Dead Man's Hand

Poker Face 1×1

Natalie Hill: Why do you listen to that stuff?
Charlie Cale: Why do I listen to the news?
Natalie Hill: Yeah, what's the point? You can't do anything about it. Every day, you're mad about something you can't do anything about. We're just better off with music, don't you think?
Charlie Cale: I'm doing something about it right now... Look, I don't care. Come at me, you Russian pervos. Time's up on that shit. Done. So, handled.

Charlie Cale: I don't know what version of the story you got.
Sterling Frost Jr.: Let's start there then. Once upon a time in Denver, milquetoast collection of the best poker players in central Colorado met at a Fairfield Inn suite off I-25. Well, not a barn burner, just a run-of-the-mill Thursday night mid-stakes ring game. A young woman from out of town was at the table. She was cute. She livened up the room. She had plenty of cash so they let her play. Three hours later, she mopped the floor with each and every one of them, which happens. But this had been happening. Previous week, in Cheyenne. Week before, in Rapid City. Same young woman cutting a haphazard path across the middle of the country. Never in any big games, never in corporate-owned casinos, but always the same result. She didn't lose. Word spread quick. 'Cause as you know, gamblers talk.

Sterling Frost Jr.: As far as anyone could tell, she was playing straight. No wires, no shills, and yet she played with an almost supernatural infallibility. Like she was seeing through the cards.

Sterling Frost Jr.: ... my dad figured out what she was doing. Even when he figured it out, he couldn't believe it. It was impossible. It was insane. But there was no other explanation.

Sterling Frost Jr.: You can just tell.
Charlie Cale: Just that something is off. That's the best way to describe it. I can just tell.
Sterling Frost Jr.: When anyone is lying? Hundred percent of the time? I'm going to touch my nose.
Charlie Cale: No, it doesn't work like that. I'm not a soothsayer. I can't predict the future. There's nothing mystical about it. Just if someone is intentionally lying, that's it.

Charlie Cale: I've been rich.
Sterling Frost Jr.: Yeah, how was it?
Charlie Cale: Easier than being broke, harder than doing just fine.
Sterling Frost Jr.: With due respect, you've had money, never been rich.

Charlie Cale: God. It is crazy the things that people stick up their asses.
Natalie Hill: Yeah. What are you reading?
Charlie Cale: "Ten craziest things people have stuck up their asses."

Sterling Frost Jr.: So, what's it like always knowing the truth?
Charlie Cale: Yeah, no. I only know if something is a lie. And outside of poker, less useful than you'd think. 'Cause everyone, they lie constantly. It's like birds chirping, people lying. Just once you tune into it, it's fucking everywhere all the time. And they usually don't lie to cover up some deep, dark secret, but about the stupid, meaningless shit, you know? So the real trick of it is to figure out why. Why someone is lying.

Charlie Cale: If I pull out of this, would you have to kill me?

Charlie Cale: There's something off here. There's a lie. I just... I need to find it.

Cliff Legrand: Are you on coke?
Charlie Cale: No. Coffee. So I thought this'll be a good thing. I won't have a beer and be a dumbass. I'll have coffee, because that's for thinking. But I never have coffee, and now I'm spazzing out.

Charlie Cale: I asked, "Everything okay?" You said, "Yeah." You were lying... Well, that sounded more intense than I meant it to. I wanted to just casually ask about it. But I've had coffee.

Sterling Frost Jr.: She's sharp, but she doesn't know anything.
Cliff Legrand: No, no, she's more than sharp. She's a human lie detector. And she's asking questions like she thinks something's up.

Charlie Cale: Say bullshit if it isn't true. Look me in the eye and say it.

Charlie Cale: A wise man once told me, you want to hurt someone, you hit 'em where it hurts.

—
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Nepotism

The Office 7×1

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus. Lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the Lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot... Which hurt. That got infected, even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did...

Erin Hannon: Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date If I didn't have to. But... It's been great.

Pam Beesly: What are you doing?!
Dwight Schrute: From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.
Kevin Malone: Well, what if you're cold?
Dwight Schrute: Pbbbt! Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions. I'm too busy.

Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer. Bed and breakfast proprietor. Aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.

Darryl Philbin: Well, summer, I, um, blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don't know how we're gonna get out of Afghanistan.

Jim Halpert: Wow, that's a lot of keys.
Dwight Schrute: The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.
Jim Halpert: That's right. The janitor said that. By the way, the raccoons are back.

Michael Scott: He's my nephew... Luke is my nephew.
Oscar Martinez: Michael, that's nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew.
Michael Scott: Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.
Stanley Hudson: What's wrong with a level playing field?
Michael Scott: Do think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.
Jim Halpert: Oh, man, so many points being made...
Creed Bratton: I couldn't care less about nepotism. But I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front row seat.

Michael Scott: God, when he needed help on earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.
Oscar Martinez: But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus.
Michael Scott: No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't?

Oscar Martinez: We're talking about Luke, who happens to be terrible.
Michael Scott: Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does!

Kelly Kapoor: I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue... So thank you.

Michael Scott: Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew.

Jo Bennett: Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? 'cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool, but he can't come in my house.
Michael Scott: Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.

Michael Scott: There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment...
Kevin Malone: That was awesome.
Stanley Hudson: Texas justice.

—
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You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (2023)

Stacy Friedman: All right, mishpachah, please say hello to our newest and most fabulous adult, Stacy Friedman! Your Bat Mitzvah is the first day of your adult life, and everyone knows an iconic adult life hinges on how it starts.

Stacy Friedman: Oh my God, this is important! I'm becoming a freaking woman, everyone!
Danny Friedman: Okay, woman. All you should worry about right now is your mitzvah project and practicing your Haftarah.
Stacy Friedman: Mm-hmm. That's not important! I mean, it is important to you and other old people and God and stuff. But to me, the party is important.

Danny Friedman: Listen, when I got Bar Mitzvahed, we had a party in Grandma's basement. We all split, like, this giant matzo ball. That was the fun. You know what the theme was? Being Jewish.

Danny Friedman: What's the matter? Something bugging you? It'll be fine. Whatever it is... Here. Don't tell your mother. Have some coffee.

Stacy Friedman: Oh! And one more thing... Lydia Rodriguez Katz, you are so not invited to my Bat Mitzvah.

Stacy Friedman: Dear God, Stacy Friedman here. And what the hell? ...

Rabbi Rebecca: Okay, today we're going to be talking about tikkun olam. Does anyone know what that means?
— If God exists, then how do you explain climate change?
Rabbi Rebecca: It's actually an amazing question. Um...
— Yeah, and why can't straight people get on gay TikTok?
Rabbi Rebecca: It's way funnier.
— And if God loves me, then why is he always giving me so many zits.
— And why does Apple keep changing their chargers?
— And why did my dad's doctor operate on the wrong shoulder?
— And why do I have to share a room with my grandma?
Rabbi Rebecca: Okay, okay, okay. I think I can explain zits and climate change and gay TikTok... Musically!

