A Tornado, a 10-Hour Flight and a Darn Fine Ring

Young Sheldon 6×22

Mary: And please look after Sheldon and I as we travel to Germany.
Sheldon: "Sheldon and me".
Mary: God doesn't care about grammar.
Sheldon: You're not gonna be on a ten-hour flight with God.
Missy: I bet it's gonna feel longer than ten.

Dale: Oh. Son, as a man who's been through a divorce, let me give you some advice... Do not spend a lot of money on a ring.
Georgie: But I love her.
Dale: We all loved them in the beginning...

Dale: Cubic zirconia. Look into it.

Mandy: Oh, Georgie, it's beautiful. I don't know what to say.
Georgie: Thank you for asking me to marry you.
Mandy: You're welcome.

Mary: Don't bother them, they're busy.
Sheldon: They're flight attendants, I'm on a flight and I need attending.

Missy: Dad, we need to get out of the car...

Missy: Where's the car?

Dale: I mean, it's just stuff, right?
Connie: And money. Oh, no. All my money.

--
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A Romantic Getaway and a Germanic Meat-Based Diet

Young Sheldon 6×21

Dr. Linkletter: Wh-Wha-What am I smelling?
Sheldon: Oh, that might be my sauerkraut and knockwurst.
Dr. Linkletter: Why are you eating sauerkraut in my classroom?
Sheldon: I'm acclimating my body to a Germanic meat-based diet.
Dr. Linkletter: At 11:00 a.m.?
Sheldon: It's dinnertime in Heidelberg.
Dr. Linkletter: We're not in Heidelberg.
Sheldon: But I will be over the summer, so I'm trying to adjust my internal clock to the local time so I can hit the ground running mitout jet lag.

Dr. Linkletter: Here are two words you don't often hear... poor Germany.

George: You know, you seem pretty stressed out Maybe it'd be easier if I go to Germany...
Mary: You got to be kidding.
George: Well, it might make more sense. I got the summer off... And, come on, beer and sausage? I've been training for that my whole life.

Mary: So, Missy, how was your day?
Missy: Sheldon's not here... let's just enjoy the silence.

Adult Sheldon: It may have been midnight in Medford, but it was morning in Heidelberg... the perfect time to enjoy a hearty breakfast of leberwurst on pumpernickel... How do you say blech in German? I'll save you from googling. It's eklig. You're welcome.

Missy: ...you need to forget this happened.
Sheldon: I can't forget this happened... I remember everything.
Missy: Then when you're old and not a famous scientist, you'll remember this is the moment you blew it.

Connie: Don't you be a baby. Go and change her.
Dale: The first diaper I change is gonna be my own.
Connie: You've never changed a diaper?
Dale: Not a one.
Connie: You have kids. And grandkids. How did you get away with never changing a diaper?
Dale: Mm. It wasn't easy. When there's something important to you, you find a way.

Mandy: What are you doing?
Georgie: I ain't waiting to get home to kiss you.

--
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German for Beginners and a Crazy Old Man with a Bat

Young Sheldon 6×20

Sheldon: I brought you some snacks. For Mom, a Bavarian-style pretzel. And for Dad, four Lone Star beers poured into a pitcher to approximate a stein.
George: What do you want?
Sheldon: For starters, a danke wouldn't kill you.
Mary: A what?

Sheldon: If you were thinking of thanking, then you'd be denken of danken... You're awfully quiet. I assume you're denken.
Mary: W-Where are you going with all this?
Sheldon: If I play my cards right, Germany.

Sheldon: I nixed it.
Mary: You nixed it?
Sheldon: From the German nichts. The language lends itself to negativity.

George: This is not a yes!
Sheldon: But it's also not a nein, which German for "no", as opposed to the number nine, which is neun.

Mary: Is this trip really that important for him?
Dr. Sturgis: The string theory research they're doing is at the forefront of the field. This is a tremendous opportunity for Sheldon!

Mary: And the university would cover our expenses as well?
Dr. Sturgis: The university isn't gonna pay for any of it.
George: Okay, meeting adjourned.
Dr. Sturgis: Great. Well, let me know if there's anything else I can, uh, help you with.
Mary: Actually there is. Um... Would you tell Sheldon that he's not going?

Dale: Not all criminals are masterminds, Connie.
Connie: Okay, fine. What's your plan?
Dale: Until we track down the guys or girls... I'm a-I'm a modern thinker... I'll be around, acting as a deterrent... with my friend here.
Connie: Lil' Slugger.
Dale: Yeah. It only looks small 'cause I'm so big.

Dr. Linkletter: I heard you're raising money to study in Germany. Is that true?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm not having any luck.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, your luck's about to change. Here's one week of my pay.
Sheldon: Wow, thank you.
Dr. Linkletter: Mm. Whatever it takes to get you on that plane. I also passed the hat in the faculty lounge...
Sheldon: I don't know what to say.
Dr. Linkletter: I do. Auf Wiedersehen, you little rascal.

Pastor Jeff: I told the congregation about your exciting opportunity in Germany, and boy, were they thrilled to help. I've never seen the collection plate so full.
George: Well, thank you.
Sheldon: Are you seeing this? I am beloved.
Pastor Jeff: Sure.

