Dance

Mozart in the Jungle 4×10

Hailey: Is it easy being a cat? Looks pretty easy. Oboe, on the other hand, not so fucking easy.

Gloria: But you're not interested in more power?
Betty: Honey, I can rattle the skull of an audience member sitting in the last row of the hall by blowing air through two tiny pieces of cane. It's all the power I need.

Rodrigo: Don't be cynical, Egon. Only naive people are cynical. Don't be cynical.

Egon: You are the most innocent narcissist I know. Stop being so grown up before you get trapped.

Rodrigo: It's crazy, no? How simple the melody is, but it's still... it's still really beautiful.

Rodrigo: Maestro Rivera had a saying: .......
Hailey: What does it mean?
Rodrigo: It means "Keep it simple, stupid."
Hailey: I don't think that he invented that.
Rodrigo: But it's a good saying, no? It works... Like "Play with the blood."

Gloria: Go grab that baton. Grab it!

Bob The Union: I don't think he knows how to spell your name.

Betty: Now you're in for a treat. I'm blowing this one for you, Fugu.

Rodrigo: He was a very tough guy, you know? His version of tough love was no love.

Rodrigo: No, Egon, no, no. I need someone. I'm used to working with people, you know? Like, composers that are dead or alive, or, or with an orchestra, or with, I don't know, an audience. If not, I'm nothing.
Egon: Then be nothing.

Thomas: Rutledge, you freak. I love you.... Okay, now you are scaring me.

--
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I Want You To Think of Me

Mozart in the Jungle 4×9

Rodrigo: Could I borrow your oboe for a second?... I think I-I learned how to play this through osmosis with Hai Lai.

Warren Boyd: You have got to learn how to take criticism.Literally, that's how your entire career will be.

Warren Boyd: Violinists don't cry. Violists cry. You want to be a violist?

Warren Boyd: You're very talented. That's why I'm being tough with you. When I'm nice to you then you'll know you have a problem.

Norton: Maestro, this is beneath you. You are the only living conductor in my collection. What is one oboist to the millions who adore you?.. To Rodrigo De-fucking-Sousa!

Hesby: Well, monogamy is unnatural anyway. We all betray each other in the end...

Hailey: What's wrong with him?
Shawn: I think it's you.

Rodrigo: You're never gonna be a great conductor, Hai Lai! Never! Nunca. Jamais. And you know why? Because you're listening to me all the time, and you're listening to Thomas, and you're listening to your father and you have to stop that. Listen to the music! Just play with the music! Okay? Just fucking play with the blood, Hai Lai!

Thomas: So you throw away a perfectly wonderful relationship just because I've been an asshole?

Rodrigo: Wolfgang!
Karl Mozart: Piece of scheisse!

--
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Ichi Go Ichi E

Mozart in the Jungle 4×8

Aki: Every detail of a Japanese garden is carefully planned, from the color of the mosses to the shape of the pond to the texture of the rocks. And seeing the landscape in miniature helps you reflect on the transience of life... to foster an attitude of appreciation and a mindfulness of beauty, which is central to a well-lived life.

Hailey: Sorry, I've never done this before. Is there anything I should know about the tea ceremony?
Aki: Boil water, make tea and drink it. This is the essence of the ceremony.
Rodrigo: Told you it was pretty wild.

Aki: Here, we wash the hands and the mouth to purify our mind and soul...

Aki: Each element of the tea ceremony is designed to promote harmony, respect, purity and tranquility. You will see that the art of tea is very simple: Lay the charcoal so that it heats the water, arrange the flowers as they are in the field, and give those with whom you find yourself every consideration. Then share a delicious bowl of tea. This creates a heart-to-heart connection, so that the boundaries between us come down. The Buddhists say this is the main cause of our suffering.

Aki: The door is small so that everyone is at the same level when they come to take tea.

Aki: But be careful not to touch the black lines... Just in case there's a ninja who might be hiding under the house, and who could thrust his sword up through the mat.

Aki: There is always an alcove in the tea room with calligraphy and fresh flowers reflecting the season.

