Action Mans & Wise Mans

The Wrong Mans 2×3 & 4

& Maya: What bombs have you made?
    Sam: Well, you name it.
    Maya: No, you name it. We spent a lot of money to get you here. I want to know that you are the people we need.
    Sam: Oh, erm... Car bombs. Time bombs. Time bombs that we’ve put in cars. Car time bombs. Erm...
    Phil: Jager bombs, running bombs and once we put a whole tube of Mentos in a three litre bottle of Coke and, you know, that, that... It really did go absolutely everywhere.

& Espinosa: And the eye?
    Kinsman: Yeah, that’s the bad news. They took it.
    Espinosa: The two, Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dumber?

& Sam: I don’t want to make a dirty great dirty bomb for a bunch of terrorists, Phil. For one thing, I can’t.
    Phil: Hm. I think I actually could, but, yeah, point taken, it’s not ideal.

& Phil: I’m not Mitch Steele!
    Sam: We’re not chemical experts.
    Phil: We’re just a couple of guys in a band on our way to England to play some shows.
    Sam: What? No, we’re not!
    Phil: No, we work for a trucking company in Texas.
    Sam: No, we work for the council, or we used to.
    Phil: I, I don’t work for the council, I just work in the building. I’m sub-contracted.

& Sam: I mean, why does this shit always happen to us?
    Phil: What shit?
Ω !!!! Bazinga!

& Phil: Yeah, I mean that has only happened once, to be fair. And anyway, maybe it’s not shit happening to us. Maybe it’s us happening to shit.

---

& Phil: What are you taking?
    Sam: Money. You?
    Phil: Snacks.
    Sam: Hmm, useful.

& Phil: I think it’s doable.
    Sam: Yes, for other people.
    Phil: It’s only a width. It’s not even a length.
    Sam: I’m telling you, there is no way we could swim the English Channel in December.

& Phil: Let me spell this out for you in plain French. Angleterre, baby, maintenant!
    French pilot: You want me to fly to England?
    Phil: No shit, Poirot!

& French skydiver: Hey, how do we get home from here?
    Sam: If you really want to get home, you’ll find a way.

& Sam: Sorry, which is it, SAS or a ninja you’re going to be?
    Phil: I’ll let you worry about the labels, Sam. I’m an enigma. What you see is what you get.

& Phil: Who is that?
    Sam: I don’t know, just run!

& Dimitri: You’re telling me you are the wrong mans?
    Sam: Men, but, yeah.

& Rosa: Adios, Phil.
    Phil: Auf Wiedersehen.

& Phil: I wonder what time midnight mass is.
    Sam: What time do you think it is?
    Phil: I don’t know. It’s usually quite late.
    Sam: Yeah.
    Phil: I’ll Google it.
    Sam: OK.

--
On the IMDb: Action Mans and Wise Mans.

Σ Real nicker here.

X-Mans & White Mans

The Wrong Mans 2×1 & 2

& ’You are listening to KPPQ, the hottest music in South Texas.’

♪ It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas... ♪

& Phil: It’s the Prime Minister begging for me back. I said to him, get someone else to do it, Tony.
    Rosa: But you were the best brain and heart surgeon in Britain.
    Phil: Europe, but yeah, you’re right.

& Phil: I’m sorry I’ve got a forklift driving licence, and yes, that’s opened doors for me. It is not a level playing field. I walk in there, I’m queen bee, I’m Top Of The Pops, I’m a big noise, yeah. I’m someone at Gopher Distribution Incorporated and you can’t bloody stand it!

& Agent: I am here under the full authority of the Director of the Security Services!
    Sam: Exactly. You’re the cub scout. I want to speak to Akela.

---

& Sam: Are you serious about this?
    Phil: Yes.
    Sam: Good. Because I’ve got an idea. But we are going to cross a lot of bridges, OK. And jump a lot of hurdles, and I need to know that I’m with someone who’s prepared to roll deep... Are you prepared to roll deep?
    Phil: That’s how I roll.

& Carlos Espinosa: I have spent most of my life moving things, drugs, guns, people, into America. If somebody tells me they have two guys who want to get out, I couldn’t believe it was true. But you are real. You sure you are real?

& Phil: We’ve got to look tough, right? It’s either that or you become someone’s wife.

& Sam: But they’re bloody racists!
    Phil: We don’t have to be racist. We just have to hang out with some. It’s like watching Top Gear.

& Sam: What’s your favourite bit of Christmas dinner?
    Phil: Sausage wrapped in bacon. Without question. It’s the only meal where it’s acceptable to have an extra portion of meat which is itself wrapped in meat. It’s amazing.

