The Last One

Friends 10×17

Ross: Oh, God. This was amazing.
Rachel: It really was. You've learned some new moves...
Ross: Yeah, well, uh, this guy at work gave me Sex for Dummies as a joke. Who's laughing now?.. I am.

Chandler: So you ever wonder which is worse? You know, going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?
Erica: What?
Chandler: Oh, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know because no one can experience both. One of life's great unanswerable questions... I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things. Like this.

Phoebe: What's that smile? Did something happen with you two?
Ross: Hey, I'm not one to kiss and tell. Uh, but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up. We totally did it!

Rachel: I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.
Ross: I know, me too. It was... You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen. And then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.

Monica: How do you feel?
Erica: I'm tired.
Doctor: You don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.
Monica: I'm sorry, who should be along in a what, now?
Doctor: The next baby should be along in a minute.
Chandler: We only ordered one.

Chandler: Can I see you for a second?... What do we do?
Monica: What do you mean, "What do we do?"
Chandler: Twins!
Monica: Chandler, you're panicking.
Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you?

Doctor: Here she comes...
Monica: She? It's a girl?
Doctor: Yeah.
Chandler: Well, now we have one of each. And that's enough.

Phoebe: Ross, you've got to tell her how you feel.
Ross: No way.
Joey: Well, you can't just give up. Is that what a dinosaur would do?
Ross: What?
Joey: I'm just trying to speak your language.

Phoebe: Okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?

Chandler: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!

Chandler: So, uh... Awkward hug or lame cool-guy handshake?
Joey: Yeah, well, you know, lame cool-guy handshake...

—
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The One with Rachel's Going Away Party

Friends 10×16

Erica: ... Plus, hotels are fun! My room has this little fridge full of free snacks.
Ross: Erica, those things aren't free. In fact, they have one of the highest markups of any consumer product--
Monica: Ross, she's giving us her baby. She can eat you if she wants.

Joey: I had a chance to stop her too.
Chandler: Yeah?
Joey: Who loses 57 coin tosses in a row? You know? Heads, she wins. Tails, I lose... Wait a minute......
Chandler: Yes, Joe?
Joey: I forgot to pick up my dry cleaning!

Monica: Rachel used to live in that room.
Chandler: Rachel. With handcuffs. Interesting....
Monica: Joey's bare ass!
Chandler: Well played.

Ross: What was that all about?
Phoebe: She's gonna say goodbye to each of us individually.
Ross: Are you kidding? Oh, my God.
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. It's gonna be even worse for you.
Ross: God...
Phoebe: Well, just get ready to do some serious crying.

Joey: You don't really handcuff guys to water pipes do you?
Phoebe: Where do you think Mike really is?

Rachel: Oh, honey...
Chandler: Let me just saying something because once we get into this... I'm gonna get all uncomfortable and probably make some stupid joke. I just want to say that I... I love you. And I'm gonna miss you. And I'm so sad that you're leaving.
Rachel: Oh, you know what? Let's not say anything else.

Ross: What?! I don't get a goodbye?
Phoebe: Lucky bastard.

—
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The One Where Estelle Dies

Friends 10×15

Rachel: It's in Paris.
Ross: What?!
Joey: No, no, no! No, no, no! No, no, too much is changing, okay?

Ross: I'm here to see if you'll give Rachel her job back.
Mr. Zelner: Ah, did she ask you to come here and do this?
Ross: No. First I have to get you to agree... then we'll see if she wants to come back.
Mr. Zelner: Wow, that is tempting.

Ross: Does he, um...? Does little Ross like dinosaurs, by any chance?
Mr. Zelner: Yeah, they're all he talks about. Why?
Ross: How would he like to come with me to the Museum of Natural History... after everyone else has left, just the two of us... and he can touch anything he wants?.... I just heard it how you must have heard it, and that's not good. Let me start again. I'm a paleontologist. You'll be there with us, and the touching refers only to bones... Fossils!

Phoebe: All right, I gotta go. Just listen. Promise me that you will wait a minute before you call her.
Joey: Well, okay. Why?
Phoebe: Because a promise between friends means never having to give a reason.
Joey: .... I love that saying!

Joey: I'm gonna call her and hire her again.
Phoebe: No, no, no! Don't call her. You wait for her to call you.
Joey: Why?
Phoebe: Because patience is the road to understanding. Which is the key to a happy heart.
Joey: .... You blow me away.

