The Circumcision

Grace and Frankie 7×4

Joan-Margaret: Frankie, should we really be taking this meeting without Grace?
Frankie: ... Oh, it's fine. She's in jail. She's happy.

Nwabudike: You're welcome.
Dr. Green: Excuse me?
Nwabudike: I opened the door for you.
Dr. Green: And no one asked you to. That was your choice.
Nwabudike: My choice was to be polite.
Dr. Green: Actually, your choice was to assume I needed you to open the door.
Nwabudike: I'm sorry for noticing you have your hands full with your Michael Bublé CD.
Dr. Green: You got a problem with him?
Nwabudike: Not with Bublé. I've got a problem with you... What?! Have fun listening to your CD on the way to Blockbuster!

Elena Seda: Wait. How did you sneak your phone in here?
Grace: Oh, please. I'm 82. They wouldn't pat me down if I begged them.

Elena Seda: So Grace is 82?
Nick: Mm-hm.
Elena Seda: I think I have an idea...

Nwabudike: If we're gonna do this, we'll need to set up some ground rules.
Rabbi: Sure thing. I touch yours, you don't touch mine.
Nwabudike: Yes, that's one. But, also, no more jokes until after the procedure.
Rabbi: You got it. I won't put you in stitches until after the stitches.
Nwabudike: I have to be honest. You really need some new material.
Rabbi: You think you can do better?
Nwabudike: Well, yes, I do.
Rabbi: Fine, pitch me some new jokes. But I cut anything I don't like.
Nwabudike: Let's just get this over with.

— On the IMDb
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The Bunny

Grace and Frankie 7×3

Frankie: You outdid yourself, Grace. That tofu parmigiana was spectacular. What is your secret?
Grace: Chicken.

Frankie: So where are you going?
Grace: To my happy place. Prison.
Frankie: You are the only person I know who escapes into prison.
Grace: I love prison. It's totally changed my relationship with Nick. He's always happy to see me, and if he starts to annoy me, I just yell, "Guard!" and they whisk him away. I'm wondering, maybe that would work for Robert and Sol... Guard!

Barry: Are we seriously looking for a house?
Brianna: Yes. I just don't wanna live in a place where you have neighbors and sidewalks and mailmen and... neighbors.
Barry: Like a bunker?
Brianna: That sounds good, right?

—
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The Arraignment

Grace and Frankie 7×2

Frankie: You know, Grace, 90% of life is showing up and keeping your mouth shut.
Grace: How have you lived this long?
Frankie: Hmm?

Elena Seda: So when the judge asks for your plea, just say, "Not guilty." It sounds simple, but you'd be amazed at how many people screw that part up.
Nick: Got it. But I am gonna be getting bail today, right?
Elena Seda: I think so. Though there is a bit of a backlash against rich white guys these days.
Nick: So unfair. Our justice system is a travesty, and I will work tirelessly to make it equal for all.

Peter: My God, what happened here?
Robert: We had a little flooding.
Peter: A little? This is Pompeii after the volcano. This is Dresden. This is the 2011 Oscars.
Robert: Please tell us, in the shortest number of words, what you want.
Peter: No need to get snippy just because your house is awful.

Brianna: What kind of loser loses to Mallory?
Barry: Okay. You wanna know a little secret, hm? Here we go. I'm a loser.
Brianna: That's not a secret. Sorry, low-hanging fruit.
Barry: The secret is I'm a loser and I'm proud of it.

Barry: You wanna know why I let you win every argument, even when you're verifiably wrong? ..... I go along with you because people are happy when they're getting their way. And when people are happy, they're easier to be around.
Brianna: I do appreciate being pandered to.
Barry: I know.
Brianna: But I'm not like you. I'm a win-or-die bitch.
Barry: I understand. You're probably right.
Brianna: You're doing it again, aren't you?
Barry: I am if you think I am.
Brianna: Okay, I can't be someone who doesn't win.
Barry: But you do win. By losing.
Brianna: And what has this winning by losing gotten you? I mean, you work for Mallory, for chrissake.
Barry: It got me you.

Nick: Grace... I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. However you need our life to be. We can do anything we want. Neither of us has kids. I've got a jet. So okay. I'm willing to try.