Danny Friedman: Hey. We don't slam doors in this house.
Stacy Friedman: Dad, I need a break.
Danny Friedman: Well, welcome to being an adult. And welcome to being Jewish. We don't get breaks.

Danny Friedman: You hate me?!
Stacy Friedman: I do. You're a jerk, and you won't let me have a mojito bar.
Danny Friedman: That's why we fought the Nazis? So you could have a mojito bar?

—
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Kevin Hart: Reality Check (2023)

Kevin Hart: I think I want to start off by talking about people. ... I feel like people are going backwards. We're taking steps in the wrong direction. People don't want to be themselves anymore. People are goddamn losing fucking confidence. People are trying to change, shape, and mold into shit that doesn't even exist... I'm talking about plastic surgery.

Kevin Hart: We're in a crazy time right now. We're in a real crazy time. By the way, rightfully so. We've been through a lot. Pandemic hit us hard. Pandemic sat us all down with nothing to do, gave us nothing but time to think. That's when people get weird, when they fucking think all goddamn day. Just thinking about shit with nothing to do.

Kevin Hart: This is real shit. You can Google this. This is Googleable information.

Kevin Hart: You know what I want to do? I want to get back to the times when you can tell people, shut the fuck up. Sit your dumb ass down. I want to go back there.

Kevin Hart: Keep in mind, everybody wants a nickname. You just don't have the right people giving them to you. ... Here's a secret. The secret to giving out good nicknames is that they gotta come from a mean place. Good nicknames are mean-spirited.

Kevin Hart: My wife gave me a reality check. We was in the bed, watching TV. Commercial came on with the little monster from "Lord of the Rings," Smeagol. ... Smeagol, he was doing this shit right here. ... My wife said, "Oh, my God, babe, you be doing that." I said, "Bitch, what did you just say to me? The fuck did you just say?" "You be doing that in the mornings." "Bitch, I ain't never did no shit like that in my goddamn life!" Called me a fucking monster to my goddamn face. Self-esteem was fucking dead after that. Crushed my soul.

Kevin Hart: Social media. Social media had me fucked up. Social media had me believing that I was an activist for one day. For one day I, got caught up. I got caught up bad, man. This is when the George Floyd stuff happened...

Kevin Hart: Universal called me. ... By the way, they're talking to me like this because they believe that I'm an activist. Once again, I'm not an activist. I'm just caught up in the shit. When you start the shit, you can't stop the shit till you finish the shit.

Kevin Hart: Now I gotta give a speech. You ever say something and while you're saying something, you realize you're not saying nothing but you gotta keep trying to say something even though you know it's nothing? That was my fucking speech.

—
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The Arrival

Good Omens 2. Chapter 1

Crowley: Okay, here goes. Let there be matter, let there be gravity, let there be everything from pages... 11 to 3,000,602 inclusive.....
Aziraphale: Is something meant to happen?
Crowley: Oh, right, sorry, yes, yes. I knew I'd missed one. Let there be light!

Aziraphale: Oh. You made it all yourself?
Crowley: Ah, well, I mean, more or less. I wasn't... I wasn't, um... I wasn't the original concept designer, but I worked very closely with upstairs on it.

Aziraphale: So, what's it for?
Crowley: How do you mean?
Aziraphale: Well, what exactly does it all do?
Crowley: Oh, right. Well, what doesn't this beauty do? Basically, it's a star factory. All the dust and gas you can see, it's actually building about 5,000 young stars and protoplanets. Most of the universe of stars will come pre-aged, but these ones are only starting out. A few million years to bake... and then boom, stars everywhere!
Aziraphale: Oh, that's nice.

Aziraphale: You know, the current word from upstairs is that we'll be shutting this all down again in about 6,000 years.
Crowley: But that's nothing! Oh. What's the point in creating an infinite universe with trillions of star systems if you're only gonna let it run for a few thousand years? The engine won't have properly warmed up by then.

Aziraphale: The impression I get is that the stars and your um...
Crowley: Err, call it a nebula.
Aziraphale: Right. Well, they exist just so that the people can look up into the night sky and marvel at the illimitable vastness of The Almighty's creation.
Crowley: But that's idiocy! It's the universe, it's not just some fancy wallpaper! Millions of galaxies, trillions of stars, oodles of... everything! It's not just put here to twinkle! Most of it won't even be visible from Earth. Why don't you put Earth in the middle of the universe so the view's better?

Crowley: Someone has to say, "Look, boss, this is a really, really terrible idea."
Aziraphale: Well, I suspect that would be considered... inappropriate.
Crowley: Well, I don't suppose anyone could object to me putting a note into the suggestion box...
Aziraphale: I don't believe The Almighty has actually created a suggestion box. And furthermore, I don't think it's our place to start suggesting that there should be a suggestion box.
Crowley: Well, if I was the one running it all, I'd like it if someone asked questions. Fresh point of view. You can't just create a universe, run it for a few thousand years, and then stop!

Aziraphale: ...look, word to the wise, I'd hate to see you getting into any trouble.
Crowley: Mm, thanks for your help. And thanks for your advice. I wouldn't worry though. How much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?

Maggie: You can't just forgive me eight months' rent!
Aziraphale: Oh, I can. I'm very good at forgiveness. It's one of my favorite things.

Shax: Was it always this easy?
Crowley: Easy?
Shax: I keep planning complicated strategic strikes to spread misery and panic among the humans, and just as I'm about to put one into motion, they come up with something themselves which is so much worse than anything I could have thought of.
Crowley: Yeah. Always this easy.

Shax: If I learn anything that you might find useful, I'll tell you, and in return, you'll tell me what I need. Got anything for me?
Crowley: Frozen peas.
Shax: What?
Crowley: That's what you feed ducks. Frozen peas. They love them, and it's good for them too.

Gabriel: What...
Aziraphale: What am I doing here?
Gabriel: Yes.
Aziraphale: Well? What are you doing here?
Gabriel: I don't know. That's why I asked.
Aziraphale: You don't know?
Gabriel: No, but I would love to find out. Oh, it would also be great to know where here is, and also who you are, and also who I am.
Aziraphale: And also, why you're naked.
Gabriel: Who told you I was naked?

Aziraphale: Why did you come to my shop?
Gabriel: I don't know. I just thought I should. You know what it's like when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything would be better if you were just near one particular person?
Aziraphale: No. Certainly not. I have no idea what that feels like.

Gabriel: James. Long for Jim, short for Gabriel.

Crowley: Basic demon on Earth stuff. Either call on the phone and talk, or appear mysteriously. Don't do both.
Shax: Why not?
Crowley: Trust me.
Shax: Righto.

