You Mean All This Time We Could Have Been Friends?

Feud 1×8

& Dentist: ...And by my count, you’re missing six molars?
    Joan Crawford: Extractions.
    Dentist: What kind of medieval dental practice extracts six teeth without putting in implants?
    Joan Crawford: I did it when I was 23. It’s called «the buckle.» When you remove the back teeth, your cheeks curve in at a more elegant angle.

& Dentist: Why the heck would you do that?
    Joan Crawford: My agent told me if I wanted to work past 25, I should invest in a set of cheekbones. You can’t catch their eye if you can’t catch the light, so I did the buckle. It was not uncommon.

& Joan Crawford: Well, you know what they say about stars. They’re like Christmas trees. Once the lights are off, you sit there and watch the needles drop.

& Joan Crawford: A denture... No. I’ll do the surgery if I have to, but no dentures. I’d rather spit blood into a sink than look like Martha Raye.

& Dentist: Miss Crawford, at your age, you need to worry more about staying healthy than staying photogenic.
    Joan Crawford: I’ll stop worrying about how I look when they dip me in formaldehyde.

& Stan: ...And if the book is a hit, potentially, it’s a huge branding opportunity. Joan Crawford luggage, Joan Crawford dinnerware, Joan Crawford plastic furniture covers...
    Joan Crawford: I would love that.

& Joan Crawford: Trog? What is Trog?
    Freddie Francis: Oh, as in troglodyte. Trog... it’s the title of the movie.
    Joan Crawford: I thought the picture was entitled The Missing Link.
    Freddie Francis: We changed it to pop out on the posters. Picture it: Trog!...
    Joan Crawford: And what is that?
    Freddie Francis: Oh, uh, your co-star. Trog.

---

&’This is Joan Crawford. Let’s begin with my point of view. I always say, treasure yourself.
    I do a certain amount of self-pampering. I surround myself with happy colors.
    I sit on hard chairs. Soft ones spread the hips.
    People ask me if I turn up at board meetings wearing tailored costumes and muted colors. Oh, no. I wear shocking pink and lovely hats. No man ever did a poor job because he had an attractive woman to look at...
    I mistrust people who don’t like animals...
    There are no hard and fast rules for fending off an outright pass, especially if it comes from the boss. Every intelligent woman has her own method of turning it down without wounding a sensitive male ego. An even cleverer woman knows how to prevent the pass in the first place.
    If you can’t control your cleavage, your perfume, your walk and your eyelashes, you’d better stay out of the business...
    Here are a few items no dieter should ever have in the house: peas, lima beans, avocadoes, olives, dried beans, corn, butter, most cheese. Creamed chicken with mash potatoes makes too much mush. Always serve something crisp with something soft...
    All the beauty products in the world can’t disguise a disagreeable expression. Have you ever noticed that when you say, «no,» you resemble a prune-faced schoolmarm?...
I feel as if clothes are people. When I buy a dress, that’s a new friend. I have a tremendous respect for fabrics...
    I love people. I’ve been asked if I ever go around in disguise. Never! I want to be recognized. When I hear people say, «There’s Joan Crawford,» I turn around and say, «Hi. How are you?»‘

& Joan Crawford: Is that really how I look?.. Well, if that’s how they see me, they’ll never see me again.

& Pauline: You know, in Japan, when you turn 60, you put on this bright red hat, and you celebrate kanreki. It’s your second childhood. Life isn’t over. It’s just beginning.

& Victor Buono: Nothing good can come from comparing yourself.

& Victor Buono: You and she have so much in common. You’re both Aries. You’re both single mothers to angry children. You’ve each been married four times. In many ways, I hate to say this, but... she may be the only person in the entire world who knows how you really feel right now.

& Joan Crawford: I spent my whole life being Joan Crawford. A woman I created for others. I don’t know who-who I am when I’m by myself.

& Jack Warner: Now, Joanie, look, look, if I... if I really had known how hard I-I’d really made it for you, I... I wouldn’t have done a fucking thing different...

& Jack Warner: It all works out in the end, Joanie. You know, we showbiz folks, you know, all that anger that we feel from not being loved... which is the reason we’re in this business in the first place... all the tears and the screaming and the-the rage, it all disappears. And the public, what they remember, for the most part, is the good stuff. The work. And all the joy that we brought them. Trust me, all the suffering will have been worth it.
    Joan Crawford: Will it, really?

& Jan Tomlinson, AP Wire Service: Joan Crawford died this morning. Do you have a comment?
    Bette Davis: My mother always said don’t say anything bad about the dead. Only say good... Joan Crawford is dead. Good.

& Joan Blondell: That’s it? Christ. 50 years in show business, and they give her two seconds.
    Bette Davis: That’s all any of us will get. To Joan.

& Joan Crawford: Bette? Here’s what I really hope from this picture when all is said and done: I hope I’ve made a new friend...
    Bette Davis: ...Me, too.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

Σ Magnificent!

Abandoned!

Feud 1×7

& Makeup Artist: I do wish you’d give me a crack at those brows, Joan...
    Joan Crawford: The brows are mine. And the mouth. Let’s get started on the lashes.

& Joan Crawford: I need to process your note, Bob... In my trailer.

& Victor Buono: Well, I remember seeing her in Humoresque. Shunned by John Garfield, marching into the ocean, every hair in place. Beauty, dignity and death, all in one exquisite pose. She marched into the sea to her death...
    Bette Davis: ...and never got her hair wet.
    Victor Buono: Well... It meant a lot to me.

& Bette Davis: I wanted to hear [Jack Warner’s] reaction. Did he see my talent, my humor, my intelligence, my brave attack on the scene? But he wasn’t interested in any of that. Guess what he said.
    Robert Aldrich: What did he say?
    Bette Davis: He said I had zero sex appeal. He said, «Who would want to fuck that?...» I was 22. And nobody ever had.
    Robert Aldrich: You should go to bed.
    Bette Davis: Guess who he said he wished I looked like?.. Joan Crawford.

