The Brooklyn Potash

Sneaky Pete 3×10

Marius: We are not criminals. But a lot of what we're gonna be doing today, strictly speaking, would be considered criminal activity...

Marius: Remember why we're doing this... We're not criminals.

Audrey: You know Pete is lying through his teeth.
Otto: Well, I-I don't think so.
Audrey: Yeah, well, usually when people ask you to trust them, it means you shouldn't.

Doug: That is absolutely a thing of beauty! Wow. You know, back in the day, when they were establishing these vines, the girls in the...

Doug: You don't even really like wine, do you? If Misha's even really your name...
Marius: ... I like bourbon.

Marius: And maybe it's a good idea that you don't look like you have $4 million sitting on your lap.

Marius: We have to evolve, Lizzie. You can't be the same person you were when you were 19 years old.

---

Otto: Hey. Sy Rubinek. It's good to see you again.

Kilbane: Well, as my Irish grandmother used to say, "You must think my head buttons up in the back."
Otto: You had an Irish grandma? I had an Irish grandmother, too.
Kilbane: Really? Rubinek, that's... that's Irish?
Otto: Dublin, Jew. You know, like, Leopold Bloom from, um, James Joyce's book?... Ticktock, ticktock.

Otto: How am I doing?
Marius: Little less Irish.

Doug: You know, it's idiots like you that give rich guys a bad name, compadre.

Marius: Why do you do that? You take every opportunity to put yourself down...
Julia: Habit.
Marius: No, no, smoking's a habit. Biting your fingernails...

Audrey: Oh, if we didn't know you were cousins, tongues would be wagging.

Otto: You're a good boy. You're a good boy.

--
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The Mask Drop

Sneaky Pete 3×9

Chuck: And if I was them, ooh, God. I would cut off your fucking arms, and I would beat you to death with them.

Audrey: I'm not sick. Just probably ate something bad.

Carly: ...this wine is worth $4 million?
Taylor: No, the-the-the wine... uh, gives him cash. The cash gives him access to the $4 million. Right?
Carly: How?
Taylor: I don't know. Maybe I could just have him type it all up and tweet it out.

Taylor: We've got our work cut out for us. We are looking for something called Domaine la Romanée-Conti.
Otto: Romanée-Conti, huh?
Taylor: 1929.
Otto: Red or white?
Taylor: Red.
Otto: Bubbles? Or no bubbles?
Taylor: Red.
Otto: It's probably sequenced alphabetically, some shit like that. Well, you look over there, I'll look over here...

Lizzie: He's a con artist. Information's currency. Did he want to hear your life story? Was he a good listener? 'Cause every word that's coming out of your mouth is money in the bank for him.

Taylor: It's like our family was born under a bad sign!

---

Otto: Just think about all the stuff that could've happened to you and didn't. You don't know what's gonna happen next. You fight! That's how you get through the shitty times!

Marius: You need to work on that poker face.

Carly: Oh, Grandma, you're not supposed to be using that. It interferes with the, uh, equipment.
Audrey: Yeah, that sign's ten years old. No one believes it anyway.

Marius: I don't know what this is gonna be...

Otto: Oh, what's going on?
Taylor: We're going to Venice.
Otto: Good. Italy?

Audrey: What about you, Pete?
Marius: What?
Audrey: Feel like I barely know you....
Marius: I know how to rescue Julia.
Audrey: How?
Marius: It's not exactly honest, but if it's a question between being honest... and saving her... There'll be consequences. Th-There's a lot of people and things involved. Chuck is dangerous. The most important thing is that you trust me. All of you.

--
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The Sunshine Switcheroo

Sneaky Pete 3×8

Marius: So that's great, just like we planned, right?
Julia: Just like we planned.

Marius: Well, you got to give Rubinek credit for his audacity, right?
Mr. Kilbane: Do I?
Marius: No. I-I don't know.

