Trail of the Pink Panther (1982)

Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978) <<

Dreyfus: The thought of a world without Clouseau fills me with delight, like a summer with a thousand Julys. It intoxicates my soul with...
Dr. Longet: Your eyes.
Dreyfus: What?
Dr. Longet: "Intoxicates my soul with your eyes." You lapsed into the lyrics of You Go to My Head.
Dreyfus: I did? I apologize.
Dr. Longet: Never apologize for Cole Porter.

Dreyfus: .... What are you thinking, Doctor?
Dr. Longet: It wasn't Cole Porter. It was Gillespie and Coots.

Deputy Commissioner Lasorde: Read this most carefully. Give me your opinion.
Clouseau: I will read my opinion and give you yours most carefully.

Clouseau: ♪ I'm dancing in the rice ♪
     ♪ Just dancing in the rice ♪
     ♪ What a wonderful feeling ♪
     ♪ I'm... happy in the rice ♪
     ♪ Always happy... ♪

Francois: Shall I tell him?
Dreyfus: Don't bother. He would just say, "I know that."

Dreyfus: Trying to talk sense to Clouseau is like Einstein trying to explain relativity to a "minkey."

Clouseau: Do you have for me the message?
Hotel Clerk: You want a massage?
Clouseau: If you have one for me, yes.
Hotel Clerk: Why don't you try Tokyo Lil at the end of the block? Ask for Passionflower Shirley, the Yokohama Butterfly.
Clouseau: Why should I do that?
Hotel Clerk: You want a massage, don't you?
Clouseau: Yes, but I want it from you.
Hotel Clerk: Sir, I don't give massages.
Clouseau: You gave me one this morning.
Hotel Clerk: You're mistaken.
Clouseau: Don't you try the tricks Anglais with me, monsieur. I received a message this morning from Inspector Quinlan of the Yard of Scotland.
Hotel Clerk: The message!
Clouseau: You gave it to me!
Hotel Clerk: Message. You mean "message."
Clouseau: I know what I mean, you lunatic. Do you or do you not have for me the message?
Hotel Clerk: No, sir. For you there is no message.

---

Dreyfus: But is he gone? Is he really? I've got this ghastly feeling that next week or tomorrow, I'll open the trunk of my car or my closet, and... "Peekaboo!"

Dreyfus: I suppose we occasionally had our... little disagreements, but when you work with somebody for 20 years, you can't always be expected to see... to see eye to eye.

Hercule: He was the most successful man on the force. Everything I thought made up a proper investigation... he did the opposite.

Clouseau: Facts, Hercule. Facts. Nothing matters but the facts. Without them, the science of criminal investigation is nothing more than a guessing game. Listen to me and you will learn something. The facts in this case are...

Marie Jouvet: ...Yet Clouseau was proved right. Maria Gambrelli was innocent.
Hercule: Clouseau was always proved right at the end of the case, but on the way, even he made a few miscalculations...

Hercule: I admired his successes, but his methods... they made a mockery of everything I knew of police work.

Marie Jouvet: Now with your boss gone, no more sneak attacks. You must be very relieved.
Cato Fong: Not entirely. Sometimes when you do something long enough, you miss it, even if it was painful.

Marie Jouvet: Do you think he's dead?
Simone: I hope not.
Marie Jouvet: What do you think, Sir Charles?
Sir Charles: No. Men like Clouseau never die. They're indestructible. That's the way it should be.
Marie Jouvet: Why?
Sir Charles: We need them. They help us preserve our sense of humor. They're living proof that however bad things get, if you persevere, you survive and sometimes even win.

Sir Charles: He was a fool, but he epitomized the 11th commandment.
Marie Jouvet: The 11th commandment?
Sir Charles: Thou shalt not give up.

--
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Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978)

The Pink Panther (1963) <<

Guy Algo: Who is the most important man in France today? Present company excluded, of course. ... A man New York knows even better than the president of France. A man with which our entire world organization is familiar... and would like nothing better than to see him out of the way. Who has given us nothing but trouble for the past ten years? Who has survived 16 assassination attempts? Including two by his own boss.
Douvier: Clouseau.
Guy Algo: You want to impress New York, eliminate Clouseau.