& Bette Davis: Joan... How did it feel to be the most beautiful girl in the world?
    Joan Crawford: It was wonderful. The most joyous thing you could ever imagine... And it was never enough.... Well, what about you? How did it feel to be the most talented girl in the world?
    Bette Davis: Great... And it was never enough.

---

& Joan Crawford: Driver. I’m not going to Brentwood. Take me to Cedars-Sinai Hospital. I’m suddenly feeling very, very ill.

& Joan Crawford: And, really, her entrance into the picture? Oh, it’s all wrong. A taxi cab, Bob? No.
    Robert Aldrich: Well, how about a flying carpet?

& Robert Aldrich: You know, Joan, the last time I let an actor call all the shots, I made 4 for Texas. I can’t afford another bomb. If Charlotte doesn’t work, I’m back making crap TV. So I suggest you put down your fucking script and pick up your fucking contract and give that a close fucking read. Tomorrow morning, 7:00 a.m., and not a minute later.

& Robert Aldrich: You know what, Bette? Being right doesn’t mean shit if you’re driving talent off the stage. You want to be a producer? Well, a producer gets results. You want to be a lion tamer? Great. Go tame the goddamn lion.

& B.D. Merrill: I just don’t see why we have to make such a big production out of the wedding.
    Bette Davis: Well, I’ll tell you why. A wedding is a big, special party because everything after that is hard work and repetition. It’s work to keep a house. It’s work to fix him the same goddamn glass of scotch every night and feign interest while he rants about his boss. It’s work to tolerate his forgetting to ask you about your day, and your feelings, and your thoughts. And it’s work to feel like a staging ground for someone else’s ambitions.
    B.D. Merrill: You just described my life with you.
    Bette Davis: Well, then I’ve prepared you to be a good wife.

& Bette Davis: I want it to be perfect. Your first wedding is the one that you remember the most.
    B.D. Merrill: My first wedding? Jeremy and I are forever!
    Bette Davis: Of course, darling, I... Of course. And however long that forever lasts, I want you know that you will always have a place to come home to.

& Joan Blondell: Let me tell you something. At a certain point, a woman becomes invisible. You get fat or old... people don’t even see you anymore... Oh, come on, think of it this way: you’ve been eating in a restaurant your whole life. You’re a great customer. Good tipper. Staff loves you. You spend all your money there. And then one day, they won’t serve you. Won’t take your money. Won’t even let you see the menu. Well, who could blame you for wanting to stand up and rip the tablecloth off?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

Hagsploitation

Feud 1×6

& Jack Warner: Quick, Biff...
    Bart: Bart.
    Jack Warner: What is it about these hag movies that people love?
    Bart: I don’t know, my-my mom says that they’re kind of degrading.
    Jack Warner: Bingo. Degradation. That’s what it is.

& Jack Warner: You take some movie queen of yore, who was once too beautiful to screw us and you make her suffer. Tearing down your idols. It’s very satisfying for an audience. Don’t you think, Bob?

& Jack Warner: Goddamn it! I created this genre! Hagsploitation! It even has its own word! And you know who came up with that?
    Dennis: The New York Times?
    Jack Warner: No! Me!

& Hedda Hopper: If I am finished, and the sum of my life’s work is tallied, am I satisfied? With reams of gossip?
    Joan Crawford: Oh, how can you say that? Look at all the careers that you have launched. Mine included.
    Hedda Hopper: I didn’t muse on the careers I’d nurtured. I thought about the ones I destroyed. The reds, the queers, the whores, the cheaters and dopeheads. The ones who cursed me, sued me, offed themselves. And I felt... good.

& Hedda Hopper: All right, Joan. But just remember... It’s always better to cooperate.

& Jack Warner: Let me explain something to you, all right? Goldwyn is finished, Mayer is dead, and Selznick is just one pastrami sandwich away from a coronary. But Jack L. Warner still runs Warner Brothers. And incidentally, how many brothers do you see standing in this room?
    Robert Aldrich: You’re the only one, Jack.
    Jack Warner: That’s right. I’m the last goddamn dinosaur.

& Jack Warner: I need a miracle. I need another goddamn Baby Jane.
    Robert Aldrich: And it’s called What Ever Happened to Cousin Charlotte?
    Jack Warner: That’s a great title. I love this title.
    Robert Aldrich: Because it’ll remind people of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?
    Jack Warner: Mm-hmm.

& Robert Aldrich: I am not working with them again together, never again.
    Jack Warner: You can’t work with them? Wha...
    Robert Aldrich: They hate each other! Besides, they’d never agree to it.
    Jack Warner: Bobby, if you think it’s twilight for us, it is midnight for them. They are gonna do your Charlotte picture. And you know what? They’re gonna do it for less. And you know what else? So are you.

---

& Joan Crawford: ...And now she’s doing television? I mean, really, is that a face America wants in its living room at dinnertime? I don’t think so.

& Robert Aldrich: ...But we did some good work together, the three of us!
    Bette Davis: Did we? I’m not so sure.... I’m seen as a joke now. A white-faced ghoul.
    Joan Crawford: I let myself be overshadowed, pushed aside.
    Bette Davis: A grotesque caricature. That’s the way I’m going to be remembered.
    Joan Crawford: I outlasted Garbo, for Christ’s sakes. Now I’m going out as a dowdy matron?.. The answer’s...
    Bette Davis: No.

& Joan Crawford: I have never been lucky.

& Jack Warner: Every studio is struggling to find their own hag horror picture. And we got the two original hags.
    Robert Aldrich: The winning combination.