Mallory: I don't think women should call other women that word.
Brianna: Don't be a dumb bitch. You have to show them who's in charge. And... that's you.

Frankie: Let me get this straight: You broke up, he's back in jail, and you two are all good.
Grace: I don't know if I'd say "all good," but it was a pretty romantic arraignment.

— On the IMDb
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The Roomies

Grace and Frankie 7×1

Robert: But we're in a romantic place!
Sol: There is no chance for romance in our ex-wives' house.
Robert: .... Didn't stop us before.

Grace: I went from being a woman who didn't know her husband was gay to being a woman who didn't know her husband was a criminal. Not sure it's an upgrade.
Frankie: Well, next time, just marry a gay criminal and check off all the boxes.

Frankie: I hid it in four places. And I've got a simple system to remember where they are. Each stash is named after the Beatle most associated with his hiding place... Paul: Mrs. Paul's Fish Sticks. Brilliant? I think so.
Grace: And how stoned were you when you came up with this?

Grace: Why is this John? Don't tell me.
Frankie: "Sitting on a corn flake, waiting for the van to come."
Grace: Oh, great. The van is gonna come and take us to prison if we don't get the cash out by tomorrow morning.

Frankie: First, I need to do some Reiki on Sol's hoohah.
Grace: What?
Frankie: On the DL, since the operation, he and Robert have been having some problems downstairs. You know what I mean.
Grace: You used the word "hoohah." How could I not know?
Frankie: So as an Internet-certified Reiki healer, it's my duty to help him.
Grace: And we flooded his house.
Frankie: Yeah, I know. I feel bad about that too.

Frankie: Oh! That's where Ringo is.
Grace: What, the kayak? Like "Yellow Submarine."
Frankie: Oh, that would have been good too.

Frankie: Uh, I know for a fact that you can still use bills after you've peed on them.
Grace: Never ever tell me how you know that.

Brianna: Think this is my first game of "Big Muffin, Small Muffin"? I invented "Big Muffin, Small Muffin!"

Frankie: We just have to find George and we're home free. Didn't he write "While My Guitar Gently Weeps"?
Grace: What weeps? Besides me if we don't find that money.
Frankie: The song is actually called "While My Guitar Gently Sleeps."
Grace: No, it isn't. Guitars don't sleep.
Frankie: Sure they do. That's why you have to put them away in their little beds. Which is why I put it in the bedroom with the queen bed because he's British.
Grace: The only words I understood were "queen bed," and that's where I'll look.
Frankie: Or is it "While My Guitar Gently Sweeps"?...

Grace: Oh, what the hell, Frankie? There's only four Beatles.
Frankie: Oh, God. I forgot about Pete Best.

Frankie: That's right, Sol. You are in this up to your eyeballs. And you're the tallest one here. So do that math.

—
On the IMDb
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The Change

Grace and Frankie 6×13

Joan-Margaret: Frankie, what are we doing here?
Frankie: What's it look like? We're taking fat rips off my new toilet bong.
Joan-Margaret: Yes, but what are we really doing?
Frankie: JM, this is a classic invention pivot. Did you know that Tesla started as a robot girlfriend for Elon Musk?

Frankie: Oh, my God. We could go anywhere we want. Grace would never go out with me after I smoked. She always got real paranoid when I was high.
Joan-Margaret: What about that place where they dump the seafood right on the tables?
Frankie: Oh, perfect. It'll make up for all the times Grace wouldn't let me eat chili off the counter.
Joan-Margaret: But I'm too wasted to drive. Also, I don't drive.

Joan-Margaret: You know, people have shells, too. Only ours are on the inside.
Frankie: I was thinking the exact same thing.
Joan-Margaret: I mean, it would be nice to have an outer shell sometimes. But I guess that's what raincoats are for.
Frankie: This is unbelievable! It's like we have one mind, but two accents. I'm paying for dinner, JM.
Joan-Margaret: No, no, no, you pay. I insist.
Frankie: Oh, no. I forgot my purse.
Joan-Margaret: Oh, dear. You forgot mine, too.

---

Nick: In case you hadn't noticed, we're in the middle of a conversation.
Grace: I'd call it a fight. That's why I'm slamming the door.