Crowley: Right, what's the problem?
Aziraphale: Problem? Who said there was a problem?
Crowley: Tone of voice. You have three reasons for calling me: you're bored, you need to tell someone about something clever you did before you pop, or something's wrong. This was your "something's wrong" voice.

Nina: Hello. Can I get you anything?
Crowley: Take a big cup, put six shots of espresso into it, nothing else.
Aziraphale: That sounds fun. Does it calm you down?
Crowley: Not really.
Aziraphale: Nina, what do you sell that calms people down?
Nina: Eccles cakes?

Crowley: He is not our friend.
Aziraphale: I don't think he really has any friends.
Crowley: Exactly.
Aziraphale: Yes, exactly.
Crowley: What does your exactly mean exactly? I feel like your exactly and my exactly are different exactlys.

Crowley: Just breathe, that's what humans do... then they count to ten before they do anything stupid!

Beelzebub: Well, wherever he is, you find Gabriel for me and you can have whatever your nasty little heart desires. You could be a Duke of Hell.

Beelzebub: I'm hearing that anybody they find involved in this affair will be dealt with.
Crowley: How?
Beelzebub: Extreme... sanctions.
Crowley: That isn't actually a thing. That's just something we used to joke about to frighten the cherubs.

Crowley: I'm back.

Crowley: You want a big, "I think I said the wrong thing," sort of apology, or can we take that as said?
Aziraphale: I'd like the apology, actually.

Aziraphale: I want a proper apology.
Crowley: No.
Aziraphale: With the little dance.
Crowley: I don't do the dance.
Aziraphale: I did the "I was wrong" dance in 1650, in 1793, 1941...
Crowley: Fine! You were right, you were right, I was wrong, you were right. Okay?

--
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The Birds Don't Sing, They Screech in Pain

Beef 1×1

Danny Cho: That's what's wrong with the world today, man. They want you to feel like you have no control. You know? Like you're gonna eat shit with a smile on your face or some shit. Fuck that, dude. Fuck it, man! I don't wanna... I'm so sick of smiling, dude.

Amy Lau: It was 4:00 a.m. and the whole city was silent. No meetings. No e-mails. No pretending. It was just you and me. And there was nothing wrong anywhere in the entire universe. I wish we could've stayed there...

Amy Lau: Hey, you're not some kind of weirdo, right? 'Cause if you are, you should know that I own a gun.

Amy Lau: Fuck. There's always something.
Danny Cho: Yes. There's always something.
Amy Lau: It's, like, you work so hard for so long just to provide for your family, right?
Danny Cho: Yeah. If not you, then who's gonna?
Amy Lau: Yeah, exactly.
Danny Cho: Yeah.
Amy Lau: And then at some point, you think you'd get to relax, but no. There's too much moisture, so now I gotta redo these fucking cabinets. I gotta redo the roof probably, and then by the time I'm done, I'm running out of money, the kitchen's out of style, and the whole time, all I wanted was a fucking hot tub.
Danny Cho: You have a timeless kitchen. So I think you're okay.

—
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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 (2023)

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 <<

Mantis: Come on, Drax. Dance.
Drax: Only idiots dance.

Kraglin: Mantis, why don't you just touch him and, you know, make him happy?
Groot: I am Groot?
Kraglin: Dude!
Drax: Gross!
Cosmos: No, not like that. Touch him with her powers.
Mantis: It is wrong to manipulate the feelings of friends.
Kraglin: 'Bout that time you made me fall in love with my sock?
Mantis: Well, that was funny.

Peter Quill: Maybe they'll have a way for us to override the kill switch and save Rocket.
Drax: They won't just give us that information.
Peter Quill: Well, that's why we're gonna break in.
Drax: We kill anyone who gets in our way!
Peter Quill: Not kill anyone.
Drax: Kill a few people.
Peter Quill: Kill no people.
Drax: Kill one guy, one stupid guy who no one loves.
Peter Quill: Now you're just making it sad.

Peter Quill: Well, what I'm trying to say...
Mantis: Peter, you know this is an open line, right?
Peter Quill: What?
Mantis: We're listening to everything you're saying.
Drax: And it is painful.
Peter Quill: And you're just telling me now?!
Nebula: We were hoping it would stop on its own.
Peter Quill: But I switched it over to private!
Mantis: What color button did you push?
Peter Quill: Blue, for the blue suit!
Drax: Oh, no!
Nebula: Blue is the open line for everyone.
Mantis: Orange is for blue.
Peter Quill: What?!
Mantis: Black is for orange... yellow is for green, green is for red, and red is for yellow.
Drax: No. Yellow is for yellow... green is for red, red is for green.
Mantis: I don't think so.
Drax: Try it then.
Mantis: HELLOOO!!! You were right.
Peter Quill: How the hell am I supposed to know all of that?
Drax: Seems intuitive.

Teefs: I have been thinking.
Rocket: 'Bout what?
Teefs: Nothing in particular. But I thought, since you guys are my closest friends... and my only friends... you might be interested in knowing that I have been thinking.

Gamora: It's almost certainly a trap.
Peter Quill: Trap isn't a trap if you know the trap is trying to trap you. It's a face-off.
Gamora: A face-off is a trap if you're facing off... against a guy a thousand times more powerful than you.

Gamora: What are you so afraid of in your self that I need to be something for you? I don't give a shit about your Gamora.

Drax: Quill... life is a pond... and you've spent your entire life leaping from woman to woman... as if they're lily pads upon this great pond. Perhaps, what you need to do, Quill... is learn to swim.
Peter Quill: ... That actually made sense.
Drax: Yes, it made sense.
Peter Quill: No, I mean, that's sort of an analogy. And I didn't know that you were capable of that type of thought.

Drax: I know lots of analogies, Quill. Analogies, metaphors, et cetera. For instance... Gamora's head is like a lily pad because it is green. Analogy. And also stupid-looking... and flappy.
Peter Quill: Flappy?
Drax: Because her skin is made of a leaf. Metaphor.
Peter Quill: Is it?
Drax: Yesterday, I made a poop shaped like a fish. Even my butt is capable of making an analogy.

Mantis: What are you doing?
Drax: I got a bad feeling about this.
Mantis: Peter just told you to stay here.
Drax: Yeah, well, that's his fault. He should know by now that I never do anything that anyone ever tells me.

Mantis: It's not his fault he's stupid.
Nebula: He's a liability.
Mantis: He makes us laugh and he loves us. How is that a liability? All you care about is intelligence and competence.
Drax: Not sure I appreciate this defense.
Mantis: He has sadness... but he's the only one of you who doesn't hate himself. So I don't care if he's stupid.
Drax: You think I'm stupid?
Mantis: Yes.

Lylla: My beloved raccoon. This story has been yours all along, you just didn't know it.
Rocket: I'm not a raccoon.