Clouseau: Special delivery. A bomb. Were you expecting one?.. A bomb?!

Simone: That's so obvious, he's bound to think it's a trap.
Douvier: Yes, or it's so obvious that he's bound to think it can't be a trap.
Cato: It's so obvious, it's bound to be a trap.
Clouseau: That is why you will never be a great detective. It's so obvious, it could not possibly be a trap.

Clouseau: Peekaboo!

Simone: I'm just not used to being killed. That's my first time, you know?
Clouseau: I know, but listen. When you have been killed as many times as I have, you get used to it.

Clouseau: Can you keep a secret?
Simone: I don't know. That depends.
Clouseau: Brace yourself for what I'm about to tell you. I am none other... then Staff Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

---

Simone: I don't think I can do this.
Clouseau: Of course you can. Just think yellow and follow me.

Clouseau: "Mr. and Mrs. Low Key."

Clouseau: Hey! Mama Mia. Spaghettini du Al Pacino! .... Viva Zapata!

Guy Algo: 50 million francs and no bodyguard?
Clouseau: Listen, buddy, I take care of my body, my body takes care of me.

Julio Scallini: Stop worrying. You give yourself wrinkles.

Clouseau: You look ravishing tonight.
Simone: Yes, I know that.
Clouseau: You know that?
Simone: I knew that you knew that.
Clouseau: You did? I knew you knew I knew that.

Simone: What made you decide to become a detective?
Clouseau: It's not something one decides every day of the week, you know. But in my case, it began when my great aunt was kidnapped... and held for ransom by an unlicensed Armenian phrenologist.
Simone: An Armenian phrenologist?
Clouseau: Yes, you know. A man who reads the "bimps" on the head.
Simone: The "bimps"?
Clouseau: What?

--
++ Quotes on the IMDb

>> Trail of the Pink Panther (1982)

The Pink Panther Strikes Again (1976)

The Return of the Pink Panther (1975) <<

Dreyfus: Poor old Clouseau. There was a time when I couldn't even speak his name.
Doctor: And there was also a time when you would joyfully have killed him...

Clouseau: Are you all right, former Chief Inspector?
Dreyfus: Yes! Yes, I'm perfectly all right.

Clouseau: Obviously, the poor man is crazier than anyone gives him credit for.

Drummond: Why don't you just tell Potters that he's incompetent... and request that he be taken off the case?
Quinlan: Because we've got enough trouble with France... without suggesting that their greatest detective is a fool.

Quinlan: You'll need help.
Clouseau: I prefer to do this alone.
Quinlan: Yes, but if Dreyfus is what we suspect, he probably has an army behind him.
Clouseau: Of course it won't be easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is. That is why I have always failed where others have succeeded. For me, the greater the odds, the greater the challenge. And, as always, I accept the challenge.

Olga: Something wrong?
Clouseau: Wrong? Oh, no. What could be wrong?

Clouseau: Hello, this is Chief Inspector Clouseau. There is a beautiful woman in my bed and a dead man in my bath.

Clouseau: Madame... I arrest you for the murder of the man in this bathtub. And I must warn you that anything you say will be taken down... and used in evidence against me... you.

Clouseau: This is the man who can lead me to the lunatic Dreyfus... who it is my sworn duty to apprehend.
Olga: I, too, had a sworn duty, but I have forsaken it... become traitor, given up everything for you.
Clouseau: With me... it is the duty that comes first.

---

Dr. Fassbender: I have done everything you asked.
Dreyfus: You've done everything I've asked so far... but I have not asked everything.

Dreyfus: What are you doing?
Clouseau: Just rearranging the furniture... in order to give you the full effect of the anesthetic.

Dreyfus: What's so funny?
Clouseau: I don't know. Nothing.
Dreyfus: Then why are you laughing?
Clouseau: I don't know. Why are you laughing?
Dreyfus: Because I can't help it.
Clouseau: Yes.
Dreyfus: I love it.
Clouseau: Come on. It's gonna hurt.
Dreyfus: Good. Lovely.

Dreyfus: I knew it! He has pulled the wrong tooth. There's only one man who would pull the wrong tooth. It's Clouseau. Kill him.