Julia: You know... there's a story about a scorpion and a frog...
Marius: And the scorpion stings the frog, and they both drown, because it's in his nature. Everybody tells that story like nobody's heard it before. But here's the thing. Have you ever thought about the possibility that maybe the scorpion actually just wants to get to the other side of the river and he's not dumb enough to kill himself and the frog?

Audrey: And don't say that I always think the worst of people!
Otto: You know, just once I'd like to say something without you deciding that you already know what it is I'm gonna say.

---

Marius: Sean, what are you doing?
Sean: ...I'm taking her back to jail. Making America great again.

T.H. Vignetti: Feels better if you breathe...

T.H. Vignetti: You're not the only clever person. Eventually someone notices that Clark Kent and Superman are never together in the same room...

Lizzie: Where have you been?
Marius: Been playing fireman. Putting one fire out after the next.
Lizzie: Well, you should switch sides. Play arsonist.

Marius: Lizzie. Vignetti knows that I'm Sy. I just told you that.
Lizzie: You're not. Vignetti's Sy.

Lizzie: God, Bakersfield is so depressing. But then, so was Bridgeport. Why are these people drawn to these hellholes?

Carly: Of course I tried the bobby pin! It's not working, I... Does that even work in real life?

Lizzie: You made your choice. Trust me, it's the wrong fucking one.

--
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The Little Sister

Sneaky Pete 3×7

Dotti: How much more family are you bringing? Because I'm running out of room.

T.H. Vignetti: It's time to swoop in and smash him on the head with a sledgehammer. Metaphorically.

Julia: So if we fail, my family goes bankrupt?
Marius: Yeah, but if we don't do the con, your family definitely goes bankrupt.

Marius: I need to know that I can count on you.
Julia: Sure. I'm a woman of my word.

Audrey: Otto, what's going on?
Otto: Oh, shit.

Lizzie: Another Huckleberry Jones?
Marius: No, it's a Sadie Jones. His little sister.

Julia: You really like the pool, huh?
T.H. Vignetti: Sitting by the water lowers depression, anxiety, contributes to clarity of thought.

---

Julia: Code word?
T.H. Vignetti: Panda. I like things in black and white.

T.H. Vignetti: ... Until then, I recommend sitting by the pool to reduce your anxiety and depression.

Marius: You're supposed to be at yoga...

Dr. Camille Hickey: ...it was a piece of my mother. A reminder that we all have our flaws, that no one is entirely what they seem.

Audrey: What do you want me to say?
Otto: I don't know. You not saying anything is hostile enough.

Marius: What's with the faces? You're not happy to see us?
T.H. Vignetti: Panda.

Uri: Mouth shut. Hands up.

--
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The California Split

Sneaky Pete 3×6

Marius: I want my wife to be happy, but no matter what I do, she thinks I have an ulterior motive.

Julia: My husband is a liar. He's lied from the moment I met him.

Marius: If I'm gonna get you an ice cream cone, it doesn't mean I can't get one for myself.

Julia: I just wish that he would tell me things so I could be on the same page, you know? Just, instead of all the surprises.

Dr. Camille Hickey: Um, I'd like to, uh... Try an exercise, all right? Um, look at each other. If you want, take hands... Now, I want you to say one nice thing about the other person.
Marius: ... You're a really good mother.
Julia: ....... I can't think of anything... Fine...... Nope. Nothing.

Chuck: I believe in human desire. If people want something badly enough, they'll pay.

Taylor: I didn't ask to be sucked into any of this.
Otto: Oh, no, you're a victim.
Taylor: That's not what I meant.
Otto: Then be a man. You want Lorraine, choose it. Grab her with both hands and own the consequences.

---

Marius: Hey, you want to see a magic trick?... Guess which hand... Before you guess, think about what you want. 'Cause you seem to be committed to what's over here, but what if you want to be over here? What if it's better? Or what if, while you're over here, you actually secretly want to be over here? Or what if, in the end, it doesn't really matter if you're over here or over here? Because wherever you are, you'll always be right here. Check your pocket... Magic.