Cosmos: The Soviet put me on a rocket... knowing full well I'm never to return and I will die... in a fiery ball of death. But one thing even mudak Soviets never do... is call me bad dog.

Rocket: I'm done runnin'.

Adam Warlock: Why? Why are you doing this? I tried to kill you.
Groot: I am Groot.
Drax: He says... "everyone deserves a second chance."

Rocket: The name's Rocket. Rocket Raccoon.

The High Evolutionary: All I wanted to do... was to make things... perfect.
Rocket: You didn't wanna make things perfect. You just hated things the way they are.

Groot: I love you, guys.

—
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Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023)

Shazam! (2019) <<

Hespera: Turns out museums are fun. Let's have more of it.

Shazam: I'm an idiot. I don't deserve these powers, if I'm being honest. Like, what am I even contributing? There's already a superhero with a red suit, with a lightning bolt on it and I'm fast, but he's faster. Aquaman is literally huge, and he's so manly and Batman is so cool! And I'm just me.

Mary Bromfield: At some point, Billy, like everyone on Earth, we have to get a job or... leave home. Nothing lasts forever.

Hespera: The daughters of Atlas are coming for you. ... They're coming to unmake your world and torture mankind for all eternity in the Pit of Endless Agony.
Shazam: Okay, I feel like maybe I should be writing all this down.

Steve: "The Wisdom of Solomon,
Strength of Hercules,
Stamina of Atlas,
Power of Zeus,
Courage of Achilles,
Speed of Mercury."
Shazam: Whoa, guys, look! This is what the name means.

Shazam: Okay, look. I might not have as much experience as you 'cause I'm not, like, super old like you, but I think I have a few experiences that you don't have. 'Cause I've seen all of the Fast and the Furious movies, lady. And let me tell you something. It's all about family!... Family!

Kalypso: Anthea, humans are villains, even to themselves. ... Humans wreak havoc and devastation, then pray to the gods to absolve them. They actually pray for order and peace when all they do is dismantle it at every turn.

Shazam: I know this is a lot to take in, but I promise to explain it all later.
Victor Vasquez: Explain what? That our kids are superheroes being hunted by Greek gods that used a dragon to destroy the house we just bought?

Shazam: Hey! Khaleesi!

Darla Dudley: Taste the rainbow, motherfu...

Shazam: Hey, you know, just because your father's power is surging through me, that doesn't technically make us related, you know, and I'm gonna be 18 in, like, five months, so...
Wonder Woman: Stick to saving the world, kid.

Shazam: Hey, just a little constructive criticism. It's pretty confusing that there are two separate groups of superheroes that are totally unaffiliated, but both have "Justice" in their name, you know. Like, have you guys ever thought about doing a rebranding of sorts? 'Cause just a quick search on Thesaurus.com, you got so many options, man. Like, "Authority Society." Eh? Uh, uh, "Code Society." That's stupid. These are, like, legal terms. "The Avenger Society!" I like that, for some reason.

—
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Violent Night (2022)

UK Mall Santa: This is my, uh, fourth year as a Santa.
Santa: Ah.
UK Mall Santa: How about you?
Santa: Lost count. I forget why I started doing it in the first place.
UK Mall Santa: Same reason anybody does anything. The money.
Santa: Money. Money. This whole planet runs on greed.

UK Mall Santa: It's the look on the kiddies' faces, innit? That's what does it for me.
Santa: Ah, the look. Yeah, that look. Lasts about two seconds. As soon as they're finished unwrapping, they want the next present, they want the next cool thing. That's how this world works.

Santa: And kids... What kids have become. They're just like little junkies. They're little shits. They just demand. They don't believe. They just want, crave, consume.

Santa: Maybe this is my last year. The last Christmas...

Santa: I better get going. Presents aren't gonna deliver themselves.

Scrooge: This is what breaking into a vault has turned into? Remember when you just had to drill holes and blow shit up? I don't know, maybe I'm getting old, but there was something romantic about that.

Santa: Oh, shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Video game. Video game. Didn't anybody ask for a bat or a sword or Molotov cocktails?

Trudy: Hello? Santa?
Santa: Yeah, this is Santa.

Scrooge: I want to make it my personal mission, my holiday to-do list, to find you and to end you and to wipe my ass with you and this whole fucking holiday. That's what I want for Christmas, Santa.
Santa: That is a terrible thing to want for Christmas.

Santa: Don't be too hard on your parents, all right? Grown-ups have a hard time believing things.

Trudy: Can you use your Christmas magic to make them love each other again?
Santa: I wish I had that kind of power. Mrs. Claus and I have been going on year, uh, 1,100, and... Grown-up relationships are complicated. It takes work. A lot of work.

Candy Cane: You don't think...
Scrooge: Now, I know you're an idiot, but don't be an idiot out loud.

Gertrude: Jean-Claude Van Dipshit just ditched us, sweetie.

Santa: Trudy, I want you to, uh... just do me a favor. Just turn around and close your eyes. Maybe put your fingers in your ears and, uh, sing "Jingle Bells" as loud as you can.

Trudy: I'm okay, Mommy. This is my friend, Santa.
Linda: I can't thank you enough, Mister...
Santa: Claus. But please call me Santa.

Scrooge: Whatever it takes... Christmas dies tonight.

Santa: Hyah! Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer! Now, Prancer and Vixen! On, Comet! On, Cupid! On, Donner and Blitzen! Come on, you beautiful bastards! We've got some work to do! Hyah! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!

—
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Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023)

Edgin: It's intoxicating when you realize that what separates you from what you've always wanted can be as thin as a pane of glass.

Edgin: Fly, bird, fly!

Forge: Never put your trust in a con man.

Forge: I never actually saw the appeal of being a father till I became one. But to have another person look up to you and allow you to shape them in your own image... It's a bit like a god! Well, hang on, I'm a god and a lord. I am really doing all right!

Simon: Oh, no, that's not Doric.... That's her.
Edgin: What is that again?
Simon: It's an owlbear.

Doric: I don't trust humans. I find you to be hateful and selfish.
Edgin: Well, I'm finding you to be a little mean.

Doric: What is it exactly that you bring to this?
Edgin: Me? I'm a planner. You know? I make plans.
Doric: You've already made the plan, so what value do you have now?
Edgin: If, uh, the plan fails... the existing plan... I make a new plan.
Doric: So you make plans that fail.
Edgin: No.
Holga: He also plays the lute.

Edgin: Can't you just open it with magic?
Simon: Okay, here we go. I hate how everyone thinks that you can solve any problem with magic. There are limits. This isn't some bedtime story. This is the real world.

Edgin: How'd you know I was a Harper?
Xenk: You may have forsworn your oath, but your oath hasn't forsworn you.
Edgin: Just because that sentence is symmetrical doesn't make it not nonsense.

Holga: In other words, Forge is a real son of a bitch.
Xenk: So you blame his mother for his corruption.
Holga: What? No, it's an expression.
Xenk: I see. I do not traffic in colloquialisms.

