See You Soon, Macaroon

Imposters 2×10

Ezra: There's a famous quote from one of my favorite writers. "No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." And that's the problem, isn't it? If you play dress-up long enough, you're bound to get lost in your disguise. Like passing out in your Halloween costume and not recognizing yourself in the morning. And sure, there's a certain comfort in hiding behind a mask, a relief that we don't have to be ourselves all the time, but... does it get to a point that you forget who you really are?

Norma Jean: You know, a very smart woman once told me that each of us has an authentic self. Sometimes we lose touch with it, right? But the trick is, you have to find it.
Maddie: Sure, but how do you find it if you didn't know what it was to begin with?

— All right, everybody. So we have the food platters, we have the drink platters, we have the doors to go in and the doors to go out, and that is the number one thing to remember, ladies. Do not go in the out-door and do not go out the in-door, but let's keep all the full trays going out and the empty trays coming in, and remember, a stationary Marilyn is a not-doing-her-job Marilyn, right?

Richard: Jesus Christ, she just killed him. She just shot him. She just freaking killed him in cold blood!.. He was like the uncle I never had.

Maddie: And you what, want to see him live? After everything he's done to you? Death would be too easy and too forgiving, and dead or alive...

--
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The World Needs Heroes. Over.

Imposters 2×9

Sophia: I haven't gone through everything yet, but I'm getting there.
Ezra: Sometimes getting rid of old things lets you be open to letting in new ones.
Charlotte: So nice.
Sophia: We will go through every last thing, separate the trash from the treasure...

Max: You know what's the best insurance not getting maimed or killed going against someone like the Doctor?
Richard: Come up with a different...
Max: Don't fuck it up. Got it?

Charlotte: The things that you do to people affect them for... for the rest of their lives. Don't you... Don't you know that?

Jules: What do you think being a politician means exactly?
Richard: The world's a messed up place, Jules. And people need heroes. All the rest is just details.

The Doctor: Egos and mediocre minds... a deadly combination.

--
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Phase Two Sucks

Imposters 2×8

Ezra: Tell me the hard part, Maddie.
Maddie: You want to know how I got you to fall in love with me?.. It's not a con. You have to show that person a part of your true self. Then you need to find something in that person that you can really, truly fall in love with. That's how you do what I do.

Richard: I'm not worried about him messing it up. I'm worried about what happens to him if he does it right.

Sally: There's no friends in the game, Max, only cons and suckers. I think you taught me that.

--
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Maid Marian on Her Tip-Toed Feet

Imposters 2×7

Richard: If I was gonna get rid of us, this is exactly where I would do it... Isolated, out in the middle of nowhere. We're like ducks in a barrel.
Jules: You mean monkeys.
Ezra: Fish. It's fish in a barrel.
Richard: I mean ducks. Ducks are highly intelligent and migratory, like us. And they're prey, like us... I hate being prey.

Great Kate: Is she in trouble? 'Cause there's always three sides to every story, I always say, and it's often the woman's side that gets lost in all the noise.

Ezra: I believe in ghosts... Memory, regret, lost loved ones, lost things that follow us, haunt us.

Lenny Cohen: Jules, I am not a vampire. I would have come in anyway, whether you invited me or not.

Ezra: Yeah, I don't buy any of it. It's not gonna be just this one job. The Doctor will never let us be done. This is just the start.
Jules: You don't know that.
Ezra: Have you literally never seen a single movie?

Ezra: Hey, Richard, listen. Something my dad used to say about chess. If both players play a perfect game of chess, there's no winner, right? It's just a draw. So to win, you got to get inside your opponent's head. Find a point of weakness, and exploit it. Don't play the game. Play the man.

Richard Evans: Just you and me, Evans. Us against the darkness...

--
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That's Enough. Off You Go.

Imposters 2×6

Poppy Langmore: Okay, that's really sad, but it's not like you even knew his dad, so...
Jules Langmore: See, this is exactly my point. If it has nothing to do with her, nothing matters.
Richard: It's not so much the point as it is a point, which is not to say it's without a point. It's at least, uh... at least about four square miles.

Bartender: What can I get you?
Jules: Beer, your choice.
Lenny Cohen: I wouldn't advise that.
Jules: Why not?
Lenny Cohen: So many things in life are out of our hands. If you can make a choice, then make one.

Lenny Cohen: Well, swift, brutal violence can be effective, sometimes...