Frankie: Then why in the hell did you do it?
Grace: Because it's what a good wife does!... Oh, God. What did I just say?
Frankie: "That's what a good wife does."
Grace: Yeah, I know what I said. I'm just horrified that I said it.

Brianna: Look, you know I hate thinking about the future. But the only thing I hate more is thinking about a future without you in it.

Grace: I'm gonna be honest.
Frankie: It's going to be a very hard conversation.
Grace: Yeah.
Frankie: So I think you should fake your own death.
Grace: Oh, Frankie...
Frankie: You're right. Fake his death.

--
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The Tank

Grace and Frankie 6×12

Robert: Ah, the Seahorse. It sounds like they know how to party.
Peter: Isn't the Seahorse the one that had an outbreak of botulism and several passengers perished at sea?
Robert: This is the one I want to go on, Peter.
Sol: But don't we deserve the super luxury deluxe? As Saroyan said, "In the time of your life, live."
Robert: We're all gonna end up in the ground anyway. Like the people who died of botulism.

Peter: Didn't you guys just recently buy fancy burial plots? ... You need to sell them.
Robert: What? Are you insane?
Peter: It's the perfect solution to this mess Sol's put you in. By the time it comes out, either he'll be dead and have no idea, or you'll be dead and have no idea how angry he is.

Nwabudike: I can't believe how nervous I am. I've never met a blood relative.
Coyote: What's the worst that could happen? He punches you off your bike and thinks you're fucking his mom?
Nwabudike: Less that and more... what if I hate him? What if I like him?
Coyote: It'll be fine. If you hate him, you'll never have to see him again. And if you like him, then you've doubled your friend count.
Nwabudike: Do people call cousins "cuz"? Is that a thing?
Coyote: I don't know, bro.

Nwabudike: You know how you said there was almost a no-percent chance I would be a kidney match?... Well, you were very, very, very, very wrong.

Frankie: You betrayed me. But you know who I feel worse for? You. Because you betrayed yourself. And now... I'm out.

--
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The Laughing Stock

Grace and Frankie 6×11

Joan-Margaret: Where is Frankie? How could she be late to a meeting in her own house?
Grace: Are you new here? Her usual excuse is there was too much traffic on the stairs.
Joan-Margaret: Doesn't she know about Waze?

Grace: No. We are not wearing capes. We're not vampires, or superheroes, or magicians.
Frankie: Thanks for rubbing that in.

Frankie: You think there's any wiggle room there?
Grace: No! No dummy, no cape... no scatting.
Frankie: So, no toilet dance?
Grace: I have just all the luck, right? To be going on national television with somebody who can't be embarrassed.
Frankie: It's my superpower, Grace. When they see the miracle of our toilet, no one will be laughing at us. Oohing and aahing, yes. But laughing, no.

Nicole: So, first off, I want to welcome you to the Trust Us family. Welcome to whatever this is. There's no reason to be nervous.
Barry: I wasn't until you just said that.
Brianna: Well, he's a CPA, and they frighten easily.

---

Nicole: Are you two, uh, dating, engaged, married, or in a registered domestic partnership?
Brianna: Ooh.
Barry: I guess... dating.
Brianna: Dating? That's a... No, don't check that. It's a little casual for someone who held my hand through the This Is Us season finale.
Barry: He's just such a good dad. We're basically a married couple.
Brianna: We are?

Grace: No! No, Frankie, what are you doing?
Frankie: What I was born to do, steal toilets.

Frankie: Don't resist, Grace. Don't give these brutes a reason.

Grace: Oh, Frankie, you're not a joke.
Frankie: I just don't want to be some kind of sideshow. I'll just get in the way.
Grace: You came up with this. You are the way. I'm not gonna go there alone. Butch doesn't go out there without Sundance.
Frankie: And the last time they went out together, they were blown to pieces.
Grace: Oh, God. Listen. Ever since you and I became you and me, we've done a lot of crazy shit, but we've always done it together. And it's turned out pretty damn well. You know? And we always have the last laugh. 'Cause one of us is a mad genius, and the other one is really smart.
Frankie: I'm the mad genius, right?
Grace: Right.

--
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The Scent

Grace and Frankie 6×10

Grace: I'm not talking to you.
Frankie: I didn't say anything.
Grace: Well, I just wanted you to know.
Frankie: Duly noted.

