Saul Gone

Better Call Saul 6×13

Mike: Slow down. You're gonna make yourself sick.

Jimmy: First thing we do, take six million bucks and build a time machine. Those people that you're worried about? They'll never find us.

Jimmy: Where would you go first, huh? ......
Mike: Oh, Christ. Mm. Hmm. December 8, 2001.
Jimmy: Why?
Mike: No. No. March 17, 1984... Day I took my first bribe. And then I'd go forward. There's some people I'd like to check on in five or ten years, make sure they're doing okay. You?
Jimmy: It's easy. May 10, 1965. That's the day Warren Buffett took over at Berkshire Hathaway. I figure, got a million left from building the time machine, so I'd take my half and just stick it into Berkshire. Then I'd come back here and... I'm a billionaire. Ohh. Is there such a thing as a trillionaire?
Mike: That's it. Money?
Jimmy: What else?

Saul Goodman: Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that, until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent. And that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque! Better Call...

Jimmy: ... Uh, one more thing. Um... Just call the main office. The... The number is on the bulletin board. And, uh, let them know, um... you're gonna need a new manager.

Jimmy: Listen. You hear that?
Oakley: Hear what?
Jimmy: Bang, bang! That's opportunity knocking. Get off your ass and answer the door.

Oakley: The DA has a warehouse of evidence against you... I can't even begin to imagine what the Feds are sitting on. No matter who your lawyer is, you are screwed. So I've gotta ask... Where do you see this ending?
Jimmy: Where do I see it ending? Um... With me on top. Like always.

Marie Schrader: They tell me they found you in a garbage dumpster. Well, that makes sense.

Jimmy: Two years ago a man came into my office. He said his name was Mayhew. He wanted one of my clients to lie under oath. He offered me money. I declined. Any lawyer would. That night, as I was leaving my office, I was attacked. Two men threw a sack over my head, they hogtied me, and they drove me out into the desert. And when they pulled the hood off, I was kneeling in front of an open grave. With a gun pointed at my head. That was my introduction to Walter White. From that moment on, there hasn't been a minute that I wasn't afraid...

Jimmy: Mrs. Schrader... you are looking at a man who has lost everything. My profession. My family. My freedom. I have... I have nobody. I have nothing.
George Castellano: And you think jurors are gonna buy that?
Jimmy: One. All I need is one.

Jimmy: Oakley tells me that you've never lost a case.
George Castellano: Is that so?
Jimmy: That's a hell of a record. You should be proud of that. Still... Juries, right? Whew. You never can tell. It's a roll of the dice. I'm just... I'm hoping there's some wiggle room.
Marie Schrader: You are not going to negotiate with this man! You're not.

Jimmy: Seven and a half years...

George Castellano: FCI Butner Low. Wing...
Jimmy: D. Wing D.
George Castellano: "Wing D." And now we are done!
Jimmy: Ah, as Steve Jobs used to say... one more thing. "Twenty. During incarceration, Defendant Goodman to receive one pint Blue Bell mint chocolate chip ice cream every Friday for the duration."
Oakley: Are you kidding? He's kidding.
Jimmy: "Blue Bell Mint Chocolate Chip." No substitutions.

Jimmy: Am I gonna be sorry if I ask what's going on?

Jimmy: Hey, you're a scientist, right? So, uh, I have a question. What would you do if you had a time machine?
Walter White: A time machine?
Jimmy: Yeah, um... From a scientist's point of view. You can go backwards, forwards. Uh, where would you go?
Walter White: A meaningless question.

Jimmy: There's gotta be something you'd go back and change if you could.
Walter White: Oh, you are not talking about a time machine, which is both a real and theoretical impossibility. You are talking about regrets. So if you want to ask about regrets, just ask about regrets and leave all this time-traveling nonsense out of it.

Oakley: What more are you gonna get? What's left?
Jimmy: You don't understand. It's really good ice cream.

Jimmy: It's showtime.

Judge Samantha Small: Okay, item one on the calendar, CR 10-7253 United States of America versus... Defendant has requested to use the name Saul Goodman. So it's "United States versus Saul Goodman."

Jimmy: Two years ago a man came into my office. He said his name was Mayhew. He wanted one of my clients to lie for him under oath. He offered me money. I refused. That night, as I was leaving my office, I was attacked. A bag was shoved over my head, I was hogtied, I was driven out into the desert. And when they pulled the hood off, I was kneeling in front of an open grave with a gun pointed at my head. That was my introduction to Walter White! I was terrified. But not for long.

Jimmy: The name's McGill. I'm James McGill.

Inmate: I know you?... "Better Call Saul." Right?
Jimmy: McGill.
Inmate: What?
Jimmy: I'm McGill.
Inmate: Don't give me that. You're Saul! It's Better Call Saul.

Kim: Eighty-six years.
Jimmy: Eighty-six years... But with good behavior... who knows?

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Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Top Gun (1986) <<

Wo-1. Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman: I don't like that look, Mav.
Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell: It's the only one I got.

Wo-1. Bernie 'Hondo' Coleman: Mach 9. He's the fastest man alive.

Radm. Chester 'Hammer' Cain: You are dismissed, captain. The end is inevitable, Maverick. Your kind is headed for extinction.
Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell: Maybe so, sir. But not today.

Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson: I think you misunderstand, captain. We don't want you to fly it. We want you to teach it.

Penny Benjamin: Pete, trust me, as improbable as it seems right now, somehow you'll be back in a fighter plane with your tail on fire.

Adm. Beau 'Cyclone' Simpson: Your instructor is a Top Gun graduate with real-world experience in every mission aspect you will be expected to master. His exploits are legendary. And he's considered to be one of the finest pilots this program has ever produced. What he has to teach you may very well mean the difference between life and death. I give you captain Pete Mitchell. Call sign: "Maverick."

Penny Benjamin: Pull on the backstay. We'll de-power the sails.
Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell: Okay. What does that mean?
Penny Benjamin: You're supposed to be in the Navy!
Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell: I don't sail boats, Penny. I land on them.

Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell: Remember, we're on the same team. Just wave and smile. Just wave and smile.

Capt. Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell: Don't think. Just do.

—
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Waterworks

Better Call Saul 6×12

Francesca: How much longer, Saul?
Jimmy: You know what? I can't say. So pass along my sincerest apologies and tell 'em I'm swamped.
Francesca: Everyone can hear you bouncing that thing.
Jimmy: That's the sound of thinking. You should try it sometime.

Tammy: Kim, there's a Viktor St. Claire for you on line three.

Jimmy: Hey, Kim. You know who this is?... I'm gonna take that as a yes.

Jimmy: I thought you might wanna know I'm still alive.
Kim: Yep.
Jimmy: I'm still out here, still getting away with it. The feds couldn't find their own ass with both hands and a proctologist.

Jimmy: What is stopping you? Fring's in the ground. Mike's in the ground. Lalo's in the ground. Apparently. You don't have to hold back on my account. They can only hang me once. So... So go ahead. Spill your guts! Put on your hair shirt, see what it gets you!

Jimmy: So, Florida. Florida, Florida, Florida... Why there?
Kim: I guess...
Jimmy: It doesn't matter. Doesn't have to make sense.

Jimmy: All right. Well. Have a nice life, Kim.

Jesse Pinkman: What's up with this shit?
Kim: Rainy.
Jesse Pinkman: Yeah. No. It... It's crazy. It's like bananas, all this rain. I mean, I thought we were, like, in a desert, you know?

