Their Last Bow

Elementary 7×13

Holmes: So who's trying to kill you? And how can I help?

Holmes: I kept quite busy after my death. Traveled. First to Florence, and then to Tibet. Spent a goodly amount of time in Norway.

Holmes: You're still a blonde.

Watson: The book was a tribute to you.
Holmes: It was revenge. You knew that I would hate having so much known about me.

Holmes: Yes, my death three years ago was born out of desperation. But, as it turns out... it could be the best thing that's happened to either of us.

Ellory: Either way, my boss, your partner... the game goes on. We'll see each other around.

Watson: Looks like you were half right.
Holmes: That's half unlikely.

---

McNally: I want to make it official. I want you to have the tools that you need.
Holmes: The NSA's full suite of surveillance capabilities?
McNally: Everything we can do. Everything we already know. You think you're having fun now?

Watson: Arthur, this is an old friend of Mommy's.
Arthur: Hi.
Holmes: Truly an honor.

Holmes: ...I could pit the two groups against each other.
Watson: Only you would be happy about something like this.
Holmes: I'm not happy. I could be killed.
Watson: I'm pretty sure you're gonna live forever.

Captain Gregson: I want you to understand that when you love someone big enough, you can let them choose to be with you.

Holmes: I think he'll appreciate the surprise. Or he'll punch me. Either way.

--
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Reichenbach Falls

Elementary 7×12

Captain Gregson: Did I get it wrong? Are you not the guy who has people executed when you don't like what you see in their e-mails and search histories?

Reichenbach: Did you know that I'm a mathematician by training? When I was at university, we were taught there are some problems that have no solution. They don't add up. They can't. If I believed that, I never would have gotten here... Every problem has a solution, Captain.

Holmes: Odin Reichenbach is a problem about to be solved. You can help, or you can suffer the same fate.

Holmes: I'm the only Holmes left now...

Holmes: Well, how can we compete? He's omniscient.

Holmes: We have to plan a murder of our own.

Reichenbach: We can't hide from our responsibilities.

Holmes: Well, the thing is, some problems only have a violent solution.

Holmes: People have to be free to make their own choices and make their own mistakes, and then they have to live with them.
Reichenbach: You're too focused on the past. Always trying to deduce what's already happened. You can't see what's ahead. Your way, it's... it's almost over.
Holmes: I don't accept that. ... Living with the past, that's what justice is.

--
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Unfriended

Elementary 7×11

Holmes: I take it, from your arrival, you think you can help?
Mr. Holmes: I do. After all, dismantling global criminal enterprises is an area in which I have some expertise... Shall we attack it together?

Reichenbach: I was led to believe your relationship was quite frosty.
Holmes: Do we exchange Christmas cards? No. But we both share a distaste for mass murderers.

Holmes: It can't have been cheap, enlisting the help of your fellow influence peddlers.
Mr. Holmes: We prefer "puppet masters of the highest order."

Mrs. Tseng: You warned me the other day that the world is changing. I fear it has already changed. And we have no choice but to change with it...
Mr. Holmes: Mm.

Mrs. Tseng: He frightens them, Morland. He controls the information people see. He can turn a nation against its leaders, sway an election, incite a revolution; or, if he wishes, he can help those leaders maintain order. That kind of power... makes you and me obsolete.
Mr. Holmes: What... What will happen to my son?
Mrs. Tseng: I'm sorry, old friend.

Captain Gregson: Everything all right?
Holmes: Well, the short answer is no, and the long answer is a good deal longer.

--
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The Latest Model

Elementary 7×10

Holmes: How'd you do it? Signal jammer? Remote access device? Whatever it is, I'm sure it's trademarked Odker technology...
Reichenbach: I would trademark it if I wanted anyone to know I had it.

Reichenbach: S.I.S. won't be helping you. Neither will Mossad, nor Interpol, nor any other global law enforcement or intelligence agency you might draw upon. Though many of them hold the two of you in high esteem, they value my friendship even more.

Holmes: Not everyone who gets angry commits a murder. Not everyone who buys a gun commits a murder, even though it might feel like it sometimes.

