Game Over

American Horror Stories 1×7

Driver: Are you sure you two want to go in there? That place was built above the devil's asshole.
William: That is why we are going in.
Connie: It's the most haunted house in Los Angeles. Probably the entire United States.
William: Followed closely by the House of Death in Greenwich Village, the Franklin Castle in Cleveland and, of course...
— The LaLaurie Mansion in New Orleans. Lies! Lies!

William: We are, like, huge American Horror Story fans.
Driver: I hear bad stuff about this house. How about I take you to a hotel?
Connie: G: You mean like the Hotel Cortez? No, we're good. We rented this place out for the night.

Connie: To the man who makes my dreams come true, even if they're nightmares.

William: This is our last chance. You know, we could always go to Norms, get some pancakes, go home, binge-watch Roanoke. Why does Sarah Paulson shit-talk that season? It's so good.
Connie: Do you really want to go watch Roanoke?
William: No. I want to shit myself 'cause I'm so scared.
Rory: Don't take this the wrong way, but, like, have you even ever actually watched the show?
Michelle: Yes, I've watched the show. I'm not an obsessive fan like you, but... I've watched the show.
Rory: Even casual fans of the show are gonna be pissed because ****. Second, I think you're missing the reason why fans keep wanting to go back to Murder House. It's not that they want to trap more people there. They want to feel the tension of whether or not the new people are gonna be able to escape or not. The thing that always trips people up in the house and leads them down that path to getting stuck there is that they don't deal with their human shit. They're too selfish or greedy or mean or possessive or depressed, so they're forced to stay like that, frozen in the house forever.

Michelle: I thought we could bond over your favorite show.
Rory: You could've just watched it with me... I love you, Mom, but you don't really get the vibe of the show. Like... at all.

Steven: I was married to you, and I love you in spite of everything that happened, and I see you. And if you've got one fatal flaw, it's that you're so convinced that you've got something to prove that you will kill yourself to prove it.
Michelle: And if I were a man, that would be called drive. Admirable ambition, even.

Ben Harmon: Is it violent? Because I've always counseled parents that violent video games are terrible for children.

Michelle: Wait a minute. Aren't you, um... ? What are you doing here?
Ben Harmon: Paying for my sins. Just like everyone else in this godforsaken place.

Ben Harmon: You know what's a bad combination for eternal happiness? Your wife, your forever teenaged daughter, her boyfriend, a newborn and your former mistress all trapped in the same house together.

Michelle: So, you're blaming the women in your life for you being a cheater? Okay. Um, you can never actually find forgiveness if you don't take responsibility for your own actions.
Ben Harmon: I'm just saying life is complicated. And so is death, apparently.

Michelle: I like to want things, and then I get obsessed about getting them... I'm just not so great once I actually get it 'cause, um, over time, I... I get bored. And then I can be quite hurtful.
Ben Harmon: You like being hungry more than being fed.

Ben Harmon: Fun? Is it fun when the record you're listening to skips over and over? Is it fun being on a merry-go-round for decades?

Ben Harmon: There is no purpose here. There is no point in here. It's just endless dull with no escape.

Michelle: Um, can I speak to somebody who's maybe not so lost and hopeless?
Ben Harmon: Then you've come to the wrong house.

Ruby: You want to get the vibe? Here's what you need to understand about this place. Yes, there are a few spirits who want out, but there are others here who have no interest in growth, who embrace how fucked-up we all are. Now, the only thing that we love more than being stuck in our own misery is being stuck here with the suckers who are even more miserable. The repetition is the point. The endless nothing filled with pain is the purpose. The only thing that we need is more souls to feed the suffering.

Ben Harmon: As your therapist, my professional opinion is that you should run like hell.

Ben Harmon: You really don't understand this place at all. Leave now or you're gonna be forced to understand forever.

Ben Harmon: Dead again.

Michelle: There's no escaping the Murder House.
Rory: I think there is.
Michelle: How?
Rory: Fire. Fire purifies everything. You need to burn, burn that motherfucker to the ground.