Aki: So, this scroll, selected by Mrs. Kimura for this unique occasion, has the saying: "Ichi go ichi e." It means: one life, one opportunity to be present with each other and to pay full attention to this distinct time and experience.

Aki: Please, take off any jewelry. This is to not call undue attention to oneself.

Aki: Do you hear the sound the water makes? It's called Matsukaze, or "pine wind." In the ceremony, we don't use a thermometer, but we know when the water is ready because it makes the sound of the wind in the pine trees.

Mrs. Kimura: Ippuku sashi agemasu.
Aki: This is a traditional greeting that means, "I'd like to serve you some tea."

---

Aki: Since you are the first guest, you take the bowl and put it to the side. And then, you say to your guest, "Osakini." "Please excuse me for going ahead of you."
Rodrigo: Osakini. Excuse me for going ahead of you.
Aki: And then, you say, "Otemae chodai itashimasu," or, "Thank you. I'm now going to drink your tea."

Aki: Please place the bowl in your left hand. Turn it slightly, as it is a courtesy to the potter to not drink from the best side. And then, you give thanks in your heart and take a sip... And then, you drink the rest of it. And the last bit, you can slurp.

Thomas: Comfort? That's the worst word for an artist, as far as I can tell.

Thomas: "The way it is." The way it is, that's a kiss of death. You have to evolve.

Thomas: All right, then, as a man, you have to experience the joy of holding your very own child in your arms. To... to love them, to smell them, to live your life through them, even though they may shit all over your fingers.

Aki: It's been said that a bowl of tea is the universe held between the palms.

Aki: So, now you ask, "May I see the tea container and the tea scoop, please?" "Onatsume..." "Ocha shaku..." "No haiken..." "Onegai..." "Itashimas."

Aki: You may see little hills and valleys, formed by the scoop as it withdrew from the tea.
Rodrigo: It's like bamboo.
Hailey: From the forest.

Aki: This is why tea takes a lifetime to master. Everything tells a story.

Aki: There is one thing more thing to say before we go.
Mrs. Kimura: Shitsurei itashimasu.
Aki: It means, "excuse me for anything that wasn't perfect."

--
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We're Not Robots

Mozart in the Jungle 4×7

Gloria: Where's the rest of the Requiem? What is he doing?
Thomas: He's not doing WAM's version, he's doing Mozart's. But only the bits he wrote before he died.

Rodrigo: Mozart is gone. He's gone. He's completely lost, but Berlioz, he needs us. Right? Because he's in love.

Thomas: Great art, it sometimes needs a little destruction.

Thomas: Tell me, in Japanese, what is "asshole"?

Sadako: ...and good luck to all the finalists. And the piece will be Mahler 6.
Hailey: Mahler. Fuck.

Sadako: You know that only four of the top 150 orchestras in the world are led by a woman? Four... Take the fucking Mahler and ram it down their throats.
Hailey: I'll do my best.

Rodrigo: I am an out-of-box kind of guy, I mean, like an inside-box... I don't even see the box.

Gloria: - Uh, uh, arigato... uh, gozayamishita, Fukumoto-san. I look forward to continuing to discuss our partnership.

Hailey: I don't know, this music, it's, like, an abyss, and you go through the abyss and come out on the other side, and there's just even more fucking darkness.

--
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Domo Arigato

Mozart in the Jungle 4×6

Tateo-san: How is the Queens Phil?
Thomas: Oh, uh, what's the Japanese for apeshit?

Rodrigo: Fukumoto-san. Hi. Hey. Hello, Betty Cragadale.

Rodrigo: Don't be nervous. Just a little.

Fukumoto: As you can see, the theme of the campus is Buddhism. I-I really like Buddhism because I think it's the closest thing to an AI simulation.

Fukumoto: ...And I started playing the French horn and my mom gave me this advice, "Never date an oboist..." 'Cause they carry knives.
Rodrigo: Yeah, to cut the reeds.
Fukumoto: So, you've heard that one before?
Rodrigo: I've heard all of them, man. Yes, yes.

Rodrigo: What, does he conduct?
WAM: I'm learning. I would like to learn from you. In particular, I would like to learn about what you call "the blood."