Ezra: '...He told big stories. He told us, as kids, that the reason we dip hard-boiled eggs in salt water at Passover is that when the Red Sea parted, the water was just high enough to graze the balls of the slaves as they escaped. Ask the Rabbi about that one. And we did. And then Dad got a call...'

Ezra: '...He taught us so much, about being a father, a husband, a man, about making mistakes, and learning, and continuing to move forward. Even on this day, this impossible day, he wouldn't want us to dwell, but to push on. Let the past be the past. Let it not be a headwind that holds us back, but a tailwind that pushes us forward...'

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Maybe/Definitely

Imposters 2×5

Richard: This is what immigration is like?... Dude, this is a major issue.

The Doctor: Do you know what the greatest con of all is?.. Love.

Ezra Bloom: How do you expect me not to worry?
Arthur Bloom: Just don't! You're a Bloom. When things get tough, stick your head up and...
Ezra Bloom: Put your shoulders back. Yeah, I got it, Dad. I got it.

Arthur Bloom: Ezra... Keep your wits about you.

Agent Cook: What would you do? You're a father. Our girl's in trouble.
Patrick: Yeah, but I like to think that I raised them well enough that they wouldn't become con artists. That's just me.
Agent Cook: You never know... Sometimes it's about the way you're raised. Sometimes it's about the genes. And sometimes it's just so goddamn crazy, we don't have a say in it. Pretending otherwise will drive you crazy.

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Andiamo

Imposters 2×4

Richard: Hey! Hey, hey. Breathe...
Ezra: What are you doing? Is this a Jules thing?
Richard: Coach Willis, bro. The key to success is to visualize. ...so let's visualize. Tell me what's gonna happen. Remember, positive.

Jules: After your family's safe, I can come back.
Ezra: Except it never works that way, does it? I mean, life, it keeps taking you forward.

Agent Cook: Did you ever see "The French Connection"? You need to be a little bit more like Popeye Doyle.
Patrick: My problem is a lack of a pork pie hat?
Agent Cook: Real police work is in the waiting. It's about patience. So now we're Popeye Doyle, waiting in the cold, drinking coffee.
Patrick: Yeah. You know at the end of that movie, the bad guy got away, right?

--
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Old Unresolved S...

Imposters 2×3

Shelly Cohen: Piece of advice, Louie. Don't trust a person whose only job is to slice open your guts.

Gail: Your assignment may seem a little morbid, but I promise, it'll be very helpful... I want you to imagine your own funeral. Who would be there, and what would they say about you?

Ezra: I actually feel grateful that Maddie Jonson happened to me. She taught me something incredibly important: that I was capable of real love... Here's what else I know. I will find love again... Because it's worth the risk and the pain.

Herman: You're... you're... you're in a hurry. It's very American. But... take a look around here, baby. Does this look like a drive-through?

Ezra: I didn't lie about anything. Except my name.
There is the lie of the things you don't say.

Rosa: .... So all three of you were married to her, and she took everything?

Ezra: We get ourselves to the border. The coyote smuggles us across.
Richard: Absolutely not. I'm not shoving a bag of coke up my ass. Not for you, not for anyone.
Ezra: That's a mule, Richard, not a coyote.

--
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Trouble Maybe

Imposters 2×2

Maddie: And what is a normal life to you, Maddie Jonson?
Shelly Cohen: Do tell.
Maddie: I don't know, maybe something without lies and deceit.
Shelly Cohen: Sounds boring.

Richard: I'm just not gonna take money out of people's purses.
Ezra: That's the con.
Richard: That's not a con, okay? That's called stealing.

Richard: It's called honor, man. You get these ladies back to their room, and they look at you with those "I'm gonna masturbate about this for the rest of my life" eyes. What am I supposed to do?

Ezra: Nobody who gets conned is innocent. They all wanted something for cheap.
Jules: Now you're starting to sound like our ex-wife.

Jules: Just, no more lying to each other, okay? Or else we're just deceiving, lying little Maddies.

Ezra: So I guess we need a new code. A post-Maddie "we won't be Maddie to each other" code. What do we call it?
Jules: El codigo de las ex-esposas.
Richard: ... Condom in the soup?
Jules: Code of the ex-wives.

Jules: No lying about money, right?.. No lying about sex... No lying about drinking... No lying about emotional eating.

Rosa: Thank you, gods above, for sending me an artist, and not just a thief.