Dreyfus: You are just in time, Professor. Within five minutes, I shall destroy England. England! No more cricket. No more warm beer, Professor. No more fish and chips. No more... England!

Clouseau: Cato, my little yellow friend, I'm home.

Olga: Your voice?
Clouseau: Yes, that was my voice. That was my voice singing a little song we used to sing... in the Resistance to keep up the courage.
Olga: Was it hard for you in the Resistance?
Clouseau: Very hard, but not as hard as it is now.
Olga: Darling, relax. Resistance is over.

--
++ Quotes on the IMDb

>> Revenge of the Pink Panther (1978)

A Shot in the Dark (1964)

The Pink Panther (1963) <<

Clouseau: I will decide what is ridiculous.
Hercule: Monsieur, you surely don't believe—
Clouseau: I believe everything... and I believe nothing. I suspect everyone... and I suspect no one. I gather the facts... examine the clues... and before you know it... he case is solved. Hmph.

Clouseau: Oh! My coat is on fire!

Clouseau: ....have—have testified that—that... that Miquel Osto beat Maria Gambrelli frequently! And, now, finally, comes the sworn statement of monsieur and madame Ballon, as well as all the members of the staff— each of them with perfect alibis. Now then, Hercule... what is the inescapable conclusion?
Hercule: Maria Gambrelli killed the chauffeur.
Clouseau: What? You idiot! Impossible! She's protecting someone.
Hercule: How do you know that?
Clouseau: Instinct.
Hercule: But the facts?
Clouseau: You are forgetting the most important fact... Motive.
Hercule: He beat her.
Clouseau: He was Spanish.
Hercule: He tore her dress off.
Clouseau: Oh, don't be ridiculous. Would you kill somebody who tore your dress off?
Hercule: N-no, I—I suppose not.
Clouseau: No, of course not.

Clouseau: You're in love with the man that raped you?
Maria Gambrelli: That what?
Clouseau: ... Referring to Osto, you described him, and I quote, "as that crazy Spaniard who raped me in my father's field."
Maria Gambrelli: He did not rape me.
Clouseau: He did not force you?
Maria Gambrelli: Well, you see, I tripped over a root, and I grabbed Miquel to keep me from falling. and somehow we both fell.
Clouseau: Mmm.
Maria Gambrelli: I cried a little bit afterwards, but that wasn't because I was sorry it happened. It was something he said.
Clouseau: He insulted you?
Maria Gambrelli: Oh, no. He lit a cigarette and took a long puff and...
Clouseau: Tell me.
Maria Gambrelli: Why do so many men smoke afterwards? No wonder tobacco companies get rich.
Clouseau: Hmm. Yes, I must admit, I'd never thought of it quite that way.

---

Clouseau: Facts, Hercule. Facts. Behind them, lies the whole fabric of deductive truth. Now, Hercule, let us examine these facts...

Clouseau: Then I submit, Inspector Ballon, that you arrived home, found Miquel with Maria Gambrelli, and killed him in a rit of fealous jage!
Benjamin Ballon: I admit to the affair, but kill for her? Would you kill for her?
Clouseau: Of course... uh, not.

Dreyfus: Give me 10 men like Clouseau, and I could destroy the world.

Turk Thrust: Ah-ah-ah. And where do you think you're going?
Clouseau: I do not think, sir. I know where I am going. I am going to the recreation area.
Turk Thrust: Not like that, you're not.

Dreyfus: That nincompoop, that megalomaniac! He's setting the science of criminal investigation back a thousand years. And I can't do anything about it.
Psycho-Analyst: Why not?
Dreyfus: Why not? What if he is right?
Psycho-Analyst: What if he is?
Dreyfus: I'm finished. washed up. Sanity and reason become things of the past. Madness reigns.

Maria Gambrelli: Promise me.
Clouseau: What, darling?
Maria Gambrelli: Afterwards... you will not smoke, hmm?
Clouseau: I give you my word as an officer and a gentleman, also a policeman.

Clouseau: I have a plan.
Hercule: What sort of plan?
Clouseau: A plan that cannot possibly fail.

--
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>> Inspector Clouseau (1968)