Fukumoto: Now, M-Maestro. I'm not asking you to sing and dance for tacos. You and I both want the same thing. We want to keep beautiful music alive forever. And the way the human race is going, I think WAM is our best shot.

Rodrigo: Do you want to know about the blood?... The blood is love, cabrón.

Hailey: I feel weird that I'm staying in a super, super nice hotel and that everyone else is just staying at a super nice hotel.
Rodrigo: Mmm. Yeah, you're having the... and, yeah, the bourgeois' guilt.

Rodrigo: It's Tokyo, come on. It's good, come on. There's so many good places here...

---

Thomas: I got the, you know, genealogy thing back. I'm related to Tolstoy and to Meryl Streep.

Thomas: Yeah, that was delicious. What number are we on now?
Betty: Nine courses so far.
Thomas: Oh, great! Only nine to go.

Rodrigo: All these people saying that I'm dead. But what is this "Rodrigo is dead," thing? Why? Why? Why?
Daisuke Ueno: Some crazy people believe the real Rodrigo is dead. Replaced by a shinigami, a death demon. They can tell because he cut his hair.

Thomas: It's funny they never talk about artificial stupidity.

Rodrigo: If you were me, would you do the Requiem?
Thomas: If I was you, I would sleep with as many beautiful women as I possibly could.

Rodrigo: You're gonna see a robot conduct. He might be great, or he might be terrible. He might be the future, or he might be just the nightmare of somebody... very hungover.

Fukumoto: Maestro. There will always be a place for human conductors and composers. Even when with a hundred WAMs in a hundred symphonies across the world.
Rodrigo: I'm curious to see how... how a robot audience will react.

Rodrigo: Most robots can't do this. Do you want to know?
WAM: I do want to know. What can't most robots do?
Rodrigo: Swim.

--
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The Coach

Mozart in the Jungle 4×5

Liberace: I'm having a vision. You're conducting the Requiem. You throw off your mink cape, and your bare skin is covered in Swarovski crystals. Mm?

Liberace: Play the melody, not the spiritual struggle. That's what people want.
Rodrigo: What did it feel like when you died?
Liberace: Fabulous.

Egan: How would you love her?... Okay. Um... I don't believe that you love her. What if you don't love her, but you need her to love you or you'll drown?

Rodrigo: I love you, Hai Lai. I don't need you to love me.

Rodrigo: He's a very sleepy character. All musicians are. They're very bad with words. They-they don't listen that well with words.
Hailey: Did you just put your coaching hat back on?
Rodrigo: Yeah, yeah, yeah. The-the hat, the-the slippers, the-the heavy thing, yes.

Rodrigo: What you're saying is very good, but in Japan you'll only have time for, like, 20 minutes to work with the orchestra.

---

Hailey: I feel kind of silly right now, though.
Rodrigo: Yeah, well, it's very silly, yes, because everything we do is-is kind of ridiculous.

Liberace: What's to understand? Just play the music and cash the checks.

Thomas: You've got 88 keys. Use them!

Warren Boyd: Oh, you want me to go ponticello.

Union Bob: Oh, you... You want me to dance around like a little girl?... I'm sorry, Maestra.

Mahajan: ... And the best part: unlike your moody musicians or conductors... the art doesn't talk back and won't go on strike.

Hailey: I need you to tell him to leave. Otherwise I'm not gonna be able to do this.
Rodrigo: Okay, I can tell him to leave. Or, or... you can go onstage and kill yourself.
Hailey: What?!
Rodrigo: Yes, yes. Do a sacrifice, Hai Lai. Yes. Grab that little girl that thinks stuff like "you're the best or you fucking suck"... you know, those voices that your father has in your head... And just throw them out of the window! Throw them, like they're a boomerang.
Hailey: Boomerangs come back, though.
Rodrigo: But... but it depends how you throw them.

Rodrigo: I swear, because afterwards the whole Japan thing, really, is just gonna be like a quark.
Hailey: A quark?
Rodrigo: Just a little thing of an atom.