Jesse Pinkman: You, you got him off, like, scot-free. That... That was pretty slick, yo.
Kim: Well, tell him I hope he's keeping his nose clean.
Jesse Pinkman: Yeah, yeah, right on. Absolutely.

Jesse Pinkman: Hey, so, you having all this expertise and all... This guy Goodman? He the real deal? Like, lawyer-wise?

Jesse Pinkman: Anyway... Is this guy any good?
Kim: .... When I knew him, he was.

Jimmy: What did Jeff tell you?
Marion: Oh, he didn't tell me anything. Ask Jeeves told me. I typed in "con man" and "Albuquerque," and up you popped, big as day.

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The Carpet

The Office 2×14

Michael Scott: Spamster!
Pam Beasley: Pam, plus Spam, plus...
Michael Scott: Hamster.
Pam Beasley: Right.

Michael Scott: You know what? I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.

Michael Scott: You know what? I am beginning to think that what happened to my carpet was an act of terrorism against the office. The only thing that makes any sense.

Michael Scott: You know what? Today is not a good day for a sales contest. We're not doing this today.
Pam Beasley: That doesn't seem fair.
Michael Scott: You want to talk about fair? Does anyone need to smell my old carpet? You explain to me how that was fair and I'll explain to you how this is fair.

Michael Scott: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley Hudson: That's not what a hate crime is.
Michael Scott: Well, I hated it a lot, okay.

Michael Scott: You know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done... Very well, then you're all punished.
Oscar Martinez: What's our punishment?
Michael Scott: You're all on a time out. Just sit there quietly.

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Breaking Bad

Better Call Saul 6×11

Jimmy: Whatever this is, can we please, don't do it in the desert? Anywhere but the desert!

Jimmy: This, we can... we can fix this. Whatever the problemo, we can fix it with dinero. Mucho dinero. Mucho, mucho, mucho dinero.

Francesca: Narca?
Thunder: Yeah. "Narca." The feminine version of "narco."

Francesca: How hot?
Jimmy: Yeah.
Francesca: Well... I still get followed. Not as often as when the shit first hit the fan, but I still see them. My mail gets opened. My phone at home clicks whenever I use it.
Jimmy: So the maestro buying the farm, it didn't change anything?
Francesca: No. If anything, it made it worse. Skyler White got her deal. So the only ones left to go after are you and Pinkman. And I heard they found his car down by the border, so, adios, dopehead.
Jimmy: Oh, so they're still into me. Well...

Francesca: Uh, remember Bill Oakley? He switched sides.
Jimmy: He came out, huh?
Francesca: No, he's not gay! He's a defense attorney now.

Jimmy: Okay, so, if you cook the blue stuff, then that means you're Igor and... And that makes you... You're Heisenberg. Wow.

Jesse Pinkman: You gotta give it some gas when you're backing up.
Walter White: I gave it the proper amount of gas.
Jesse Pinkman: I guess that's why we're moving, then.
Walter White: Look, it just was idling too long. It'll start.
Jesse Pinkman: Oh, you should a just let me drive, yo.
Walter White: Look, nothing would be different in this moment except you panicking and flooding the engine.
Jesse Pinkman: Bullshit.

Walter White: We just need to sit a moment. That's all. When it idles too long, the fuel pump overheats, and so we just need to let it cool down.

Jesse Pinkman: So. Who's Lalo?
Jimmy: Who?
Jesse Pinkman: Lalo. You thought some dude named Lalo sent us. You seemed pretty freaked out. Never heard of no Lalo on the street.
Jimmy: It's nobody.

Jimmy: Hello? You're on the clock, right? So give with the info anytime.
Mike: When you're done.
Jimmy: No, I can multitask, please.
Mike: I'm not gonna talk to you while you're on... whatever that is.
Jimmy: You know, LBJ used to have his underlings give him reports while he was on the shitter.
Mike: Uh-huh. Well, either I'm gonna leave, or I'm gonna put my foot in your skull.

Jimmy: Second story guy, second story guy. I got... I got more second story guys in my book than pimples at a Junior prom. What about, uh, that Heisenberg fella?
Mike: High school chemistry teacher.
Jimmy: You're shittin' me. Really?
Mike: Walter Hartwell White. Chemistry teacher over at JP Wynne. Working with a former student, current meth head, one Jesse Pinkman.

Mike: Now, listen, even if this guy was gonna live, I wouldn't go near him. He's a complete amateur.
Jimmy: Well, you see an amateur. I see... 170 pounds of clay ready to be molded.
Mike: Well, if the cancer doesn't get him, it'll be the cops or a bullet to the head.
Jimmy: Is that your appraisal or is that what "He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named" says about him?
Mike: He doesn't say anything. The guy's small potatoes.

Jimmy: I just... I got a feeling about this. This Heisenberg guy's got something. It's top of the line product, that's the buzz on the street, and I just think, with the right management...
Mike: You know, years ago, I bought a Betamax. Good product. "Top of the line." Experts said it was better than a VHS. Turned out to be a complete waste of time and money. Hmm? Let it go.
Jimmy: Guy with that mustache probably doesn't make a lot of good life choices. So, yeah, uh, the second story guy. Uh, Menard, you said?

Jimmy: So? A guy with cancer can't be an asshole? Believe me, I speak from experience.

Jimmy: It'll be fine. Relax...

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Operation Mincemeat (2021)

Ian Fleming: In any story, if it's a good story, there is that which is seen and that which is hidden. This is especially true in stories of war...

Ewen Montagu: ... But the real tribute tonight goes to Iris, my brilliant wife, who in the morning, sails to less troubled shores with our nestlings in tow. Iris is wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson and more patient than Job... She has to be. She's married to me.

Ewen Montagu: Why do you call Godfrey "M"?
Ian Fleming: Because I called my mother "M." The most terrifying, most impossible, most demanding creature I've ever known.

Ewen Montagu: The plan will work if we make it work.

Ewen Montagu: Well, what say we start with the easy part and find ourselves a corpse?

Charles Cholmondeley: If you could point me to a girl who would give us her photograph...
Jean Leslie: But what would her photograph be used for?
Charles Cholmondeley: Well, I'm afraid that's classified. But, erm, by donating her image, she'd be involved in and on the ground floor of a significant operation.
Jean Leslie: Operation Trojan Horse?
Charles Cholmondeley: It's been renamed. Something less obvious. Operation Mincemeat.
Jean Leslie: Due to the dead body.
Charles Cholmondeley: You surmised that rather quickly.

Winston Churchill: You would put the fate of one Russian spy over tens of thousands in Sicily?
Admiral Godfrey: With respect, Prime Minister, I'm trying to look at the bigger picture. Russia may be our ally at the moment, but she was until recently in a pact with Germany. I believe she will soon be our enemy again.

Winston Churchill: This is the problem when one is dealing with spooks. You do see it? The corkscrew thinking required to manage spies sometimes twists one too many turns until one finds oneself charging forward while at the same time looking out of one's own arse.
Admiral Godfrey: I assume you're referring to me.
Winston Churchill: Russia is tomorrow's war. The Nazis are expecting a deception. Which means that our effort must be unbelievable enough to make it believable. The plan is risky. It's also highly implausible. Meaning that all the reasons it shouldn't work are the same reasons the Germans might believe it's true. So when can it be ready?
Admiral Godfrey: Er... Immediately?
Winston Churchill: Correct.