Marius: You are messing up what is already a very complicated play here.

Marius: Hey, listen. You worry about you, and I'll worry about me.
Lizzie: Then you should worry more...

T.H. Vignetti: We have to get Marius and the Vermeer in the same room under criminal circumstances. Remember the goal is to get him to jail.
Julia: What if he's too smart?
T.H. Vignetti: If he were too smart, he wouldn't be trying the same con twice. It's an act of reckless ego.

T.H. Vignetti: You're close to the finish line. In success, you'll have a lawyer, a job and enough money to build an honest life.

Audrey: Do you have any children?... It's terrifying. They didn't choose to be born. You chose to have them. So... everything about them is on you. Good and bad. At a certain point, you have no control. But still, the responsibility to protect them never ends. Except in death. And then, at least... the fear is over. No more worrying. They're gone. You failed.

--
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The Invisible Man

Sneaky Pete 3×5

Julia: You want us to get to the city on time? Make that waffle disappear.

Ellen: He bet me I couldn't find the queen.
Julia: You-you taught my kid...
Marius: They're life skills.

Carly: Don't freak out, okay?
Julia: That sounds ominous.

Carly: No, it's fine. Mom-Mom's back from the dead and nobody gives a shit but me. It's fine.

Carly: How can I not be emotional? This is emotional.
Audrey: Yes. That's why I'm here.
Carly: What do you really think?
Audrey: I'm trying not to. Not until we get some facts that we can trust.

Audrey: Sorry to interrupt. I think you might have some information I'm looking for.
Chuck: Oh, boy. Has there ever been a happy conversation that started with those words?

Carly: Why are you purposely trying not to believe people?!

Audrey: Come on, we're going. Back to Bakersfield, to talk to the liar-in-chief.

Julia: I... I, I-I think it's sudden and reckless and, uh, I don't think we should give in so easily.
Marius: It's really just a question of what have you got to lose?

---

Julia: How? How? How? How will it work out?!
Marius: Julia. Julia. Julia.
Julia: What?! Marius.
Marius: There is no Sy Rubinek... There's no Sy Rubinek.

Taylor: I got nothing to hide.
Det. Lockley: Just because you're an idiot, don't be a moron. Ask for a rep.

T.H. Vignetti: Show me how you deal seconds.
Marius: Why, is there a card game you want to cheat in?
T.H. Vignetti: I'm a student of the con, not a practitioner.
Marius: Why not?
T.H. Vignetti: To begin with, I have a soul. But I also have these shovel hands. Even if I wanted to do something, it's useless.
Marius: Well, a con is in the mind, not in the hands.
T.H. Vignetti: There's still the aforementioned soul.

Kilbane: This dark tempest rising... I loved it with my full and open heart. It's an insane thing to say about a painting, I know, but it meant more to me than any amount of money. You understand that?
Julia: No, but I barely have enough money for groceries.

Kilbane: Finding out a painting that you love is a forgery is like... it's like finding out that a lover has betrayed you. I mean, there they are, they're dressed in the same clothes, in the same frame, but you can never look at them the same way again.

Julia: You're gonna screw me over, right at the end. I'll trust you, you'll run out, and I'll be left with nothing.
Marius: I don't know what your other options are.

--
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The Vermont Victim & The Bakersfield Hustle

Sneaky Pete 3×4

Mr. Kilbane: What do you think? Can I, uh, can I trust Mr. Josipovic here?
Julia: No. Not remotely... But that's why you have me, to watch him like a hawk.

Marius: You think I'm a terrible person. But, really, I'm just honest about human nature.

Marius: Julia, what is it you think I do?
Julia: Lie to people, pretend to be their cousin, steal their money.
Marius: No, I'm a confidence man. I earn people's trust and then I exploit that trust to get whatever I want.
Julia: So you're a thief.
Marius: No, no, no. I'm not a thief. I don't reach into people's pockets and steal things.... Okay, sometimes I reach into people's pockets and I, and I steal things, but that's beside the point.