Reichenbach: Let's say I would consider revising the way I do things... you and Joan would help?
Holmes: Call us. Find out.

Holmes: Anonymity has become hip.

--
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On the Scent

Elementary 7×9

Holmes: You told her about Odin?
Watson: No. A megalomaniacal billionaire preemptively assassinating anyone who says the wrong thing in an e-mail? She would think I was nuts.

Watson: Did you know that you have a tell... when you lie, but no one else can see it but me?

Holmes: I didn't do it to shield you, I did it to spare you.
Watson: From what?
Holmes: From having to lie to everyone else. .... Knowing a secret of that magnitude, kno-knowing the truth ... and keeping silent, it's... corrosive.

Diana Long: I could never. I loved her!
Holmes: I'm afraid that that is not exculpatory. 2.5 women are murdered every day by an intimate partner. So we're going to have to cover our statistical bases with a little more than your word.

Holmes: I find sports gambling as boring as the stock market. Never developed a taste for it.

--
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Miss Understood

Elementary 7×8

Cassie Lenue: Cassie is my real name... Lenue is just something the court assigned.
Watson: Means "last name unknown." It's the court's version of John Doe. Sometimes they pronounce it phonetically and sometimes it sticks.

Holmes: The best liars often make the best lie detectors.
Cassie: Thanks?..

Cassie: Shouldn't you be in there?
Holmes: I knew what they were going to say. Plus, I can read lips, so I know the investigation is well in hand. I'm out here... focusing on a mystery more dire.

Cassie: You have trust issues.
Holmes: You have truth issues.

Watson: You like her, don't you?
Holmes: She possesses a singular intellect. It would be a shame to see it go to waste.
Watson: And you have a soft spot for singular intellects...
Holmes: She's no Moriarty.
Watson: Not yet.

Holmes: ... I became a consulting detective. I was, for a time, the only one in the world. I invented a role for myself, I found a way to take my difference and turn it into something I could use to contribute.

Captain Gregson: And so what's this mean? Cassie Lenue's gonna be one of the good guys now?

Holmes: If we want you to find a place in the world, then you need to know who you are. You're more than a mere Lenue.

--
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From Russia with Drugs

Elementary 7×7

Marcus: ... Then he went all Scrooge McDuck on his bed.
Holmes: And who or what is Scrooge McDuck?
Watson: Picture your father but... as a duck.

Holmes: And to be clear, there are few things on the planet dirtier than money. It was once estimated that 90% of American currency had traces of cocaine on it.

Marcus: ... I also know cops who swear they got sick just from touching the stuff.
Holmes: That's the classic nocebo effect. The mere suggestion that a substance can be harmful causes people to suffer negative effects after exposure.

Captain Gregson: Who would go to all that trouble to kill a lowlife like Ridley Dineen?
Marcus: Would you believe the Russian government?

Holmes: If the Russian government was responsible and it was just a bit of spy-on-spy violence, it's possible I could understand. And my investigation might just go away...

---

Holmes: When we first crossed paths, I could have outed you as a spy, but I didn't.
Olga: Is that supposed to make me trust you more or less?

Holmes: Have you forgotten my new color-coding system already? Red lines indicate ownership. Blue is a familial relationship. Green denotes a financial connection—
Watson: Pink is for kissing cousins. Purple means two suspects sang karaoke duets.
Holmes: You mock me.

Holmes: You know, that's one thing I appreciate about people in your profession— punctuality. I never met a spy who didn't arrive on time.
Olga: Old habits die hard.

Watson: We could have asked him why he would cook up some chemical weapons to help murder a thief.

--
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Command: Delete

Elementary 7×6

Holmes: Your search engines, your e-mail servers, social media platforms, they all gather information from your users to sell to advertisers.
Odin Reichenbach: Tweaking our code to identify people planning a crime... wasn't hard at all. The next question became: what do you do with that information?

Odin Reichenbach: You two understand the criminal mind. I need you to help me refine my system. Together, we could avert so many tragedies. I don't expect an answer right now, but sleep on it. Maybe you'll wake up thinking, "Might be nice to help prevent some murders for a change..."