Ewen Montagu: As you just heard, Miss Michael, the prime minister has approved the plan to make your brother a hero.
Charles Cholmondeley: We do understand that this is the most enormous sacrifice. But his service... he can save literally thousands, tens of thousands of lives.

Ewen Montagu: My life is complicated. It's not an excuse or a defence or anything, really. Only to say...

Ewen Montagu: The fate of the free world dependent on a corpse in a donkey cart.

Hester Leggett: Every marriage has its difficulties and disappointments. Haven't we all had our hearts broken over the years?

Ewen Montagu: I don't need you to remind me of my sins. I only wonder how you reconcile yourself with yours.

Admiral Godfrey: If it were up to me, I would postpone Sicily and have you drawn and quartered.
Ewen Montagu: No doubt the prime minister has been informed? What does he want to do?
Admiral Godfrey: The prime minister does not want to postpone Sicily. I pray we can all live with the consequences.

Charles Cholmondeley: I may vomit.
Ewen Montagu: I may vomit with you.

Ewen Montagu: Every, er, piece of intelligence says that the Nazis are waiting for us in Greece. And every piece of intelligence may be the greatest deception the Nazis have ever played against us.
Charles Cholmondeley: Why do you think Churchill still believes this can work?
Ewen Montagu: Because he has to.

Ewen Montagu: In God's name, Fleming, what are you writing?
Ian Fleming: Spy story.

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Half Loop

Severance 1×2

Mark: Okay, this is the Siena file. Now, all the data you see falls into one of four essential categories. And we group each line of code, and then sort it evenly between five digital buckets... Just poke around first. Use the arrows.
Helly: Should this mean something to me?
Mark: No. No, all the data comes from upstairs fully encoded.
Helly: Then how do I categorize it?
Mark: Each category of numbers presents in such an order as to elicit an emotional response in the refiner.
Helly: An emotional response in the refiner...
Mark: Um... So, uh, Cat 1 numbers, for example, feel a certain way on sight. They'll be sort of disconcerting, scary.
Helly: Scary?
Mark: I know.
Helly: My job is to scroll through this spreadsheet and look for numbers that are scary?
Dylan: It sounds dumb, and Mark said it dumb.
Helly: Are the numbers bloody? Do they chant?
Mark: It doesn't make sense till you see it, and it takes a while to see.

Mr. Milchick: Let's get this new group photo before the melon bloat sets in... Great big smiles. Remember, you're gonna be looking at this every day.

Alexa: You could have a girlfriend at Lumon... and not know it. And if you met someone out here, you wouldn't know it in there. Like, you could get married and have kids, and just forget they exist for eight hours every day, for your whole life. That doesn't mess with your head?

Helly: W-What even are these numbers? Like, do we even know what we're supposedly cleaning?
Dylan: My theory? The sea. .......
Helly: This is the leading theory?
Dylan: Nah, Irv thinks we're cutting swear words out of movies.

Helly: Why is... Why is it, uh...
Dylan: You okay. Just fence off the bad data like I showed you. Can you see the perimeter? ... And bin it!
Irving: Boom. Fucking refined.
Dylan: All right, Helly. Hip, hip.
Helly: They were scary. The numbers were scary.

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Nippy

Better Call Saul 6×10

Jimmy: Pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered.

Jimmy: "Crazy"? I'll tell you what's crazy. Fifty-year-old high school chemistry teacher comes into my office. The guy is so broke, he can't pay his own mortgage. One year later, he's got a pile of cash as big as a Volkswagen. That's crazy.

Jimmy: Oh, Jesus...
Frank: Gene?
Jimmy: Oh, God. You... You have a wife, right, Frank?
Frank: Well, yeah. Yeah.
Jimmy: Yeah? And she's waiting for you... Look at me. I got... I got no one. My parents are dead. My brother... My brother is dead. I, uh... I got no wife... No kids. No friends. If I died tonight... no one would care. What difference would it make?
Frank: Gene, buddy... No, I-I-I'm sure that you mean a lot to, you know... To a lot of... lots of people.
Jimmy: If I died tonight, my landlord would pack up my stuff. It'd take him three hours. And Cinnabon would just hire a new manager. Gene who? Poof! I'd be gone. I'd be... a... a ghost. Less than a ghost. I'd be a... a sha... shadow. I'd just be... nothing. I mean, Frank... what's the point, Frank? What's the poi... Ah!

Jimmy: Albuquerque, huh? Never been.

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The Secret

The Office 2×13

Michael Scott: Today is spring cleaning day here at Dunder Mifflin. And yes, I know it's January. I am not an idiot. But, if you do your spring cleaning in January, guess what you don't have to do in the spring... Anything!

Michael Scott: They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. Well, I say an empty desk means an...
Dwight K. Schrute: Empty mind.
Michael Scott: No, that's not... No, that's not what I was gonna say.

Dwight K. Schrute: Oscar is out sick.
Michael Scott: On a Friday?

Dwight K. Schrute: Question. May I investigate?
Michael Scott: Yeah. Drop what you're doing. Make this a priority. Because an office can't function efficiently unless people are at their desks, doing their jobs.

Michael Scott: Jim and I are great friends. We hang out a ton, mostly at work. But the fact that he told me his secret and no one else says everything about our friendship. And it is why I intend on keeping that secret for as long as I possibly can.

Ryan Howard: If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget, too.

Dwight K. Schrute: How about this. I don't tell Michael, and in exchange, you owe me one great big, giant favor, redeemable by me at a time and place of my choosing.

Dwight K. Schrute: Should I have reported Oscar's malfeasance? Probably, but now I know something he doesn't want me to know. So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance, for malfeasance's sake.

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The Injury

The Office 2×12

Jim Halpert: You burned your foot on a Foreman grill?
Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious. It's good for me. It's a perfect way to start the day.

Michael Scott: Well, you know what? Disabilities are not things to be laughed at or laughed about. You people are jerks. Imagine if you had left Stevie Wonder on the floor of that bathroom instead of me.
Phyllis Lapin: Oh, we wouldn't. We love Stevie Wonder.

Michael Scott: Dwight, what is your middle name?
Dwight Schrute: Danger.
Jim Halpert: Something with a "K."
Dwight Schrute: It's Kurt.
Michael Scott: Wow, I'm so sad that I know that.

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The Gray Man (2022)

Donald Fitzroy: You'd be part of an elite unit, the Sierra program. You would exist in the gray.
Sierra Six: Disposable?

Sierra Six: How long do I gotta work for you?
Donald Fitzroy: Let's just say you'd be indefinitely useful.

Agent Miranda: I heard you. I just chose to ignore you.

Donald Fitzroy: Where are you?
Sierra Six: Emotionally? I've been better.

Sierra Six: When you say things like "chop your head off," it makes you sound untrustworthy.

Claire: Six is an odd name.
Sierra Six: Yeah. Yeah. Just, uh, 007 was taken, so...

Agent Miranda: Remove yourself from my personal space. Please.

Agent Miranda: Let's go.
Sierra Six: I'm good.
Agent Miranda: Let's go!
Sierra Six: It sounded like a question.

Agent Miranda: You hurt?
Sierra Six: I mean, my ego's a little bruised. I would like the opportunity to save you at some point. Not that I want you to be in danger so I can save you.

Sierra Six: Good news is he missed the liver and the kidney. Amateur.

Lloyd Hansen: You wanna make an omelet, you gotta kill some people.