--
On the IMDb: X-Mans and White Mans.

Σ Enjoyed every single moment.

Running Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×6

& Sam: Phil, give me your phone... They can trace it.
    Phil: I only got it two weeks ago.
    Sam: Phil!.. Phil, come on...
    Phil: I don’t want to go back to a Nokia! Please!

& Paul: Oh, come on! You know how it works! They spy on us, we spy on them. Nothing actually happens. I just got played by both sides.

& Phil: Or you can let Sam go... cos it’s over. We won. And you lost... bitch.

---

& Phil: You took a bullet for me!
    Sam: That’s what friends do.
    Phil: I’m wearing a bulletproof vest.
    Sam: I wish you’d told me that before.

& — Best friends!
    Phil: Oh, you’ve got to explode it! If you don’t explode it, it doesn’t mean anything! We’ve already been through this. You go in... and then we go, “Boom”... We go in and then you go, “Boom.” OK?
    Sam: All right.
    Phil: In and, “Boom.”
    Sam: All right. Best friends.
    Phil: .... Boom.

--
On the IMDb

Σ WTF? Definitely, not finale. Season 2 on a horizon? Or an episode 7?

Wanted Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×5

& Agent Paul: OK, kids... meet your targets. The last agent who got too close ended up in a body bag. So find them... watch them... keep your distance. These guys are probably armed... and definitely dangerous.

& Phil: Mum, listen to me. Mum, listen to my voice... Breath in through your mouth, and out through your nose, in through your mouth, out through your nose, in through your... out through your... I’m trying to do the right thing.

& Linda: I think the bullet’s still in there.
    Sam: Have you done this before?
    Linda: No. But you don’t spend 12 years in A without seeing your fair share of gunshot wounds.
    Sam: Wow, how many have you seen?
    Linda: Two. If you count this one.

& Phil: It’s a USB stick. This is what she wants... This is the key! We need to find out what’s on this!
    Sam: No, we don’t. That’s only going to make things worse. What we don’t know can’t hurt us.

---

& Phil: It’s not... We weren’t watching it like that, that’s not what it is, we were... It was for research.
    Linda: What did I tell you? What did I tell you about watching mucky ladies?
    Phil: They’re not happy.
    Linda: No, they are not happy.

& Agent Paul: Hello, Sam.
    Sam: Oh, hello, Sam, someone just put me through to you.
    Agent Paul: No, no, no. My name isn’t Sam, I’m saying, ’Hello, Sam,’ I know who you are.

& Agent: Who are you? Who are you working for?
    Sam: I’m a town planning and noise guidance adviser... for Berkshire County Council.

& Agent Paul: Ты в порядке?
    Agent: Да!
    Agent Paul: Вот и проблема.

& Sam: Something’s not right.
    Phil: Oh, no, we’ve shaken them. This is it! We’re clear! This is us now! We just keep driving. We drive this road. This road is going to take us all the way to Mexico City!

& Phil: OK, let’s do this.
    Sam: Do what?
    Phil: Get down!
    Agent Paul: ...one!
    Sam: No!
    Phil: Yaaah!

--
On the IMDb

Inside Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×4

& Sam: I just found a phone. That’s it. I found a phone.

& Phil: Well, we know who bought it. The Russian.
    Sam: Marat Milankovic.
    Phil: Braslan Ovanovic, something like that.

& Lizzie: Why would he need your help? You’re just the mailroom guy.
    Phil: Yeah. And Steven Segal was just the chef.

---

& Sam: Any chance of a discount?
    Lau: .... I’m going to miss you guys.

& Marat Milankovic: We in UK now, we don’t need to worry.

& Marat Milankovic: They hunt me everywhere. FSB. You know what I think of FSB? Fucking Shitty Bullshit!

& Phil: Well, no-one’s following us. I think we’re going to be all right.
Ω Uh-hu.

--
On the IMDb

Dead Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×3

& Lau: I don’t like this.
    Sam: Tell me about it. I have to work here.

& Lau: If he has come to any harm...
    Sam: He’s absolutely fine, honestly. We gave him a Twix.

& Lau: Who are you?
    Phil: My name is Philip Neville Bourne, and I’m here to rescue you.

& Phil: Are we going to kiss again?

& Phil: We need to borrow your car, mate.
    Driver: Piss off.
    Phil: Fair enough.

---

& Sam: What’s wrong with you?
    Phil: Nothing. It’s just back to work tomorrow, innit?
    Sam: Yeah, you’ll be all right... boss.

& Phil: Seriously, I’m going to miss all this. Running around... Having a hostage. It’s been fun.