Marius: Listen, I get people to give me what I want by making them think that they want to give it to me. And if I do my job right, they walk away feeling good because they've decided that they wanted to do it.
Julia: So you're a saint.

Marius: So if we're intruding...
Hickey: Don't do that. Make like you're apologizing so I'll have no choice but to invite you in... Come on inside.

Marius: Can we see? I'm just excited to see what you've been painting. Unless you haven't been painting. Wait, are you not painting? 'Cause it would break my heart if you're not painting.
Hickey: You see the trick?... All you have to do is stand in one place, and he'll run himself around in a circle until he's right back where he started.

Hickey: There it is. That thing in your eyes...
Julia: Probably just yesterday's mascara.
Hickey: Mm-mm. Ambivalence.

Hickey: You don't do romantic getaways. So either you're running away or you're running a con.

--
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The Stamford Trust Fall

Sneaky Pete 3×3

Lizzie: Tell me what you taste.
Marius: ... I taste wine. It's definitely wine. Red. Red wine.

Lizzie: You know, I-I didn't have to make you my Misha.
Marius: No, I-I'm... Look, I'm glad you did.

Lizzie: This is a commitment. So if you're in... you're in.

Lizzie: That's the fake.
Marius: What's in it?
Lizzie: Ash, mold, tree bark...
Marius: Mold?
Lizzie: And just a teeny-tiny pinch of... chicken shit.

Marius: How did you find me?
Julia: I'm a skip tracer. That's what I do.

Marius: Okay, so that-that was not cool, all right? That was not cool the first time. That was definitely not cool the second time.

Audrey: I really appreciate this, Joe. It's not my ideal...
Senator Joe Ramli: If everyone had their ideal, Audrey, there'd be no need for politicians.

---

Natalie: Just 'cause your grandpa used to bang my mom doesn't give you the right to harass my friends.

Julia: 20 minutes, in and out. You're Pete. You're Marius. You get what you need, you're gone.

Lizzie: It's not about creating a 1937 DRC. It's about making them believe that they're tasting a 1937 DRC. Perception is everything.

T.H. Vignetti: The con is an act of trust turned on its head.

T.H. Vignetti: I'll pay you. Well. And all you have to do is help me con a con man.

Marius: You don't want to let Sy Rubinek out of the box. Nobody's ever laid a glove on him. He's smart and he's mean and he's ruthless. And he's paranoid.
Julia: So it's a challenge. You'd be on the right side for once.

Marius: No, there is no right side. There's just a bunch of sides with people and their stupid reasons.

♪ My heart above my head ♪
♪ Rush in where wise men never go ♪
♪ But wise men never fall in love ♪
♪ So how are they to know? ♪

Marius: No, it can't be that bad.
Lizzie: We need 3,000 bottles, 2,000 of which need to be real.

Lizzie: $400,000.

Marius: I'm gonna get the money. 'Cause it's my fault, anyway.
Lizzie: Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Marius Josipovic?

--
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The Huckleberry Jones

Sneaky Pete 3×2

Julia: Life's too short.

Julia: Okay. Make good choices!

Carly: How do you get people to stop lying to you?
Marius: Torture... Or you buy them a box of Cracker Jacks.

Marius: People need to be incentivized.
Carly: What does that mean?
Marius: You, you have to convince them that telling their secret is better than holding on to it. Not better for you. They don't care about you. Better for them. It's a trade. They tell you the truth, and you give them something they want.

Marius: You know what's fun about a con?
Lizzie: Winning.
Marius: Control. I get the mark to give me what I want by making them believe they want to give it to me. All you care about is how big a lie you can tell and get away with.
Lizzie: The bigger the lie, the bigger the con.
Marius: The bigger the payoff, the bigger the con. The lie can be simple.