& Jack Warner: What are you saying? You shopped my picture around to other studios?!
    Robert Aldrich: It’s my picture, Jack. And now, Zanuck’s.
    Jack Warner: You can’t work for Zanuck. We have an agreement.
    Robert Aldrich: No, no, we don’t. But I do have a contract with Zanuck. Oh, and I’m not working for him, we’re partners. I have full autonomy, final cut, and some respect.
    Jack Warner: Respect is cheap. And you tell Zanuck I’ll sue... Fuck you!

& Jack Warner: You fu... give me... give me back my cigar.
    Robert Aldrich: I didn’t come here for your cigars.
    Jack Warner: No, what’d you come here for?
    Robert Aldrich: I came here to get my balls back. You hear ’em clanking?

& & Bette Davis: I want a promise from you.
    Joan Crawford: What?
    Bette Davis: When we go in there, we present a united front. ... The only way we’re going to get what we want is to speak with one voice, preferably mine.

& Robert Aldrich: What’s wrong with it?
    Bette Davis: A couple of guys arguing in a study? We have an illicit love affair, we have a Louisiana plantation to play with, and our introduction to Charlotte is a goddamn oil painting.
    Joan Crawford: I agree with Bette. And I was also wondering, do we really need all these ellipses? «Only Charlotte,» dot, dot, dot. I mean, wouldn’t a comma be more appropriate? Even a semicolon.

& Bette Davis: What I see is... is chopped off hands and bloodied stumps. But where are the good character scenes? Where are the meaty monologues?
    Joan Crawford: Yes, and does the syntax concern anyone else here at the table? I mean, Louisianians speak with a kind of music all their own.

& Bette Davis: Don’t get me wrong. I am not opposed to blood and guts, all right? I mean, Shakespeare, for Christ’s sake, he had a woman eat her sons in a pie, but there is a fine line between art and trash, and that line is plausibility.

& Bette Davis: .... And change the goddamn title!

& Joan Crawford: If you’ve any decency, you’ll agree. There’s enough there to purchase whatever it is you think you have.
    Hal: You mean my personal copy of Velvet Lips?..

& Joan Crawford: Come on, Hal. The film.
    Hal: There is no film, Billie. You said so yourself.

& Mamacita: There are many pleasures still to enjoy. New friends. You are invited to parties all the time...
    Joan Crawford: I can’t show my face without having a picture to discuss. If I’m not working, I might as well be dead.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

Hush...Hush, Sweet Charlotte

    Robert Aldrich: What’s this?
    Jack Warner: That’s a gift for my good friend Bob. Fresh, un-mutilated properties. Further tales of old hags...

& New Boy: What if she catches me?
    Gang Leader: Shh! Then you tell her you’re Jewel Mayhew from down the road... and you come a-lookin’ for your poor, little old husband’s head.

& Charlotte: Where you are, I could spit in your eye... with no strain at all.

& Sheriff Standish: She’s not really crazy. She just acts that way... because people seem to expect it of her.

& Charlotte: What do you think I asked you here for? Company? I thought you were gonna help me!

---

& Charlotte: Let me see. What-What is it you call your job? Oh, yes. Public relations. Sounds like somethin’ pretty dirty to me.

& Miriam: We don’t have time for regrets now, Drew. And there is a lot to regret.

& Miriam: How could she stand being alone here all these years?
    Dr. Drew: People who oblige to live alone have a habit of creatin’ company for themselves. Innocent fancies can become fixed delusions.

& Charlotte: We could get rid of the body. We could hide it somewhere. Then people would think someone else had done it. That’s the only thing to do...

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Cat on a Hot Tin Roof

& Maggie: Living with somebody you love can be lonelier than living entirely alone when the one you love doesn’t love you.

& Maggie: You know what I feel like? I feel all the time like a cat on a hot tin roof.
    Brick: Then jump off the roof, Maggie. Jump off it. Now, cats jump off roofs and they land uninjured. Do it. Jump.

& Brick: What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?
    Maggie: Just staying on it, I guess. Long as she can.

& Brick: Big Daddy... Now what makes him so big? His big heart, his big belly, or his big money?

& Maggie: I’m not living with you. We occupy the same cage, that’s all.

& Big Momma Pollitt: Some single men stop drinking when they get married. Others start.

& Maggie: You can be young without money. But you can’t be old without it.

& Maggie: Where did I fail you? Where did I make my mistake?

& Big Daddy: Ida, what the hell’s the matter with you?
    Maggie: Oh, she’s just so happy, Big Daddy.
    Big Momma: I’m so happy. I just got to cry or something.

& Big Daddy: You better know why you drink, or give up drinking.

& Maggie: On offensive he was useless. On defensive he was a coward. ... Without you, Skipper was nothing. Outside, big, tough, confident. Inside, pure jelly.

& Big Daddy: You and Skipper and millions like you, are living in a kids’ world, playing games, touchdowns, no worries, no responsibilities. Life ain’t no damn football game. Life ain’t just a bunch of high spots. You’re a 30-year-old kid. Soon you’ll be a 50-year-old kid pretending you hearing cheers when there ain’t any. Dreaming and drinking your life away. Heroes in the real world live 24 hours a day, not just two hours in a game.

---

& Big Daddy: Mendacity! You won’t... You won’t live with mendacity, but you’re an expert at it. The truth is pain and sweat, paying bills and making love to a woman that you don’t love anymore. The truth is dreams that don’t come true, and nobody prints your name in the paper till you die.

& Gooper: Hey, Doc, instead of a needle, haven’t you maybe got a pill to make the pain disappear?
    Dr. Baugh: Sometimes I wish I had a pill to make people disappear.

& Big Daddy: I hate apologies. Especially for the truth. Whatever you did, don’t apologize for it. Just don’t do it again. If you didn’t do it, start doing it.