Phoebe: All right, so promise you're gonna wait for her to call you?
Joey: I promise.
Phoebe: Okay.
Joey: And that means never having to give a reason!

Janice: What a small world!
Janice: And yet I never run into Beyoncé.

Janice: Goodbye, Chandler Bing.

—
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The One with Princess Consuela

Friends 10×14

Ross: Guess what happened at work today.
Chandler: A dinosaur died a million years ago?
Ross: Uh, try 65 million years ago. And then try: Shh!

Monica: Hey, Pheebs.
Phoebe: Oh, not anymore. I changed it today.
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. Hannigan.
Phoebe: Wrong again. Apparently, you can change it to anything. So I thought, "All right, here's an opportunity to be creative." So meet... Princess Consuela Bananahammock.
Chandler: That's what we were gonna name the baby.

Monica: Okay, so from now on, we have to call you Princess Consuela?
Phoebe: No, I'm gonna have my friends call me Valerie.

Ross: No, no, no. You cannot go to dinner with him.
Rachel: What? You don't want me to get a job?
Ross: Yeah, I'm sure he'll give you a job. Maybe make you his "sex-cretary."

Phoebe: Rita, this is my husband.
Mike: Why don't you tell her my name?
Phoebe: Okay, I will. This is, uh... This is my husband, Crap Bag.
Rita: Crap Bag?
Mike: If you need an easy way to remember it, just think of a bag of crap.

Rachel: The job is in Paris....

—
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The One Where Joey Speaks French

Friends 10×13

Ross: No, Rach! I'm sorry, I just don't think this is a good idea.
Rachel: Well, we won't know that until we do it, will we?...
Ross: No, um, uh, look, um. You are upset about your father, and you're feeling vulnerable... and I just don't feel it would be right. I feel like I'd be, you know, taking advantage of you.
Rachel: What...? Taking advantage? I am giving you the advantage. Enjoy!

Ross: I haven't had sex in four months. I should get a medal for that!

Phoebe: You're not... You're... Again, you're not speaking French!!

Ross: You've been quiet all morning. Is everything okay?
Rachel: Mm-hm.
Ross: You sure you're all right?
Rachel: Yep.
Ross: Okay. Um. Well, I'm gonna go, uh, grab us some breakfast--
Rachel: FYI.
Ross: There it is.
Rachel: In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.

Ross: Wait, wait, you're, uh, mad at me about last night? I was just trying to do the right thing.
Rachel: Really? If you had done the right thing... I wouldn't have woken up feeling stupid and embarrassed. I would've woken up feeling comforted and satisfied.
Ross: Well...
Rachel: Oh, stop that!

Ross: I gotta say, I've not had sex a lot of times before. This is the worst ever!
Rachel: Oh, oh, really? Really? Well, it wasn't very good for me either.

Rachel: Well, I guess that's all in the past now.
Ross: Mm-hm.
Rachel: Not even one more time.
Ross: Not even once.
Rachel: No matter how much we want it.
Ross: Even if we want it... really bad.
Rachel: That's what we decided.
Ross: Yeah, ha, ha, that's right... It's kind of hard, though. You know?
Rachel: Yeah. When two people have a connection, you know, that's... Just seems like... such a... waste.
Ross: I hate waste.

Rachel: Ross?
Ross: Yes?
Rachel: Just so you know... with us... it's never off the table.
Ross: ..... Damn it, it's never off the table!

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

The One with Phoebe's Wedding

Friends 10×12

Phoebe: You've, you know, sort of been like a dad to me. You've always, you know, looked out for me and shared your wisdom.
Joey: I am pretty "wisdomous."

Chandler: I'm glad we're having a rehearsal dinner. I rarely practice my meals before I eat.
Mike: What did we say was your one gift to us?
Chandler: No stupid jokes, but I thought that was for the actual wedding.
Phoebe: Rehearse it.

Mike: Hey, guys, how's it going?
Chandler: Fine. We're sitting here, alone, doing nothing. It's our rehearsal for tomorrow.

Ross: So? What did you decide?
Phoebe: I decided to pee.

Joey: Have a seat. Last night... I tried to welcome you into my family. And instead, you disrespect me. I cannot allow this.
Mike: Are you rehearsing for some really bad Mafia movie?