Lizzie: They have all the money, they're morons, and they love me for the same reason you do... They have no idea what I'll do next.

--
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Sneaky Pete 3×1

Julia: You... I know who you are!

Julia: Oh, my God, you're a horrible person.
Marius: What did I do that was so horrible?
Julia: You want a list?

Otto: Julia, don't text and drive, huh?

Julia: Get... OUT of here!

Taylor: Why are you so determined to have Carly believe they were shitty? Hmm? Will it somehow make you feel better about your own life?

Taylor: They loved me, I love them. They loved each other. That's the end of the story.

Audrey: People rem-remember things the way they do for a reason.
Julia: What about what I remember?!
Audrey: Don't be selfish.

Julia: They weren't perfect. No parents are. ... It's hard. I mean, you do things... because of your kids. You do things in spite of your kids. What's important is that you love them even when you don't always do the right thing by them.

Audrey: So, not only did we break the law, but we lost money doing it...

Marius: What answer do you want to hear?
Carly: I want the truth...
Marius: Everybody has their own version of the truth. And, you know, most of the truth is only half true. So it doesn't matter, right? 'Cause there's no truth. It's all just fungible.

Marius: Well, I have an idea, but I don't think you're gonna like it...

---

Taylor: You always were a sneaky fucking Pete, Pete!

Shawn: You can't scam someone who knows you're trying to scam them.

Audrey: How did you do it?
Marius: A good magician never reveals his tricks.
Audrey: I'm gonna need you to do better than that.

Marjorie: I don't know. You know? At a certain point, a person could want more in life than lies and duplicity.
Marius: Yeah, good luck with that.

Bagwell: You know, she seems to be concerned with your level of honesty, and quite frankly, so am I...
Marius: Well, you can only prove yourself one day at a time.

Bagwell: You have any other plans?
Marius: A friend of mine told me to go sit under a tree.
Bagwell: Trees are magical things. They talk to one another through the latticed fungi buried in the soil.
Marius: I didn't know that.

Bagwell: You know, and, and really, that's your problem, because you seem to think that people can't see past your mask... Who is Marius Josipovic? No, more to the point, who is Marius Josipovic without his criminal self? Don't answer that. It's rhetorical.

Marius: I get it.
Bagwell: You don't get it. Buy yourself a mirror. Take a long, long look. The truth will set you free if you can stand it.

Betsy: This is it. The bridge that's in all the movies.

--
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Switch

Sneaky Pete 2×10

Marjorie: Do you know where your family is, Audrey?...

Audrey: Now tell me what the hell is going on.

Luka: $11 million is big payday. Why not work together?

Luka: You lie with mouth, you lose mouth.

Luka: You think con man will protect you? Con man is cheat, sneak, only take care of self.
Marius: People change.

Marius: Death is just a transition, right, Maggie?

Marius: It's not about trust. It's about as few people knowing as possible.

---

Audrey: You're an odd one, Marius... But I like you.

Porter: $11 million, almost too much.
Marius: Yeah, well, you know what they say: go big or go to Canada.

Roby: I'm gonna go with option A. Dirtbag on dirtbag crime... makes a lot more sense.

Audrey: I'm not sorry, Carly. I'd do anything to protect you, even piss you off.

Marius: I don't know. I guess there's... there's some con you could run with bail bonds--
Marjorie: Oh, for God's sake, Marius, come on! You like them. Why can't you just admit it?

Julia: This is gonna sound a little strange...
Bagwell: You know, Miss Bowman, I work with ex-convicts. I live with strange.
Julia: All right, well, my ex-boyfriend... What's his name?

--
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Buffalo Soldiers

Sneaky Pete 2×9

Shawn: Come on, you know what they say about love and money, don't you?.. When you say you want both, you really just want the money.

Marius: What's with all the confidence?
Maggie: Look, two days ago, you were in a car, on your way to die in a tub of acid... And now, you're here.