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Always Forward, Never Back

Imposters 1×10

Reverend Toomey: Well, time to get down to the business at hand. If anyone present knows a reason why Saffron and Patrick may not lawfully marry, they must declare it now or forever hold their peace.

Jules Langmore: Okay. I need you to be someone, so I pretend to be the person I think you need me to be so hopefully you're willing to be the person I think I need you to be. But what if what I think I need isn't what I actually need? Then what? Maybe you should just go with what you want.
Gina: But what if I don't even know...

Ezra Bloom: You're just scared.
Maddie: I'm scared?
Ezra Bloom: Petrified. Because in real life, if you want to feel something, you have to go all the way, and some people are just not cut out for that.

Richard Evans: It has to be said, that was... Awesome.
Ezra Bloom: Totally...
Jules Langmore: Completely.
Richard Evans: Awesome.

Ezra Bloom: Does anybody else feel like no matter what we do, where we go, we'll always be married to that woman?
Jules Langmore: Till death do us part.

Jules Langmore: Could she really be so...
Richard Evans: Smart play, right? Money, ring, cut us loose. What'd we expect? Leopard can't change its pants.
Jules Langmore: Um, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's... Right, and she always wanted to be free.

Ezra Bloom: Always forward.
— Never back.

--
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Ladies and Gentlemen, the Doctor Is In

Imposters 1×9

Ezra Bloom: Maybe it's true, what some people say... Who you are is just a collection of choices... decisions that somehow... all add up to the person you become.
    You know, I used to think that your choices either made you good or bad... responsible or irresponsible. But maybe... maybe that's not quite right. Maybe it's more like your choices either make you more or make you less... yourself, who you really are, who you were always meant to be. Maybe we're all just hurtling toward our essential selves, and choice has nothing at all to do with it.
Patrick: Choice has everything to do with it. Only question is what choice are you gonna make?

Maddie: Jesus, when are you going to understand this? You were never in love with me. You were in love with who you were when you were with me.

Max: Who's to say what's real about a person? No, only they can know that. And even then... Can you honestly say you know who you really are?

Max: I said smile. You know how to smile, don't ya? Smile... Well, not like an idiot. Just a regular smile... You know. Uh, the trick is to smile when you're putting on a mustache. Otherwise, no matter how good the adhesive, your facial movement will force it off.

Patrick: Ezra Bloom... welcome to the FBI.

Maddie: Never could sleep the night before one of my weddings.

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In the Game

Imposters 1×8

Richard Evans: Yeah, that puts us in jeopardy, too. Legally, maybe.
Jules Langmore: Probably.
Ezra Bloom: Definitely. So, we decided that whether you deserve our help or not, not telling you would make us as unethical as you, which we're not.
Jules Langmore: Indeed.
Richard Evans: That's right. Ethics, Google it.

Maddie: Patrick, will you marry me?

Patrick: I can't wait to make you my wife.
Maddie: I can't wait to be your wife.

Maddie: They have the look, don't they, Max?
Max: They might, yeah. They just might...
Ezra Bloom: What's the look?
Max: Some people need the life. They've done something bad, or someone or something is chasing them. Other people get a taste of the grift, and then they get hungry for it. They like it. Those people have the look.
Maddie: So, let's not pretend we're not all up to the task. Eyes on the prize. Agreed?

Jules Langmore: You know she's playing you, too, right? You're not special. I'm not special. Richard...
— Definitely isn't special.
Jules Langmore: This is still a con, and we're all suckers. Now we're just the suckers who are in on it.

--
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Frog-Bikini-Eiffel Tower

Imposters 1×7

Richard Evans: Patrick's in the FBI... I followed him to the goddamn headquarters, I looked down on the goddamn seal and it said Federal goddamn Burrow of Investigation!
Did you say "Burrow"?

Arthur Bloom: I've been thinking a lot about priorities. You know, you just spend all day thinking about the next thing. The one you think is gonna be bigger or brighter. And you can lose sight of what you have. How valuable it is. How it could all go away. And life, as they say, is for the living.

Gaby: It happens. Sometimes the life you want is right in front of you. You just have to see it. And take it.

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The Maddie Code

Imposters 1×6

Ezra Bloom: We came here for our money, and we're gonna get our money.
Jules: And we're all gonna abide by the Maddie code?
Richard Evans: Absolutely. For sure. Let's do this.
Jules: So now we're musketeers?
Ezra Bloom: ... Come on, guys, don't leave me hanging.
Richard Evans: Always forward.
Jules: Never back.