Mike: Joe, I love Phoebe. She's the most important thing in my life. I'd die before I let anything happen to her.
Joey: That's what I wanted to hear. Because she's family, okay? And now you're gonna be family. And there's nothing more important in the whole world than family.
Mike: That must have been one lousy movie...
Joey: That was me!

Phoebe: Help me.
Monica: What?
Phoebe: I want you to be crazy bitch again.
Monica: Really?
Phoebe: Please?
Monica: You really want me to come back?
Phoebe: More than I wanna get married!

Mike: Phoebe, you are so beautiful. You're so kind. You're so generous. You're so wonderfully weird. Every day with you is an adventure. And I can't believe how lucky I am. And I can't wait to share my life with you forever.

—
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The One Where the Stripper Cries

Friends 10×11

Joey: I know it can be intimidating for regular people to be around celebrities... but relax. I'm just like you, only better-looking and richer.

Molly Ringwald: So how come it took you so long to ask me out?
Ross: Oh, well, uh, this is gonna sound kind of silly... but do you remember my roommate, Chandler Bing?
Molly Ringwald: Sure. He was in your "band."
Ross: It's been 16 years, but the air quotes still hurt. Heh.

Phoebe: You're not gonna pay him. He didn't do anything.
Roy - The Stripper: Didn't do anything? I took a bus all the way from Hoboken. I climbed, I don't know, like, a billion stairs. And it's not like I can take them two at a time.
Phoebe: I don't care. We're not paying you $300 for this.
Roy - The Stripper: It's not my fault if you're too uptight to appreciate... the male form in all its glory.
Phoebe: Okay, I'm uptight. That's why I don't wanna watch a middle-aged guy... dance around in what I can only assume is a child's Halloween costume.
Roy - The Stripper: I may have borrowed this from my nephew... but let me assure you, what's underneath is all man.
Phoebe: I'm sorry, did you say "all man" or "old man"?
Roy - The Stripper: Whoa! You're mean.

Chandler: Hey! I'm in college and I'm in a band.
Rachel: Yeah, okay. Won't you take me to Funkytown?

Roy - The Stripper: What's the matter? You never saw a 50-year-old stripper cry before?
Phoebe: You know, it's fine. We'll pay you.
Roy - The Stripper: No, no, you're right. Who am I kidding? I should have hung up that breakaway jockstrap years ago. What am I gonna do? I mean... this has been my life for 32 years. Taking my clothes off in front of people is all I know.

Monica: Oh, my God! You were my midnight mystery kisser?!
Ross: You were my first kiss with Rachel?!
Monica: You were my first kiss ever?!
Chandler: What did I marry into?!

—
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The One Where Chandler Gets Caught

Friends 10×10

Phoebe: If you had to, what would you give up, food or sex?
Monica: Sex.
Chandler: Seriously, answer faster.
Monica: Oh, I'm sorry, honey. No, when she said "sex," I wasn't thinking about sex with you, heh.
Chandler: It's like a giant hug.

Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Which would you give up, sex or food?
Ross: Food.
Phoebe: Okay, how about, um, sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: .... Oh, my God, it's like Sophie's Choice!

Phoebe: What about you, Joe? What would you give up, sex or food?
Joey: Uh... Ooh... Uh... I don't know, it's too hard.
Phoebe: No, you gotta pick one.
Joey: Uh, food. No, sex. Food. Sex. Food. Sex... I don't know. Oh, God, I want both. I want... I want girls on bread!

Rachel: They went in for 45 minutes, and then they came out looking pretty happy.
Ross: Chandler?
Rachel: Mm-hm.
Joey: Forty-five minutes? Well, something's not right.

Rachel: What is wrong with raising a kid in the city? I'm doing it. Ross is doing it. Sarah Jessica Parker is doing it.

Phoebe: You know what I just realized? "Joker" is "poker" with a "J." Coincidence?
Chandler: Hey, that's "jo-incidence" with a "C."

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The One with the Birth Mother

Friends 10×9

Rachel: Ross, please trust me. I buy 30 fashion magazines a month. Now, I don't know who's running for president or who that NATO guy is... but I do know that you have to get far away from that hat.

Phoebe: So she took some fries. Big deal.
Joey: Hey, look, it's not about a few fries. It's about what the fries represent.
Phoebe: What?
Joey: All food!