Katie: I'm sorry, but the number you've reached no longer takes calls from con men, looking to get out of trouble.
Marius: $5,000, three hours, including travel. No guns, no nudity.

Katie: What is it?
Marius: It's a 24 hour Montezuma.
Katie: Who, what, where when?

Marius: The trick is, you use the truth when you wanna tell a lie.

Lance: It's been fun.
Julia: Not really.

Pete: Oh, my God, this is just like the gun range.

Marius: Pete, you know what you are?
Pete: Oh, uh, I'm a...
Marius: You're a fucking hero.

Otto: I know this woman's a Brit, but she's also a con artist, right? It's dangerous.

Marjorie: How'd you know I'd come out the back?
Audrey: Skip tracer 101.

--
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Marius Josipovic

Sneaky Pete 2×8

Maggie: We need him... To get the money and stay alive.

Marius: The trick is always impossible until it isn't. Those are your words.
Porter: Maybe I was wrong.

Porter: ...And we're still gonna get the money from them, right?
Marius: We're definitely getting the money.

Otto: Julia, what the hell have you gotten yourself into?

Taylor: ...It's all gonna come to light, and you're gonna be disbarred and jailed before the next fucking "Star Wars" movie comes out.

Marius: A man got acid thrown in his face. I think, under the circumstances, it is okay to lie!
Maggie: You know my problem isn't the lying. My problem is it was the wrong lie.

Maggie: Fine, I don't have Ethel's extraordinary gift. Sometimes the spirit... it reaches out, sometimes not, so yes, in order not to leave the client hanging, sometimes I use... shortcuts to help.
Marius: Shortcuts? You mean like you pay attention to what they wear and how they talk and how they move and what they look at? Maybe you take a peek in their purse when they get up to go to the bathroom? How is that any different from what I do?

Marius: What is my gift?
Maggie: To just not care.

---

Taylor: ...You wanna be a hero.
Lance: Well, who doesn't? Did you become a cop for the pension plan?

Otto: Marius, it's really a pleasure to... Oh!
Marius: Yeah, he's a... He's a hugger. It was a problem on the cell block.

Marius: Well, I'm not gonna do it anymore. I'm Pete Murphy from here on out.

Audrey: You didn't find the gun?
Taylor: No, I told you, I found the gun. I couldn't find the grave.
Julia: Gun? Grave?
Otto: I'll make coffee.

Frank: Where'd it go?
Marius: It's magic, is where it went.

Greer: There's one for each of you. Everything you've ever been even suspected of doing since you were 18 years old. Every con, every hack, every safe cracked, every five-finger discount, every drug pushed on the reserve, every house robbed.

Marius: You... You know what you're doing? You know what we call it in the confidence world? It's called an urban cowboy. It's all hat and no cattle.

Luka Delchev: How? And don't give me fucking "magician secret" bullshit.

Luka Delchev: It's doable.
Marius: I think it's doable.
Luka Delchev: Not asking. Saying.

--
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The Reluctant Taxidermist

Sneaky Pete 2×7

Luka Delchev: Wait, wait, wait... You put $11 million inside fucking buffalo?

Frank: How about you, Fake Pete? Do you have a vision?

Marius: At some point, we're gonna have to open up a buffalo.

Marius: Look, this is not just about the money or the job. It's about revenge.

Otto: Kid's gonna kill someone.
Sam: Yeah, well, maybe whoever it is deserves it. You ever think about that?

Valerie: You a good mother?
Julia: Depends, uh, what day it is and who you ask, but, um... we do the best.

Julia: Look, the good outweighs the bad. You'll never love anyone the way you love them, so... don't sweat the small stuff. And be prepared, because everyone thinks they know how to raise your kids better than you do.

Colin: Come on, man. It's no fun disposing of a body.

Valerie: Well, what... what am I supposed to do when the light goes off?
Maggie: I don't know. You had a yoga studio. Shavasana?