& Big Daddy: There’s one thing you can’t buy in a Europe fire sale, or any other market on earth. That’s your life. Can’t buy back your life when it’s finished.

& Brick: Why’d you let Ma buy all this stuff?
Big Daddy: The human animal is a beast that eventually has to die. If he’s got money, he buys and he buys. The reason why he buys everything he can is because of a crazy hope that one of the things he buys will be life everlasting, which it never can be.

& Brick: Why won’t you take it? It’ll kill the pain that’s all.
Big Daddy: It’ll kill the senses, too. When you’ve got pain, at least you know you’re alive.

& Big Momma: Plan. Basis. What I say to your plan is... Maggie, what is it Big Daddy says when he’s disgusted?
    Maggie: He says «bull» when he’s disgusted.
    Big Momma: That’s right. I say «bull,» too, like Big Daddy.
    Mae: Coarse language don’t seem called for to me.
    Big Momma: Bull!

--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

And the Winner Is... (The Oscars of 1963)

Feud 1×5

& Olivia de Havilland: The 1963 Oscars. I have to say that’s when things took such an ugly turn. Not that everything was sunshine and lollipops up until then, but it was the Academy Awards that year when it became the point of no return for both Bette and Joan...

& Olivia de Havilland: Unscrupulous reporters did everything they could to sow hatred between myself and my own sister.
    Reporter: The actress Joan Fontaine is your younger sister...
    Olivia de Havilland: Well, she’s not that much younger, but yes.
    Reporter: So there is no feud between you two?
    Olivia de Havilland: A feud implies continuing hostile conduct between two parties. I can’t remember an instance where I instigated hostile behavior.

& Joan Crawford: Her third Oscar...
    Hedda Hopper: You always did stink at math, Joanie, not a third Oscar. Her tenth nomination, her eighth loss. That’s the way you got to think of it.

& Joan Crawford: I have been in competition with that goddamn woman my entire career. A constant battle. For men, for roles, for magazine covers... And I don’t know why. I was the bigger star. My leading men were more attractive. My pictures made more money. And yet I was always made to feel inferior.

---

& Joan Crawford: Don’t forget, Gerry. You’re representing Hollywood. I mean, this broadcast will be seen all over the world. People depend on us to brighten their ordinary lives with a little glamour.

& Geraldine Page: Well... good news. I’m not going to make you put on a tux this year.
    — You’re actually gonna let that high-strung show pony represent you at the Oscars?
    Geraldine Page: Well, she needs it. And besides, Hollywood should be forced to look at what they’ve done to her.

& Mamasita: Move, move, move. Do not speak, just work. That goes for everyone here. Do not address Miss Crawford unless she speaks to you first. And pick up the pace. It is Oscar day.

& Bette Davis: Wait up for me, boys. Tonight I’m bringing you home a baby brother.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

All About Eve

Bette... well, she was a different story. After All About Eve, she was on top of the world...

& Addison DeWitt: Eve. You all know all about Eve.

& Bill Simpson: The theater. The theater! What rules say the theater exists only within some ugly buildings crowded into one square mile of New York City? Or London, Paris or Vienna? Listen, Junior, and learn.
    Do you wanna know what the theater is? A flea circus. Also opera. Also rodeos, carnivals, ballets, Indian tribal dances, Punch and Judy, a one-man band, all theater. Wherever there’s magic and make-believe and an audience, there’s theater. Donald Duck, Ibsen and The Lone Ranger. Sarah Bernhardt and Poodles Hanneford. Lunt and Fontanne, Betty Grable. Rex the Wild Horse, Eleonora Duse, all theater.
    You don’t understand them all. You don’t like them all. Why should you? The theater’s for everybody, you included, but not exclusively. So, don’t approve or disapprove. It may not be your theater, but it’s theater for somebody, somewhere.
    Eva: I just asked a simple question.
    Bill Simpson: And I shot my mouth off. Nothing personal, Junior. No offense. It’s just that there’s so much bushwa in this ivory greenroom they call the theater, sometimes it gets up around my chin.

& Margo Channing: All the religions in the world rolled into one, and we’re gods and goddesses.

& Margo Channing: Isn’t it silly? Suddenly I’ve developed a big, protective feeling toward her. A lamb loose in our big, stone jungle.

& Margo Channing: You don’t like Eve, do you?
    Birdie Coonan: You want an argument or an answer?
    Margo Channing: An answer.
    Birdie Coonan: No.
    Margo Channing: Why not?
    Birdie Coonan: Now you want an argument.

& Margo Channing: Fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night.

---

& Margo Channing: Heartburn? It’s that Miss Caswell. I don’t see why she hasn’t given Addison heartburn.
    Bill Sampson: No heart to burn!
    Margo Channing: Everybody has a heart — except some people.

& Margo Channing: Lloyd, I’m not 20-ish. I’m not 30-ish. Three months ago I was 40 years old. 40! Four-0. That slipped out. I hadn’t quite made up my mind to admit it.

& Lloyd Richards: I shall never understand the process by which a body with a voice suddenly fancies itself as a mind. Just when does an actress decide they’re her words she’s saying and her thoughts she’s expressing?
    Margo Channing: Usually at the point when she has to rewrite and rethink them to keep the audience from leaving the theater.
    Lloyd Richards: There comes a time that a piano realizes that it has not written a concerto.
    Margo Channing: And you, I take it, are the Paderewski who plays his concerto on me, the piano?

& Margo Channing: More than anything in this world, I love Bill. And I want Bill. And I want him to want me. But me, not Margo Channing. And if I can’t tell them apart, how can he?

& Margo Channing: Bill’s in love with Margo Channing. He’s fought with her, worked with her, loved her. But ten years from now Margo Channing will have ceased to exist. And what’s left will be... What?