Sierra Six: Nobody throws a loaded gun, Lloyd.

Sierra Six: Am I allowed to chew gum in here?

—
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Booze Cruise

The Office 2×11

Stanley Hudson: You said bring a toothbrush.
Michael Scott: Stanley.
Stanley Hudson: Is this an overnight?
Michael Scott: Maybe. The suspense is just so exciting, isn't it?
Stanley Hudson: Should my wife tell her boss she's not coming in tomorrow?
Michael Scott: Maybe. I don't know.
Stanley Hudson: Not maybe. Yes or no?
Michael Scott: Well, no, but... Okay, don't spoil it for everybody, all right? But we are going on a booze cruise on Lake Wallenpaupack.
Stanley Hudson: In January?
Michael Scott: It's cheaper.

Michael Scott: This is not just another party. This is a leadership training exercise. Right? I'm going to combine elements of fun and motivation and education into a single mind-blowing experience.

Michael Scott: We're not gonna pay for a bathing suit.

Michael Scott: Leader... ship. The word "ship" is hidden inside the word "leadership" as its derivation. So if this office is in fact a ship, as its leader, I am the captain. But we're all in the same boat. Teamwork!

Phyllis Lapin: Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned.
Michael Scott: No. Thank you, spoiler alert. You saw the movie, those of you who did. You... They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty. And they're singing their ethnic songs and... Actually, that might be warehouse.

Michael Scott: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.
Jim Halpert: She's engaged.
Michael Scott: BFD. Engaged ain't married. Never, ever, ever give up.

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Whitney Cummings: Jokes (2022)

& Dating an older man is now considered creepy. I think it was 'cause of all that sexual harassment news. Now it's, like, creepy to date older guys. You're not creepy, sir, it's not you. It's not you specifically. It's just everything your generation made is a little sketchy.

& I always thought that was weird until I thought through it. "Why don't I get down on one knee and propose?" And then I realized why 'cause I thought it through, right? .....

& ... And I realized that if you're a woman proposing to a man, you have to open with something completely different than the guys open. I would have to open with, "If you take your dick out right now, I will fucking kill you."

& "I would never suck your dick on one knee because I know you would think about Colin Kaepernick, and we can't both be doing that."

& ... Then I would just go into my romantic speech. I'd be like, "Alex, will you make me the happiest woman in the world and let me buy my own engagement ring? 'Cause you can't afford the one I deserve."

& Has anyone done a 23andMe test? Yeah? How'd it go?... You're 10% Native American, but you didn't know that? Your kids will be getting into college, so congratulations. You have that.

& As soon as my friends become parents, they get freaked out about technology. Mostly the phones, that's every conversation I have with parents now. They're like, "These kids, now they're on their phones eight hours a day. Kids are on their phones all day long now." I'm like, "Good. We've finally figured out a way to shut them the fuck up."

& "Why… Why are you complaining about this miracle in your living room?" They're like, "Whitney, because the phones are dangerous for the kids." Eh… Are they? Is anything more dangerous for the kids than what we played on? You want to put your kids on the shit we played on when we were children? Okay, great, why don't you put your kid on a merry-go-round?

& We used to play on something called a seesaw. It's a piece of wood on a hinge. The main objective was just to catapult the other child… into the air. And we were such homicidal psychopaths. If you were the kid that was on the bottom, you'd be like, "I wonder what would happen if I just jumped off this?"

& I have a goddaughter, she's five. I went to her playground. If you've been to a playground recently, you know playgrounds are totally-- You know, playgrounds now, they're, like, mushy? Did you know that playgrounds have shade? Dude, we had a slide made out of sheet metal. It would bake in the hot sun. Dude, you'd get down on it. It was like a hot skillet. You'd go down that slide, like… We'd be squealing like pigs. Frying our assholes!

& You cannot argue that kids are not physically safer than they've ever been. Like, kids don't get injured the way we got injured. When's the last time you saw a kid in a cast? It doesn't fuckin' happen, dude. We used to spend the first 45 minutes of school signing casts. That's how we learned to read and write.

& This is a big one, "Wendy, they could go on the Internet and get misinformation." That's all we got. My mom used to tell me that when the ice-cream truck played music, that meant it was out of ice cream... Do you know how fucked up that is? We got misinformation in the form of lies. From people that were supposed to love us.

& I don't think anything should exist today if you can't sell it right now as a brand-new idea. I get why ballet was entertaining like 400 years ago, but I don't think it needs to still be a business based on what we now know. Imagine trying to sell ballet as a brand-new concept to a Broadway producer right now...
     You'd be like, "Hey, I have this idea for a show. It's a dance show. It's about 20 18-year-old girls. They dance for about two hours in underwear."
     They'll be like, "Brrr, I'm sorry, is that like a burlesque-type show?"
"Not at all. They don't have tits or asses because we starve them. And their toes look like curly fries for the rest of their life."
     They'd be like, "Uhh… I'm sorry, I'm just trying to understand this show. So it's just women, there's no men in the show?"
    "Oh, my God, totally forgot to tell you. Yes, there is one man in the show. He is like 30 and he's the one that holds them up by their pussies."
     "Sorry, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this idea. Um, so they're just in underwear? Is that the only--"
     "Oh, forgot to tell you. Of course they're not just in underwear. We have skirts for them, obviously. But we figured out a way to make them go straight out. So you can still see everything you need to see."
     "I'm sorry, I'm just-- I'm not getting it. Do you want to just, I don't know, show me the dance moves?"
     She's like, "No problem, it's very simple. They just show their pussies… from every angle. Their pussies fly. They're making the pussies fly. And then they just present their pussies to everyone in the audience. One by one... You know how you blow kisses at people? They just blow their pussies at people... Don't worry, we don't let them smile. Make sure they have no joy behind their eyes."
     You can have one, of course, sir. Of course.
     Ballet is a wild show! It's a wild show. You know a show's creepy when they give the audience binoculars. Like, why do they have binoculars?... Why do the binoculars have one handle bar?... Why do you need one hand free?... What is this show? It's called The Nutcracker, you guys!

—
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Good News About Hell

Severance 1×1

Mark: Who are you?

Helly: Five questions?
Mark: Five questions.
Helly: What do I get at the end?
Mark: Depends on your answers.

Mark: So that's unknown, unknown, Delaware, unknown, unknown... That's a perfect score.

Harmony Cobel: Mark S., at this time I confer upon you the freedom to serve Kier in the advanced role of Macrodata Refinement department chief. Congratulations. Oh, a handshake is available upon request.
Mark: Thank you... May I have a handshake?

Mark: Uh, I understand you're confused about the severance procedure. Before we hop on that, let's chat about something I bet you have heard of, the work/life balance. To start, imagine yourself as a seesaw--

Helly: Am I dead?
Mark: No.
Helly: This isn't, like, hell or something?
Mark: No.
Helly: Then why the fuck can't I leave?

Harmony Cobel: Look, I do sympathize. I've wanted to pummel Mark myself, but I am his employer. And he is your department chief. So we'll both have to be strong.

Mark: Are you mad at me?
Harmony Cobel: For the incompetence or the disobedience?
Mark: Well--
Harmony Cobel: Yes!

Harmony Cobel: You know, my mother was an atheist. She used to say that there was good news and bad news about hell. The good news is, hell is just the product of a morbid human imagination. The bad news is, whatever humans can imagine, they can usually create.