Richard Evans: All right, how about a cocktail I invented? Clean, classy, disappears without a trace. Call it the "Alice."

Richard Evans: One Alice, made with love.

Patrick: You know, I have a saying... When love is the answer, doesn't matter what the question is.
Richard Evans: It's kind of cool, but does that qualify as a saying?

Richard Evans: We were very good together, but I'm on a journey now that... I'm on a journey which... I mean, I'm on a journey which... I'm journeying, and it's a solo mission, at least for now, and you can't come with me.

Richard Evans: You know, sometimes I can't eat or sleep. You took up so much room inside me, and then you just ripped it all out and left this big, painful nothing. And I don't want it anymore, and so I'm... I'm breaking up with you, and, uh, we're done. You understand? We're done.

Jules: People need to know who she really is!
Ezra Bloom: Shh!
Jules: No, don't you shush me! She was my wife too, okay? I have things to say too.

Patrick: Wait, wait, don't you even wanna know where we're going?
Maddie: No, no, no, anywhere that's away with you is exactly where I wanna be.

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Is a Shark Good or Bad?

Imposters 1×5

Max: First dead body?

Hammer Man: Are you a good guy or a bad guy?
Lenny Cohen: I'm not a guy at all.
Hammer Man: Fine. Are you a good girl or a bad girl?
Lenny Cohen: Let me see... Is a shark good or bad?

Hammer Man: If you're bad, I have to smash you with my Hammer of Justice.
Lenny Cohen: Oh, please don't smash me with your hammer of justice.
Hammer Man: Are you good or bad?
Lenny Cohen: What if I won't say? Or don't know? Can your Hammer of Justice tell if I'm good or bad?
Hammer Man: What? No. My Hammer of Justice is just, like, my tool. I'm Hammer Man.
Lenny Cohen: Hm. Look... Think about it this way, Hammer Man: I'm a tool, too. So what do I know about being good or bad?
Hammer Man: You're no fun.
Lenny Cohen: Not true, Hammer Man. First, I get to have so much fun. I'm like the shark's teeth. Or that Hammer of Justice you're holding. Or maybe I'm like the fire that's burned since the beginning of time. No one knows who started it, and no one can put it out. But I get to be the fire. So maybe I'm not good or bad. I just am... Sorry. Was that too poetic? A bit forced? All right. Time for you to go home.

---

Richard Evans: Hey, are you sure you wanna use red? We always used red for everything must go sales. It kinda screams desperation, no?

Lenny Cohen: Chin up, Max. It's better to be sad than dead.

Max: He said that Patrick Campbell could be one of our biggest scores. The numbers aren't good; they are amazing.
Maddie: Not in a million years, Max.
Max: Oh, yes, you most definitely will, and so will I. Because the payoff... the payoff is huge. This is the big one. ...
Maddie: I give up, Max. What's the payoff?
Max: We get to live. We get to keep breathing fresh air and keep drinking good booze.

Max: And don't be arrogant. This is the life we chose. There are rules. We don't get to break them because we're stupid enough to fall in love. Now get going. I'll see you in the game.

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Cohen, Lenny Cohen.

Imposters 1×4

Jules: Are you sure this is it? It just looks so, like, out of a horror movie.

Richard Evans: Maddie Jonson. That is so... Maddie Jonson. There's no "H" in Jonson. I've never seen that.
Jules: Maybe they couldn't afford it.

Arlen Jonson: I'm... I'm listening. Who wrote that book that is there in your... in your... Shit. In your... In your stomach there?
Ezra Bloom: Henry Miller. It's the "Tropic of Cancer."
Arlen Jonson: All right. Okay, read it.
Ezra Bloom: Out loud?
Arlen Jonson: Yes. Aloud. A loud. Loud.
Ezra Bloom: Okay. "When I realize that she is gone, perhaps gone forever, a great void opens up and I feel that I am falling."
Arlen Jonson: That is dead on, son.

Gary Heller: Trust is the basis of everything that happens at this institution.

Gary Heller: Who else sneaks around and looks at other people's stuff?
Sally: Oh, the dentist looks in our mouths...

Lenny Cohen: Let me say a few things to help you... Everywhere you go, everything you do, everything you think should be about doing your job. So land Heller. Go to bed with him. Marry him. And disappear. You know the game. Just do your job.

