Snaps

Maid 1×10

Alex: Here's the hard question. Who were you writing to when you wrote?...

Alex: Writing is where I go to be honest about how I feel. Sometimes it's really the only way for me to know what it is that I'm feeling. Like I have to write in order to see what I'm gonna write. If that makes any sense. But... I find that it's a lot easier to write the truth than it is to say it out loud. Nobody can take writing away from you. Nobody can tell you that you're wrong, or your words are wrong. Because they're not. You're right, and your words are fucking right. Because they're yours.

Alex: Can you be ready by Monday?
Paula: I'm ready. I'm packed, baby. That's the nice thing about living in your car, you're packed.

Paula: Just... be happy for me.

Alex: Most people would bet against a single mom putting herself through college. But they don't know what it took to get here. Three hundred and thirty-eight toilets cleaned... seven types of government assistance... nine separate moves... one night on the ferry-station floor... and the entire third year of my daughter's life.

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Sky Blue

Maid 1×9

Alex: I don't have any money.
Denise: Oh, it's all free. The tags are blank, just for decoration. No prices.

Denise: The boutique isn't open to the public. It's just for our residents to come in and pick out what they like, to have that sense of self again.

Brandi: Everybody gets overwhelmed the first time they come in here. It's because our circuits are completely fried by what we've been through. When I first got here, it took me weeks to remember my favorite color.

Alex: Why is there a cash register if everything's free?
Brandi: So it feels normal.
Alex: It doesn't feel normal.
Brandi: Well, I'm the one putting pretend purchases into pretend shopping bags right now.

Paula: This is my daughter and her daughter.
Micah: You're a grandmother?
Paula: No. My daughter has a daughter.

Brandi: That's a pretty blue.
Alex: It's sky blue. My favorite color. Not cobalt. Not navy. Sky blue.

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Bear Hunt

Maid 1×8

Alex: You mean, commit her?
Renee: She had a severe manic episode. She's still symptomatic. Pressured speech, delusions, irrational thought. She told me she thought she owned the house that she was breaking into.
Alex: Oh, she does, or she did.
Renee: Ah, well, she also told me that she's the goddess Aphrodite and she fucks the sun.

Paula: Baby. They don't know, baby.
Alex: What don't they know?
Paula: That the sun bends towards me. That I contain the sun in here.

Paula: But, baby, you don't understand. These people are really crazy. They're crazy, okay. Like, you know, mentally ill. I'm funny mentally ill. I run hot, you know. I mean, you know, I feel things. But these people scare me.

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String Cheese

Maid 1×7

Paula: How did a daughter of mine end up so square? You're basically a trapezoid.
Alex: A trapezoid is not a square.
Paula: Only a square would know that.

Paula: You are a real gem, Nathaniel. Like alexandrite, which makes a diamond look like a trash can.

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M

Maid 1×6

Alex: I'm on seven types of government assistance and I'm working the maximum I can without getting my benefits cut. But after food and gas and daycare co-pay, we have a total of nine dollars extra every week! That's a box of tampons...

Alex: I think... I think that's a pee-pee teepee. It goes on the little boy's pee-pee while you change him so that he doesn't spray pee on you.
Regina: My son is gonna piss on me?
Alex: Yes. And so much worse.

Regina: When did you transition your daughter to her crib? Nine months?
Alex: Uh, no. She's always slept with me.
Regina: Interesting. So you did the co-sleeping method. Did you do a side sleeper or a swivel bassinet?
Alex: ..... Swivel, I think.

Yolanda: You're the longest she's ever kept one of my maids on, so you must be doing something right.
Alex: Wouldn't know it. The woman gives me fucking whiplash. Sometimes I'm her friend, sometimes I'm dog shit.
Yolanda: No, you're always dog shit.

Yolanda: You're never friends with a client.
Alex: She told me her whole life's story on Thanksgiving.
Yolanda: She weren't talking to you. Even if a client's looking at you, saying words to your face, they're still talking to themselves. You don't exist.
Alex: I do, though.
Yolanda: If you dropped dead and I sent another girl, she wouldn't even notice.

Yolanda: Hey, don't take this personal, honey. I've been cleaning some of these houses for ten years, and I still get called Selena, Gordita or whatever, I don't care. I'm just a burrito they call when their bathroom starts smelling bad.

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Thief

Maid 1×5

Alex: You want upstairs or downstairs?
Kelly: Let's flip for it. Heads, you take dead mom's room. Tails, you take dead mom's room.
Alex: Okay, I'll take dead mom's room.

Alex: It was so sad seeing her.
Denise: It is sad. But all we can do is send her love and light and hope she finds her way back here someday...

Denise: Maybe seeing you today reminded her who she is. Maybe you did help her.
Alex: I don't understand. How can she stay with somebody that is abusing her? She knows.
Denise: Well, Danielle might be lying to herself in order to survive. Who knows what she's up against. She might be trying to break a cycle of abuse going on for generations...

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Cashmere

Maid 1×4

Customer: You know what else is free? Pain and heartache. Pain and suffering.