--
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A New Weather Girl and a Stay-at-Home Coddler

Young Sheldon 6×19

Mandy: I want a career.
Georgie: Well, I-I happen to think motherhood is a career.
Mandy: Hmm. What about fatherhood? You have a job.
Georgie: That's different.
Mandy: Why?
Georgie: Because. There's lots of reasons.

Mandy: So you just get to have a job and a life, and I have to stay home with the baby?
Georgie: Or I have to have a job and you get to stay home with the baby. It's all about perspective.

Sheldon: Yes, is this the Columbia summer science honors program?... My name is Sheldon Cooper, perhaps you've heard of me... Well, now you have.

Mary: Shelly, how bad could it be? You started college when you were 11.
Sheldon: Well, it was impressive when I was little and cute. But now that I'm old and cute, it's just not the same thing.

Mandy: I can't find anything to wear for my interview.
Connie: Well, let's see... Hmm. That's pretty cute.
Mandy: "Can't find" was code for "can't fit into."

George: Someday [Sheldon's] kids are gonna tell him he's ruinin' their lives.
Mary: You think?
George: If he has 'em, they're gonna say it. So probably not.
Adult Sheldon: Joke's on him. I did have kids. And joke's on me. They say it all the time.

Pres. Hagemeyer: Sheldon... I haven't had my coffee yet.
Sheldon: I thought you might say that.
Pres. Hagemeyer: Thank you.
Sheldon: I'm not a coffee drinker. I hope you like seven sugars.

Georgie: All right, no one else is touchin' my baby's head... for free.

Dr. Sturgis: Trying to solve unified field theory?

Sheldon: Yes. Who needs a summer program if you can solve what Albert Einstein couldn't. Let's see Caltech say no to this.

Adult Sheldon: Mandy was proving that new mothers could do anything anyone else could do. In fact, they could do more, like make their own milk, right there, on camera...

Sheldon: Heidelberg, Germany?
Dr. Linkletter: A summer program 5,000 miles away. Only a fool would say no to that.
Sheldon: Well, that would certainly help my grad school applications.
Dr. Sturgis: Yes, and they're doing exciting work on superstrings.
Sheldon: Fantastisch. That's German for "fantastic."
Dr. Linkletter: Ich helfe dir beim packen. That's German for "I'll help you pack."

--
On the IMDb

Little Green Men and a Fella's Marriage Proposal

Young Sheldon 6×18

Mandy: WHAT?!.. What?

Connie: So, when's the wedding?

Mary: Let me ask you something...
Sheldon: Answers are my thing. Go for it.
Mary: Do you really believe in all this space alien stuff?
Sheldon: Well, it's simple probability theory. There are over a hundred billion stars in our galaxy. So it's likely that a few of them could support life, or even technological civilization.
Mary: And did Jesus die for their sins as well?
Sheldon: You have your stories, I have mine.

Mary: George, wake up. Watch Star Trek with your son.

Connie: You reject a guy's marriage proposal, they tend to take it personal.

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, searching for life on other planets isn't serious science. Leave that to the tinfoil hat brigade.

Sheldon: How can you just dismiss a line of inquiry out of hand?
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, sometimes I say no just for kicks. This time it's for your own good. Scientists who pursue little green men get laughed at.

Dr. Sturgis: We'll be mocked by physicists, engineers, even mathematicians. And they don't just say you're an idiot... they prove it.

Sheldon: President Hagemeyer, we have a problem.
Pres. Hagemeyer: What now, Sheldon? The Yoo-hoos in the vending machine aren't cold enough?

Pres. Hagemeyer: I'm just the president. Use of the telescope has to be... approved by a science advisor.
Sheldon: Is that true?
Pres. Hagemeyer: Does it sound true?
Sheldon: I suppose it does.
Pres. Hagemeyer: Then I suppose it is.
Sheldon: Why did I even come to you?
Pres. Hagemeyer: Remember that next time.

Sheldon: Don't think of it as me walking away, think of it as you being left behind.
Dr. Linkletter: I'm okay with that.

Sheldon: Thank you for helping me on my journey. But you're like a rocket booster that must be discarded for me to reach escape velocity.
Dr. Sturgis: I understand.

Meemaw: I think you know what you have to do...
Missy: What if it's one of those times where I actually have to make the mistake to learn from it?

--
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A German Folk Song and an Actual Adult

Young Sheldon 6×17

Georgie: Remember, it's always four claps. Never three, always four.
Meemaw: You know who claps three times? Yankees.
Georgie: And as Texans, we always remember the Alamo.
Meemaw: Otherwise, we might as well just live in Oklahoma. Blech.

Georgie: It ain't a big deal.
Meemaw: What do you mean, it's not a big deal? You're gonna be 18. You can legally buy me cigarettes.
Mandy: And CeeCee's excited her dad's gonna be an actual adult and she doesn't have to change the subject every time his age comes up.

Mandy: You miss being 18?
Meemaw: No, pretty happy where I am right now.
Mandy: Yeah, me, too.
Meemaw: I'm lying.
Mandy: Yeah, me, too.

Sheldon: I know a way for you to watch whatever you want.
Missy: How?
Sheldon: Your imagination.
Missy: That's stupid.
Sheldon: Did you know there's a German folk song about it?....

Mandy: Hey, I was thinking about doing something nice for Georgie's birthday.
Meemaw: How nice? 'Cause I'm all set with great-grandchildren for now.