Frankie: I knew I'd come up with something. Walden Villas is chockablock with geezers who'd jump at the chance to marry a beautiful woman with all her hair and ten grand.

Joan-Margaret: This is all making me a little uncomfortable, Frankie.
Frankie: That's the beauty of speed dating, baby. Nobody's comfortable.

Mallory: It's Taneth Fairlight from Trust Us Organics, and she wants to talk to Brianna.
Brianna: What? Why? Why? Why me? I'm not the nose pirate.

Mallory: What did you say?
Brianna: Something non-specific, I hope?
Grace: Let's see, um... I'm gonna shove that lawsuit so far up your fucking ass, whoever pulls it out is gonna be crowned King Arthur.
Brianna: We really need to start drinking less.

Joan-Margaret: Don't be down, my love. It was a valiant effort.
Frankie: I just didn't think there would be so many damn squares here. What's with the elderly and respect for the law?

Bruno: Hi. I'm Bruno. I have a hospital bed, one of my original knees, and a Costco tub of off-brand Viagra called Hardicil. What's your name, gorgeous?

Bruno: I-I just can't do this.
Frankie: Oh, what? You want more money?
Bruno: No, it's not the money. It's just that I broke my number one rule.
Joan-Margaret: "Don't get attached to anything you're not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."
Bruno: That's beautifully put. Where's it from?
Joan-Margaret: I just made it up.
Frankie: That is definitely from Heat.

Grace: I gotta go.
Brianna: What?
Grace: Frankie confused LOL with SOS again, and I've been friends with her long enough to know when she's in trouble.

--
On the IMDb
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The One-At-A-Timing

Grace and Frankie 6×9

Grace: What the hell is going on here? I thought you picked Jack.
Frankie: Oh, Grace, I love that big, beautiful, simple mind of yours. But we are having the time of our lives, and so, I have decided not to choose. And it's working out perfectly.
Grace: Do they know that?
Frankie: Well, I told them both in a dream, so I'm sure on some level they know.
Grace: So you're two-timing them.
Frankie: No, I am one-at-a-timing them, simultaneously.

Nwabudike: "To go wrong in one's own way is better than to go right in someone else's." I think she's getting it.
Robert: Well, if she is getting it, then maybe you shouldn't be reading her a book about murder.

Jack: Wow, my apple just looks like an apple.
Frankie: I'm not angry with Grace!
Jack: Huh?
Frankie: All right, you've pulled it out of me. I'm very angry with Grace.
Jack: Should I pull some more out of you?

Frankie: Grace is bailing on me. She's closing the lid on Shark Tank.
Jack: Well, when God closes one lid, she opens another one.
Frankie: Thank you, Jack. That was very insightful.

---

Robert: He already has all of Bud's information!
Sol: All he has is a name.
Robert: And that name is Nwabudike Bergstein. How many of them do you think live here in San Diego? Or anywhere?
Allison: Well, if there were even two, it could buy us some time.

Jacob: Why are you wearing Frankie's robe?
Jack: Why are you feeding her cheese?
Jacob: I don't know. She likes cheese?
Frankie: Okay, guys, the good news is it's all out in the open now, and I know I feel relieved.

Jacob: Frankie, how could you do this to me?
Jack: And me.
Frankie: Are you two really upset, or is this just society telling you to be upset?
Jacob: No. I'm really upset.
Jack: And I'm wearing a ladies' rainbow robe.
Frankie: That robe is gender neutral.
Jacob: Frankie, what did you think was going to happen here?
Frankie: I don't know, but we were all having so much fun.
Jacob: But we didn't know that "we" were having fun. W-We thought "we" were having fun.
Jack: And I can't do "we."

Frankie: I was double-timing, and I was double-dumped. So now I'm eating double dumplings. Yeah, well, that's the trajectory.

Frankie: I wanted everything to be light and fun. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. Eventually, somebody always wants more. Surprisingly, it wasn't me.

--
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The Short Rib

Grace and Frankie 6×8

Frankie: Frankie Fest, Hawaii Edition. I love that idea!

Grace: No, imagine, Nick and Jack become friends, and the four of us all hang out, all the time.
Frankie: Even in the bath?
Grace: Not in the bath.
Frankie: Okay, we'll hash out that specific later.