--
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An Honest Ghost

Mozart in the Jungle 4×4

Thomas: What does that say?
Alan: "F-F-F."
Thomas: Yes, FFF. And why do you think Beethoven wrote three Fs into this score, Alan?
Alan: Because he wanted it fortississimo?..
Thomas: Because he wanted to start a fucking riot! He wanted to start an outbreak of joy and terror and spontaneous copulation... But of course we can't do that, can we, now? No, no, of course we can't. Because we need a trumpet section that can blow like the fucking apocalypse!

Thomas: Listen. I need a player tonight. I need a player with heart and balls. There's no money, no glory, and I don't know what's going on with your wrist...
Cynthia: Oh, fuck it, I'm yours.

Norton Morton: Oh... You have lost your muse.
Rodrigo: Yeah, he's an asshole of a muse.
Norton Morton: So many of them are.

Isabella Leonarda: So, what are you doing here, Fraulein? Wandering around this dusty manse.
Hailey: Well, I'm um... I'm actually being scouted for a conducting competition, and I'm trying to pick my music.
Isabella Leonarda: They let you conduct?
Fanny Mendelssohn: They let you compete?
Maria Anna Mozart: Tell us everything!

Fanny Mendelssohn: You are already a woman. You are already different. Pick the piece that will make you acceptable. And win, for those of us who never got the chance.

Maria Anna Mozart: This competition. Yeah, whether you win or lose, that is not in your hands. Play the music that will change them forever.

Rodrigo: Wolfgang? Gesualdo? Norton Morton?

Rodrigo: I tell you, he's an asshole. He's an asshole.
Norton Morton: He says, "If you think I'm an asshole, wait until you meet the other guy."
Rodrigo: What other guy?!

Rodrigo: M-Me? Like, the coach? And the boyfriend?
Hailey: Yeah. We'll get you different hats, so we can tell the difference. But, yeah.

Wolfgang? Johann Sebastian?
Liberace: Rodrigo DeSousa... It's me. Mr. Smiles. The Guru of Glitter. The Candelabra Kid.

--
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Significant Lover

Mozart in the Jungle 4×3

Hailey: Whoa, what is all this?.. I thought you were a minimalist.
Rodrigo: No, Hai Lai, I'm a maximalist. I just didn't have a place to place my place, but now-now-now I have a place.

Rodrigo: Hello. Hi. Yes, she's my girlfriend. Yes, I'm her boyfriend.

Hailey: But it just, in certain situations, it would be really helpful if you didn't call me your girlfriend.
Rodrigo: So you want... what should I call you, my mate?
Hailey: No.
Rodrigo: My significant other?

Cynthia: She said you seem nice.
Hailey: "Nice." That's the worst.

Rodrigo: It is a very spiritual night, right? Very magical. Therefore, musical. And I would like to dedicate this night tonight to a very special person that makes me feel magical, spiritual and musical... My significant lover, Hai Lai Rutledge.

Gloria: I'm happy for you.
Thomas: Well, you could be a little more upset.
Gloria: I'll take time to be upset later.

---

Gloria: ...we are the proud landlords of what I am told is a super intelligent rodent community, due to their prolonged exposure to classical music.

Cynthia: ...listen to this: don't be a bitch. Unless you're me.

Cynthia: People are gonna think whatever they want about you, no matter who you're dating. Your job is to not give a shit. Concentrate on the music. Ignore the noise.

Thomas: All great orchestras have a sound, and you don't. Well, I would say you do. But it's the sound of Beethoven being shit! out of your instruments!

Thomas: Look, they're garbage... But that's all right, it-it's all right. Because I can burn that garbage into pure gold. I can give this orchestra a sound. I am the sound! MWAH!!

Hailey: All right, everybody. Ignore the noise. Focus on the music.

Rodrigo: ...in a way, I feel a little bit like Faust, but more like Faust's neighbor.

Hailey: Why haven't you conducted the Requiem?
Rodrigo: I don't know. Maybe because it's the biggest deal of the, the biggest deals.

Mozart: Do not do the Requiem.

Rodrigo: Wolfgang? Come on, man. You can't die. Man. Come on, come on, it's not, it's not funny.