Brenda: Oh, I got you coffee. Don't worry, it's not the sludge we serve. I got it from the 7-Eleven on the corner.

George: Well, whichever one it was, I'm on your side. Screw Brenda.
Mary: You don't even know what happened!
George: You're right. Sorry. What happened?

Missy: What else happened?
Sheldon: Oh, they're also planning Kelly a surprise birthday party.
Missy: Well, that's why they got quiet.
Sheldon: How could you not get that? No one said it out loud.
Missy: You have to pay attention to how they're acting. Their faces and body language.
Sheldon: You mean for subtext?
Missy: Yeah, subtext.
Sheldon: I hate subtext, I prefer text.
Missy: Then just listen to the music. If it's sad, they're sad. It's happy, they're happy.
Sheldon: Interesting. So the music's like a cheat sheet to help read social cues?
Missy: Exactly.
Sheldon: Look at that, spring break and I'm still learning.

Mary: ... George said he was on my side, but if he was really on my side, he wouldn't say he was on my side like he had to calm down a crazy woman!
Mandy: You know, I can just buy Georgie a cake.

Connie: What happened?
Mary: You don't want to know.
Connie: Sold.

George: What you watching?
Sheldon: Beverly Hills 90210.
George: Isn't that Missy's show?
Sheldon: Yes, I'm trying to do a better job of picking up on the characters' emotional states. So, for example, this scene seems like it's about expired food, but thanks to the ominous music, I can tell it's about Kelly's eating disorder. Give it a try.

Mary: Do you even think about how your actions affect other people?
Brenda: Love it. Keep it coming.
Mary: You couldn't hang on to your crappy husband, so you tried to move in on my crappy husband!
Brenda: Good, good. That hurt, but good.

Mandy: Happy birthday.
Georgie: There is something else you could do for my birthday...
Mandy: I had a baby two weeks ago. No.
Georgie: Not that.
Mandy: Then what?
Georgie: ....

--
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A Stolen Truck and Going on the Lam

Young Sheldon 6×16

Sheldon: Dad, wake up. There's a problem.
George: What?! What's wrong?
Sheldon: It's Saturday morning and no one's cooking bacon.

George: Okay... I'll make your stupid bacon, happy?
Sheldon: I've been better.

Sheldon: You know, there's a more spatially efficient way to do that.
George: It's good enough.
Sheldon: Is that what you tell your football players?
George: I make them run laps. That what you want?
Sheldon: You're funny. I like our weekends together.

Sheldon: Huh, your truck's gone and she's gone? What are the odds of that?
George: She took my truck, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Oh, more chaos. Got it.

Georgie: I can't believe that girl. Did she even think about how worried we'd all be?
Meemaw: Wow, you became a dad fast.
Georgie: Well, it just kicks in.

Paige: We need to get our stories straight. We're cousins, you're 16, you forgot your license at home, and we're on our way to the hospital to visit our grandma.
Missy: Okay... I'm only 13, I stole my dad's truck and we didn't pay for breakfast at the diner. We just left.
Officer Larson: Okay. And who's this?
Missy: My cousin, Ginger.

Sheldon: Where did I go wrong?
Meemaw: You tried to predict a teenage girl.
Sheldon: Perhaps when she gets back we can take her in for a brain scan.
Meemaw: Maybe what Missy needs is for us all to be a little understanding.
Sheldon: I'm trying to understand. That's why I need the brain scan.

Meemaw: Look, your sister's going through a lot these days. She's feeling overlooked, confused, angry, sad.
Sheldon: She's feeling all those things at once?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Sheldon: And I can't scan her brain? That is so unfair.

Adult Sheldon: This marked the beginning of what our family would come to call "Missy's difficult period." Despite my repeated assurances that I could solve the problem with a brain scan and some low-voltage electric shocks, I was never given the opportunity. Such a shame...

--
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Teen Angst and a Smart-Boy Walk of Shame

Young Sheldon 6×15

Georgie: How's she doing?
Mandy: She's fine.
Georgie: She's quiet. She's breathing, right?

Dr. Sturgis: Well, good morning, Sheldon.
Sheldon: What's good about it? I'm a laughingstock.
Dr. Sturgis: I don't think anybody cares.
Sheldon: But my database failed.
Dr. Sturgis: Failure only means something if you quit.
Sheldon: Well, get ready for some meaning. I quit.

Mary: It's okay, sweetie, Nana's here.
Georgie: Nana? Who picked that?
Mary: I did.
Georgie: Why ain't you another meemaw?
Connie: 'Cause I'm the only meemaw.

Mandy: Okay, well, I'm gonna get some sleep, and I may never come back.

Sheldon: I don't understand. The code is perfect. It should have worked.
Dr. Sturgis: Well, the problem isn't that it didn't work, the problem is that nobody wanted to use it.
Sheldon: So, you're saying we didn't fail, the public failed us.
Dr. Sturgis: No, we failed.
Sheldon: And you've also failed at cheering me up, so good job.

Dr. Sturgis: I've been toying around with this new plasma confinement idea. Why don't we work on that and, uh, take your mind off the database?
Sheldon: What if we fail at that, too? Then we'll have two failures back to back. I'll have to leave the country or grow a mustache, or leave the country until I can grow a mustache.
Dr. Sturgis: Well, we don't know if we'll fail until we try.
Sheldon: Counterpoint: if we don't try, we'll never fail.