Grace: But wait. What if the guys don't hit it off tonight?
Frankie: Oh, they will hit it off, because we're gonna make them hit it off. And if worst comes to worst, I've always got Twister and four tabs of acid in the linen closet.

Grace: Nick, did you know that Jack was in the music business?
Jack: That's right.
Grace: Go on, honey. Tell him what kind of music you like.
Nick: Uh, you know, all kinds.
Frankie: No way. Jack likes all kinds of music, too.

Jacob: How are you feeling, Frankie?
Frankie: Well, um, okay, all things considered. I... I'm, uh... I'm a little bloated. My knees hurt. My back, too. It doesn't like to be upstaged. Oh, my hearing is shot. It's all falling apart, really.

Grace: He even hugged me. He hates me!
Frankie: That's true. But it's unlike Jacob to resort to hug warfare.
Grace: Oh, he's a man. It's typical male behavior. Only wanting what they can't have.
Frankie: Well, of course he still wants me. If anything, he's a victim, helpless against my enchantments.

Grace: Frankie, you're happy with Jack, right?
Frankie: Like Bill Murray in a photobomb.

--
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The Surprises

Grace and Frankie 6×7

Sol: Oh. Funny videos aren't funny when it hurts to laugh.

Frankie: So, how's the recovery going?
Sol: Slow and painful.

Brianna: Nothing can happen. The odds of two women in their 30s dying before their kid turns 18 is 936,000 to one. I did the math... I did not. I tricked Barry into doing the math.

Allison: No, it's... it's not personal, Bud. It's just that your driving sucks.
Nwabudike: How is that not personal?!

Robert: Sol, I know you're hurt and can't run, but do you mind if I do?

Frankie: You can go out that door, but if you don't let go of your anger, it doesn't matter how far you walk, it'll follow you.

Allison: Your first time was still better than mine. I... uh... lost my virginity to a clown.
Nwabudike: What do you mean, "a clown"? Like... Like the class clown or a "clown" clown?
Allison: I'm talking red nose, squirting flower, came out of a tiny car with 67 other Bozos, Chuckles, and Krustys.
Nwabudike: And what... And what was your clown's name?
Allison: Uncle Bubbles.
Nwabudike: You win.

--
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The Bad Hearer

Grace and Frankie 6×6

Joan-Margaret: Unfortunately, the words "privy," "loo," "commode," and "shitter" all tested better than the word "toilet."
Grace: Shitter beat toilet?!
Joan-Margaret: Not the way you say it. "Shitta" beat toilet.

Joan-Margaret: I'm afraid, ladies, we're sunk.
Grace: No, we're not. It's hard to market. It's a toilet. You know, if it was easy, every joker would be making one.

Grace: You had her test your date outfit?!
Frankie: Look, I've been texting and flirting with Jack for weeks. I've set the stage. But now I've got to go out and be Lady Gaga, because this guy is cool.
Grace: What do you mean? You're always the cool one in a relationship. You told me yourself.
Frankie: I tell you lots of things, Grace.

Nwabudike: Stop! Are tomatoes bad now? Let me check... "Are tomatoes bad now?" Oh, yes! They are. Wait. No, that's from 2014, hold on... Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling, ad, scrolling. Okay, tomatoes are good to go.

Frankie: I'm not everybody.
Jack: No, you're not. I've never been on a date with someone who fills up on mints from the host stand.
Frankie: Why would they have them up at the entrance if they didn't want you to start with them?
Grace: Well, you know, the entrance is also the exit.
Frankie: You're blowing my mind right now.

Sol: Robert... the first rule of cancer club is, uh... well, have cancer.

Grace: So, I was up all night...
Frankie: Ooh, lucky Nick.
Grace: Huh? Oh. Oh, he's fine. No, I was working.

Grace: What if Jack's secret is something bad?
Frankie: Oh. How bad could it be?
Grace: What if he's a flat-earther? What if he's a dog kicker?
Frankie: No, I asked him point-blank if he kicked dogs.
Grace: What if he doesn't believe in aliens?
Frankie: Oh, you shut your mouth.

Frankie: There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women.

--
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The Confessions

Grace and Frankie 6×5

Grace: I'm sure there's probably a good explanation. Like he's tired.
Frankie: But you won't know unless you ask.
Grace: Yeah, but if I ask, I might find out something that I don't want to know.