& Margo Channing: It’s funny, a woman’s career. The things you drop on your way up the ladder so you can move faster. You forget you’ll need them again when you get back to being a woman. That’s one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we’ve got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we’ve had or wanted. And in the last analysis, nothing’s any good unless you can look up just before dinner or turn around in bed, and there he is. Without that, you’re not a woman. You’re something with a French provincial office or a book full of clippings, but you’re not a woman. Slow curtain, the end.

& Bill Simpson: Don’t cry. Just score it as an incomplete forward pass.

& Addison DeWitt: We all come into this world with our little egos equipped with individual horns. If we don’t blow them, who else will?

& Margo Channing: In this rat race, everybody’s guilty till proved innocent. One of the differences between the theater and civilization.

& Lloyd Richards: There are very few moments in life as good as this. Let’s remember it. To each of us and all of us, never have we been more close. May we never be farther apart.

& Margo Channing: Groom, may I have a wedding present?
    Bill Simpson: What would you like? Texas?
    Margo Channing: I want everybody to shut up about Eve. Just shut up about Eve. That’s all I want.

& Addison DeWitt: You’re an improbable person, Eve, and so am I. We have that in common. Also our contempt for humanity and inability to love and be loved, insatiable ambition, and talent. We deserve each other.

& Eve Harrington: Although I am going to Hollywood next week to make a film, do not think for a moment that I am leaving you. How could I?

& Addison DeWitt: And what’s your name?
    Phoebe: Phoebe.
    Addison DeWitt: Phoebe?
    Phoebe: I call myself Phoebe.
    Addison DeWitt: And why not? Tell me, Phoebe, do you want someday to have an award like that of your own?
    Phoebe: More than anything else in the world.
    Addison DeWitt: Then you must ask Miss Harrington how to get one. Miss Harrington knows all about it.

--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb
+ любите ли вы театр так, как я люблю его, то есть всеми силами души вашей!

More, or Less

Feud 1×4

& Bette Davis: «Mother of three, 30 years experience in motion pictures, wants steady employment in Hollywood. References upon request.»

& Robert Aldrich: You know who goes to the movies nowadays? Kids and teenagers. I mean, nobody under the age of 35 even knows who these women are.

& Pauline: It’s called The Black Slipper. It’s written just for Joan...

& Pauline: You think I’m crazy?
    Mamacita: I think this is a marvelous idea.
    Pauline: You do?
    Mamacita: This is America. No one can tell you you’re crazy. In Werdohl, you know how you must live when you are born. Born to a shoemaker, you must make shoes. Born a girl, you must be a mother. Here, you decide. There is opportunity to become anything you want. I will make your case with Miss Joan.

& Joan Crawford: Win, lose or draw, I’ll always show up on time, hit my mark and promote the product, whether it’s Pepsi-Cola or a new motion picture.

& Joan Crawford: Jackals. It’s just like 1937 all over again.
    Mamacita: When Hitler took Austria.
    Joan Crawford: No, when they labeled me box office poison.

& Joan Crawford: Who is Pauline?

& Joan Crawford: A woman director. Well, it really is over.

& Joan Crawford: Well, it’s time to face the music, Mamacita.

& Hedda Hopper: She has the critics, so what? You have the audience.

& Hedda Hopper: She’ll get a nomination, but so will you... They wouldn’t dare nominate her and not you. Yes, all right, she plays a lunatic, but you play a cripple!

& Jack Warner: Baby Jane is the number one picture in America.
    Robert Aldrich: Well, actually, it’s more like number eight so far this year...
    Jack Warner: No. For what we spent on it, it’s number one.

---

& Robert Aldrich: It was one movie. Which nearly killed me being locked up with those two dames. I want to do something a lot less dangerous, you know? Like a, uh, like a war picture or a Western.
    Jack Warner: No. Let’s leave the war pictures and the Westerns to John Ford, okay?

& Jack Warner: You know, you’re the wop working in the fucking tile factory. We need tiles!
    Robert Aldrich: Yeah, well, even the schmuck in the tile factory has dreams, Jack.
    Jack Warner: Dreams are delusions. And right now, you’re delusional.

& Pauline: I know that it’s unorthodox, the idea of a woman director, but it’s not unprecedented. Think of the women who ruled the silent era...
    Joan Crawford: Where are they now?

& Joan Crawford: What do you guess prevented the next great wave of women directors?
    Pauline: I don’t know.
    Joan Crawford: Well, I do. I was there. Money. Money came along. Silents were low-cost, low-risk. A producer might shrug at the idea of an ingénue or girl editor taking a turn behind the camera, but when the studios came to power, they moved women to the feminine work. Costumes, continuity... Directors needed stamina, leadership, fiscal responsibility, so men were given the bullhorn. And I can’t say that we are any worse off for it.

& Joan Crawford: I’m not turning you down because you’re a woman. I’m turning you down because you’re a nobody. And at this late stage of my career, I don’t have the luxury of putting myself in the hands of a nobody. I have very few chances left. And my last chance is not going to be your first.

& Olivia de Havilland: I think the biggest moneymaker that year was Lawrence of Arabia.
    Joan Blondell: I don’t think there was even a girl camel in that one.
    Olivia de Havilland: So with two women stars of our era to suddenly have the most successful picture in the theaters among young people, well, we thought it signaled a sea change.
    Joan Blondell: We had thought we’d all start working again. That there’d be a flood of women’s pictures.
    Olivia de Havilland: It didn’t turn out that way.
    Joan Blondell: Sure as hell didn’t. The studios thought it was a fluke. They always think it’s a fluke when a picture carried by the girls succeeds at the box office.
    Olivia de Havilland: And they so often do.

& Joan Blondell: Oh, I’m not saying it, honey. Joan herself said it. Quote, «The twin curses of being a star are alcoholism and loneliness.» End quote.