Missy: How long has she been crying?
Mandy: Her whole life.
Missy: I got a brother like that.

Sheldon: Would you teach me how to throw a football?
George: What? What? Why?
Sheldon: I'm trying to get more comfortable with failure.
George: What makes you think you're gonna fail?
Sheldon: The word "ball".

George: Now, you'll notice that the shape of this thing is more like a missile, right, than it is your typical bouncy ball.
Sheldon: The term you're looking for is prolate spheroid.
George: Wasn't looking for it, but thank you.

George: Bring the ball back to your ear. And when you're ready to throw, bring your arm down like a tomahawk. Get that ball spinning. All right?
Sheldon: And am I correct in assuming that more revolutions will create a parabolic arc that resists external forces?
George: Sure.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I need your help.
Dr. Linkletter: Of course. Let me just drop everything so I can be of assistance.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'm trying to embrace failure, and I realized that social subtleties like sarcasm can sometimes evade me.
Dr. Linkletter: You don't say.
Sheldon: No, it's true. And I was hoping you could pepper our conversation with sarcasm, so I can try to identify it.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, boy, when do we start?
Sheldon: Now would be great.

Dr. Linkletter: My point is, I was experiencing something similar, and there's no shortcut through grief.
Sheldon: Those are wise words.
Dr. Linkletter: Thank you.
Sheldon: It was smart I came to you. You're clearly an expert on humiliation and defeat.
Dr. Linkletter: Sarcasm?
Sheldon: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Leave.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Dr. Linkletter: No.

Sheldon: My database... I've-I've never failed like this before, and it frightens me.
Mary: Oh... sweetie, I'm sorry. Sometimes, no matter how much we want things to work out, they just don't.
Adult Sheldon: Good job, Mama.

Adult Sheldon: Dealing with failure is a tricky business. You can face it head on and try to overcome it. You can avoid it. You can try to drown it out. Or you can try to talk to someone about it. And some people choose to run.

--
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A Launch Party and a Whole Human Being

Young Sheldon 6×14

Mary: Oh, remember today is Sheldon's big database launch party, so we're all very excited.
George: Yeah, how excited we talking, on a scale of one to ten?
Mary: Uh, I don't know. Six?
Connie: Do we have any understanding of what this data thing is?
Mary: Not a clue-- Morning, Shelly!
George: Hey, there's the big guy!
Connie: That was about a nine.

Connie: So what all's gonna happen at this party?
Sheldon: Well, we're gonna post to UseNet that the database is live and then watch the monitor as the subscribers roll in.
Missy: And you're calling that a party? Bold.

Mandy: Thanks for doing this.
Georgie: Hey, you make a whole human being in your belly, I get the crib and car seat, we'll call it even.

Georgie: Okay, pal, I'm in sales. I know what you're doing.
Bruce: : So...
Georgie: Just give me the expensive one.

Mandy: Sheldon, is Georgie there?
Sheldon: No.
Mandy: Is your mom there?
Sheldon: No.
Mandy: Are there any adults there?
Sheldon: No. But I have an IQ of 187. I'm sure I can figure out whatever's troubling you.
Mandy: My water broke. I'm in labor.

Sheldon: All right, let's do this.
Mandy: Why are you wearing dish gloves?
Sheldon: To deliver the baby.

Sheldon: Mrs. Sparks, I need your help.
Brenda: What's with the gloves?
Sheldon: So I don't get placenta on my hands.

Sheldon: You know, in a way, you and I are having a very similar day.
Mandy: Really? How might that be?
Sheldon: I'm also bringing something new into the world. Although mine does not involve my privates being inspected my strangers.

George: Sheldon, my granddaughter's about to be born! I-I'm not going anywhere.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sure Georgie will get more women pregnant. You'll have another chance.

Billy: Do you think my mom and your dad are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend?
Missy: No.
Billy: If they got married, would that make us brother and sister?
Missy: It's not gonna happen.
Billy: Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia were brother and sister, and they still kissed... I didn't write it!

Sheldon: I just talked to Dr. Sturgis. We didn't get a single subscriber. My database is a complete failure.

--
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A Frat Party, a Sleepover and the Mother of All Blisters

Young Sheldon 6×13

Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Paige: Would you believe me if I told you I was working on a femtosecond laser in the engineering department?
Sheldon: Yes.
Paige: Then that.

Paige: I'm trying to have fun, and I don't want them to know how old I am.
Sheldon: Why?
Paige: Because I want them to think that I'm cool.
Sheldon: But you're smart. What's cooler than that?

Connie: Please tell me you brought some movies home.
Mandy: Tootsie.
Connie: Ooh, thank you!
Dale: Really? We're supposed to believe Dustin Hoffman is a woman?
Connie: But we believe talking dinosaurs?

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Connie: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Sheldon: Are you still inebriated, or can we have an intelligent conversation?
Paige: Both.
Sheldon: You do realize that alcohol kills brain cells.
Paige: Ah, but it also makes life tolerable.
Sheldon: What do you mean?
Paige: Well, talking to you is usually annoying.
Sheldon: So you're what's called a mean drunk. Noted.