& Sam: You bloody bitch.

& Agent Jack Walker: Listen to my voice. Stop! Now, breathe in, breathe out. In through your nose, out through your mouth. In... out. In... out.

& Agent Jack Walker: I am going to talk now, and you are going to listen. My name is Agent Jack Walker and I work for the British Secret Service.
    Phil: Hi, Jack.
    Agent Jack Walker: What did I just say?
    Phil: Not to talk. Correct.
    Agent Jack Walker: My name is Agent Jack Walker, and I work for the British Secret Service.
    Phil: Hello, Jack.

& Sam: Stop suggesting the recovery position for dead people!

--
On the IMDb

Σ Guys just caught in a strange.

Bad Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×2

& Phil: Sam! Sam, is that you?
    Sam: Yes, Phil.
    Phil: Cough if you can hear me.

& Sam: Hello! If anyone’s listening, I don’t know who you think we are but we’re not him.

& Sam: You’re joking, right? Those winks mean you’re joking, right?

& Agent Jack Walker: I track you leaving the home of one of Russia’s most wanted, with close to a million pounds. And... when I politely ask you to stop... you run, and keep running. I mean, at best it’s rude.

& Phil: Hello. This is Brad speaking.
    Lau: ’In a moment, you will give the phone back to your friend. You will lie down and place your hands on your head, and you will not move, because if you do, you will be shot.’

---

& Sam: What are you doing?
    Phil: Pulling down his pants.
    Sam: I can see that. Why?
    Phil: Humiliation. The first rule of taking a hostage. Humiliate them. Make them feel disgusted.

& Lizzie: Have you...?
    Sam: Yeah. It’s me, that’s what you can smell. It’s my fart.
    Lizzie: That’s disgusting.
    Sam: I know...
    Lizzie: It’s not going away.
    Sam: I’m still doing it now. I’ve been doing it the whole time we’ve been stood here.

& Sam: I’ve just got some shit to deal with.

& Phil: Aaargh!
    Sam: Aargh!
    Phil: Aaargh!
    Sam: Aaah-ha!
    Lizzie: Sam?
    Sam: Aaa-have-it! I have it. I have it.
    Lizzie: What do you... what do you have?
    Sam: The slogan?

--
On the IMDb

The Wrong Mans

The Wrong Mans 1×1

“Get Me Away From Here, I’m Dying” by Belle and Sebastian

♪ Oh, get me away from here, I’m dying ♪
♪ Play me a song to set me free ♪
♪ Nobody writes them like they used to ♪
♪ So it may as well be me ♪

& Sam: I miss you. I do.
    Lizzie: You miss someone looking after you.
    Sam: I miss you looking after me.
    Lizzie: You miss someone making your decisions for you.
    Sam: I miss you making my decisions for me.

& Phil: They don’t have a clue who they’re messing with! They want to mess with us?!
    Sam: What are you talking about? They’re not messing with us! They’re not even messing with me! I’m the wrong man.

& Phil: This is our moment. We’ve been chosen.
    Sam: I’m a town planning and noise guidance advisor for Berkshire County Council. You’re a 31-year-old mail distribution assistant who lives with his mum.
    Phil: Exactly! Stuff like this never happens!

---

& Phil: We’re going to cross a lot of bridges, Sam. Jump a lot of hurdles. I need to know that I’m with someone who’s got my back. Someone who’s prepared to roll deep. Are you prepared to roll deep?
    Sam: I don’t know what you’re talking about and I don’t think you do either.
    Phil: I’m talking about rolling deep! Because that’s how I roll! I roll deep!! Deep!!!

& Sam: How did this happen, Phil?
    Phil: I’ll tell you how it happened... It happened because this country’s going to hell in a handcart!

& Phil: The first rule of being in this room... is you don’t talk about being in this room. Agreed?.. This is Fight Club.

& Phil: Are you sure?.. It says Mr Smith. I thought you said he was Mr Stevens.
    Sam: That’s probably what they put when they can’t identify someone.
    Phil: Like a John Dory.
    Sam: You mean John Doe.
    Phil: Do I?
    Sam: Yeah, because John Dory’s a fish dish.
    Phil: Fish dish. Sure.

& Sam: We’ve got no choice. We have to do something.
    Phil: But they’re going to want hard cash. Unmarked bills. Sequential serial numbers. All that jazz.

& Phil: I’m in. But you have got to stay focused at all times, because danger is everywhere. You know what danger doesn’t do?.. Call ahead... Unless it’s the IRA.

--
On the IMDb

Σ Mad Dogs — 2?