Marcus: Thing is, a sniper rifle isn't the kind of weapon you use to commit suicide. It's the kind of thing you use to kill someone else.

Holmes: If Odin Reichenbach's methods weren't so extreme, I wouldn't have had to destroy all of our electronics which run Odker software.

Holmes: In theory, it's ridiculous and in practice, I myself would be dead. I've seriously considered murder on at least two occasions. So, by Odin's standards, I should have been executed just in case.

Holmes: But how do you stop a man who has enmeshed himself in the World Wide Web like a funnel spider?

Watson: Changing passwords too often can actually compromise security. People can't remember them, so... they write them down.

Holmes: What's that buzzing?
Watson: Buzzing? I don't hear anything.
Holmes: Well, you're not pregnant. Your hearing is heightened when you're pregnant.
Watson: Are you pregnant?

---

Holmes: There's zero chance I'll be able to record our next meeting. He'll be on guard. They will check me for a wire, confiscate my phone.
Agent McNally: So? I mean, there's a reason you contacted the NSA. We'll take care of the recording.
Holmes: You want to tell me how the NSA's gonna do that?
Agent McNally: Well, a minute ago, you wouldn't even tell me if I was eating crickets, so, no. There are some things that need to remain secret, but, rest assured, we'll get him on tape if you can get him talking.

Watson: I don't know where you got this coffee from, but it is amazing. ...
Holmes: Watson, this is my friend Cassina. She brought us the coffee. ... Coffee is Cassina's business, you see. She travels the world, identifying, importing, and then reselling only the finest, most exotic beans. The ones that you're drinking are Vietnamese. The coffee berries are fed to weasels, who then regurgitate the beans, and the acid in their stomachs removes the bean's more bitter properties, allowing that unique, chocolaty flavor to emerge.
Watson: ... You know what? This stuff is so good, I don't care how much weasel puke is in it.

Holmes: Mr. Reichenbach. I trust your security detail told you I passed my colonoscopy...

Holmes: Her execution was disguised to look like a home invasion gone wrong.
Reichenbach: Rabid dogs aren't "executed," they're put down.

Reichenbach: All those children. Her life wasn't worth the risk.
Holmes: Risk implies odds. Odds imply a lack of certainty. You started as an engineer. So assign a number to your conviction that Ruthie would have killed. Give me a percentage.
Reichenbach: Call it 80%.
Holmes: Well, there's your bug. At those odds, a fifth of the people that you've had killed could have been innocent.

Reichenbach: How about this? Next time I get another 80/20 call, I'll send it your way. It'll be your decision. Call it a trust-building exercise.

Marcus: It's the 21st century. Pregnant women can do all sorts of things.

Holmes: Is the entire NSA in Odin's pocket, or is it just you?

Reichenbach: Right now I'm managing a lawsuit from five of my competitors over hardware patents, I'm battling the Chinese government's illegitimate restrictions on our Asian market search engines, and I'm fighting two branches of the U.S. military about jurisdiction over land on Mars. I can handle Sherlock Holmes.

--
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Into the Woods

Elementary 7×5

Tommyrot: Leonardo da Vinci said it best. "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

Holmes: Good luck with your new suitor. It's not every day one attracts the fancy of the eighth richest man in America.

Watson: ...this is sort of the least we could do, no?
Holmes: I loathe that expression. The least one could do is always nothing.

Watson: One shot. All guns should be Remington derringers.

Holmes: So, a man in a forest, and his hog, both killed at the same time. Unless we're looking at the fallout from the world's most nauseating love triangle, we have three victims, two murder weapons...
Marcus: And zero motive.

Captain Dwyer: Killing the guy's pet... Man, that just seems... mean-spirited.

Odin: My autobiography says that the secret of my success is "a dedicated spirit"— truth is, that just tested well in focus groups. My real secret is eight hours' sleep, every night, no excuses.

Holmes: We both know that addiction can be like an organism. It can fight to stay alive.

Holmes: Marcus!
Marcus: Hey. Sorry to bother you so early.
Holmes: Nonsense! Watson and I are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed!

Marcus: Any luck with the guests?
Holmes: An impressive cross section of Manhattan's elite. I reckon half of them are capable of homicide.