Dale: Well, how do they not see that's Dustin Hoffman?
Connie: I buy it.
Dale: So if I put on a wig and lipstick, you'd think I was a chick?
Connie: Only one way to find out...

Adult Sheldon: There I stood, the classic hero outside the dragon's cave. Should I risk life and limb to save the maiden? My every instinct said no. But I drank a lot of root beer and really had to go pee-pee.

Adult Sheldon: This night of depravity had reduced me to urinating on a tree like a forest animal...

Sheldon: We're running again? We just ran.

Georgie: I'll tell you what. My daughter's never gonna put me through this.
George: Oh, really? How you figure?
Georgie: I'm gonna run a tight ship. Set some rules, some boundaries. If she breaks them, then she faces the... Oh, what do you call it? Repercussions. Why you smiling?
George: I just can't wait till you're a dad.
Georgie: Thank you.
George: "Repercussions..."

Paige: He was cute...
Missy: What's wrong with you? You're smarter than Sheldon. Why don't you act like it?
Sheldon: Um...
Paige: I am.
Sheldon: If that was true, then how come my pizza's still in my stomach and yours is in the fountain?

Paige: What good is being smart if you're all alone?

Georgie: I'll tell you another idea I have for keeping my kid in line.
George: Oh, can't wait.
Georgie: I seen this show where they put these electric trackers on these dolphins. And with satellites, they can tell exactly where they are.
George: Dolphins? Go on.
Georgie: I'm gonna stick one of them things in my kid so I always know where she is.
George: So you're gonna keep track of your daughter like she's an animal.
Georgie: Damn straight.
George: Actually a really good idea...

Mary: You just want your children to have an easier time of it.
Mandy: Easier... My baby's gonna have a broke single mom and a teenage dad.
Mary: Mm-hmm. Let me get you some more tea.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. Thanks, big guy.

Mary: What happened to killing her?
George: I'll get to it. Just so relieved she's okay... Okay, I'm good. MISSY!
Mary: Wait for me!...

--
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A Baby Shower and a Testosterone-Rich Banter

Young Sheldon 6×12

Georgie: Well, I'm gonna be at the birth, but I can't go to the party?
Missy: How do you know she wants you at the birth?
Georgie: Who's gonna catch the baby?
George: You may not want to be there. It's a rough one.
Mary: George.
George: Oh, you're right, dear. It's a beautiful event which I will never forget.
Sheldon: Wait, you said it was beautiful and then made a face to imply that it wasn't. So, which is it?
Missy: Oh, my God, Sheldon, it's disgusting.
Sheldon: He could've just said that.

Mary: I hate that woman!
George: Your mother? Eh, she ain't gonna live forever.
Mary: Mandy's mom.
George: Oh. Yeah, that one we're stuck with for a while.

Connie: I have a lot of grandkids. At some point, you just stop caring how they got here.

George: So, Connor seems like a good kid.
Jim McAllister: Oh, yeah, yeah, he's a good kid. From another planet.
George: Oh, I got one of those. Georgie's little brother.
Jim: Is he a 22-year-old art school graduate with no prospects of ever holding down a real job?
George: Actually, he's a science genius who started college when he was 11.
Jim: Let's just talk about the brisket.

George: 14 hours of smoke and love...

--
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Ruthless, Toothless and a Week of Bed Rest

Young Sheldon 6×11

Dr. Nicholson: So, how are you feeling?
Mandy: Fat and disgusting.
Dr. Nicholson: I mean, are you having any discomfort, fatigue?
Mandy: Yeah, that's all I have.
Connie: I think what she's saying is she feels eight months pregnant.
Mandy: Eight. 800...

Sheldon: What's all this? It looks like algorithms for a searchable database.
Dr. Linkletter: At a glance, anything can look like an algorithm for a searchable database.

Mandy: Should I call the doctor?
Connie: No, no. It just happens every once in a while. I just need to take it easy for a couple days. Then I'll be fine.

Mary: Well, I can take off work and look after y'all.
Connie: We're fine.
Mary: Fine? You're on the floor. What happens if you need to use the bathroom?
Connie: Depends.
Mary: Depends on what?
Connie: No, it's a joke.
Mandy: I got it.
Mary: What's the joke? Tell me!

Connie: Slow. Slow.
Mary: Any slower and we're just standing.
Connie: Okay, look, I got this, okay? Just leave me alone.
Mary: All right. I'm gonna go check on Mandy.
Connie: ... Slow.

Missy: Hi. Welcome to Video Village. I'm Missy, I'm in seventh grade, and that's my father.
Carl: Uh, hi. I'm Carl, I'm 31, and my dad is dead.

Missy: You want to know what's not easy? Hearing from Billy Sparks about you and his mother hanging out in their chicken coop.
George: What?
Missy: He said he saw y'all leaving there the other day.
George: We were... talking chickens.
Missy: And he said it wasn't the first time.
George: They got a lot of chickens.

Sheldon: And now there's bunk beds in my room? It's like summer camp! Two words I loathe.

--
On the IMDb

Pancake Sunday and Textbook Flirting

Young Sheldon 6×10

Georgie: Uh, do I have to pretend I didn't spend the night here, or...? I don't know how this works.
Dale: It's fine, uh... you could've said nothing, but now I know.