Helly: Do I have a family?
Mark: You'll never know.
Helly: And I have no choice.
Mark: Well, every time you find yourself here, it's because you chose to come back.

Petey: Nothing down there is what they say.

Mark: So, we're friends?
Petey: I'm your best friend. You're my very good friend.

Petey: ... we're not monsters, Mark. Not real ones.

Mrs. Selvig: You know, my mother was a Catholic. She used to say it takes the saints eight hours to bless a sleeping child. I hope you aren't rushing the saints.

Harmony Cobel: Mark... You're good people.

—
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Fun and Games

Better Call Saul 6×9

Jimmy: One day, we'll, uh... we'll wake up and brush our teeth and we'll go to work... and at some point we'll suddenly realize... that we haven't thought about it at all. None of it. And that's when we'll know. We'll know we can forget.

Don Eladio: Gustavo... When I looked into your eyes... Hate. A little bit's okay. As long as you never forget who's boss.

Manuel Varga: What you talk about is not justice. What you talk of is revenge... It never ends. My boy is gone. You gangsters and your "justice." You're all the same.

Jimmy: I know that was tough, um, but it's over now. I mean really over. Let the healing begin.

Kim: I'm no longer an attorney. ... I gave notice to the bar two hours ago.

Jimmy: You did what?! Why... why?!

Kim: Look, Jimmy... J-Jimmy... You asked if you were bad for me. That's not it. We are bad for each other.

Kim: Apart, we're okay, but together... we're poison.

Jimmy: You make me happy. We make each other happy. How can that be bad?

Kim: ... Because I was having too much fun.

... Auto insurance won't pay for your fender bender? Ripped off by your brother-in-law? Major or minor surgery gone wrong? I'm here for you, Albuquerque. Better Call Saul! Call 505-503-4...
Jimmy: Did you hear that? It's in mono. I'm not paying for that muffled crap. Mono! It's what The Beatles used. It's ancient! Look, I sound like I'm in a well inside of a cave under a blanket. I'm... Who wants a lawyer who you can't hear? Here's what you do...

Jimmy: All right. Let justice be done though the heavens fall...

--
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Point and Shoot

Better Call Saul 6×8

Eduardo: Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Focus. Hey!

Eduardo: Both of you, sit... Come on. Sit.

Eduardo: You two. God. You two and your mouths. Dios mio. Now, you listen...

Jimmy: A gun?!
Eduardo: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but don't worry. I mean, it's... it's very easy. It's a revolver. It's already loaded, no safety. It's idiot-proof.

Eduardo: They look through the peephole, you're as innocent as can be. Door opens, you point and you shoot. And you keep on pulling that trigger until it's empty. Simple.

Eduardo: So, that's it. Hard part's over. Now you pull out the camera. Same principle as the gun, point and shoot.

Eduardo: Okay, so, one hour starting... now. Clock's ticking, Mrs. Goodman.

Gus: I understand blood for blood. Hector? I kept him alive. Kept him broken. I will save him to the last. Before he dies, he will know I buried every one of you.

Mike: This could have gone down a whole lot different.
Gus: It could have.

Jimmy: What are you doing?
Mike: You're getting a new refrigerator. I'm assuming stainless will do.

Mike: Let's sit... Sit.

Mike: All right, here's what's gonna happen...

Mike: So, you two are gonna go about your day. Normal. Same as ever. Today, you're Meryl Streep and Laurence Olivier. No staring into space. Nothing out of the ordinary. You cover. Anybody talks to you, it's just another day that ends in "Y", that's all.

--
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)

Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) <<

America Chavez: You're killing me.
Doctor Stephen Strange: I know. But in the grand calculus of the Multiverse, your sacrifice is worth more than your...

America Chavez: That wasn't a dream. It was another universe.

America Chavez: How much experience do you guys have with the Multiverse?

Wong: We have experience of the Multiverse. Most recently, there was an incident with Spider-Man.
America Chavez: What man?
Wong: Spider-Man. He has the powers of a spider.
Doctor Stephen Strange: Hence the name.
America Chavez: Gross. Does he look like a spider?
Wong: No. No, more like a man. Climbs walls, shoots webs.
Doctor Stephen Strange: Yeah. Bingo.
America Chavez: Out of his butt?
Doctor Stephen Strange: No. Well, maybe, I don't know. Honestly, I hope not.
America Chavez: Super weird.

America Chavez: All we knew is that they wanted to take my power for themselves.
Doctor Stephen Strange: What power?
America Chavez: I can travel the Multiverse.

Doctor Stephen Strange: We've taken her to Kamar-Taj, and we've got our defenses, but we could use an Avenger.
Wanda Maximoff: There are other Avengers.
Doctor Stephen Strange: Yeah, but given the choice between the archer with the mohawk and several bug-themed crime fighters, or one of the most powerful magic-wielders on the planet... it's an easy call.

Doctor Stephen Strange: Wanda, your children aren't real. You created them using magic.
Wanda Maximoff: That's what every mother does.

America Chavez: We need to go find...
Doctor Stephen Strange: Other Other Me.

Doctor Stephen Strange: We go on red?
America Chavez: Rule number one of Multiversal travel, you don't know anything.

America Chavez: Rule number two, find food. Preferably pizza. Pizza balls.
Doctor Stephen Strange: How'd you pay for that?
America Chavez: It was free. Food's free in most universes, actually. It's weird you guys have to pay for it.

Doctor Stephen Strange: How many universes have you been to?
America Chavez: Uh... Seventy-two. Seventy-three, counting this one.

Doctor Stephen Strange: I don't care if you're from the Avengers or S.H.I.E.L.D...
Baron Mordo: We're neither.
Doctor Stephen Strange: Well, what then? HYDRA?
Baron Mordo: The Illuminati will see you now.
Doctor Stephen Strange: The Illumi-what-y?

Captain Carter: We made the difficult choice because we knew what our Strange was capable of. What, perhaps, every Doctor Strange is capable of.

Professor Charles Xavier: Just because someone stumbles and loses their way doesn't mean they're lost forever. We will see what kind of Doctor Strange you are.

Wong: I don't even wanna know.

—
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Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022)

Lady Rosamund Painswick: There's only one reason old ladies summon their lawyers.

Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: If her husband wanted me to have the place, who are we to argue?
Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham: You never thought to turn it down?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Do I look as if I'd turn down a villa in the South of France?

Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: You want me to tell you why he did it when the truth is I do not know. And with that, I will say good night and leave you to discuss my mysterious past.

Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Now, Denker, don't steer me. I'm not a racing car.

Mrs. Patmore: Daisy's more obedient with him than she ever was with me.
Anna Bates: Maybe he makes her happier.
Mrs. Patmore: Well, I did me best.

Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: But you must be firm, Mary. To those people, women like us fall into two categories: dragons and fools. You must make sure they think of you as a dragon.

Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham: I don't pretend I've always worshipped at her shrine, but it will be strange. And Mary will miss her when she's gone.
Isobel Crawley: Mary will become her, so the gap will be filled.

Mrs. Hughes: Oh, put that guidebook down, Charlie, and go to sleep.
Mr. Carson: Mm, let me finish the chapter. You won't believe what these people eat...

Mr. Carson: I have found, when dealing with foreigners, if one speaks loudly and slowly, they'll bend to your will. Mrs. Hughes: Not too loudly and not too slowly.