--
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If I Was an Elf, I Would Tell You

Mozart in the Jungle 4×2

Rodrigo: No, no, no. No, she's the master this weekend. I'm just the boyfriend.

Rodrigo: You know, we don't have to leave each other's orbit, you know? We could orbit each other's orbit.
Hailey: Mmm, someday, yes. But right now people see you as, like, a star, and me as a piece of space debris.
Rodrigo: That's what stars are made of.

Rodrigo: You know, now I know where the, "You're the best or you fucking suck" thing comes from.

Rodrigo: It's what they call it in Japan, you know, when you're a bit older and you feel foolish and childish again. They call it the second spring.

Hailey: You're not like a normal person. You're like a... musical, magical... elf.
Rodrigo: If I was an elf, I would tell you.

Gloria: The Pope! We got the Pope!... He'll bring all of his followers.
Thomas: Catholics?
Gloria: Instagram.

---

Hailey: Have you ever even played the banjo before?
Rodrigo: No.
Hailey: Elf.
Rodrigo: Human.

Rodrigo: I-I have a question for Miss Rutledge. How did you first pick up your oboe? Or did the oboe pick you up?

Alan: I've recently taken over the Queens Philharmonic.
Thomas: You mean the Royal Philharmonic, right?
Alan: No. I mean, Queens. It's right above Brooklyn.

Rodrigo: Yeah, five, five. Five times I've been married... to the same person... Yeah. No kids, no pets. It was, you know, just faithful stuff. Yeah.

Keith: Why does everybody have to become the boss? Isn't it enough just to be a great instrumentalist?

Hailey: You always said that the difference between the best and the second best is how bad you want it.

Rodrigo: Well, why don't you play for the-the way that parents raise their kids into crazy people.
Hailey: That's a little dark, isn't it?
Rodrigo: It is, but... I was thinking that, maybe, if it wasn't for those type of parents, then there would be no artists. You know? Nothing to oppose.

--
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The Boyfriend

Mozart in the Jungle 4×1

Hailey: Rodrigo? Baby's up.

Hailey: Uh, Ludwig and Gustav need another bottle. And Igor and Wolfgang need to be changed.

Rodrigo: It's a zucchini flower frittata... no flor de calabaza... and some papaya.

Rodrigo: Rent. Yeah, I know. It's a crime to make musicians pay the rent.

Thomas: What-what is this? I mean, it looks like you're tickling an elephant's balls. It's pure Rodrigo. Come up with your own conducting quirks.
Hailey: What if I don't have any?
Thomas: Oh, please. Come on. You know you're a freak. Stop trying to hide it.

Thomas: Needs a conductor with some balls. Or ovaries. Big fucking ovaries.

Rodrigo: Yes, yes. For a baby, a baby step is just a step.

Rodrigo: Oh, they can, they can. They need a goal. They need a... a windmill to fight against.

---

Gloria: We have to make this a quickie.
Thomas: How about two quickies?
Gloria: Why are you always thinking about dessert before you've had the main course?
Thomas: Because dessert has tits like the Venus de Milo, only better. And arms.

Thomas: Talking about mystery, what is a... pastelón?
Rodrigo: Pastelón is really good. It's got, uh, plantains and... Well, you know, everything with plantains is good.

Gloria: But, well, what do... what do you mean "no audience"?
Egon: I just feel the audience is an outdated concept.

Egon: I just feel an artist is either looking in or looking out. It's really hard to do both at the same time. You know, it's like a... a sneeze or... an aneurysm.

Rodrigo: I want to meet your parents.
Hailey: Why?
Rodrigo: Because I'm the boyfriend.

Rodrigo: I don't want to think about the audience. I just want to be with my girlfriend.

--
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You're the Best or You F'ing Suck

Mozart in the Jungle 3×10

& Rodrigo: Oh, man. What did I do?

& Lizzie: I’m a club owner, I’m like Rick from Casablanca. I’m like... I’m like Jabba the Hutt.

& Hailey: Is that a Loree Royal?
Arlen Lee: Yeah. Meet Oboe Wan Kenobi.

& Thomas: It just reminded me of where I grew up. We used to take the piss out of each other constantly. We were monstrous to each other. I think that’s the way we showed affection.