Meemaw: Who's at the door?
Dale: It's Mary! She knows I slept with you.

Georgie: I'm supposed to go to dinner with Amber, that's the new girl, and Mandy says she's okay with it, but I'm worried it's a trap.

George: Georgie, you can't live your life afraid that women are gonna get mad at you. It's just what they're born to do.

Mandy: Look... I have enough going on here without worrying about being in some relationship. Plus, Georgie deserves to have a life.
Meemaw: So y'all are good, and I don't have to be mad at anybody?
Mandy: Right.
Meemaw: Huh. I'm gonna go call Dale and pick a fight.

--
On the IMDb
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College Dropouts and the Medford Miracle

Young Sheldon 6×9

Sheldon: When I make jokes, I follow them with a "bazinga" so it's clear. Like this: "Bazinga."

Sheldon: How long does it take to grow a mustache?

Mary: Hey, how was the game?
George: Fine.
Mary: Well, Pineview's a tough team. Don't beat yourself up.
George: No, we won.
Mary: I want to be happy, but your face is confusing me.
George: We destroyed 'em. It was a blowout.
Mary: That doesn't clear things up.
George: Pastor Rob prayed with the team before the game and everyone thinks he's the reason we won.
Mary: So you're mad he helped you win?
George: He didn't help! I coached that team up, I designed the game plan. But who do they hoist on their shoulders after the final whistle?
Mary: Well...
George: What?
Mary: Come on.

Pastor Rob: Oh, well, I can't take credit for that. Gotta give it to the big guy.
Hubert: George?
Pastor Rob: Oh, I meant the big guy upstairs, but yeah, him, too.

Sheldon: I can't wait till I'm your age and people treat me with respect and reverence.
Dr. Sturgis: Sometimes older people get discriminated against, too.
Sheldon: For what? Getting smaller and cuter year after year? Look at you.
Dr. Sturgis: Well, sometimes people assume, because of my age, that I'm out of touch, that I, uh, don't know how to use new technologies, that I, uh... Hold on, there's a third one.

Cheryl: So when you baptize someone, are you only wearing swim trunks or...?
Pastor Rob: Oh, no, no, fully covered.
Cheryl: So is it, like, in a pool... or a hot tub or...

Dr. Sturgis: Well, Sheldon, I know it's disappointing, but, uh, I think they just have your best interests at heart.
Sheldon: They said that, too.
Dr. Sturgis: And for every Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, there's a Paul Labiscous.
Sheldon: Who's that?
Dr. Sturgis: Exactly!

George: Y'all want a prayer, I'll give you a prayer. Circle up... Heavenly Father, bless this team and the hands that catch... the-the ball...
Wayne: Oh, boy.
George: ...the feet that run and... and kick...

Sheldon: So will you give us the funding?
Gary O'Brien: Well, it's a lot of money, but my horoscope did say take a chance today.
Dr. Sturgis: You're, uh, making a big financial decision based on astrology?
Gary O'Brien: I know, I'm such a Gemini, right?

Sheldon: That's ridiculous. The alignment of the planets and stars has no correlation to your success or failure.
Gary O'Brien: Ah, this is great. I mean, science thrives on this kind of debate.
Sheldon: This isn't a debate.
Gary O'Brien: Rebuttal: Yes, it is. There we go again.

--
On the IMDb

Legalese and a Whole Hoo-Ha

Young Sheldon 6×8

Mary: What's this about the university owning 90% and Sheldon only owning ten?
President Hagemeyer: Oh, that's just standard boilerplate.
Sheldon: Did you know that boilerplate originally referred to the roll of steel used as a template to create steam boilers, but then was adapted to the legal profession to describe the way companies use fine print to get around the law?
President Hagemeyer: Ugh, that fact is just so fun. It's a party.

Dr. Linkletter: Son... and I call you son because I think of you as family. Is this the way you would treat your own family?
Sheldon: Not my mom. Everyone else is on their own.

Pastor Jeff: I'm just so glad it's in the hands of a good Christian woman.
Connie: Where you headed here, padre?
Pastor Jeff: Well, some of my flock have concerns about the movies y'all rent. You know, the ones with the sexual content and whatnot.
Connie: If they don't want to see whatnot, then they shouldn't rent whatnot.
Pastor Jeff: I hear you. God gave us free will. But you're renting temptation. And you know who tempts us? The devil.

Connie: Oh, that'll be fine.
Georgie: For you. If we get arrested, y'all go to lady jail. I have to go to scary jail. I'm too pretty for scary jail.
Mandy: No more prison movies for you.

Georgie: All I'm saying is we need to remember where the real money's coming from. If we want it to keep coming, you got to back off.
Connie: Okay, fine. I'll behave.

President Hagemeyer: ...And to make it worth your while, how about we put your name on one of these buildings? How would you feel about "Sheldon Cooper Science Center"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Did you say, "Sheldon Cooper Science Center," or "Sheldon Cooper's Science Center"?
President Hagemeyer: Well, which do you like?
Sheldon: I prefer the possessive. It makes it much more mine.
President Hagemeyer: Then "Sheldon Cooper's Science Center" it is. So, do we have a deal?

Connie: I've just come with a little peace offering. My last copy of Basic Instinct... So there you go. No more naked ladies, no more Michael Douglas' bare butt giving me impure thoughts. The town is safe again.