Alex: It's a story about a woman.
Wayne: I love female protagonists.
Alex: She lives in a big, beautiful house. The kind of house that's on the cover of magazines. She has a personal trainer and a financial adviser. And an IRA. She's been to the Louvre more than once. She spends entire Saturdays... getting hot-stone massages. And reading her first-edition books. She has a cashmere sweater that makes her feel like... she's being hugged by 1000 baby lambs. She wakes up every morning to a view of the ocean. Like it exists just for her.
Wayne: Nice detail.
Alex: She has the luxury of time. No long lines to stand in. No time cards to punch. She has time to bake seven pies from scratch, if she wants to.
Wayne: What's the conflict?
Alex: There isn't one. People with money have everything.
Wayne: That's not true.

Regina: It's the people you think you know. That's who you have to worry about. Because you don't actually know them. You know the story you tell yourself about who they are. So you can get out of bed in the morning.

Regina: Don't ever let anybody take advantage of you. Make you feel "less than" for all of your hard work. Work. It's the one thing you can count on. Everything else is fragile.

Alex: When I think about the house that I want for my daughter and me, it's not big and full of stuff. There's a bed for each of us, a surface for me to write on. Maybe a yard for a big, dumb dog someday. But our space is a home because we love each other in it.

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Sea Glass

Maid 1×3

Gary: Celery sticks and hummus, whole-grain crackers, seedless grapes if they're over the age of 2. Low-fat Greek yogurt with granola and berries. Some string cheeses, bananas, kiwis, pears.
Jasmine: Is this motherfucker just gonna keep listing fruits?
Gary: .... Blueberries, tangerines, and apples with peanut butter. Okay, moms, what's a healthy snack we can give Jimmy from anywhere on the food pyramid?

Paula: Don't start. I'm really busy.
Alex: Doing what?
Paula: Oh, I'm embroidering little tits and vaginas onto T-shirts. I got a big order on Esty.
Alex: It's Etsy.
Paula: Some sorority is doing a girl-power thing.
Alex: A sorority is paying you to embroider boobs and vaginas?
Paula: Yep. Embroidered tees are the new pussyhats.

Kiara: Let's divvy this up. Dusting's where I shine, so I'll take bedrooms. You take the kitchen and the bathroom.
Alex: Why do I get the worst rooms?
Kiara: You're new.

Paula: What do you want me to say?
Alex: That I'm a good mom. That I take great care of Maddy. If you add that Sean is abusive, that would be helpful.
Paula: Sean?
Alex: Emotional abuse is abuse.
Paula: What does that even mean? How can emotions be abused? Where do people get this stuff?

Basil: Let me explain something, Alex. Your mother and I, we're in love.
Alex: You're gonna be gone in three months, and I'm gonna be like, "Bye!"
Basil: That's an awful lot of meanness coming from someone who scrubs toilets for a living.
Alex: Meanness? Is that what they say in fake Australia?

Alex: You are the shittiest mother on the planet.
Paula: I'm not the shittiest. I never lost custody of you.

Sean: You know why there's so much sea glass on this beach? It was a dump once. Way back. Sea turns trash into treasure over time. Why don't you like me anymore?

Sean: I'm sea glass. I'm not trash. Just give me time.

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Ponies

Maid 1×2

Jody: There's beds at the domestic violence shelter, but you said you're not DV?
Alex: Yeah. I'd really hate to take a bed from somebody's that been abused for real.
Jody: "Abused for real." What does that mean?
Alex: Beaten up. Hurt.
Jody: And what does fake abuse look like? Intimidation? Threats? Control?

Jody: You need to call the DV hotline yourself. They'll send a cab around to the closest police station to pick you up.
Alex: Call and say what?
Jody: "Help."

Alex: Why are you wearing a suit?
Sean: Why are you wearing a cheetah?

Danielle: Punching a wall next to you is emotional abuse. Before they bite, they bark. Before they hit you, they hit near you. Next time, it was gonna be your face, and you know that.

Denise: This happens. They go back more often than not... It takes most women seven tries before they finally leave. This was Danielle's third time here... It took me five tries.

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Dollar Store

Maid 1×1

Jody: So you're looking for a big, fat government handout because you are a jobless, white trash, piece of shit, am I right?

Jody: All right. The child in your lap is Maddy.
Maddy: And Schmariel.
Jody: What?
Alex: Uh, it's the Ariel that we got from a dollar store. So we call her Schmariel.

Jody: Honestly, without a job, I can't do squat.
Alex: Okay. Um... I can't get a job if I can't afford day care.
Jody: Well, we have access to subsidized day care grants once you have a job.
Alex: I need a job to prove that I need day care in order to get a job? What kind of fuckery is that?

Alex: I can't deal with him and his fake Australian accent.
Basil: It's not fake. I was born in Perth, so...
Alex: I'm sure you were, Cilantro.
Paula: Don't call Basil Cilantro, Alex. Our identity is subjective. He's Australian, I'm French-Italian. In reality, we're both 100 percent Icelandic fairy.

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