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We Wanted Every Lie

Imposters 1×3

Jules: ...And I answer the door, and it's these two guys I've never seen before. Like, one of them's kind of macho, and the other's kind of not.

Jules: My therapist, he says we're attracted to people not just because of the good things about them but also because of their pain. Like, my pain is attracted to their pain... Do you think she feels pain at all? Like, if this is what you do, and if this is your thing, conning people into loving you, what does that do to you?... I still don't understand how someone can make you love them and then just walk away like it was nothing. How do you do that?
Ezra Bloom: I don't know. But you know what all the con books say?.. For a successful con, you need a willing mark. We wanted every single lie she told us. But I have to believe someday it's gonna catch up to her.

Geraldine: You know, I saw this mug the other day in the... the Newark airport gift shop. You know what it said? It said "If you wanted to, you would have done it." And I just thought, "Yes, that's right," you know. I mean, when it comes down to it, we all choose the life that we want. I mean, even if it isn't the life we say we want.

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My Balls, Dickhead

Imposters 1×2

Ezra Bloom: How we doing?
Richard Evans: Well, with 79% of our inventory gone, we have made 12% of our projection.
Ezra Bloom: What the hell?!
Richard Evans: Look, man, I'm used to selling cars, all right? You overprice, reduce price, sell. It's simple. Your weird kitchen stools aren't exactly making it easy.

Richard Evans: Look, check out this guy. He's what we call a "beta-alpha."Thinks he's an alpha male, and he's actually a beta male.
Ezra Bloom: Sounds about right. That's my brother.

Ezra Bloom: You know, one of those books said you can't cheat an honest man.
Richard Evans: Yeah, I read that. I still don't get it.
Ezra Bloom: It's like there are people who set themselves up to be taken because they're, you know, greedy or selfish or mean... You know what? We need some ground rules. We need, like, a code of conduct for how far we're willing to go. Like you said, we can't just steal from normal people, right?
Richard Evans: You know what else? Bushido, the samurai code... the true warrior must hold that loyalty, courage, and honor are important above all else.
Ezra Bloom: Nice.

---

Ezra Bloom: No old people.
Richard Evans: Sure.
Ezra Bloom: No kids. No people who look, you know, sad.
Richard Evans: Yeah. No nice moms or dads... or anyone who's limping. No babies.
Ezra Bloom: What does that leave us? ...
— Assholes!

— "At the bottom of every frozen heart, there is a drop or two of love..."
Ezra Bloom: Till death do us part.
— "Just enough to feed a birds."

Ezra Bloom: Do you know this woman?
Jules: Are you kidding me? She's my wife!

Ezra Bloom: She's in there.
Richard Evans: Yeah.
Ezra Bloom: Okay, whatever happens... Good luck.
Richard Evans: Yeah, man, you too.

--
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My So-Called Wife

Imposters 1×1

Ezra Bloom: Go away. I'm killing myself.

Ava Bloom: My 28th day anniversary present? It symbolizes what, exactly?
Ezra Bloom: Well, um, in the Kabbalah, the number 28 is the symbol of the wanderer, who, after many years in the dating desert, finally stops his wandering. And so we give a gift associated with the foot... Finally at rest.

Ava Bloom: Oh, you're so full of the bullshit. Oh, my God, what am I going to do with you?
Ezra Bloom: Exactly what you've been doing until death do us part.

Ezra Bloom: Maybe you and my so-called wife have more in common than we thought, huh? Liar. Cheat. Fraud.

Maybe it's like... It's like a boil, you know. You got to just bring it to the head and pop it and get all that Ava pus out of there. I'm sorry. That was kind of gross.

Ezra Bloom: Who the hell are you?
Richard Evans: Federal Burrow of Investigation.

Richard Evans: I am her husband. Yes, that's right, asshole. Just like you. She is my wife.

Ezra Bloom: What do you know about facial recognition software?
Richard Evans: Like "Mission: Impossible III"?
Ezra Bloom: What? No. Like iPhoto but, you know, much bigger.
Richard Evans: Oh, yeah, no, I'm a PC guy.

Maddie: I find that inspiring.
Patrick: I'm sorry. Inspiring?
Maddie: Oh, yeah, that little girl has potential. If I were her mother, I'd give her a prize.
Patrick: For being manipulative?
Maddie: For taking care of herself. Most girls take a long time to learn a trick like that.

--
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