M

Maid 1×6

Alex: I'm on seven types of government assistance and I'm working the maximum I can without getting my benefits cut. But after food and gas and daycare co-pay, we have a total of nine dollars extra every week! That's a box of tampons...

Alex: I think... I think that's a pee-pee teepee. It goes on the little boy's pee-pee while you change him so that he doesn't spray pee on you.
Regina: My son is gonna piss on me?
Alex: Yes. And so much worse.

Regina: When did you transition your daughter to her crib? Nine months?
Alex: Uh, no. She's always slept with me.
Regina: Interesting. So you did the co-sleeping method. Did you do a side sleeper or a swivel bassinet?
Alex: ..... Swivel, I think.

Yolanda: You're the longest she's ever kept one of my maids on, so you must be doing something right.
Alex: Wouldn't know it. The woman gives me fucking whiplash. Sometimes I'm her friend, sometimes I'm dog shit.
Yolanda: No, you're always dog shit.

Yolanda: You're never friends with a client.
Alex: She told me her whole life's story on Thanksgiving.
Yolanda: She weren't talking to you. Even if a client's looking at you, saying words to your face, they're still talking to themselves. You don't exist.
Alex: I do, though.
Yolanda: If you dropped dead and I sent another girl, she wouldn't even notice.

Yolanda: Hey, don't take this personal, honey. I've been cleaning some of these houses for ten years, and I still get called Selena, Gordita or whatever, I don't care. I'm just a burrito they call when their bathroom starts smelling bad.

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