& Joan Blondell: Oh, it’s a constant high. And then, when you don’t have a job, a success, or someone else is riding high... it gets very, very quiet. You can hear the voices of doubt. Pick up a bottle, and suddenly the party starts all over again. Pain goes away...

& Bette Davis: ...And I’m still not getting any offers.
    Robert Aldrich: What are you talking about? You’re doing Perry Mason.
    Bette Davis: It’s television!
    Robert Aldrich: There’s no shame in doing television!
    Bette Davis: Says the man who just signed Sinatra and Dean Martin to a multi-million-dollar Western romp.

& Bette Davis: If the offers aren’t coming in now...
    Robert Aldrich: Yeah, but they will come in. And if they don’t, I promise you, I will personally write you another big fat fucking hit.
    Bette Davis: Yeah. That’s what Mankiewicz said, too, right after I lost for All About Eve. I’m still waiting.

& Robert Aldrich: Zack Thomas is intent on recouping his $100,000 from Joe Jarrett. That is the picture. Now, if every time we see Zack, he’s getting a foot rub, how’s the audience gonna understand his ambition?
    Frank Sinatra: People know what I want, and they know I don’t sweat getting it. Match me.

& Assistant: «You don’t leave me much choice.»
    Frank Sinatra: I know the line, you stupid bitch!
    Robert Aldrich: All right, all right, that’s out of bounds.
    Frank Sinatra: Out of bounds?! Who the fuck do you think you are, out of bounds?! You’re nobody. I ought to have you decapitated and buried in the fucking desert, you sweaty, four-eyed ape. They won’t even mark your grave with an «X.» And no one’ll notice you’re gone!

& Robert Aldrich: What’s this?
    Jack Warner: That’s a gift for my good friend Bob. Fresh, un-mutilated properties. Further tales of old hags.
    Robert Aldrich: No, no, no—
    Jack Warner: Now, listen. Pick one, bring it to Bette. As a bonus... I will release your dog-shit Sinatra Western. Who else would do that for you?

& Jack Warner: All right, come on. Run along, now. I got writing to do. I’m working on my autobiography. What do you think I should call it? I’m thinking of Life of a Showman.

& Jack Warner: Oh, also, good luck on Monday. I mean, in general, for Baby Jane. It’s sure to pick up a few nods, but I want you to be prepared for the possibility that you’ll be left out. But don’t take it personally. You’re just not the type that your peer group acknowledges.

& Robert Aldrich: Can I ask you something, Jack?
    Jack Warner: Yes, of course.
    Robert Aldrich: Be straight with me.
    Jack Warner: Never any other way, Bob.
    Robert Aldrich: Do you think I have the potential for greatness?

& Robert Aldrich: I’m not a miracle worker. No one is gonna let a woman direct a picture. You’re in fantasyland.

& Mamacita: .... Census projections. By 1970, there will be six million more women than men. 52% of total population. Do you know what this means?
    Pauline: A lot of lonely gals.
    Mamacita: Studios will have obligations to make half of stories about women, by women, for women. It only makes economic sense. Keep your head up.

& Mamacita: Miss Joan. I want you to sit down.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?

«Stars of the night sky tend to keep to fixed orbits and never interfere with one another. Things sometimes operate that way in Hollywood, too. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, stars of equal magnitude who ruled in motion pictures during the fabulous ’30s, never got to know one another. Now, in the Indian summer of their careers, they’re about to...»

& Jane: I’ve written a letter to Daddy / His address is Heaven above / I’ve written «Dear Daddy, we miss you / And wish you were with us to love» / Instead of a stamp I put kisses / The postman says that’s best to do / I’ve written a letter to Daddy / Saying «I love you» / Now when I’m very good, and do as I am told / I’m Mama’s little angel and Papa says I’m good as gold / Now when I’m very bad and answer back and sass / Then I’m Mama’s little devil, and Papa says I’ve got the brass / Now I wish that you would tell me / Cos I’m much too young to know...

& Cora Hudson: You’re the lucky one, Blanche, really you are. Someday it’s going to be you getting all the attention. And when that happens, I... I want you to be kinder to Jane and your father than they are to you now. Do you know what I mean?
    Blanche: Uh-huh.
    Cora Hudson: I hope you’ll try and remember that.
    Blanche: I won’t forget. You bet I won’t forget.

& Liza Bates: What’s the matter? You look like you’ve been in a fight.
    Mrs. Bates: I’m not sure that I haven’t been. That Jane Hudson makes me so mad, I could kill her!
    Liza Bates: Gee, that’s a good idea. What will we use?

---

& Jane: Blanche... you aren’t ever gonna sell this house. And you aren’t ever gonna leave it... either.

& Jane: I've written a letter to Daddy / His address is heaven above...

& Jane: Who knows? You could’ve been better than all of them. But they didn’t want that. They just didn’t love you enough. You know that? They just didn’t love you enough.

& Jane: I like this place. We can just sit here for a while. And pretty soon the sun will come up and it will be nice.

& Ernie: Cops. How do you figure cops?

& Jane: You mean... all this time we could’ve been friends?

& Jane: You like ice cream? I’ll get you some...

--
++ Quotes on the IMDb

Mommie Dearest

Feud 1×3

& Joan Crawford: No. No, I don’t believe I will. Do you think my mother ever sent me flowers? Do you think she ever sent me anything? I was earning my own room and board by the time I was 12 years old, scrubbing toilets. But did I complain? Not once. Did I expect cards and flowers? Never. But I’ll tell you what, it made me tough. Gave me ambition. No, we’ll... we’ll see how her reviews are and then... we’ll think about sending flowers.

& Bette Davis: I just admire that you make your pictures a family affair.
    Robert Aldrich: It’s called nepotism. The town runs on it.
    Bette Davis: That is so true. Perhaps we should cast my daughter as the neighbor girl...