Rachel: But, I mean, come on, look at this. Look at this sweater. I mean, this is just beautiful.
Ross: Wow, this is really soft... Three hundred and fifty dollars!?
Rachel: Down from 700. You're saving like 200 bucks.
Ross: Both logic and math are taking a serious hit today.

Erica: Reverend, can I ask? Does the Bible say anything about adoption?
Monica: It says, "Do it..." "And behold, she did adopt unto them a baby. And it was good."
Erica: Wow.
Chandler: Yeah, wow.

Chandler: My wife's an incredible woman. She is loving, and devoted and caring. And don't tell her I said this, but the woman's always right.

Chandler: It kills me that I can't give her a baby... I really want a kid. And when that day finally comes, I'll learn how to be a good dad. But my wife... she's already there. She's a mother... without a baby. Please?

Chandler: You still want that baby?
Monica: God bless you, Chandler Bing!

—
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The One with the Late Thanksgiving

Friends 10×8

Chandler: Plus, we don't think it's fair that every year the burden falls on us.
Ross: That doesn't sound like you. That's Monica talking.
Chandler: No, no. We made this decision together.
Ross: She's putting words in your mouth.
Joey: Don't you put words in people's mouths. You put turkey in people's mouths.

Monica: I don't get older, I just get better.

Rachel: Oh, my God, it's Brussels sprouts!
Joey: That's worse than no food.
Chandler: Ha, ha! All you got was Monica's stinky Brussels sprouts.
Monica: Stinky?!
Chandler: Please let me stay on this side of the door.

Joey: We said we're sorry. It's Thanksgiving, for Pete's sakes! A day of forgiveness.
Chandler: It's a day to be thankful.
Joey: Don't make me come up there!

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The One with the Home Study

Friends 10×7

Phoebe: All right, now, is this guy gay or straight? Because one of us has to start flirting.

Laura: I'm pretty sure I gave you my number.
Joey: Really? Think about it. Come on. You're a beautiful woman. Smart, funny. We had a really good time. Huh? If I had your number, why wouldn't I call you?
Laura: I don't know... Well, maybe I'm wrong. I'm sorry.
Joey: Hey, too late for apologies. Okay? You broke my heart. You know how many women I had to sleep with to get over you?

Mike: Okay, look, enough, all right? I'm stepping in and putting my foot down. As your future husband, I'm gonna make this decision for us... What do you think we should do?

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The One with Ross' Grant

Friends 10×6

Chandler: What am I gonna do now?
Rachel: Just pass the tape along.
Chandler: He's not right for the part. If I suggest him, my bosses will think I'm an idiot. And that's something they should learn on their own.

Ross: Okay. Well, I would like to do a dig in the Painted Desert.
Benji: Mm-hm.
Ross: There are still several areas that haven't been fully excavated.
Benji: Break up with Charlie.
Ross: What?
Benji: What?
Ross: Did you just say, "Break up with Charlie"?
Benji: Well, yes and no. Yes, I did say it. And no, I didn't not say it.

Ross: Are you serious?
Benji: If you say, yes, then I'm serious. If you say, no, then I'm joking.
Ross: No.
Benji: Joking it is.

—
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The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits

Friends 10×5

Joey: She may be the hottest girl I've ever hated...

Ross: What you working on?
Joey: Monica and Chandler's recommendation. I want it to sound smart, but I don't know any big words or anything.
Ross: Why don't you use your thesaurus?
Joey: What did I just say?

Chandler: It doesn't make any sense.
Joey: Well, of course it does. It's smart. I used a the-saurus.
Chandler: On every word?
Joey: Yep.
Chandler: All right, what was this sentence originally?
Joey: "They are warm, nice people with big hearts."
Chandler: And that became, "They are humid, prepossessing Homo sapiens... with full-sized aortic pumps."
Joey: Yeah. Yeah. And hey, I really mean it, dude.

Amy: Uh... Sure you want to eat that?
Joey: I'm curvy and I like it!

Ross: I don't really want her to see.
Rachel: Why not?
Ross: Because there are so many terrible sights in this world. Like war. Or that thing in Joey's refrigerator. Remember? It was in a milk carton, but it looked like meat?

Mike: Phoebe, I love you. There's no one else in the world I would ask to marry me three times. But I want to take care of you... have babies with you... and grow old with you. Phoebe Buffay, will you marry me?

