: What? It doesn't matter what I know.
Jo Bennett: If it doesn't matter, then tell me.
Michael Scott: Why?
Jo Bennett: Because I wanna deal with it the way I deal with it.
Michael Scott: Well, deal with this.

Jo Bennett: Honey, you don't seem like your normal self...
Michael Scott: Well, I'm going through a little bit of a rough patch.
Jo Bennett: Mama Jo knew there was something up!
Michael Scott: The whole year, actually. My favorite restaurant closed down.
Jo Bennett: Oh. I hate that.
Michael Scott: And my new favorite restaurant sucks. I bought a video camera last year and I was looking at the tapes, and there were only, like, 12 minutes that I felt was worth taping. The whole year... And most of that was just birds in my condo complex.

Jo Bennett: When I was growing up, there was nothing better than being a big old business tycoon. And I thought I'd break that glass ceiling and be a hero to all those little girls out there. And they'd make a Barbie out of me... I hate that I sell cheap printers. I do. But if I have to go out there in front of the press and make one of them public apology recalls, I mean, that's all I'll ever be remembered for. Nobody will want to play with my Barbie.
Michael Scott: Well, you know, I would be willing... Under the right circumstances, to do that for you.
Jo Bennett: Oh, honey, surely you don't want that.
Michael Scott: I surely do, and don't call me honey.

Jo Bennett: I hope your rough patch ends soon.
Michael Scott: Thanks. Today helped.
Jo Bennett: Well, give a shout if I can brighten your life.
Michael Scott: Okay. Hey, you could transfer Holly back from Nashua.
Jo Bennett: Let me see what I can do...

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