& Rodrigo: Well, there’s was this guy, you know, who plays really well. A little better.
    Hailey: He, like, played with more blood? Just, like, blood everywhere? Bleeds all over the place?

---

& Rodrigo: Hai Lai, I want to offer you a job.
    Hailey: You need an assistant?

& Hailey: Have we met before?
    Nannerl: I’m Maria Anna. But my friends call me Nannerl.
    Hailey: Nannerl, like... like Mozart’s sister?
    Nannerl: How many Nannerls are there out there?

& Nannerl: Listen, Fraulein Rutledge, it’s time to get your schiesse together. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
    Hailey: What was that?
    Nannerl: I gave up.

--
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Creative Solutions for Creative Lives

Mozart in the Jungle 3×9

& Thomas: Well, please carry on, Maestra. Like I’m not here. Just think of me as the ghost that haunts the theater.
    Hailey: Okay. Will do.

& Sara Kazmir: Well, you... You applied for the loan as an individual. And you listed as assets to be held as collateral... Beethoven, Mozart, and T-chai-Tchaikovsky. .... Yeah, I know that one. I like it.
    Tchaikovsky: Oh good. She likes that one. Well, now, it was all worth it.
    Sara Kazmir: But you do understand in terms of a loan agreement, that these are just the names of music composers. They don’t actually have value.

& Sara Kazmir: No credit cards? No mortgage, house, nothing?
    Rodrigo: No, I don’t owe any money to anybody. That seems like I don’t exist, right?

---

& Hailey: Shawn, we are going...
    Shawn: Hailey, this is a nightmare!
    Hailey: I know it’s a nightmare, it’s a fucking horrible nightmare, and I’m so, so, sorry that you have to dream it with me, but we are going to make something so amazing if you just hang on and follow through.

& Lizzie: We have a saying here in Prague... Stokrát nic umorilo osla. A hundred times and nothing killed the donkey. This reminds me of home...

& Lizzie: You two. Have you kissed her yet?.. No... It’s almost midnight and Communism will be here at 1 am. Come on, what are you waiting for?

& Lizzie: And you, madam? How do you feel about the rise of the proletariat?

& Thomas: In the words of Aristotle... Fuck me, really? Aw, fuck it.

--
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Circles Within Circles

Mozart in the Jungle 3×8

& Bach: A man without a house who says he’s home. A man who goes to prison and says he’s free. Is he a child, a genius, or a madman?

& Rodrigo: It’s always like that... One day it’s okay, and then next day’s really weird, and nobody knows why.

& Lizzie: Well, never underestimate the power of free pizza and beer. I’m using it to build a whole cabaret.

& Thomas: You see, I’m trying to get you to find a piece of music that you can really feel and conduct like no one else can.

---

& Rodrigo: Hai Lai. Do you want to have a child with me?

& Rodrigo: You know dark matter?
    Hailey: What?
    Rodrigo: Dark matter, you know?
    Hailey: Yeah, the thing that’s all around us.
    Rodrigo: Do you know why we know it’s around us?
    Hailey: No.
    Rodrigo: Because the universe is expanding and contracting at the same time. See? Changing it out and changing it in. Like the bpeath. Are you ready for the changes, Hailey?

& Thomas: There’ll be conditions...

--
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Not Yet Titled

Mozart in the Jungle 3×7

& Hailey: You know that the oboe actually, like, symbolizes the sound of love and... Not like romantic love, but I think love in general.

& Bradford: What does it take to be a good percussionist?
    Dee Dee: You really have to love what time can do. You know, you can either play it on the beat, behind the beat, in front of the beat. And what’s interesting is all different conductors want time placed differently.

---

& Rodrigo: ...he wrote a piece for the nightingale. This is a bird that sings at night only. So basically, this bird you cannot see, but you can listen. A little bit like God.

--
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Symphony of Red Tape

Mozart in the Jungle 3×6

& Betty: Management on one side, us on the other. I see nothing’s changed.

& Rodrigo: Olivia, she comes to the world as a new song. You know? Played for the first time. She’s like music. Every time she cries, or she laughs, she takes us to a place that we don’t know the name of.