Lady Mary Talbot: Doesn't filming interest you?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I watched some of it. I'd rather eat pebbles. In fact, I think I'll retire to my bed. At least until they've all gone.
Lady Mary Talbot: Should I be worried?
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Well, Florence Nightingale took to her bed at the age of 38. She died at 90.

Guy Dexter: Now you know why I'm in the movies. How did you become a butler?
Thomas Barrow: Well, it's a lot less glamorous. I got a job as a hallboy. Then I was a junior footman, first footman, valet and finally butler. There's not much I couldn't tell you about how to run a house, sir.
Guy Dexter: See, that's the difference between you and me. I don't know what I'm doing half the time.

Isobel Crawley: Apparently, they're making the wrong sort of film.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Is there a right sort?
Isobel Crawley: Well, all I know is it seems the public only want films that talk.
Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I should've thought the best thing about films is that you can't hear them. Be even better if you couldn't see them either.

Lady Mary Talbot: You don't need me to tell you that marriage is a novel, not a short story. Full of plot twists along the way.

Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham: Your father loved you. Enough.
Robert Crawley, Earl of Grantham: But it's not enough, is it? Not when I might be a lifelong fraud. A Frenchman's bastard who usurped the role of the proper heir.
Cora Crawley, Countess of Grantham: But that would've been Matthew's father, and now Matthew's son will inherit, so what difference does it make in the long run?

Jack Barber: Have I offended you?
Lady Mary Talbot: Not at all. Nothing is nicer for an old married woman than to find she's still an object of desire.

Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: I was happy with Robert's father. Well... happy enough in that English way, when you never talk about anything, but you trust each other.

Mrs. Hughes: Charlie, are you all right?
Mr. Carson: What did King Lear say? 'Blow, winds, and crack your cheeks. / Rage, blow, you cataracts and hurricanoes.' Has the moment of her leaving come at last?

Violet, Dowager Countess of Grantham: Stop that noise. I can't hear myself die.

—
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Plan and Execution

Better Call Saul 6×7

Jimmy: Hey, hey, hey, come here, come here. How often do we get a chance to use our craft and shine, huh? To really slide inside the skin of yet another human being and make the kind of magic that other people only dream of?

Jimmy: Now, listen! Seize the day. Carpe diem. Don't live with regret.

Jimmy: Your character motivation remains exactly the same. You're on a covert mission to accept a very important package, and you want to play it casual, okay, but knowing, you know? An air of mystery, intrigue, conspiracy... You know what? Probably best if you just look sleepy.

Jimmy: What are we looking at here?
Camera Guy: Can't rush the process.
Kim: As long as there's an image, it doesn't have to be perfect.
Camera Guy: Can't rush the process.

Howard: Cary, what happens when you drop or shake a can of soda?... Right. Boosh... Let me show you a little trick... Something about the centrifugal force. It pulls the bubbles from the inside of the can, stops it from exploding.

Howard: You know who taught me that trick?... He used to do it, out of habit. Any time he opened a can, almost unconsciously. I asked him about it once. Just his way of being prepared for anything, accidental or otherwise.
Cary: Um. I'm sorry, I'm kinda new here. I have to ask... Who... Who is that?
Howard: Charles McGill. The "M" in HHM. The greatest legal mind I ever knew.

Rand Casimiro: Now, I'm happy to be here, but at the end, hopefully, all of you in the room and those listening from various locations won't be happy with me. And why do I say that? Because the best solutions mean compromise. It's compromise from both sides. That's my goal. But as my wife always says, 'compromising doesn't mean I'm right and she's wrong.'

Howard: Nobody move! Evidence has been tampered with.

Eduardo: Clever Chicken Man. Clever clever Chicken Man.

Jimmy: A gift? What's the occasion?
Howard: Your brother and I, we always had a meeting with "Mr. Macallan" after a big victory. Usually some brilliant summation by Chuck, that goes without saying. So this... Uh, this is for you. You earned it. You won.
Jimmy: Won? Uh, what'd I win?

Howard: Yes, I will land on my feet. I will be okay. But you? Far from it. You two... You two are soulless.

Howard: You're perfect for each other. You have a piece missing. I-I thought you did it for the money, but now it's... It's so clear. Screw the money. You did it for fun. You get off on it. You're... You're like... Leopold and Loeb. Two sociopaths--

Howard: I'm going to dedicate my life to making sure that everybody knows the truth. Believe it. You can't hide who you really are forever--
Jimmy: How?
Kim: H-Howard.

Eduardo: Me? Nobody. I just need to talk to my lawyers.

Eduardo: Okay. Let's talk...

--
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Axe and Grind

Better Call Saul 6×6

Jimmy: All right, yeah. I think we, uh... we found the Zodiac Killer.
Dr. Caldera: Well... I'm not keeping my contacts in plain English.
Kim: "Best Quality Vacuum"?

Francesca: I just don't...
Jimmy: Francesca, let's get something straight, okay? We can't be holding a graduate seminar in Constitutional Law every time I give you something to do.
Francesca: But I... Uh, I-I'm not sure I feel...
Jimmy: You know what I'm paying you. It is above market. To whom much is given, much is expected.
Francesca: We're not gonna make a habit of this, right?
Jimmy: Of course not. Absolutely. No, no, no.

Jimmy: So, we're gonna pull the plug, and we are going to live to fight another day.
Kim: What other day?
Jimmy: Um, we'll figure it out. I promise. Okay?

Kim: It happens today.

--
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Black and Blue

Better Call Saul 6×5

Jimmy: The nuns back in Cicero would send me to hell for saying it, but... thank God he's dead.

Howard: Hi, everyone. I'm so glad to be with you today. For those of you who don't know me yet, I'm your lead attorney... Howard Hamlin. Just call me Howard.

Clifford: Howard: You can start today, Howard.
Howard: Oh, I will. Because you're right. I do have a problem. Just not the problem you think. I have a Jimmy McGill problem.
Clifford: J-Jimmy McGill?
Howard: You'll have to excuse me... Julie. Cancel my week... Yes. My whole week.

Jimmy: Whoa! Hold up! Justice will be served in four and a half minutes. 9:00 AM sharp.

Jimmy: What? That? That... It's garbagio. On its way to the dumpster.

Francesca: Where's Ms. Wexler?
Jimmy: Uh, you mean my wife? That's right... made an honest woman out of her. She's blazing her own trail, and I couldn't be prouder.

Francesca: What... What happened to the old folks? Elder law?
Jimmy: Uh, I expanded the mission, uh, to be more inclusive. Here at Saul Goodman and Associates, we welcome all ages, all creeds, all stripes.
Francesca: And who is this Saul Goodman? You?
Jimmy: You got it! What Colonel Sanders is to chicken, Saul Goodman is to the law.

Jimmy: What if I double your salary?
Francesca: My salary at the MVD or what you were paying me before?
Jimmy: Whatever's less. No! Whatever's more! "More" is the word I'm looking for. Did I mention... the signing bonus?
Francesca: I get a say in the decorating.

--
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Masculin Féminin

Emily in Paris 1×2

Emily Cooper: French is such a funny language. Why is it la plouc and not le plouc?
Sylvie Grateau: I guess it depends on the plouc you're referring to.

Sylvie Grateau: Listen, I... don't agree with your approach. You want everything to be everywhere, accessible to everyone. You want to open doors. I want to close doors. We work with very exclusive brands. And they require mystery, and... you have no mystery. You're... You're very... very obvious.
Emily Cooper: Maybe I am. But... I do understand what it means to be on the outside looking in. I have a perspective that you will never understand because, no, I'm not sophisticated or French, and I don't know how to look like you. That slouchy, sexy, je ne sais quoi thing. But I am the customer that wants it. And you're not because... you've already got it, and you don't even know how you did it.

