Nepotism

The Office 7×1

Michael Scott: I suppose summer had to end sometime. It's sad, though, because I had a great summer. I got West Nile virus. Lost a ton of weight. Then I went back to the Lake. I stepped on a piece of glass in the parking lot... Which hurt. That got infected, even though I peed on it. Saw Inception. Or at least I dreamt I did...

Erin Hannon: Gabe is awesome. He has accomplished so much career-wise and height-wise. Thank God he's my boss because I would not have said yes to a first date If I didn't have to. But... It's been great.

Pam Beesly: What are you doing?!
Dwight Schrute: From now on, if you're hot, sit on an ice pack.
Kevin Malone: Well, what if you're cold?
Dwight Schrute: Pbbbt! Like you'd ever be cold, Kevin. Stop asking me hypothetical questions. I'm too busy.

Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute, star salesman, beet farmer. Bed and breakfast proprietor. Aspiring freelance bodyguard. Add to that list owner of this building. Then burn the list.

Darryl Philbin: Well, summer, I, um, blew out my knee playing softball. Ended up watching CNN most of the time. I don't know how we're gonna get out of Afghanistan.

Jim Halpert: Wow, that's a lot of keys.
Dwight Schrute: The bigger the key chain, the more powerful the man.
Jim Halpert: That's right. The janitor said that. By the way, the raccoons are back.

Michael Scott: He's my nephew... Luke is my nephew.
Oscar Martinez: Michael, that's nepotism. Luke is getting special treatment because he's your nephew.
Michael Scott: Yes, exactly. That is a very nice way of putting it, Oscar. Mixing family and business is a beautiful thing.
Stanley Hudson: What's wrong with a level playing field?
Michael Scott: Do think they should have had open auditions for the band Hanson? What if no one named Hanson showed up? That wouldn't even make sense. Or what if they just hired the littlest kid and a 50-year-old guy who was a murderer? Really safe.
Jim Halpert: Oh, man, so many points being made...
Creed Bratton: I couldn't care less about nepotism. But I'm loving the debate. Great minds battling it out. And I've got a front row seat.

Michael Scott: God, when he needed help on earth, who did he hire? Jesus Christ, his son.
Oscar Martinez: But you're comparing you and Luke to God and Jesus.
Michael Scott: No! No. I'm just saying, why does God get to do something that I don't?

Oscar Martinez: We're talking about Luke, who happens to be terrible.
Michael Scott: Well, then, why aren't you bugging me to fire everybody who's bad? You just want me to fire Luke. That's reverse nepotism. He should not be punished because he is related to me and bad at what he does!

Kelly Kapoor: I would just like to say something off of what Darryl said about the level playing field. That is actually a zoning issue... So thank you.

Michael Scott: Guys, look. I don't want you to treat him like anyone else in the office. I just want you to treat him like my nephew.

Jo Bennett: Well, I got a nephew too. But he don't work for me. You know why? 'cause he's a screw-up. He can swim in my pool, but he can't come in my house.
Michael Scott: Well, this office is my pool. And my house is my house. And I just want my nephew to work in my pool.

Michael Scott: There are many different schools of thought on capital punishment...
Kevin Malone: That was awesome.
Stanley Hudson: Texas justice.

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