Robert: I know you have your heart set on fondue, but have you considered literally anything else?
Sol: But you love cheese.
Robert: Not in communal form.

Robert: You didn't tell me Frankie was coming.
Sol: I didn't know she was.

Mallory: Did you ever think that your employees might be more loyal if you nurtured them instead of terrorized them?
Brianna: ... Oh, you're serious.

Frankie: I suppose you're right. I gotta be honest. My faith isn't doing a damn thing for me.
Robert: Maybe mine can help.
Frankie: Got anything for crippling guilt?
Robert: You've come to the right faith.

Frankie: I don't know about this, but I feel silly.
Robert: And I feel pretty sure this is blasphemy, but here we are.
Frankie: Bless me, Robert, for I have sinned. What do I do now? Put a quarter in?
Robert: No. You list your transgressions.
Frankie: And then I'm off the hook?
Robert: Well, I'm not qualified to give absolution. This is more an exercise in honesty...

Grace: Well, maybe I'm worried because I know how this goes. In the beginning, it's two times a week, then it's one time. Then it's only New Year's Eve and St. Patrick's Day. Then only when Guns of Navarone is on TV...

--
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The Funky Walnut

Grace and Frankie 6×4

Coyote: I'll be sober ten years in six years.
Jessica: I'm impressed, minus four.

Dr. Rogers: Sol, I want you to think of your prostate like this walnut. You've got a funky walnut. That's all.

Dr. Rogers: It's fairly common at your age.
Robert: So, what's the game plan? What do we do now?
Dr. Rogers: Well, there's surgery, but that can be risky any time you go under. Then afterwards, with infections, yada yada. Loss of sexual function. There's radiation, that whole megillah. Or... we keep a good check on it, and you do whatever you want with no change at all.
Sol: Do nothing?
Dr. Rogers: Well, so he can keep doing everything.

Dr. Rogers: The good news is, at your age, something else will probably kill you first...
Sol: Hold on. So you would tell someone who's 50 to have the surgery, yes?
Dr. Rogers: Absolutely.
Sol: And 60?
Dr. Rogers: Same. Sol, you're 75.
Sol: You're about my age, what would you do?
Dr. Rogers: Look, I smoke two packs a day. I'm surprised I made it to work today.

Grace: So, what is this revolutionary thing you need me to see?
Frankie: I've been thinking about your problem, the one where I was the Han Solo to your Princess Stuck-on-the-Can?
Grace: Oh, quit calling me that!
Frankie: Calm down, Princess Stuck-on-the-Can.

Joan-Margaret: Oh, Jesus, Frankie! I thought you were dead here, and now you're alive there. What the fuck is happening?

Grace: Oh, God, you are relentless!
Frankie: We love that about me. And I'm already working on a new name, The Queen Latrine... Okay, maybe that's not the winner, but how about The Yes-I-Can Can?

--
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The Trophy Wife

Grace and Frankie 6×3

Grace: Did you shrink?
Frankie: No! Suck on that, gravity.
Grace: Congratulations. I, too, am fighting gravity and winning.
Frankie: That's true, your boobs do look great.
Grace: I'm talking about the pulley system.

Sol: So, what do you say, back-to-back colonoscopies next?

Sol: Aren't we catastrophizing a bit?
Robert: I don't know. It's never a good sign when the nurse taking your blood pressure says, "Uh-oh!"
Sol: We haven't even gotten the results back yet.
Robert: I've already got "uh-oh." So either I'm dying, or I'm gonna die because I have to give up everything that I love. Any way you put it, dead man walking.

--
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The Rescue

Grace and Frankie 6×2

Sol: The first challenge in researching what to do for our honeymoon was narrowing it down into four categories: 'Getting away from it all,' 'Learning adventure,' 'Feeling good because we're doing good,' and 'Rumpus, general!'

Frankie: Are you seeing anyone?
Dana: Oh, no, no. Boyfriends have an annoying habit of becoming husbands, and I'm not going down that road again anytime soon.

Dana: Hey, Frankie. I need you to give me three good reasons why we should keep this Happy Meals prize from 1988.
Frankie: It's a collector's item. He swivels. And we almost named Coyote "Hamburglar" but ultimately decided that was a ridiculous name for a child.