Xenk: You may not yet believe your words, but I do.
Edgin: Yeah. Good for you.

Xenk: The helmet lies on the far side of this chasm. But be warned, the bridge is protected by an ancient Gnomish trap. There is a precise formula we must follow so as not to trigger the mechanism.
Edgin: What's the formula?
Xenk: It's quite simple. Starting from the center, use odd-numbered blocks only, moving forward with each step, except for every fifth step, which must be a lateral move. Left or right, it matters not, so long as the leader and the laggard remain equidistant. After which, proceed. Again, odd-numbered blocks only. However, at the midpoint we switch to even-numbered blocks. Same pattern, except now a lateral move after the fourth step, until we reach the three...

Doric: You humans. You just can't help but lie.
Edgin: I didn't lie. I really thought Simon could do it.

Edgin: Guys, look. We got a couple hours till the games begin. This is what we do. We pivot. Instead of dwelling on what went wrong and who lied to whom, let's put our heads together and figure out a plan!

Simon: Aren't you sick of failing?
Edgin: No! That's the whole point! We must never stop failing, because the minute we do, we've failed.

Edgin: The games have started. We 're going to Plan C.
Simon: Oh, bollocks. What's Plan C?
Edgin: Plan C is we go back to Plan A. You're gonna attune to the helmet.
Holga: Why don't you just call it Plan A?
Edgin: Plan A has a stink on it.

Edgin: You're gonna get into that vault, okay? Not because you can... but because you must.

Forge: I'm in a pickle because... I don't want to see you die. Which is why I'm gonna leave the room.

Forge: And while I've only served the first year of my sentence, I have to say, it has been eye-opening. I have taken a look inside and I've asked myself, 'What's going on in there?' And, you know, I realized a lot of it goes back to my mum. She was a stern woman, prone to fits of...

—
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Louis C.K. at the Dolby (2023)

Louis CK: There's lots of kinds of confidence. There's personal confidence. I don't have much of that. That's... Personal confidence is like a man wearing white pants. That takes, you know... tremendous confidence and optimism, really... to leave the house in white pants like it's gonna be a great day. There's gonna be no puddles or pizza, nothing.

Louis CK: Here's another kind-- moral confidence. Moral confidence. That means knowing that you would do the right thing, knowing that you wouldn't do something wrong. Moral confidence. You can have that in your daily life because a lot of your days are the same. But what if you were in another time? Like, I would love to believe, I feel confident that I would not have had slaves. I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have done it. I wouldn't have had any. Even if I lived in 17-whatever in Virginia and all my neighbors had slaves, I would have been like, "You guys are dicks." I can say that. But it's easy to say that now because you can't get no slaves. You just can't-- You can't get any. That's why you don't have slaves. It's not because you're better than back-then people. It's because they're not available. That's a huge contributing factor. It's not a decision you need to make every day, like you're carrying your groceries.

Louis CK: It's not like they have slaves at Home Depot. I mean, they kind of do, but, yeah... there are some forms of kind of slavery.

Louis CK: How early did we come up with this? Like, from the beginning of human existence, we evolved, you know, through ideas. We were a scared, naked ape, and then we were like, "Make a fire. That's a good idea. Kill an animal and take his fur. That's a good idea. Plant things and then wait. That's a good idea." But really quickly we came up with, "Just make them fucking do it. I'm not doing anything. I'm doing nothing. Make them fucking do it." That was, like, our third thing we did on Earth.

Louis CK: It's true. It said, "Auschwitz" with a blue check. So it was like, "Oh, cool. It's really them," you know? And they tweeted like, "That's not funny." Why is the death camp tweeting? Who's running the social accounts at Auschwitz?

Louis CK: You know what I was thinking about today? I was thinking about Jesus... I was. Today. I was thinking about Jesus. And after I came... I... I thought, "Well, I feel sorry for Jesus." That's how I feel.

Louis CK: This is a book about Jesus. Actually, only this much is about Jesus. Only that-- just that part. The rest of it is just the Jews going like, "And then we walked for 50 years in the desert. And we only had a little bit of oil. It was difficult." It's just... It's fucking verbose. Just Jews. It just goes on and on. "And then Jacob bought a goat, and... And Abraham lived to be 800."

Louis CK: The Jews in the early chapters are all, like, 800 years old. And then God was like, "I can't with these fucking Jews for 800 years. Heart disease starts today."

Louis CK: So that's them. And that's Jesus. This little part's Jesus. And the weird part is, it's not all-- Like, it's all the same story over and over again. They tell the same story about Jesus' life over. First Matthew tells it, and then Mark is like, "Dude, that's not what-- You're fucking drunk. Here's what happened. I'll tell you what happened. Hey, Paul. You weren't even here. Shut the fuck up."

Louis CK: Nothing's true in here. But... I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I don't fucking know. What do I know? I wasn't there. I'm just trying to make it clear that I didn't make it up. They did.

Louis CK: Okay, here's the story. This is Mark Chapter 11. It's when Mark went broke...

Louis CK: That's really what happened. He got a little shitty. A little big, you know. He went to Jerusalem. That's a big town for a boy from Galilee. And he didn't just walk into Jerusalem. He walked in, and his friends were like, "King of the Jews, y'all! King of the motherfucking Jews!" The Jews didn't like that. The Jews were like, "Not my president. Whatever," you know. So they nailed him to a cross. This is what they did.

Louis CK: God doesn't hate you 'cause you're gay. God made you gay 'cause he hates you... No. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. There's no God.

Louis CK: But you know who I feel sorry for? Who I really feel sorry for is a gay man's sperm. Just think about that... That's a tough destiny. Being a sperm inside of a gay man, that's hard luck. 'Cause if you're gay, that's great. But your sperm is not gay...

Louis CK: Why? What the fuck for, the long life? You can live too long, I think. You can live too long. Some people are 100. Get the fuck out of here! Nobody knows you.

Louis CK: There's always an oldest person. And sometimes you read about them because the other one just died. That's when they tell you that there's a new oldest person. Last one I read about was 114. 114! He's a teenager after 100. You know what that means? That means he's got a kid who's like, 92... who's like, "Please fucking die. I'm just hanging around so I can have one week without you in it."

Louis CK: Here's the bad news-- You're gonna die. Here's the good news-- When you get closer, you're gonna want to fucking die. It doesn't keep being good. You don't get to keep your life the way it is. Like, I'm 55. Both hands hurt. Both hands. Both my hips hurt. I'm lucky I have only one asshole. The whole fucking body hurts.

Louis CK: There are signs that your time is coming to an end, you know? Like-- Like they don't make my shampoo anymore. They don't make it. It's like, why'd you stop? Like, you're the only one. Nobody fucking cares about you.