Sheldon: I just want to build the database. Why can't this just be about the science? W-why are you making it all about the money? This was supposed to be exciting, and you're ruining it.

--
On the IMDb
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A Tougher Nut and a Note on File

Young Sheldon 6×7

Georgie: This is nice.
Mandy: Yep. But it's not a date. Just dinner.
Georgie: Right. For two people having a baby.

Adult Sheldon: I was on a mission. All I had to do was turn to the power of the Internet for help. Unfortunately in 1992, that power had a long way to go... I do kind of miss that sound.

Georgie: Well, my meemaw likes to say that every baby brings a little luck.

Georgie: You know, it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. My mom got pregnant with me before she and my dad got married.
Jim McAllister: So you're gonna marry my daughter?
Georgie: Well, if she'd stop saying "No."

Sheldon: These message boards are so frustrating. You have to post what you're looking for, then hope someone responds, and then hope you see the reply before they sell it to someone named Sucka MC.

Mandy: That's none of your business.
Georgie: Our baby's gonna be their grandkid.
Mandy: So?
Georgie: So we're gonna need free babysitters.
Meemaw: He's got you on that one.

George: So, Jim, your daughter is just lovely.
Jim: Oh, thanks. And, uh, your son seems... brave.
George: Brave, dumb, it's a coin toss.

Mary: Maybe we could have everyone over here for dinner...
George: Mary, when has that ever worked?
Mary: Food is healing, George. You should know.
George: Hey!
Mary: What? I'm just lightening the mood.

Sheldon: So, as you can see on the chart on page 34, the amount of time spent searching for grants would be cut by 80%. Do you see what this could do for the scientific community?
President Hagemeyer: Yes. We could charge an access fee to every university on the planet, and I can retire on a yacht in the Bahamas.
Sheldon: You're missing the point.
President Hagemeyer: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, good for science. I love it. So, our next step is we get legal involved and start drawing up the contracts.
Sheldon: Shouldn't we build a working prototype first to prove it's viable?
President Hagemeyer: Well, do you think it's viable?
Sheldon: I do.
President Hagemeyer: Well, that's good enough for me. I'll call legal.
Sheldon: Wait, what should I do?
President Hagemeyer: Uh... Here's a dollar. Go get yourself a Yoo-hoo on me.

--
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An Ugly Car, an Affair and Some Kickass Football

Young Sheldon 6×6

Mandy: I don't know about this. The last surprise you got me is pressing on my bladder...

Georgie: Surprise!
Mandy: You got me an ugly car?
Georgie: No, I bought me a family car.

Sheldon: Niblingo, I have a question.
Mary: Niblingo?
Missy: He made it up.
Sheldon: I coined it because there was no word to denote the unmarried mother of our niece or nephew.
Mary: Sheldon, that sounds rude.
Sheldon: Do you have a better word for the unmarried mother of a niece or nephew?

Sheldon: You know, twins run in our family.
Mandy: It's not twins.
Sheldon: That's too bad. It would double your chances of having a remarkable child. Like me.
Missy: Or a child that people like.

George: Wayne, grab your pants. You're coming with me.
Wayne: I don't want to be around you and your happy family.
George: Happy? Uh, couple days with us and you'll be glad that kid ain't yours.

Sheldon: Missy. Missy.
Missy: What?!
Sheldon: An issue of social protocol has arisen, and I need your input...
Missy: What's he doing here?
Sheldon: I don't know. But more importantly, would it be rude if I watch television?

Missy: Mom. Mom.
Mary: What?!
Missy: Why is Coach Wilkins asleep on the couch?
Sheldon: No, the question is can I watch TV with Coach Wilkins asleep on the couch? It's a subtle but important difference.

Nurse: Cash?
Connie: In God we trust.

Mandy: You always carry that much cash around?
Connie: Do you think there's just boobs in this bra?

Mandy: Oh, my God!
Georgie: See? Not drugs.
Connie: And that is the sound of a 22% house advantage.

George: Okay, Wayne, we got the ball back, what do you want to do?
Wayne: Kill myself.

--
On the IMDb

A Resident Advisor and the Word 'Sketchy'

Young Sheldon 6×5

Sheldon: Hello, Mom. It's your son, Sheldon.
Mary: Hello, my son, Sheldon.

Sheldon: I smell your shampoo.
President Hagemeyer: Aw, damn it.

George: Ooh. Eggs and pancakes.
Mary: That's what a lumberjack gets for chopping all that wood.
George: I'll be Paul Bunyan, you can be my babe, the Blue Gox.

Mandy: If you're trying to make this, like, a date night or something, it's not happening.
Georgie: Oh, who said anything about a date? It's just us having dinner and watching a movie.

Georgie: I get it. Nothing romantic. Just two future parents watching the miracle of childbirth or a movie that got two thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert.

Mary: I have a wild and crazy idea.
George: Ooh, I like where this is headed.
Mary: Let's make a baby.

--
On the IMDb
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Blonde Ambition and the Concept of Zero

Young Sheldon 6×4

Meemaw: Here you go... Scrambled eggs, bacon, biscuits and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
Mandy: Thank you. Looks amazing.
Georgie: Where's mine?
Meemaw: You're not pregnant. She is.