& Joan Crawford: My secret? Well, uh... I’ve always been a strict disciplinarian. Some people perhaps find that I’ve been too strict, especially with my first two... Christina and Christopher. I find that giving children a task to perform occupies the mind, and-and gives them a real sense of accomplishment and responsibility. I mean, my twins, for instance... they just love... sewing and cooking.

& Joan Crawford: Well, we called him «Daddy Cassin,» but he wasn’t really my daddy. We weren’t blood relations, so it wasn’t incest...

& Joan Crawford: ... I was glad to get out of there. Get away from my mother. I mean, the nuns were brutal, but... nothing compared to the way my mother treated me. The nuns actually taught me a great deal, things I still cherish. Discipline, the importance of cleanliness and order.

& Bette Davis: [My mother,] I think maybe sh... She was my only true female friend.
    Joan Crawford: You’re lucky.

& Robert Aldrich: You like him.
    Bette Davis: I like talent.

& Bette Davis: You’re good.
    Victor Buono: Oh. It’s like Mommy just gave me a new pony.

& Bette Davis: Where’s your wheelchair?
    Joan Crawford: It’s on the set, of course. Why?
    Bette Davis: Because you’re gonna need it after I break your goddamn legs.

---

& Robert Aldrich: Ladies, why are we fighting about the Oscars? We haven’t even finished making this movie yet. Can we please concentrate on the matter at hand? There’s room for both of you to succeed.
    Joan Crawford: In this town? Are you nuts?
    Bette Davis: Fuck off, Bob.

& Joan Crawford: Oh, Mamacita, don’t you just love a Monday?.... This is gonna be a long goddamn week.

& Bette Davis: She’s beautiful. She’s not an actress.
    Robert Aldrich: No, she’s not. ....
    Bette Davis: She should be billed as B.D. Merrill, not Davis.

& Mamacita: Children are hard work. Once the work is done, silence is the reward.
    Joan Crawford: Reward? You know, Mamacita, one of the things I loved most about having these children... all of them... was that no matter what I was doing, making a picture, or out for an event, the mad rush that was once my life... was that I’d always come home to this wonderful noise and joy. Well, it’s the condition of being a professional woman, I suppose. Maybe all women.

& Robert Aldrich: Joan. Good morning. Let me show you where you’re going to be dying.

& Robert Aldrich: Is it me, or is she getting younger?
    Pauline: You’re just now noticing? Every time she comes back from her trailer, she’s lost five more years.

& Joan Crawford: I hate this fucking picture. But if it’s successful... I can make a pretty penny.

& Hedda Hopper: You won’t have to be painted as the bad guy.
    Bette Davis: I win awards playing bad guys.
    Hedda Hopper: But that’s on the screen. This is real life.
    Bette Davis: Real life? Ha! This isn’t real life. This is Hollywood, Hedda. It’s all fake, from the manicured lawns in the desert to your manufactured concern.

& Hedda Hopper: I am a truth teller. I must report the facts, regardless of how ugly they may be.
    Bette Davis: You have been circling this project like a vulture from the start. It’s women like you, who’ve nurtured venom and resentment for years, that make it such a battle for the rest of us who are actually putting our asses on the line and risking something. Truth teller.

& Jack Warner: And get that hangdog expression of your face. Come on, come on. It’s not like you just took a dump all over Casablanca. It’s a B movie. It’s always been a B movie. Always will be a B movie. B-b-b-b-b-b...

& Joan Crawford: It’s my deepest desire to offer a loving home to a motherless child. It’s no longer 1940. I mean, the notion of a single mother adopting should no longer be an issue.

& Joan Crawford: You’re turning me down?! Why?
    Administrator: Because it’s no longer 1940. You’re simply too old.

& Blanche: You didn’t do it, Jane. I did it myself. Don’t you understand? I crippled myself.....

& Jane: .... Then, you mean... all this time we could’ve been friends.
    Robert Aldrich: Cut.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

The Other Woman

Feud 1×2

& Girl-next-door: Can I please have your autograph? It’s for my grandmother. She’s loved you since she was a kid.

& Joan Crawford: Sometimes you need to hit it square in the jaw.

& Joan Blondell: Two weeks later, Joan signed with Warner’s.
    Joan Crawford: Thank you, Daddy.
    Jack Warner: Oh, come on, Joan. Let’s cut the «Daddy» shit, all right? Might have worked for that fat fuck over at MGM, but you’re working for me now.

& Joan Blondell: Joan was Jack’s message to Bette: You’re not the only bitch in the kennel. And Joan wasn’t too proud to take Bette’s scraps...

& Robert Aldrich: Aw, typical stuff, you know. Bette’s always fighting me for another close-up, Joan’s always fighting me to take it out. But they’re burning up the screen, Jack. You should have paired them years ago.
    Jack Warner: No, thanks. Two world wars were enough.

& Jack Warner: ...And also, I’m not gonna release the picture the way I said I would.... I’m gonna open it bigger. The way no one’s ever done before. A wide release. 400 screens. Ha ha!

& Jack Warner: ’Cause you’re right. They’re burning up the screen together. Bobby, their scenes are fucking electric. They are fucking electric! And let’s face it, after Psycho, horror’s the future, and we got it.

& Jack Warner: No, no, no, there’s got to be more than that, bubbie. You got to keep ’em at each other’s throats. You have to. I’ll make sure their names are in the papers. That’s not a problem. But if you do this, you’ll be able to write your own ticket in this town. L’chaim, bubbeleh.

& Joan Crawford: ...I will sue her if she continues to make comments that are injurious to my ability to earn a living.
    Bette Davis: Ha! Earn a living? Every time you belch, Pepsi gives you ten grand.
    Joan Crawford: How dare you mention Pepsi! Unlike you, it’s good and pure.
    Bette Davis: It’s pure, all right. Pure vodka!