Sylvie Grateau: Emily unfortunately does not speak French.
Antoine Lambert: And why did you come to Paris?
Emily Cooper: To bring an American perspective from a marketing point of view.
Antoine Lambert: Hm. And how do things look from that point of view?
Emily Cooper: I think you have an amazing, sexy product that could practically induce pregnancy in older women.

Julien: Sylvie is Antoine's mistress. You never flirt with another woman in front of your mistress. It's worse than doing it in front of your wife.

Emily Cooper: But I don't get it. What's the point of being married if you're gonna cheat on your spouse?
Mindy Chen: Uh, maybe after you're married for 20 years, you might feel differently. I mean, the French are romantics, but they're also realists.

Emily Cooper: Come on. The customer's always right.
Mindy Chen: See, no, here the customer is never right.
Emily Cooper: Well, maybe I'll educate the chef a little bit about customer service.
Mindy Chen: You think you're gonna change the entire French culture by sending back a steak?

Emily Cooper: Why is the vagina masculine?
Sylvie Grateau: Pardon?
Emily Cooper: Why is it le vagin, and not la vagin?
Sylvie Grateau: Oh, you mean le vagin... Maybe it's because it's something a woman owns and a man possesses.
Emily Cooper: Your language is seriously effed up.

Emily Cooper: I feel like Alice Through the Looking Glass. It's like up is down. I'll never learn the language or understand anything here. Do you realize this city is laid out in circles? Like they deliberately designed it to confuse us.
Mindy Chen: It's an illogical culture, but it's a beautiful one too. Better to just let it wash over you.
Emily Cooper: Yeah, but that's just it. I'm worried I might drown.

—
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Emily in Paris

Emily in Paris 1×1

Emily Cooper: You lost me at bonjour.

Paul Brossard: I was in Chicago once, and I ate the deep-dish pizza.
Emily Cooper: Ah. That is our specialty. We take a lot of pride.
Paul Brossard: It was, uh, dégueulasse. How you say?
Sylvie: Disgusting.
Paul Brossard: Like a quiche made of cement.
Emily Cooper: Uh... Oh, no, you must have gone to Lou Malnati's.

Paul Brossard: And the people are so fat. Why are they all so fat?
Sylvie Grateau: Well, perhaps from the disgusting food.
Emily Cooper: True, we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic. In fact, Merck was one of our biggest clients. They make a diabetes drug that we marketed the heck out of. Sales went up 63 percent.
Julien: So you create the disease, then you treat the disease, and then you market the treatments of the disease.
Emily Cooper: Well...
Sylvie Grateau: Perhaps stop eating.
Julien: There is no money in that.

Emily Cooper: Cigarettes cause diabetes and cancer.
Paul Brossard: Yes. Well, smoking is a pleasure. And without pleasure, who are we?
Sylvie Grateau: German?

Julien: What are you doing?
Emily Cooper: I've been here since 8:30.
Julien: Pourquoi? We open at 10:30.

Mindy Chen: Do you love it?
Emily Cooper: Uh, yes, of course I love Paris. And the food is so delicious. The fashion, so chic. The lights, so magical.
Mindy Chen: But the people... so mean.
Emily Cooper: I mean, they can't all be mean.
Mindy Chen: Oh, yes, they can. Chinese people are mean behind your back. French people, mean to your face.

Luc: It's a balance. ... I think the Americans have the wrong balance. You live to work. We work to live. Yes, it's good to make money, but what you say is success, I say is punishment.
Emily Cooper: But... I enjoy work... and accomplishment. It... It makes me happy.
Luc: Work makes you happy?!
Emily Cooper: Yes. I mean, it's... it's... it's why I'm here. For work. And look where it's brought me. To this beautiful city.
Luc: Maybe you don't know what it is to be happy.

—
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Christmas Party

The Office 2×10

Jim Halpert: ... And this is the card. Because Christmas is the time to tell people how you feel.

Michael Scott: I want people to cut loose. I want people making out in closets. I want people hanging from the ceilings, lamp shades on the heads. I want it to be a Playboy Mansion party. And also, I want you to know and spread the word that I will have my digital camera. And I'll be taking pictures all along the way.

Angela Martin: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.
Michael Scott: Yeah. I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.

Michael Scott: Reverse psychology is an awesome tool. I don't know if you guys know about it, but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe and that tricks them into doing something stupid. Works like a charm.

Michael Scott: Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people, and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

Clerk: It comes to $166.41.
Michael Scott: All right, now, you're the expert. Is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
Clerk: Fifteen bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it.

—
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E-Mail Surveillance

The Office 2×9

Michael Scott: There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them... His bed... And I am not going to tell them that I'll be reading their e-mails.

Michael Scott: So how do you search?
Sadiq: By keyword phrase.
Michael Scott: Try "profits." No, try "Michael Scott!" "Michael," "boss" and "funny."

Michael Scott: Oh, my God. Wow! E-mail from Stanley. Stanley, terribly nice guy... "Sorry I didn't write back sooner. I can't go to the game tonight because my boss, Michael, is an ass and making me stay late." Well, Stanley's an ass. Not one of our harder workers.

Michael Scott: You know what the problem is? I think I do. The problem is that when people hear the term "Big Brother," they immediately think it's scary or bad. But I don't. I think, "Wow, I love my big brother."

Pam Beasley: It's like squishing a spider under a book. It's going to be really gross... but I have to look and make sure that it's really dead.

Michael Scott: There is always a distance between a boss and the employees. It is just nature's rule. It's intimidation mostly. It's the awareness that they are not me. I do think that I'm very approachable as one of the guys. But maybe I need to be even approachabler.

Michael Scott: Think about this. What is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies or in real life? Somebody has a gun. That's why I always start with a gun. Because you can't top it. You just can't.

Jim Halpert: Angela! Burger? Dog? Having fun?
Angela Martin: I got sap on me.
Jim Halpert: Chicken, hot dog, burger.
Angela Martin: I'm a vegetarian.
Jim Halpert: There is soda inside.

Pam Beasley: Just because two people are hanging out, it doesn't mean that they're together. You know, like, people can just be friends. And I think that it was really unfair of us to assume that there was anything else going on.

—
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Hustle (2022)

Rex Merrick: Never back down.

Stanley Sugerman: Guys in their 50s don't have dreams. They have nightmares and eczema.

Stanley Sugerman: Are you really a construction worker, or is that all part of the hustle?

Stanley Sugerman: I mean, I couldn't take my eyes off of you. It got me so excited. You're a fantasy for a guy like me... What? Did that sound dirty or something? No, I didn't... I didn't mean it like that. I meant it like you're an amazing basketball player.

Stanley Sugerman: There's 450 NBA players, another 100 just waiting to get called up. It's my job to know every other great player in the world. I'm very good at my job. I never heard of you. So tell me your whole story from the top.

Stanley Sugerman: Do you love this game? Love it with your whole heart? Because if you don't, let's not even bother. Let's not open that door. They're gonna slam it right in our face.
     I love this game. I live this game. And there's 1,000 other guys waiting in the wings who are obsessed with this game. Obsession is gonna beat talent every time. You've got all the talent in the world, but are you obsessed? Is it all you ever think about?
     Let's face it, it's you against you out there. When you walk on that court, you have to think, "I am the best guy out there." "I don't care if LeBron's playing." So let me ask you again. Do you love this game?