Louis CK: I decided to stop exercising. That's what I decided this year. I'm just not doing it anymore. I made it to 55. If I stop exercising now, it just means I might make 75 instead of 78. It's not that big a fucking deal. I'm just not gonna do it.

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)

Puss in Boots (2011) <<

Puss in Boots: Hey, you want to see something cool?

Doctor: Please. This is serious.
Puss in Boots: What is it?
Doctor: Puss in Boots, how do I say this?... You died.

Puss in Boots: I laugh at death... And anyway, I am a cat. I have nine lives.
Doctor: And how many times have you died already?
Puss in Boots: Uh... I don't know. I never counted. I am not really a math guy, you know?

Doctor: ... That makes eight, Puss. You are down to your last life. My prescription: no more adventures for you. You need to retire.

The Big Bad Wolf: Hey. I never do this, but can I get your autograph? Been following you for a long time. Sign right there.

The Big Bad Wolf: Everyone thinks they'll be the one to defeat me, but no one's escaped me yet.

Puss in Boots: I am no longer worthy. I'm sorry.

Puss in Boots: We are gathered here today to say goodbye to Puss in Boots. There are no words to express such a loss. Thank you... But it would be a crime not to try.

Mama Luna: I bet you never even had a name. But you know what, I have thought of something perfect. I shall call you... Pickles!

Mama Luna: This is a person potty, Pickles. That's your potty...
Puss in Boots: So this is where dignity goes to die.

Perrito: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You're a talking cat?
Puss in Boots: I'm a talking cat.
Perrito: Let's talk.
Puss in Boots: I'd rather eat.
Perrito: Oh, not a problem. We can eat and talk at the same time.

Kitty Softpaws: What is this? Are you a pirate now?
Puss in Boots: Shh.
Kitty Softpaws: It's like a possum crawled on your face and died.
Puss in Boots: Shh!
Kitty Softpaws: Of shame.
Puss in Boots: Please, mock me quietly.

Kitty Softpaws: What's your deal, anyway? You run with the Chihuahua Gang?
Perrito: I don't think so.
Kitty Softpaws: I don't believe you.
Perrito: That's okay. As long as you believe in yourself.
Kitty Softpaws: Wha... Is he deranged?
Puss in Boots: Yep.

Puss in Boots: Come on, Kitty. You've got to trust me...
Perrito: Wait. Wh-Wh-What's... What's going on with his eyes?
Kitty Softpaws: Oh, they're getting bigger.
Puss in Boots: Oh, Kitty!...
Perrito: You got to trust him. Look at those eyes.
Kitty Softpaws: Really? You call that cute?...
Perrito: Oh, look at her! Those eyes are even bigger than yours. Do whatever she wants, Puss... Wait a second. So poofy! No. With the paws? Come on! With the hat? It's all so cute! Cuteness overload!

Puss in Boots: It says we must go through the Valley of Incineration over Undertaker Ridge, through the Cave of Lost Souls?
Kitty Softpaws: Really? Let me take a look... What? Swamp of Infinite Sorrows? Mountains of Misery? The Abyss of Eternal Loneliness? There's something wrong with this map.
Puss in Boots: I guess there is a different terrible path for everyone.

Perrito: Oh, mine says... We skip through the Pocket Full of Posies. Then drift down the River of Relaxation. That sounds fun.
Kitty Softpaws: No fair.
Puss in Boots: Why does he get the good one?
Perrito: Wander the Fields of Quick and Easy Solutions, and arrive at the star. Oh, wow! That sounds wonderful.

Perrito: Watch. Don't rush through it. Take your time and really appreciate what's right in front of you.
Kitty Softpaws: Ugh. His path is so corny.
Puss in Boots: And cheesy.
Kitty Softpaws: And lame.
Puss in Boots: And weird, like him.

Perrito: My story? Oh. It's actually a very funny story. Back when I was a pup, me and my littermates lived with a family. A family full of pranksters who liked to play hide-and-seek, and I was always it. Pick on the little guy, am I right? They tried putting me in a packing crate, a dumpster. No matter how hard they tried, I'd always find them. So, one day, they get creative and they put me in a sock with a rock in it. And then throw me in a river. I gnawed a hole in the sock, and I swam to the surface. Never found them or my littermates. So I guess I'm still it.
Kitty Softpaws: Wow. That is the saddest funny story I've ever heard.
Perrito: Well, joke's on them. That sock they put me in, I grew into it. So, I got a great story and a free sweater out of it. Win-win.

Jack Horner: What do you think, bug? Do I wait for the cats to steal the map and then kill them, or do I just kill everybody all at once?
Ethical Bug: You know, I'm starting to think you don't appreciate the value of a life.
Jack Horner: What? No! I mean, I love these guys. Flex the glutes. I need a solid surface.
There's good in all people. There's good in all people...

Ethical Bug: You know, Jack, maybe we need to dig a little deeper. T-Tell me about your childhood.
Jack Horner: You know, I never had much as a kid. Just loving parents and stability and a mansion and a thriving baked goods enterprise for me to inherit. Useless crap like that.

Puss in Boots: Okay, you take the window, I'll take the chimney.
Perrito: What do I take?
Puss in Boots: Oh, you take it easy, Perrito.

Puss in Boots: You are no bounty hunter. You are...
The Big Bad Wolf: Death. And I don't mean it metaphorically or rhetorically or poetically or theoretically or in any other fancy way. I'm Death, straight up.

The Big Bad Wolf: Live your life, Puss in Boots. Live it well.

The Big Bad Wolf: You know we will meet again, right?
Puss in Boots: Sí. Hasta la muerte.

Kitty Softpaws: I hate to say it, but should we make a wish?
Puss in Boots: Kitty, one life spent with you is all that I could wish for.

—
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Kholop (2019) (Son of a Rich)

Psychologist: What stage of despair are you in? The last one?

Grisha: Stop pretending! Who are you, ha? What are you playing here? Where are your smartphones? Why is everything so... weird? Where are airplanes, cars, internet? 21st century, Trump! Russia is governed by... Come on, let's say it together. Vladimir...
Lyuba: Alexander Nikolaich...
Grisha: Which Alexander Nikolaich?
Lyuba: Grisha, you can make any weird things, but don't disrespect our tsar-father.
Proshka: And the century is currently 19. 1860, you know it yourself.
Grisha: Which 1860?
Lyuba: 1860th from the birth of Christ.
Grisha: A.
Proshka: Grish? Why are you silent? Say something.
Grisha: Do you have dry pants for me?

Grisha: In general, here I can get used to everything. To the food, to these burdocks. Even walk without panties. There is only one thing I really miss. So horribly. I am just suffering, imagine it, see it in my dreams.
Proshka: A. Woman?
Grisha: Internet.

Anastasia: Tell me, why do you have everything connected with death, with violence? Or a violent death?
Lyova: Why not? When you fry eggs, you break the eggs.
Anastasia: Don't tell me about your eggs!