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The One with the Cake

Friends 10×4

Rachel: You know, Pheebs, when I was little, on my birthday... my daddy would hide a present in every room of the house. And then he would draw a treasure map to help me find them all.
Phoebe: Aw, I love family traditions like that. When Ursula and I were kids, on our birthday... our stepdad would sell his blood to buy us food.

Rachel: Phoebe has prepared something.
Phoebe: That's right. I prepared a song for Emma, from my heart to hers. For there's no greater gift than the gift of music.

Ross: Uh, Rach? Does this bakery by any chance also bake... erotic cakes? Say, for bachelorette parties?
Rachel: Ross, what are you talking...? Oh, my God! They put my baby's face on a penis!
Phoebe: Now it's a party!

Ross: I am this close to tugging on my testicles again.

Joey: Oh, I got it. Okay, everyone pick a number from one to 10, all right? Whoever gets the highest number gets to go first.
Monica: Okay, 10.
Joey: Okay, Monica picks 10. I call nine. Anyone else?

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The One with Ross's Tan

Friends 10×3

Joey: Well, I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
Chandler: Really? Like, you have a routine?
Joey: No. See, each woman is different. You have to appreciate their uniqueness.
Chandler: Really?
Joey: No, I do six things. First, I look deep into her eyes, then I kiss her. Next, I take my hand and I softly graze her thigh...

Ross: You sprayed my front twice.
The Tanning Salon Guy: You never turned?
Ross: No. I barely got to "three Mississippi."
The Tanning Salon Guy: Mississippi? I said count to five.
Ross: Mississippi-lessly?!?!

Ross: Well, how bad is it?
The Tanning Salon Guy: Not that bad yet. But it gets darker for the next four hours.
Ross: So how dark will it get?
The Tanning Salon Guy: Oh, you got sprayed with two twos and...
Ross: I'm a four?!
The Tanning Salon Guy: Yeah, but your back's a zero. You'll wanna even that out.

The Tanning Salon Guy: You got two more twos?
Ross: I'm an eight!

Joey: Thanks for dinner.
Rachel: I thought you paid.

Monica: Well, I said no to her coming over now. I couldn't say no twice. I got this uncontrollable need to please people.
Phoebe: Fine. Fine. You would not hold up well under torture.
Monica: Oh, and you would?
Phoebe: I did.

Rachel: Well, this is romantic...
Joey: I'm sorry. This has never happened to me before. I'm an expert at taking off bras. I could do it with one hand. I could do it with my eyes closed. Once I just looked at one... and it popped open. I blame your bra.

Rachel: Okay, look, I'm really sorry about that, Joey. But do you think maybe, on some level, you don't want to take off my bra?
Joey: No, I don't have another level.

Chandler: That fake British woman's a real bitch, but she sure can dance.

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The One Where Ross Is Fine

Friends 10×2

Ross: Hey, hey, hey. If you two are happy... then I'm happy for you. I'm fine.
Rachel: Really?
Ross: Absolutely. I'm fine. Totally fine. Heh. I don't know why it's coming out all loud and squeaky... because, really... I'm fine.

Monica: There's inter-country adoption, dependency adoption. There's so many ways to go, and this is, like, the biggest decision of our lives.
Chandler: ... There's a hair in my coffee.

Phoebe: Oh, God. So adorable. Look at them, sleeping there like angels.
Frank Jr.: Yeah, I really cherish these moments...
Phoebe: Mm.
Frank Jr.: ...because, uh, before you know it, they're gonna be awake again.

Ross: Everyone, I would like to make a toast... to Rachel and Joey. And to love. L-O-V-E. Love. L is for "life." And what is life without love?
Rachel: Oh, my God, are we supposed to answer?
Ross: O is for: "Oh, wow!" The V is for this... very surprising turn of events... which I am still fine with, by the way. E... is for how... extremely normal I find it... that you two... are together.

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The One After Joey and Rachel Kiss

Friends 10×1

Joey: I can't believe I'm kissing you.
Rachel: Ha, ha.
Joey: I'm kissing Rachel!
Rachel: Ha, ha. I know. I'm her. Ha, ha.

Monica: Wow! Wait a minute. Ross and Charlie. Joey and Rachel. Phoebe and Mike. We're the only ones leaving with the person we came with!
Chandler: That's not true. I came with Monica, I'm leaving with Weird Al.