Stanley Sugerman: So you see this hill? Average professional biker can get to the top of this hill in two minutes. We're gonna come out here every morning till you get the top, running, minute-45.

Stanley Sugerman: You know what's not cool? A grown man letting another grown man hurt his feelings. Players are gonna try to get in your head every time you step on the court. You gotta be an iceberg out there, all floating around and sharp and taking down ships.

Stanley Sugerman: 2:22. It's you against you out there. And right now, you is kicking your ass.

Stanley Sugerman: I'm gonna say one last inspirational thing to you. They can't kill you if you're already dead.

—
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Performance Review

The Office 2×8

Pam Beasley: Last year, my performance review started with Michael asking me what my hopes and dreams were and it ended with him telling me he could bench press 190 pounds.
Michael Scott: Pam, you're trustworthy.
Pam Beasley: Thank you.
Michael Scott: And a woman.

Jim Halpert: Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm gonna actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight Schrute: That is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim Halpert: Then I win.

Jim Halpert: Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks that it's Friday. And that's what I'll be working on this afternoon...

Stanley Hudson: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael Scott: Really?
Stanley Hudson: Oh, yes. Let's listen to it again, and this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael Scott: God, Stanley. That's freaking brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I'm sorry.
Stanley Hudson: Oh, it's okay. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto, in fact.

Michael Scott: Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis, I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Is there any chance that you wrote any of my ideas down in a folder, like an idea folder?
Pam Beasley: Sorry.
Michael Scott: That's unfortunate. How about the suggestion box? There's tons of ideas in there.
Pam Beasley: What suggestion box?

Michael Scott: Jan Levinson's coming very soon and so we're gonna have our weekly suggestion box meeting. So you can all get in your constructive compliments ASAP.
Ryan Howard: Don't you mean constructive criticism?
Michael Scott: What did I say?
Kelly Kapoor: You said constructive compliments. That doesn't make any sense.
Michael Scott: Well, Kelly, that was neither constructive nor a compliment, so maybe you should stop criticizing my English and start making some suggestions, okay?

Michael Scott: Just keep it going. Yup. What do we have here?... We have somebody's piece of gum. Somebody put a piece of gum in there. This is not a garbage can. This is the future of our company. This is not a place for gum, okay?

Jan Levenson: You know, Michael...
Michael Scott: Am I too short?
Jan Levenson: Michael, it has nothing to do with your looks, okay? It's your personality. I mean, you're obnoxious, and rude, and stupid, and you do have coffee breath, by the way. And I don't agree about the B.O., but you are very, very inconsiderate.

—
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I Am Not Alone

Outlander 6×8

Claire Fraser: It couldn't be, could it? The obituary said the Sabbath before the 21st of January. It's May, for heaven's sake.
Jamie Fraser: I was a printer, Claire. Ye canna trust everything ye read in the broadsheets.
Claire Fraser: That's reassuring.

Claire Fraser: The condemned ate a hearty meal...
Jamie Fraser: What?
Claire Fraser: It's an American tradition from my time. A prisoner condemned to death is allowed to request whatever he wants for his last meal.
Jamie Fraser: Whatever he wants?
Claire Fraser: Within reason.
Jamie Fraser: Hmm.

Jamie Fraser: I might say an Act of Contrition. We did that always the night before a battle. Just in case.
Claire Fraser: All right, then. Just in case.

Jamie Fraser: Oh, my God, I am heartily sorry for offending Thee. I detest all my sins for thy just punishments, but most of all, my God, because they offend Thee. My God who art all good and deserving of all my love.

Jamie Fraser: How many times, would you say, have I come close to dying?

Claire Fraser: You're a hard man to kill, I think... That brings me a great deal of comfort.

Claire Fraser: Do you think you have nine lives?
Jamie Fraser: I hope so.
Claire Fraser: I never thought that hearing a litany of your near-death experiences would bring me so much peace. Or maybe it's just the nearness of you.

--
On the IMDb

Sticks and Stones

Outlander 6×7

Jamie Fraser: The dead canna speak for themselves. It's the livin' we must watch.

Brianna Mackenzie: Where's Perry Mason when you need him, eh?
Roger Mackenzie: Aye, I know. Where do we start?
Brianna Mackenzie: It's not as if we can report it to police, or report this matter to anyone.
Young Ian: Who's Perry Mason?
Brianna Mackenzie: He's a lawyer from our time. He defends the falsely-accused.
Roger Mackenzie: I think the question he'd be asking is who would've had the means, motive, and the opportunity? Claire Fraser: Me.

Claire Fraser: Funny. We never say that we're "only human" when we've done something good or worthy of praise. Instead, it's what we tell ourselves to excuse our mistakes. An effort, perhaps, to convince ourselves that the person we see looking back at us in the mirror really isn't so bad. But who was I now? What was I now? Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp. Dr. Randall. Mistress Fraser. Wife. Mother. Grandmother. Witch. Murderer--

Roger Mackenzie: Probably sounds ridiculous to you, but in the future, there are some who are opposed to eatin' animals altogether.
Jamie Fraser: Aye, Claire told me. Vegetarians. Ye gonna tell me ye joined their ranks?

Roger Mackenzie: But "thou shalt not kill..."
Jamie Fraser: Does no good to quote "thou shalt not kill." In Greek and Hebrew scriptures, the word "murder" is used. Malva was murdered.
Roger Mackenzie: Makes me wonder where God is in all of this. And where I stand.

Jamie Fraser: As a wise man once told me, there's always a war comin'.

Claire Fraser: We're going to meet my prospective jurors. Stand trial in the court of public opinion.
Jamie Fraser: Well, that's what it is, opinion. I'll no dignify any rumors wi' a response. And what is it ye say to the bairns? "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names'll never hurt me."

Lizzie Wemyss: Please, Mr. Fraser. Are we goin' to do it here in the stables?
Jamie Fraser: Christ was born in a manger. It was good enough for Him.

Claire Fraser: Going to go get a cup of tea... What? Cup of tea makes everything right with the world. A truth acknowledged by every English person that's ever lived.
Jamie Fraser: Thank the Lord I'm Scottish.

Jamie Fraser: ... although there is pain, your selfishness has brought so much to so many. Without you, our whole world crumbles into dust.

Roger Mackenzie: It's an unholy trinity, certainly... What can I say? The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Jamie Fraser: I'll tell them that marriage is a serious undertaking. Requires patience, sacrifice...
Claire Fraser: Monogamy. Maybe they should've started with that.

--
On the IMDb

The Client

The Office 2×7

Michael Scott: Hey, everybody, listen up! This is what we're gonna do. You sit tight until I return. Sound good? Doesn't matter, it's an order. Follow it blindly.

Pam Beasley: What are you gonna do with your time off?
Jim Halpert: Travel. Yeah. I've been looking forward to it. It's gonna be really nice. I'm gonna find myself.

Michael Scott: No, nothing happened. I swear. Nothing happened. What? I'm totally being serious. A gentleman does not kiss and tell. And neither do I.

Michael Scott: I know we have to register as a consensual sexual relationship with HR. My question, do I do it as the man? Does she do it as my superior? I don't know. That leads to other issues that we may have in our relationship. It's...

—
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