Pasha: It turns out that I was even lucky that I was transported to the 19th century. Mowed the grass, chopped wood, cleaned up the horses, and that's it, I'm free.

Aglaya Dmitrievna: What is this, lambada?
Lyuba: Yeah.
Aglaya Dmitrievna: Right now, we really got into the past.

Dmitry Alekseich: Eat, Grigory. Eat and think. If you agree I'll give you a watermelon.

—
On the IMDb

The Menu (2022)

Margot: We have reached the base camp of mount bullshit. This is insane.

Chef Slowik: Welcome to Hawthorn. I am Julian Slowik, and tonight it'll be our pleasure to feed you.

Chef Slowik: Over the next few hours you will ingest fat, salt, sugar, protein, bacteria, fungi, various plants and animals, and, at times, entire ecosystems. But I have to beg of you one thing. It's just one. Do not eat... Taste. Savor. Relish. Consider every morsel that you place inside your mouth. Be mindful. But do not eat. Our menu is too precious for that... And look around you. Here we are on this island. Accept. Accept all of it. And forgive... And on that note, food!

Chef Slowik: Now, here is what you must remember about this dish. We, the people on this island, are not important. The island and the nutrients it provides exist in their most perfect state without us gathering them or manipulating them, or digesting them. What happens inside this room is meaningless compared to what happens outside in nature, in the soil, in the water, in the air... We are but a frightened nanosecond. Nature is timeless... Enjoy.

Elsa: You will eat less than you desire and more than you deserve.

Chef Slowik: Please eat. The menu only makes sense if you eat.
Margot: But you told us not to eat.
Chef Slowik: That is not what I meant, madam. And you know it.

Chef Slowik: Eat! Enjoy.

Chef Slowik: It's all part of the menu.

Chef Slowik: There's a saying. "Sometimes all you need is a good cup of tea." I learned that growing up in Bratislava. I've found that not only does tea cleanse the palate, but it offers a soothing balm when facing some hard home truths.

Chef Slowik: You belong here with your own breed.
Margot: And what breed is that?
Chef Slowik: With the shit shovelers. You thought I couldn't tell? Oh, I know a fellow service industry worker when I see one.

Chef Slowik: Do you enjoy providing your services?
Margot: Yes. Or I... I used to. Do you enjoy providing yours?
Chef Slowik: Oh, I used to, but I haven't desired to cook for someone in ages. And one does miss that feeling.

Lillian Bloom: Are we all really dying tonight?
Katherine Keller: It doesn't work if you live.
Lillian Bloom: What doesn't work?
Katherine Keller: The menu.
Lillian Bloom: Why not?
Katherine Keller: It needs an ending... That ties everything together conceptually. Otherwise, it just tastes good, and who cares.

Chef Slowik: Swallow first.

Chef Slowik: Mmm. Wow. Wow. It's actually quite... bad. You are why the mystery has been drained from our art.

Chef Slowik: What about my food is not to your liking?
Margot: For starters, you've taken the joy out of eating. Every dish you served tonight has been some intellectual exercise rather than something you want to sit and enjoy. When I eat your food, it tastes like it was made with no love.
Chef Slowik: Oh, this is ridiculous. We always cook with love. Don't we?
— Yes, chef!
Chef Slowik: Everyone knows love is the most important ingredient.
Margot: Then you're kidding yourself.

Margot: You cook with obsession, not love. Even your hot dishes are cold... You're a chef. Your single purpose on this earth is to serve people food that they might actually like, and you have failed. You've failed. And you've bored me. And the worst part is I'm still fucking hungry.

Margot: You know what I'd really like?
Chef Slowik: Tell me.
Margot: A cheeseburger.
Chef Slowik: .... Yeah, we can do a cheeseburger.
Margot: A real cheeseburger. Not some fancy, deconstructed avant bullshit.
Chef Slowik: A real cheeseburger... Well, I'll make you a very good, very traditional cheeseburger.
Margot: I don't think you can.
Chef Slowik: I'll make you feel as if you're eating the first cheeseburger you ever ate. The cheap one your parents could barely afford.
Margot: Show me.
Chef Slowik: How do you like it?
Margot: Medium. American cheese.
Chef Slowik: American cheese is the best cheese for a cheeseburger, because it melts without splitting.
Margot: How much will that set me back?
Chef Slowik: $9.95.
Margot: That come with fries?

Chef Slowik: And now, our final dessert course is a playful twist on a comfort food classic. The s'more. The most offensive assault on the human palate ever contrived. Unethically sourced chocolate and gelatinized sugar water imprisoned by industrial-grade Graham cracker. It's everything wrong with us, and yet we associate it with innocence. With childhood.

—
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Go Forward

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel 5×1

Susie: Ugh, Zelda, what smells like donkey balls?
Zelda: Special Polish fish head soup. It wards off evil spirits. Makes your hair shiny, too.
Susie: Okay. Well, when you are done driving down the neighbors' property values, make some coffee, strong coffee.

Susie: That thing is a goner. It's like she was in a war, an old one. ... You know, I can't unsee that toe now, Rose. You understand that? I may never fucking close my eyes again.

Susie: Listen to me, tomorrow this will all be a funny bit you can use in your act.

Astrid: Wait, Shirley, did you just say you potty train a baby by dangling them over a stove?
Shirley: It warms their tush, that reminds them of what their tush is for. I got Joely trained in an hour and a half.

Joel: You and Ma have to work this out.
Moishe: Not gonna happen, Joely. We tried. We talked.
Shirley: And then Moishe said something to me that I never thought I would ever hear my husband say, and he can't unsay it.
Moishe: And in response Shirley said something to me I never thought another human being, let alone my wife of 34 years, would say to me, and she can't unsay it.

Midge: It's easy to see a diamond once it's in the window at Tiffany's. It's a little harder when it's throwing up in a bucket in your office. Susie is one of a kind. You'll never find another Susie. You just remember that.

Gordon Ford: Want to come write for me?
Midge: I'm sorry?
Gordon Ford: Susie Myerson and Associates here has been talking you up. Says you could be my woman. Writers' room-wise.

--
On the IMDb
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Champions (2023)

Marcus: I should be coaching in the NBA.
Alex: Then why aren't you?
Marcus: Because there's a lot of, uh, politics involved and-- Well, don't worry, darling. I... I will be soon enough.

Alex: I should've known I was in for a real meeting of the minds when I saw you only had one book in your apartment.
Marcus: I actually have many books. They're in storage. I-I tend to travel light.
Alex: And it's called Visualize Success. Powerful stuff.
Marcus: Hey. Don't knock visualization. That stuff works.

Phil: We go back too far, Marcus. You know what a meme is? You're a meme now. My granddaughter sent this to me. She's been sharing with all her little friends.