Roby: I think the road to hell is paved with a million small bad choices. People still think that if they can find the one wrong decision that's responsible for all their bad luck...

Marius: Listen... listen, we all want the money, right?

Marius: If David Copperfield can make the Statue of Liberty disappear, we can vanish a buffalo from a casino.

--
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11 Million Reasons You Can't Go Home

Sneaky Pete 2×6

Maggie: I-I never would've guessed that... you'd end up a cop. But I guess... I don't know. Makes sense. You were always kind of a bully.

Luka Delchev: This is... this is just for... for $10. Like, uh, imagine what they would do for $11 million!

Luka Delchev: Go to farm, tie Grandma and Grandpa to chair... and burn fucking house down to foundation.

Marius: This... this man with the black aura... his name is Luka, and he's the...
Maggie: He's the scariest man in the world. I know. But, uh, right now I got to go talk to someone even scarier.

Joe: The time to worry is when the drums stop.

Maggie: So, um, I-I'm gonna say book me now or... or let me go, 'cause I need a smoke. And I don't think... I don't think that's allowed in the... in the FBI offices, right?

Joe: Here comes Grandma.

Otto: When you wake up in the morning, we don't know what each day is going to bring. Today brought Maggie. .... At my age, you... you begin to understand that family is everything. That's why I am so grateful that we are all together. Uh-huh. Let's keep it this way.

---

Marius: So you think it's real.
Audrey: I don't know. But I think it's real for her.

Roby: You ever consider going for detective?
Taylor: I took the exam and failed.
Roby: Everybody fails the first time.
Taylor: You?
Roby: No.

Audrey: Something isn't right, Otto. Isn't it strange that after everything that happened last week, with Pete, the money, the police, that Maggie suddenly shows up? I know you want to believe this is a nice, happy family reunion, but what do we know?

Frank: Put on your scared face. We're going to Luka.

Luka Delchev: I must tell you... you're a slippery one. But you also must know a Montenegrin never gives up.
Maggie: I-I didn't know. I didn't know that you were from Montenegro.

Luka Delchev: Do you know, Maggie Murphy?...
Maggie: He's not my son.
Luka Delchev: Bingo.

Luka Delchev: Now... Where the fuck... is my money?

--
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The Tower

Sneaky Pete 2×5

Frank: ...And I'm like, "Luka, what the fuck is going on here?" And he tells us that sulfuric acid is great, because it melts the skin and the muscle, but leaves the bone intact...

Sam: No, I can't promise you there won't be violence. As... as a matter of fact, uh... Violence might be necessary.

Marius: Mr. Bagwell, I'm here on a family emergency. You have to believe me.
Bagwell: Uh, allow me to translate that, now that I am fluent in Josipovic. What you just said is, "I'm in a jam with my hoodlum friend, so I had some British lady call my parole officer so Mr. Bagwell can come down to save me." Am I correct?

Colin: Any famous last words?
Sam: I was gonna ask the same question.

Otto: No, no, no, don't do it. Bodies, they're a hassle. You know that.

Joe: I used to really like this job. Meet a lot of colorful people, see a little action, use the brain a bit... Now the nerves got me on the can every 15 minutes.

Joe: You wanna hear something weird? I don't even think he's Pete.

Joe: When we take on a case, what's rule number one? Always follow the clues.

Frank: But if he's not Pete, why say he's Pete?
Joe: The money.

Pete: I just... I needed to call you and say good-bye. And I wanted to thank you... You've been a great friend, Marius, the best that I've ever had... You're like a brother to me. I hope all your dreams come true.

Maggie: Oh, and you... Pete... My boy. Come here.

--
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Maggie

Sneaky Pete 2×4

Marius: Well, use the bathroom window.
Pete: ... There is no window.
Marius: All right, listen, hide under the bed, don't answer the door for anybody. I'm on my way.

Marius: All right, fine, arrest your cousin for violating parole, and arrest Marius for murder, if that's what you think he did.