Frankie: 'Five stars. Great service. But if you're looking for love, she's not your gal.'

Frankie: Hey, lover.

--
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The Newlyweds

Grace and Frankie 6×1

Frankie: What? When? Why?
Grace: Which question do you want me to answer first?
Frankie: I asked them in alphabetical order for a reason.

Frankie: So... you're real-deal married to this man?
Grace: Yeah. I'm real-deal married to this man.
Frankie: Well, then... congratulations.

Sol: I... I don't mean to sound like you, but ... can we afford to?
Robert: And I don't mean to sound like you, but can we afford not to? We're gonna keep putting it off for one reason or another, and then someday, it's gonna be too late.
Sol: That does sound like me.

Peter: People always say that being the one who is left is worse. But... I think it's harder to be me.

Grace: Frankie, what are you doing?
Frankie: Separating my stuff from yours. This pile is stuff that you're definitely taking. This pile is stuff that is yours, but I feel like I'm entitled to it. And that pile is mine, but it's stuff I don't want anymore, so you can have it.

Grace: You're mad at me. I get it.
Frankie: I'm not mad.
Grace: Well, then you're in denial.
Frankie: No, I am not. People grow up. They get married. It happens every day.

Grace: Look, it's not like it's gonna be, "Nick, Nick, Nick," all day every day. You know, it's gonna be a mix. Like, "Frankie, Frankie, Nick, Nick." Or, "Nick, Frankie, Frankie, Nick..."

Frankie: Wipe that "poor Frankie" look off your face, or I swear I will hurt you non-violently!

Frankie: Frankly, I'm concerned not a whit about you.
Sol: You know, when you're trying to hide that you're worried, you say things like "not a whit."
Frankie: Poppycock. I used it a fortnight ago.
Sol: Oh, begone!

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The Alternative

Grace and Frankie 5×13

Frankie: Which came first, girls? Oh!

Grace: Do I look okay? I haven't seen most of these people in years.
Jack: You look like a million bucks.
Grace: That's great, because I only paid 42,500 for that face.

Grace: Why are we celebrating Brianna's 40th? I raised my daughters to get quietly drunk on big birthdays.

Frankie: Living here is proof that I've crossed the valley of pain into the other side of healing.

Grace: Do you really get along with Robert?
Frankie: Oh, now that he's gay, he's awesome.

Grace: We went to Spain last year. And we had sangria every night. Along with very satisfying heterosexual intercourse. Both positions.

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The Wedding

Grace and Frankie 5×12

Grace: Did you do any of her Post-its?
Nick: Well, which one should I have done? "Reach up and wave at the lights" or the one with a cat drawing on it?
Grace: It looks like it's wearing roller blades...
Nick: That might mean something.
Grace: The best way to help Frankie is ignore what she says she wants and just do what you know she needs.
Nick: So when she asked me to buy her a fanboat...
Grace: Oh, you didn't.
Nick: No. Just one quick call.

Goldie: Vince... look at me. Look at me in the windows to my soul. Shut... the fuck up. Shut all the way the fuck up until you reach the top of Shut Fuck Mountain, where there are no more fuck-ups to shut! Here's to me.

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The Video

Grace and Frankie 5×11

Grace: What will you do? Make 50,000 donuts at 3 in the morning?
Frankie: I already made two dozen, so you, uh, do the math, smart guy.
Grace: ... This is a bagel covered with sugar!
Frankie: It's our powdered pumpernickel. Necessity is the mother of invention, Grace.

Frankie: This is going to be the greatest human triumph since the Titanic.
Grace: Really? You want to go with Titanic for this one?
Frankie: It won a hundred Oscars!

Joan-Margaret: e are gonna live forever, girls!
Grace: Oh, God.

Robert: These were supposed to be the years I thought I could do whatever I wanted. But I sleep with a machine on my face, and I can't drink liquor or eat pizza...

Frankie: Don't worry, I've got a plan that is so simple, even you will understand it. Let me get my whiteboard...
Grace: Oh, Frankie, I swear to God, if there are robot schematics on that thing...

Grace: Do you want to see the video? The language is extremely vague. I say synergy not once, but twice.

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