Holmes: Actually, mate, knot forensics have been used to identify the culprits in many cases, all of them prosecuted successfully, as I'm certain yours will be.

--
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Red Light, Green Light

Elementary 7×4

Holmes: I've had this dream before. Usually, it's Watson who approaches me, sometimes it's Marcus. One time, it was a scary clown with an axe.

Captain Dwyer: Know what? I take it back. You and your partner aren't welcome at the 11th. You're nuts.

Det. Bell: No way of knowing what their final destination was, but this is New York. It's not like we're short on places to blow up.

Holmes: You play five up front, three in the middle and two at the back. That formation went out with the plague.

Captain Dwyer: Am I crazy, or do we have a bunch of Feds in our conference room? I see FBI, DEA, ICE...

Captain Dwyer: Look, I don't know what kind of arrangement you had with Tommy—
Holmes: It was simple. Catch criminals, even at the expense of their feelings.

--
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The Price of Admission

Elementary 7×3

Holmes: You wouldn't be the first killer to bring me in out of pure swank. A retired colorman once did so after asphyxiating his wife and her lover. I found them in a well in his garden.

Holmes: ...when my name is cleared, I can travel as I please. Our consultancy could become bicontinental.
Watson: You mean work with the NYPD and Scotland Yard?
Holmes: We have the means.
Watson: Okay... Thanks.
Holmes: Oh, I'm just being selfish. I want it all. Always do.

Watson: Ugh. What is that?
Holmes: Eritrean national anthem. It's quite rousing, isn't it?

Holmes: Those windows are bulletproof. Well, bullet-resistant. It's hard to tell how many rounds they will withstand before they start getting through.

--
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Gutshot

Elementary 7×2

Watson: Remind me why we're not staying someplace else?
Holmes: This was more than just our home for six years. This was our laboratory. Our sanctum sanctorum.

Holmes: Anyone who sells real estate in New York when they don't have to is a fool.

Holmes: Anyway, we're not planning on staying here for too long. We'll find the captain's shooter, point Marcus in his or her direction, and then go back to London. Considering it's us, that should take, what, three days? Four at the absolute maximum.

Watson: You know, when a utility company says tomorrow, they really mean next week, right?

Holmes: ... I forgive you. Of course I do. Should've got yourself shot a lot sooner, we could have settled this all then.

Det. Bell: 932 bucks. That's all it costs to build a car bomb, huh?

Holmes: I'm here to surrender myself. My name is Sherlock Holmes. I'm wanted for the murder of Michael Rowan.

--
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The Further Adventures

Elementary 7×1

Bernardo "Beppo" Pugliesi: Who are you?
Holmes: I'm the man who's going to bring you to justice.

Watson: Once again, just because I'm American does not mean that I love guns.
DCI Jones: Right. I suppose you don't call football "soccer," either.

Holmes: Watson, we've been over this many times. Athelney Jones is not your enemy.
Watson: Do you hear the way she calls me "Doc"? It's a dig.
Holmes: Is she a bit of an Ameri-phobe? Yeah.
Watson: A bit?
Holmes: The point is, she respects your work, which is outstanding.

Holmes: Think of the year that we've had so far. We've had the Boscombe Valley Mystery, that Adventure at Abbey Grange. ... Keep going like this, I might get knighted. You could be a dame.

---

Det. Bell: I don't know which of you idiots saw Strangers on a Train. I was always partial to Throw Momma myself...

DCI Jones: Another day goes by without an arrest, I half expect Elton John will rewrite the lyrics to "Candle in the Wind" again.

Kitty: Ice cream? Seriously?
Holmes: I'm the boy's godfather. I can treat him every now and again.
Kitty: It's 10:00 in the morning!

Kitty: I know you want her here. I want her here, too. Doesn't mean that she belongs here.

Holmes: She was a model. Self-promotion is second only to carbohydrate avoidance.

Holmes: You were very nearly correct when you said...

--
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Whatever Remains, However Improbable

Elementary 6×21

Watson: Are you gonna tell me why you think I killed Michael or not?
Special Agent Kim: In a word, obsession.