Marius: I don't know what you're looking for, but my life is just not that interesting.

Carly: I just want to know who they were, not the fantasy that everyone built after they died.

Taylor: Look, Carly... life doesn't always go how you're gonna expect. No.

Taylor: Carly, you are so smart. You are so fucking smart. But you got to decide what you want to do with that.

Colin: Carjacking Jews. Who knew?

Delores: Joe. And what kind of medium are you, Joe?
Joe: I'm a clairvoyant, Delores.
Delores: Clairaudient or clairsentient?
Joe: ...
Marius: He's actually all three... Clairvoyant, clairaudient, and clairsentient.

---

Marius: Holy Christ, you suck at this. You don't say you're something, unless you know what the fuck you're talking about.

Taylor: Smell of white pine during a good storm is one of the best parts of living here.
Joyce: Actinomycetes.
Taylor: Beg your pardon?
Joyce: Bacteria. Responsible for the decomp of organic material. Spores scatter after the rain. That's... that's the good smell.
Taylor: Oh. Yeah, if it's all the same to you, I'd prefer to think it's the trees.

Marius: Well, this is the first time I feel like I've ever had closure.

Joe: Not very spiritual, pointing a gun at a man.
Ethel: Oh, depends on the man.

Ethel: Spirit is telling me something about your brother, not this one, your real brother. I'm getting that his name starts with a T... no, an E. He is... he's missing something. No, not... not... not a phone, not a wallet. Oh my! A toe. How does he come to be missing a toe?.. Oh, come on, you tell me the story of that toe.

--
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Man on the Run

Sneaky Pete 2×3

Audrey: Just asking a simple question...

Marjorie: ...if any one of them sees Pete...
Marius: I get burned. I heard you the first 20 times.

Marius: So, um, you... you called me because you needed help with something?
Julia: I do. Promise you won't yell at me.
Marius: Already sounds good.

Julia: Is it illegal?
Marius: No, of course not.

Joyce: Be the shooter.
Taylor: Sure..... Bang!

Marjorie: Billy tried to run, but... you don't run from Luka Delchev. And when they found Billy's body, he had no teeth, no gums, no mouth.
Marius: What... what does that even mean, "no mouth"?

Marjorie: I'm out. You should be too.

--
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Inside Out

Sneaky Pete 2×2

Luis: Oh, yeah, everybody's got dirty laundry, you know?
Julia: That... yeah, that's actually what I wanted to talk to you about. See, I have, um, some valuable, uh... let's say... linens, and I am really not sure how to launder them.
Luis: Mm-hmm, are we talking presidential-type linen?

Sam: Okay, I put the license plate into the DMV system, got the VIN number, and now I'm using this... frankly illegal application to talk to the car's security system and reprogram the doors and ignition codes.
Otto: Jesus, it used to be all you needed was a Slim Jim and a pair of wire strippers.
Sam: A lot harder to steal a car these days.

Sam: Okay, there you go. There you go. $4,000 security system, defeated by a $60 app.

Sam: Uh, who's the target?
Sean: My wife.

Marjorie: The good news is, he's out.
Marius: So, where is he?
Marjorie: That's the bad news.

--
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The Sinister Hotel Room Mystery

Sneaky Pete 2×1

Joe: We want you to take us to your mother... and the $11 million.

* * *

Marjorie: You should run.
Marius: It's $11 million.

Chayton: Let me guess, you Googled "How to launder money," and the plot of that movie with Captain Kirk came up. You see it? It's good. Anyway, what they don't say in the film is that the casinos now have RFID in the chips to show that they've been gambled.

Marius: Well, it was stolen from a criminal...
Marjorie: That's right. And any criminal with $11 million isn't just any criminal.

Audrey: How are you gonna handle all this? Just drink and stare off into the distance?
Otto: That worked before.

Julia: What the actual fuck?!

Marius: How do you feel about going to prison?

--
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