& Rodrigo: Christophe, can you hold her by the feet, please?... And Virgil, can you hold her by the hands?... You have the baby? You have the baby in your hands? Now pull her apart! Tear her into two pieces. ’Cause that’s what you’ve all done with music!.... No, don’t worry, don’t worry, Grandfather. Don’t worry. They won’t hurt her. Because they love her. You don’t hurt the thing you love most. Right?

---

& Betty: Windsor!..

& Betty: I never really hung out in church much. I hear there’s supposed to be wine somewhere.
    Gloria: .... Uh-huh.

& Pavel: Hey! It’s Polka time!

& Thomas: ....I suppose the moral of that one is, we have to celebrate our failures.

& Thomas: Now, stop asking for permission. Get yourself some musicians, a piece of music... and just conduct.

--
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Now I Will Sing

Mozart in the Jungle 3×5

& Hailey: Yeah, she’s singing in her imagination. Maybe you should go wish her tanta merda.
    Beppi: Wish her luck? She will kill me. Well, here we are!.. The super team! Ciao.

& Hailey: She said that you said that you were in love with her.
    Rodrigo: I think... Mm. I might have said something that actually sort of means that. Yeah. I told her that I love her, but... Yeah. Several times.
    Hailey: Okay. Were you lying?
    Rodrigo: No, I wasn’t lying. Of course not. I never lie when I say those things. I mean, in the moment, I mean it. And then there’s another moment. Okay? And then... And then I’m... I’m just a whirl of contradictions, Hai Lai.

& Alessandra: Do not come near me!.. Now I will sing.

---

& Hailey: You still want me to be your dresser, right?

& Union Bob: I used to dress up as Lord Byron and smoke opium in college.
    Dee Dee: No shit.
    Union Bob: Yeah, I was you before you were you, Dee Dee.

& Union Bob: The heck with him. If he’d rather be over there in Venice conducting one of the most beautiful women in the world instead of on the picket lines here with us, that’s... his loss.

& Thomas: I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.

& Rodrigo: Thank you for the haircut.
    Alessandra: It’s just the beginning.
    Rodrigo: Hmm. Hm. Ah.

--
On the IMDb

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Avventura Romantica

Mozart in the Jungle 3×4

& Beppi: What did you do? Huh? You made love to her. After I told you no fornicata, please, no fornicata, and you did fornicate, didn’t you?
    Rodrigo: Who uses that word anymore? Nobody. Right? Nobody.

& Rodrigo: And si. Si, andiamo fornicato, but it was beautiful. It was mature, it was eccentric, it was athletic, it was artistic! You should have seen it, it was incredible.

& Beppi: I’m her husband... For two weeks 15 years ago.

& Rodrigo: No. Compañeros, I’m... I’m in a little bit of a... of a situation right now. So I have to be absent for a few minutes, okay? But... I leave you in the capable hands of my associate, Hai Lai Rutledge... Okay, she’s very good. Come, come, Hai Lai. She’s very good. She plays with the blood. She knows what I want. Ciao.

& Hailey: The piu animato to bar 129...
    Rodrigo: Ah, yeah, 129, okay. Just... You can do this, Hai Lai, everything is in my score, okay? Just try to make it, like, as French as possible, like trying to pretend to be Spanish, okay?
    Hailey: A French person...
    Rodrigo: A French person trying to be Spanish.

---

& Rodrigo: Wanker? What’s a wanker?
    Thomas: You know perfectly well what a bloody wanker is, you bloody wanker.

& Gloria: You have to come back. The family is dying!
    Rodrigo: If there is no music, there is no family. The family’s broken, the spell is broken!

& Mozart: If this concert doesn’t happen, none of the guys are gonna trust you to conduct their work.
    Rodrigo: Which guys?
    Mozart: You know.
    Rodrigo: Like, you mean, «the guys»?
    Mozart: We all talk...
    Rodrigo: Mierda!

& Winslow: Wait. Wait a minute. Are you two a thing?
    — No! Yes. No. No.
    Thomas: Yes.
    Gloria: No, no, what you’re seeing is a perfectly healthy professional relationship.
    Thomas: Sure. We’re fucking. Have been for months.