Georgie: I like to think we're pregnant.
Mandy: Really? Are your ankles swollen? Did you throw up this morning? Are you constipated?
Georgie: No, dear.
Mandy: Stop calling me "dear!" I'm not your dear.

Meemaw: You want breakfast, eggs are here, stove is there. Knock yourself out.
Georgie: I get she's pregnant. I don't know why you're so moody.
Meemaw: On the count of three...

Mary: Is this about a boy?
Missy: Mom.
Mary: I-I do have some experience on the subject.
Missy: Please, the only two boys you have experience with are Dad and Jesus.

Meemaw: Does he even know you like him?
Missy: I don't know. I've ignored him, been mean to him. What else can I do?
Meemaw: Sounds like you've tried everything.

Meemaw: Why don't you get one of your girlfriends to find out how he feels about you.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Because then you don't have to put yourself on the spot.
Missy: Okay. And if he doesn't like me back, I'll just keep being mean to him until he does. I don't know why that works.
Meemaw: Men are dumb.
Missy: Does that mean we're dumb for liking 'em?
Meemaw: It's not a good look for us.

George: You busy?
Sheldon: Yes, but I'm also excellent at bifurcating my cognitive abilities. Hit me.

Sheldon: I could.
George: Great.
Sheldon: But I won't.
George: Why not?
Sheldon: Because me teaching Billy is like trying to use the gravitational power of a neutron star to change the spin of a boson.
George: Don't do that.

Mary: Come on. Just tell me.
Meemaw: I would. But the bond between a girl and her grandmother is... sacred.
Mary: I am her mother and I am your daughter. Give me something.

Sheldon: Let's take it back a step. Where do you stand on addition, subtraction, multiplication and division?
Billy: I'm against it.

Sheldon: We have a problem.
Dr. Sturgis: What?
Sheldon: Zero might not exist.
Dr. Sturgis: Of course zero exists.
Sheldon: Great. Then explain it to me.
Dr. Sturgis: Easy. Zero is nothing.
Sheldon: But how can nothing be a thing?

Dr. Sturgis: Regardless, zero is very important.
Sheldon: I'm not saying it isn't important. I'm just saying the little round guy ain't real.
Dr. Sturgis: You're being silly. Zero is a number, like every other number.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah? Can you divide with it?
Dr. Sturgis: Well... No.
Sheldon: In fact, the Greek philosopher Parmenides said, "Nothing cannot exist, because to speak of something is to speak of something that exists."
Dr. Sturgis: Well, I suppose... you could look at it that way.
Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis, zero isn't real.
Dr. Sturgis: I feel dizzy.

Sheldon: I have bad news about zero. It doesn't exist.
Billy: So I was right?
Sheldon: No one is more shocked than I am.

Sheldon: I can't help you with your test. Without zero, I don't even know what math is anymore.

--
On the IMDb

Passion's Harvest and a Sheldocracy

Young Sheldon 6×3

Connie: You looking for a new church?
Mary: Not yet.
Connie: 'Cause I can see you going Catholic. You got a "get thee to a nunnery" vibe.

Mary: Oh. Mom. Really? Passion's Harvest?
Connie: The main character's name is Passion. She's inherited her daddy's farm, and there's a stud in the stable.
Mary: Oh, that's terrible.
Connie: Read it, then tell me how terrible it is.
Mary: I'm not reading this trash.
Connie: So you're literally judging a book by its cover?
Mary: All right. Fine. I'll give it a look... How come you've dog-eared all these pages?
Connie: You'll see...

Mary: I could write a better book than this...

Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis. I don't think I can do the assignment.
Dr. Sturgis: Why not? Just pick either side of any ethical argument and present it.
Sheldon: But how do I know which argument to present?
Dr. Sturgis: Any one you want.
Sheldon: And how do I know which side to take?
Dr. Sturgis: Any side you want.
Sheldon: But I want to take the right side.
Dr. Sturgis: Maybe there is no right side.
Sheldon: This is torture, and that can't be ethical.
Dr. Sturgis: There you go! You picked a subject. And a side.

Mandy: I wasn't just short on the power bill. I was also short on the rent, and, uh, now I'm short on a place to live.
Georgie: Oh, okay, well, you're welcome to stay here. Mi garage, su garage.

Sheldon: I need your opinion on an ethical dilemma. Should robots have the same rights as humans?
Missy: That depends. What's "ethical" mean?

Mandy: Good morning, everyone.
Sheldon: Niblingo.
Mandy: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: It's an honorific I came up with to describe a woman who's carrying my future niece or nephew but is not related to me by law.
Missy: You remember Sheldon.
Mandy: I do.

Georgie: What's wrong?
Mandy: My whole life...

Georgie: What can I do?
Mandy: Nothing, you're doing great. That's how screwed up my life is right now, you're the best part of it.
Georgie: Thank you.

Sheldon: I realized before resolving any of ... moral quandaries, the real decision is who gets to decide. Do we put it up for a vote? Does everyone get to decide for themselves? Should it be by committee? Is that committee elected or appointed? You see where I'm going? You probably don't.

Sheldon: For the smartest decision, we need the smartest person. Ladies and gentlemen, in the field of scientific ethics, we can't rely on democracy or plutocracy. We need an autocracy, or to be more precise, a "Sheldocracy."

--
On the IMDb
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