Ross: Hey, what are you guys doing?
Phoebe: Oh, we're just... We're sad to go, so we're just saying goodbye to the hotel. I love you... Paradise Hotel Golf Resort and Spa.
Monica: ... Yeah. We had a great time, thank you.
Chandler: ... Bye.

Joey: Have you guys been...?
Monica: Shh! This is the listening side of the wall.

Joey: So, I'm gonna... I'm gonna take off. Although...
Rachel: I like "although."

Ross: Why? Why do bad things happen to good people?

Phoebe: Susie... Can I call you Susie?
Precious: My name is Precious.
Phoebe: I can't say that. Um, Susie, I'm gonna be straight with you--

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The One in Barbados

Friends 9×23-24

David: Why did Phoebe and Mike break up?
Chandler: Oh, because his penis was too big... I'm sorry. That's the kind of thing I do.

Monica: Chandler, we have talked about this. You are not supposed to give people advice! Couldn't you have made some inappropriate joke?
Chandler: I did! A penis one! Just so I know, what was so wrong about what I said?

Chandler: Isn't an engagement ring supposed to have a diamond? Oh, there it is.
David: Yes, well, being a failed scientist... doesn't pay quite as well as you might think. That's one-seventieth of a carat. And the clarity is quite poor.
Chandler: Nice.

Chandler: If Phoebe wants to marry David, she should. I'm not gonna stand in the way of that. Neither should you.
Monica: You don't tell me what to do. I tell you what to do.

Chandler: Meddler! Meddler!
Monica: If you hadn't meddled to start with... then I wouldn't have had to go in and meddle myself. No matter how much we meddle, we'll never be able to unmeddle... the thing that you meddled up in the first place!

Joey: Stupid rain. We can't do anything.
Rachel: Well, I brought some books. We could read.
Joey: Hey, it hasn't come to that yet.

Joey: Erectus?
Rachel: Homo.
Joey: Right.

Phoebe: I'll play if we don't keep score.
Monica: Well, then how do we know who wins?
Phoebe: Nobody wins.
Monica: So we're just four losers. Super.

Monica: Oh, my God. You're good... It's like watching porn.
Chandler: And that's how it's done!

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The One with the Donor

Friends 9×22

Rachel: Pheebs, I'm taking Charlie shopping. Come and I'll help you find something.
Phoebe: That'd be great!
Joey: Oh, isn't that nice? The three of you, trying on slutty lingerie together...
Rachel: That's not what we're gonna do.
Joey: Why'd you ruin it? Who was I hurting?

Chandler: So Zack's pretty nice, huh?
Monica: Yeah, I guess.
Chandler: So how would you like to have a baby that's half yours and half his?

Phoebe: I'm Rachel. It's so annoying when I put Emma on the phone to talk with my friends.
Rachel: What?!
Phoebe: Well, some things are just hard to say to your face.

Chandler: What do you think? I want his genes for my kid. Those eyes, those cheekbones.
Monica: Okay, there's enthusiastic, and there's just plain gay.

Chandler: I'm the husband. I'm supposed to bring the sperm.

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The One with the Fertility Test

Friends 9×21

Rachel: Phoebe, come on, I don't want to waste it. It would be like throwing away 100 bucks.
Phoebe: Okay, this is not about the money. Okay? It's about corporate greed destroying our hearts... and leaving us hollow shells.
Rachel: I don't care about any of that.

Phoebe: Please don't use this gift certificate. I'm asking you as a friend.
Rachel: Oh, not as a friend... Phoebe! Fine. I won't use it.

Receptionist: Then why do you work here?
Phoebe: Because it's good money. But that doesn't change the fact... that this is an evil, bloodsucking corporate machine.
Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work.
Phoebe: Okay, are they listening?

Monica: I have a weird feeling about this place. How do I know... they won't secretly videotape me and put it all over the Internet?
Chandler: Because, honey, and I mean this in the sweetest way possible... nobody's gonna wanna watch that.

Rachel: Why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed, okay? I sold out for the cash. And they give me benefits, like medical and dental and a four-oh-wunk... But, you know, you pay a price. Now I'm this corporate stooge... and punching a clock... and paying taxes!

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+ Quotes on the IMDb