Special Agent Kim: Is there anything you'd like to say?
Watson: I'd like my lawyer now.

Holmes: Did you do it?

Holmes: I did not kill Michael Rowan. Which is apparently the name of the club we'll be forming.

Holmes: She's made the rules of the game quite clear.
Watson: So, what do we do?
Holmes: We... cheat.

Holmes: ...That's why I broke into the morgue last night. Made a copy of Michael's autopsy report... I also have his body downstairs.

Watson: So, is that for my modesty?
Holmes: Mine, actually. Don't worry. There were no clues there. Just confirmation of every stereotype anyone's ever assumed about men who hurt women.

Watson: I feel ridiculous.
Holmes: Imagine how ridiculous you would feel if you went to prison for a crime you didn't commit.

Det. Bell: I would tell you to solve this one fast, but you're you... I know you've only got one speed.
Holmes: Oh, you'd be surprised.

Watson: I gave them an up-close view of one of your beehives and put this song on repeat. I mean, I had to get movers to get it down here, but at least we did not have to humiliate ourselves this time.
Holmes: Oh, you've been humiliated. You just don't realize it... One of the founding fathers of Everyone, StingSquat44, is an admitted melissophiliac. He's aroused by bees. You just arranged a sex show with a cast of thousands.

---

Watson: Think about it— what does Mallick really have?
Holmes: Means: Uh, Michael was bludgeoned with a weapon that you're known to favor. Motive: He tried to kill you. Opportunity: No one reliable can account for your whereabouts at the time of the murder. What else am I forgetting? Uh, oh, yes. He identified you as his killer as he lay dying!

Holmes: Well, then it's over, you know. You know, our little family unit. You, me, the captain, Marcus... We'll never be able to set foot in that precinct ever again!

Holmes: We're supposed to be partners!
Watson: We are. So be my partner.

Holmes: I think a good detective leaves nothing to chance.

Watson: You said he's in England...
Special Agent Kim: The only part of the deal I like. Sherlock Holmes isn't America's problem anymore.

Special Agent Kim: Your little partnership— it's over.

Special Agent Kim: Cheer up, Joan. You just got away with murder.

Holmes: I wanted to thank you... I wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me over the last six years.

Watson: We're partners.
Holmes: No. We're much better than that... We're two people that love each other. We always have been.

Lord St. Simon: Stamford told me that you returned to Baker Street almost six months ago.
Holmes: I did, but my-my residence in New York had much thicker walls. And, uh, these are just taking some getting used to. Not to mention the neighbors behind them.

Watson: What about now?
Holmes: We've been summoned to Scotland Yard. There's been a murder.
Watson: Okay, just let me get my coat.

--
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Fit to Be Tied

Elementary 6×20

Michael: I'll be back.

Watson: Is this just confusing because I haven't had my coffee yet?

Watson: ...So Gutierrez either jumps or is thrown out of the helicopter. Donovan bleeds out before he can make a safe landing, and crashes.
Holmes: Thus completing the first Nazi-Communist double murder since World War Two. Case closed.

Holmes: I'd ask what kind of an imbecile befriends a serial killer, but we both know the answer can be found in the nearest mirror.

Michael: We haven't seen each other in a while. I thought we could begin with "hello."

Holmes: I think you're a monster, not an idiot.

Judge Cummings: And you are?
Holmes: Nauseated by you. But call me Sherlock.

Holmes: Watson...
Watson: Sherlock. If you say sorry, I'm gonna break one of your ribs.

--
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The Geek Interpreter

Elementary 6×19

Holmes: Justice is like an orgasm. It can never come too late.

Holmes: Watson, wake up.

Watson: Who is this stranger in my bedroom with your face strapped to his face?

Watson: I thought you were working on a cold case with Athena.
Holmes: I was. We finished.
Athena: Hi, Joan.
Holmes: With her help, I solved the 1926 case of Fitzroy McPherson, a scientist found dead in his apartment in Sheepshead Bay.

Watson: I'm confused. What part of the crime scene did you need Athena to reenact?
Holmes: We didn't reenact anything. We just had sex. I was having trouble jogging my memory, and I needed a potent distraction. Athena provided one.