& Olivia de Havilland: But imagine a studio today tried to pit Miss Jane Fonda against Miss Dyan Cannon. I mean, the girls would revolt!
    Joan Blondell: Oh, horseshit. Nothing’s changed. No matter how liberated, women’ll do what they always do when they’re cornered: eat their own and pick their teeth with the bones.

---

& Joan Crawford: Would you like me to read it to you?
Robert Aldrich: «The woman is crazy. I always suspected she had a false front, and now I know for sure. And they’re 34 double Ds.»
Joan Crawford: Are you going to let her get away with this?

& Joan Crawford: Are you writing it down? Good. Miss Davis looks old enough to be my mother. One look at her face and you’d think she hasn’t had a happy day, or night, in her life... Yes, you can quote me. I’m counting on it.

& Jack Warner: This is fantastic footage, Bob. It’s fantastic. I-I mean, you can literally feel the hate steaming off the screen. It’s... It...

& Robert Aldrich: The atmosphere on set’s frosty enough as it is. You sure you want me to stir that pot?
    Jack Warner: What are you, red all of a sudden? You got something against capitalism? Huh?

& Robert Aldrich: What we’re looking at right there is a raw display of the free market. That’s vigorous competition. That’s the American way. The more that they despise each other, the more that each one tries to crush the other one, the better they get!
    Jack Warner: But they’re already good.
    Robert Aldrich: No, they’re great. Great, but they can be greater still.

& Robert Aldrich: Do you think that Wellington was such a hot general? He wasn’t. He was a piker, until he had to go up against Napoleon. And why? Because he hated Napoleon’s guts. He hated him. It was his hatred that made him great.
    Jack Warner: Jack, that was war.
    Robert Aldrich: So is this.

& Bette Davis: All right, let's look at the scene... "I've Written a Letter to Daddy," frankly, scares the shit out of me. I'm not a singer, never was.

& Victor Buono: Oh, I’m not craft service. I’m your leading man on this picture.
    Bette Davis: Beg your pardon?
    Victor Buono: I’m Victor Buono. I’ll be playing your love interest.
    Bette Davis: I was expecting someone...
    Victor Buono: Thinner?.. Less... homosexual? Mm. Mm.

& Bette Davis: You’re a fine director, Bob. A really fine director. You should be very proud. And you, you started from nothing. Look at all you’ve accomplished...
    Robert Aldrich: My grandfather was a U.S. Senator. My cousin is Nelson Rockefeller.
    Bette Davis: And you overcame all that.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Σ Just love the writing. And performing of course.

Feud 1×1

Pilot

& Olivia de Havillend: There was never a rivalry like theirs. For nearly half a century, they hated each other, and we loved them for it.

& Olivia de Havillend: You know, they only made one film together. And how that happened and what happened afterwards, well... well, that was a story and a feud of biblical proportions.

& Olivia de Havillend: Feuds are never about hate. Feuds are about pain. They’re about pain.

& Joan Crawford: I’ve got great tits, too, but I don’t throw them in everyone’s face.

& Joan Crawford: There can only be room for one it girl. Is that right?
    Hedda Hopper: Well, men built the pedestal, darling, not me. There’s only room for one goddess at a time.
    Joan Crawford: Well, men may have built the pedestal, but it’s the women who keep chipping away at it until it comes tumbling down.

& Joan Crawford: This, my friend, is the Academy Award for Best Actress I won in 1945 for Mildred Pierce. And I would like another one.

& Joan Crawford: I can’t play Elvis’ grandmother. I won’t do it.

& Joan Crawford: Everything written for women seem to fall into just three categories: ingénues, mothers, or gorgons.

& Mamacita: She’s expecting you.... She’s expecting you on the patio.

& Joan Crawford: Now, you listen to me on this picture. I’ll get you the perfect costar.
    Robert Aldrich: Who do you have in mind?

---

& Joan Crawford: If something’s going to happen, we have to make it happen. No one’s looking to cast women our age. But together... they wouldn’t dare say no.

& Bette Davis: So what the hell happened to her anyway, Baby Jane?

& Joan Crawford: Oh, I-I’m offering you the title role.
    Bette Davis: The lead?
    Joan Crawford: ... You can call it that.

& Robert Aldrich: Bette, listen, here’s the deal. Crawford’s name on the marquee gets us distribution. I need her to get the picture made, but I need you to make the picture great.
    Bette Davis: Keep talking.

& Robert Aldrich: Bette, I promise you this is gonna be the greatest horror movie ever made. And Baby Jane’s the greatest part you’ll play since Margo Channing.

& Jack Warner: Bobby, I was so upset about that, that I got an ulcer and hemorrhoids from it. I still have them. I’ll show them to you...

& Reporter: Who do you think’s gonna grab the chair on the left?.. Whoever gets there first gets top billing right underneath the caption in tomorrow’s paper.

& Joan Crawford: I admire her talent and her craft. And I will have her respect. Even if I have to kill both of us to get it.

& Mamacita: It’s small.
    Joan Crawford: And dirty... Okay, Mamacita, let’s go to work.

& Bette Davis: Oh, one last thing... Lose the shoulder pads.
    Joan Crawford: I beg your pardon?
    Bette Davis: And cut back on the lipstick. You’re playing a recluse who hasn’t seen the sun for 20 years, for Christ’s sake.

& Hedda Hopper: «Stars of the night sky tend to keep to fixed orbits and never interfere with one another. Things sometimes operate that way in Hollywood, too. Bette Davis and Joan Crawford, stars of equal magnitude who ruled in motion pictures during the fabulous ’30s, never got to know one another. Now, in the Indian summer of their careers, they’re about to...»

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

Σ Magnificient!