Marcus: Uh, uh, I-I-I do apologize, uh, Your Honor. I think there's some kind of misapprehension here because- we were talking about... I said... We both were talking when you said, "Take community service." I don't... I don't want to take comm-- I want to give to the community. I want to give freely.

Marcus: Um, Your Honor? Uh, when you say "intellectual disabilities," what are we talking here? Uh...
Judge Mary Menendez: Yes?
Marcus: Are we talking retar...
Judge Mary Menendez: Oh.
Marcus: ...ded Americans? Because, y-you know, it seems kind of redundant that, you know, in a sense, Americans, we are re-- you know, we're-we're those-- I-I'm talking about myself, too, you know? I'm a...
Attorney Charlie McGurk: Your Honor, I just have to state for the record, I literally just met "What's His Pickle" here 20 minutes ago. Okay? I don't think his words should reflect on me going forward, future hearings.

Marcus: What am I looking at here?
Julio: Oh, pipes burst. I don't know. It must be global warming, huh? I mean, it's raining, and it's freezing, and it's snowing, then it's freezing again. And all of a sudden, it's hot girl summer in January.

Alex: What is this, young man?
Marcus: You caught me. I try to keep that hidden in there, but it's Shakespeare for... dummies.
Alex: A second book? I mean, I don't even know what to say. I just never would have visualized that.

Marcus: What do you say?
Sonny: Uh... hell to the yeah?.. Uh, so, wait, is this a friendship or mentorship type thing? Are we talking profesh or soche? Or... both?
Marcus: It-It's early days, so let's not label it yet.

Marcus: What's the problem? Why are you guys all looking so freaked out?
Johnny: Coach, the other team is called The Beasts!
Marlon: They're the "beasts," we're the "friends."
Cosentino: Based on our names, I don't like our chances.

Marcus: Those dudes are scary. But this is your shot at being champions. And guess what. Champions are brave. That's what it means to be a champion.
Marlon: Actually, the dictionary definition of "champion" is...
Marcus: Not now, Marlon. You can't be afraid to fail. You can't be afraid to lose. You can do it because I know you're brave. I've seen you. I've seen you do things that were hard. Things that felt impossible. And I'm not just talking as players. I'm talking as people.

Marcus: Uh, you were right. Those guys are dicks. I don't want to be the fig leaf covering those dicks-- Did I go long with that analogy?
Alex: I-I stopped listening after I heard that I was right.

—
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White Noise (2022)

Babette: Life is good, Jack...
Jack: What brings this on?
Babette: I just feel it has to be said.

Babette: I want to die first.
Jack: You sound almost eager.
Babette: Life would feel unbearably sad and lonely without you. Especially if the children were grown up and living elsewhere.
Jack: Right now we're safe. As long as the children are here. They need us. It's great having these kids around but once they get big and scattered, I want to go first.
Babette: No, Jack. Your death would leave an abyss in my life. I'd be left talking to chairs and pillows.
Jack: Your death would be more than an abyss.
Babette: What's more than an abyss?
Jack: A yawning gulf. Your death would be a profound depth... A void.

Jack: I hope we both live forever. Doddering, toothless, liver-spotted, hallucinating... Who decides these things? Who's out there? Who are you?

Jack: All plots move deathward. This is the nature of plots. Political plots, terrorist plots, lovers' plots. Narrative plots. Plots that are a part of children's games. We edge nearer to death every time we plot. It's like a contract all must sign. The plotters, as well as the targets of the plot.

Murray: Family is the cradle of the world's misinformation.
Jack: There must be something in family life that generates factual error.
Murray: That's because facts threaten our happiness and security.
Babette: It's the over-closeness, the noise and the heat of being.

Babette: My life is either/or. Either I chew regular gum or I chew sugarless gum. Either I chew gum or I smoke. Either I smoke or I gain weight. Either I gain weight or I run up the stadium steps.
Jack: Sounds like a boring life.
Babette: I hope it lasts forever.

Babette: Maybe we ought to be more concerned about the cloud. I know we don't want to scare the kids... Jack: Nothing is going to happen.
Babette: I know nothing's going to happen, you know nothing's going to happen, but we ought to think about it just in case. It's just, I mean, when do we know when this is real?

Heinrich: They're not calling it the black billowing cloud anymore.
Jack: What are they calling it?
Heinrich: The airborne toxic event.

Jack: Doesn't anyone want to pay attention to what's actually happening?
Babette: Dad wants credit for fording the creek.
Jack: No, I don't want credit. Forget it, go back to your conversation.
Denise: What if there was a waterfall?
Steffie: Dad, is there a waterfall?

Murray: Everything is fine, and will continue to be fine as long as the supermarket doesn't slip... Do you know the Tibetans believe there's a transitional state between death and rebirth? That's what I think when I come here. The supermarket is a waiting place. It recharges us spiritually. It's a gateway. Look how bright. Look how full of psychic data, waves and radiation. All the letters and numbers are here, all the colors of the spectrum, all the voices and sounds, all the code words and ceremonial phrases. We just have to know how to decipher it.

Dr. Lu: Why so many checkups, Mr. Gladney? In the past, you were always afraid to know if anything was wrong.
Jack: I'm still afraid.
Dr. Lu: Well, I'm glad you're finally taking your status as patient seriously.
Jack: My status?
Dr. Lu: Once people leave the doctor's office, they tend to forget that they are patients. But a doctor doesn't cease being a doctor at close of day. Neither should patient.

Dr. Lu: Together, as doctor and patient, we can do things that neither of us could do separately.

Babette: Kids, listen to me. Hold hands when you cross the street. Be careful around swimming pools. If you think someone is a kidnapper, they probably are.

Babette: It was my last resort, my last hope. First, I'd offered him my mind. Now I offered my body. Jack: How do you offer your body to a composite of three or more people?
Babette: This is a compound person.
Jack: Let's concentrate on the genitals. How many sets are we talking about?

Babette: I love you. I just fear death more than I love you. And I really, really love you.

Babette: What does the Church say about Heaven these days? Is it still the old Heaven, like that?
Sister Hermann Marie: Do you think we are stupid? We are here to take care of sick and injured. Only this. You want to talk about Heaven, you find another place.
Babette: When why do you have that picture on the wall?
Sister Hermann Marie: It's for others, not for us.
Jack: You don't believe in Heaven? A nun?
Sister Hermann Marie: If you don't, why should I?
Jack: If you did, maybe we would.
Sister Hermann Marie: If I did, maybe you would not have to. Someone must appear to believe.
Babette: Is death the end then? Does anything survive?
Sister Hermann Marie: Do you want to know what I believe or what I pretend to believe?

Jack: You're a nun! Act like one!
Sister Hermann Marie: You come in from the street, married, dragging a body by the foot, and talk about angels that live in the sky. Get out from here! So maybe you should try to believe in each other.

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