& Thomas: Yes, well, I feel that I’m, uh, bridging the gap between the classical music, Beethoven, Mozart, and all those great masters, with— uh, robots... Oh, uh, I see, that’s the end of it, is it?

& Thomas: Martians, if you’re listening, go fuck yourself! Yeeha!

--
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My Heart Opens to Your Voice

Mozart in the Jungle 3×3

& Alessandra: Don’t speak to me like that in front of them! Next time I’m gonna kill you! Now laugh.

& Rodrigo: El Guapo?! El Guapo!?
    Beppi: Why? You don’t think you are handsome?

& Rodrigo: Hey! Cynthia. I thought you were dead.

& Mayor: «To plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.» Do you know who said that?.. Audrey Hepburn. So there’s your seeds, your fertilizer, and some tasteful German shrubs to frame the blooms, and no talking about the lock out. Dig your hands in, and make something that grows together.

---

& Mayor: I’ve stopped a lot of fighting in this garden. That bush, the teacher’s strike. The cedar, the firemen. Those daisies... The garbage men.

& Cynthia: Oh. I hope I didn’t get mud on your Pradas.

& Hailey: How do you know if you’re good at it?.. Conducting.

& Rodrigo: You know that Sibelius called this his struggle with God? You know that? Are you ready to join the struggle?

--
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The Modern Piece

Mozart in the Jungle 3×2

& Gloria: Having our halls filled with bubbles is better than having it filled with nothing.

& Alessandra: No internet.
Hailey: No internet. Okay. Cool.

& Hailey: Is... Is this clams?
Alessandra: When something makes us scared, must face it again right away.
Hailey: Is that an Italian thing?
Alessandra: This is what my mother used to say. But you know what happened to her...

& Rodrigo: Hai Lai. What’s up? I thought you were dead.

---

& Hailey: I should have listened to you about Walsh. You were right.
    Rodrigo: Ah. Well, no. You should only listen to yourself. That’s your only job, really, as an artist. Even if you’re completely wrong, that’s what an artist does, listen to one’s self.

& Thomas: Too rough? My cat’s tongue is way too rough. But this... this thing? This is a hop, skip, and a fucking jump through Robocop’s anus, and you know it!

& Thomas: So what do you want?
    Danny: Okay. The Martians have landed. Introduce them to Thomas Pembridge. How do you do that?
    Thomas: The Martians?

& Danny: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s it, that’s it. Hold on. Wait a minute. Wait. That’s it.
    Thomas: What do you mean? That’s it?
    Danny: That’s what I need. And now we give it to the orchestra. Look...

& Hailey: .....What?!

--
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La Fiamma

Mozart in the Jungle 3×1

& Beppi: Are you jet lagged?
    Rodrigo: No jet lag.
    Beppi: Ah, the mark of a good conscience.

& Beppi: May I present to you a couple of tiny items of advice?..
Most of the gondoliers are thieves and rogues. If you must take a ride on a gondola, I beg you, negotiate the price first...
    Second, if you are ordering a pasta dish with seafood or lovely shrimps or clams or cuttle fish, which I adore, do not, I repeat, do not ask for parmigiano cheese to put on the pasta. This is not done. It will insult the chef.

& Rodrigo: Fornicate. No fornicate.

& Rodrigo: You know, right now I’m in the mood for no home. You know? Vagabond style.
    Alessandra: But you should try owning a 600 year old house in Venice. Everything is sinking. The first floor is flooded half the time, the mold makes you sneeze, but this is my hometown, and I love it.

---

& Alessandra: Would you care for some parmigiano?
    Rodrigo: Mm, no, niente, no. Never with fish. Thank you. Grazie.

& Alessandra: Everyone believes they are a great singer in the shower.

& Andrew Walsh: ...And we need to be ready to play with shock and awe. And awe stand for, ladies?..
    ALL: Andrew Walsh Ensemble.

& Alessandra: Tell me something about you that no one knows.
    Rodrigo: But I’m nothing. I’m just some musical notes that people play with.

--
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