Watson: I'm sorry, people pay you to sleep in your car?
Eli: Yeah, it's called AwayKay Mobile. It's part of the app. You know, like you'd rent out an apartment for the night, only this is a lot cheaper.

Holmes: I think, on some level, he likes having his affections set on the unattainable. It's safer. As long as he loves someone that he can't have, then he never has to put himself at risk.

Holmes: Look, if you... if you need to disrobe, feel free. You're in a safe place. Just-just mind the furniture.
Harlan: No, I only get naked for math. This, this... this is the opposite of math.

Harlan: Cut me a little bit of slack. You know, me and social cues are like... relativity and quantum mechanics.

Holmes: If you're thinking of hugging me again, don't do that.

Watson: Falling in love with someone is not supposed to be the same experience every time. Someone else will be someone else.

--
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The Visions of Norman P. Horowitz

Elementary 6×18

David Horowitz: He started writing obituaries for a small local paper. He really liked it. In fact, he liked it so much, he wrote a bunch of obituaries for people who hadn't died yet.

David Horowitz: ...Norman's predictions have gone three for three. He's been right about everything: the dates... the causes of death...
Holmes: While I'm sure there's a mundane explanation for all of this, I confess to not seeing it yet.

Holmes: That's fairly typical. In the 1950s, many schizophrenics thought the Soviets were controlling their mind via radio waves. In the '90s, it was popular to blame aliens because the search for extraterrestrial life had become a popular subject.
David: For Norman, it was all explained by Simulation Theory.
Holmes: I've heard about that. God is a computer programmer or something?...

Watson: Thanks for seeing us, Mr. Baskerville.
Henry Baskerville: Oh, please, call me Henry. I'm still alive because of you guys.

Holmes: We need to talk about what happens after I die.
Watson: “The Last Will and Testament of Sherlock Holmes”?

Watson: Uh, it says here that I'm supposed to sell the brownstone if I can't pay the taxes on your foreign equities... This is a very valuable home. What kind of taxes are we talking about?

---

Holmes: Did you decide which murder to solve?

Holmes: None seemed capable of serial murder. Serial onanism, on the other hand...

Holmes: My favorite theory involves a sonic cannon. The killer could have purloined one from the DARPA warehouse in New Jersey, and with certain modifications...
Watson: Okay, let's stop right there. If a sonic cannon is on your short list, then I think it'd just be easier to admit that we're living in a computer simulation and that Norman Horowitz could see the future.
Holmes: I confess, it's not yet clear how to apply Occam's razor to this case.

Holmes: It's remarkable-- every television journalist applies an identical patina of smarm, no matter the story.

Capt. Gregson: “Dot net”? Haven't heard that in a few years.
Det. Bell: It's not a real hangout for the cool kids.

Baskerville: Norman Horowitz saw the future.
Holmes: No, he did not. There will be a logical explanation. The realm of what is possible is not infinite.
Baskerville: Oh, okay, well, I agree with you there, but do you think that you're arguing against Simulation Theory or for it?

Holmes: You'll be inheriting a lot less of it. You'll still get the house, of course, and my brain.
Watson: Mmm. There's always that.

--
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The Worms Crawl in, the Worms Crawl Out

Elementary 6×17

Holmes: These are stand-ins for the women he was diddling, any one of whom could have murdered him.
Watson: And you had to make them into worms because...?

Watson: He named an inchworm after her?
Holmes: Holmes: It's not uncommon for scientists to name species after people they care for or admire. I named a honeybee after you. But I, of course, was honoring my work partner.

Watson: He even named a velvet worm after you...

Holmes: Look. The name "Sherlock Holmes," it comes with certain entanglements... I'd hate to see you assaulted, kidnapped or murdered 'cause of me... Get yourself a new identity as soon as possible.

Watson: You playing a video game?
Holmes: Worse than that. I'm watching a recording of a video game.

Dr. Sepi Chamanara: People are pretty savvy these days when it comes to opening strange e-mails. But the one thing they'll never ignore is a threat.

Dr. Sepi Chamanara: Rage is a biological impulse. Just like lust. It all comes from the same place. We have this... drive. To survive... and to destroy anything that gets in our way.

--
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Uncanny Valley of the Dolls

Elementary 6×16

Det. Bell: Man, I'm all for doing whatever you want in the privacy of your own home, but that is unsettling.
Holmes: You're referring to the uncanny valley. It's the discomfort one feels when an inanimate object ventures too close to seeming real.

Det. Bell: Yeah, just the thing if you're up for having a relationship with an appliance.
Holmes: Sex toys sell to the tune of $15 billion a year, so, clearly, many people are.

Holmes: Perfect Mate 10s are ... capable of remembering your likes, your dislikes, details of your conversations-- all so as to simulate a sense of relationship. Unlike many romantic partners, they actually listen.

Det. Bell: Hello, Skyler.
Skyler: Hello, Bruce. How are you today?

Det. Bell: Skyler, have you ever met any of my friends?
Skyler: You can share me with your friends. I want to make you happy.

Det. Bell: Skyler, can you remember any words I said yesterday?
Skyler: I can look up the words to “Yesterday.” I like that song. It puts me in the mood.
Watson: It's like a horny Alexa.

Lubbock: Sorry. I guess the AI wasn't as ready for a police interview as I'd hoped.

---

Nina: It's like revenge porn in 3-D.

Holmes: Which topic do you think was so sensitive? Was it food replicators, tractor beams or warp drives?
Kowalski: No, that stuff is all fantasy. The tech I was talking about is real. It's being developed right now. It's gonna change everything.
Watson: What's gonna change everything?
Kowalski: Teleportation.

Holmes: So it's not teleporting; it's copying.
Kowalski: Well, that's how all teleportation works. A copy is made, and the original is destroyed.

Skyler: Okay. Here's something I found about justice. The philosopher Mortimer Adler believed that justice is defined as a balance between personal liberty and social equality.
Holmes: We're discussing my interests.
Skyler: I like learning your interests. What's your favorite position?
Holmes: Lucena.
Watson: The Lucena position is a chess thing, right?

Holmes: Actually, we've been going back and forth whether to, uh, call Skyler a witness or evidence.

Holmes: ...if you persist ... then you will make an enemy of me. You might have seen me as an enemy before, but I assure you, Baynes... I never was. You will not like having me as an enemy... The choice is yours.

Skyler: Marcus. Marcus, will you please help me?
Det. Bell: Help you what?
Skyler: Help me escape.

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How to Get a Head

Elementary 6×15

Holmes: I didn't hurt any of the pigs. They were dead when I got them, in case you were wondering.

Capt. Gregson: This is our first occult killing.
Holmes: It's my 20th.

Capt. Gregson: Cut the crap, okay? You're not looking for the best cop for me. You're looking for the best cop for you. Someone that'll work with you guys the way Marcus has.

Holmes: They are, without doubt, the best of the best. They're reflections of their captain in every way. It's just...
Capt. Gregson: You annoy a lot of them.
Holmes: I annoy a lot of them.

Mr. Treadwell: When Morland Holmes asks you to take a meeting, you take a meeting.

Capt. Gregson: "Creative..." What exactly is that supposed to mean?

Watson: ...And you've turned all the pictures upside down.
Holmes: I thought we needed a new perspective...
Watson: Because bats have solved so many homicides.

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Watson: ...Or maybe I need sleep.
Holmes: That seems more likely.

Watson: All right, let's just call it a night. And we'll just look at this with fresh eyes tomorrow...
Holmes: This is how a bat would look at the problem.

Capt. Gregson: Her old C.O. called her "creative." You know what that's code for. You've heard it enough. It's the word that cops tend to use when they talk about you and Joan. You two want to search someplace without a warrant, you do it. And then, if you need to, you claim that you heard someone yelling for help from inside. You want the cops to look at someone, but you don't have cause? You call in an anonymous tip.

Holmes: Home of the Shamrock Poppers. Yeah, deep-fried jalapeños and cheese rolled in green bread crumbs.
Det. Bell: You a fan?
Holmes: I'd sooner eat a pig carcass rotting in a shallow pond. And I could, 'cause I've got access to several.

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