—
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Feral

American Horror Stories 1×6

Jay: How they were even a firm before they hired me is a mystery that will haunt me to the end of my days...

Addy: 4,000 years of progress happened so we wouldn't have to sleep in the woods.
Jay: We're not just "sleeping in the woods." This is about experiencing nature, about getting outside our comfort zones.
Addy: Exactly. You know the word for "outside your comfort zone"? "Uncomfortable."

Jay: What do you say, buddy? You excited to go camping?
Jacob: I want TV.
Jay: Wow. Tough jury.

Bob Birch: I'm a hunter. I lead tours up in the woods. Mostly bankers trying to find their balls. They shoot a bear, go home feeling like Iron Man and continue fucking people over.

Stan: Be smart. Go back the way you came.

Stan: You're better off not knowing. Can't tell you even if I wanted to. Not allowed.
Jay: Not allowed?
Stan: Those are the rules.

Stan: It's a little slice of American history that's guarded, like the Manhattan Project. And that's this. Your national park system wasn't created to preserve the country's natural beauty....
Jay: What was it created for?
Stan: To keep Americans from things that would kill and eat 'em.

Stan: By the way... try and go public with this and I'll deny it. People will believe me. Everyone trusts a park ranger.

—
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Ba'al

American Horror Stories 1×5

Liv: All I've ever wanted to do is be a mom, and I fucking suck at it. And what's worse... For two years, I complained about not having a baby, and now, all I do is complain about having one.

Liv: Just don't call it the "baby blues," okay? It's more like... baby hell.

Liv: Grim what?
Bernadette: Grimoires. They're compendiums of black magic. I only have them for historical reasons. They were all written by old white men who bought into the whole anti-pagan demonic thing. Demons taking souls. It's all church branding, fairy tale stuff, Hollywood.

Bernadette: That stuff really creeps me out, especially those spell books I got from the spiritualist place. I'm gonna have to burn sage and hire a Reiki master to clean the place out.

Liv: Only on one condition... You give me another baby.

—
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The Naughty List

American Horror Stories 1×4

Barry: Zinn, Wyatt and me... the fam... We're, like, pushing 30, which is, like, 40 in influencer years. You get up there in years, you become invisible to the audience. And it's all about the subscriptions and the likes, and to get those and keep 'em, you got to keep riding the edge... Least, that's what Zinn says.

Zinn: I know what I'm doing. I'm not an idiot.

Barry: Maybe we make an apology video.
Zinn: No. No. No. We're not doing that. All the people who do that, they get ripped apart. They're accused of fake crying, and they don't mean it, and then they get more hate. We're not doing that.

Zinn: All right, you know what I think? You know what I think? We got to go gay.
Wyatt: What?!
Zinn: Not full gay. Like, um, "homey" something. "Homo..."
James: Homeysexual.

Barry: I don't know, guys. This just smells like another train wreck... It's exploitative, and it's probably offensive. Very offensive to gays, LBTRs. It's harmful.
Wyatt: Hurtful.

Santa: Tell Santa, have you been naughty or nice?

Zinn: Oh! Jesus. Guess we're not getting presents this year, boys.
Santa: You'll get what you deserve.

—
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Drive In

American Horror Stories 1×3

Chad: I'm gonna die a virgin...

Milo: Do you want to know what makes girls get on the crazy train? It's not about relaxation. It's fear.
Chad: Fear?
Milo: Why do you think horror films were invented? Back in the 1930s, do you think guys were bringing their sweethearts to watch Dracula because they liked Tod Browning's mise-en-scène? No, dude. They wanted Lugosi to give them a chance at some skirt. Fear is the ticket. You tickle that fight-or-flight response, she's an oyster ready for shucking.

Chad: All right, unpopular opinion: horror films suck now. They're either low-rent shit to fill up a streaming menu or pretentious crap that puts you to sleep. What's left?

Chad: Rabbit Rabbit? What is that?
Milo: Just the most infamous cursed film in cinema history.
Quinn: It was only ever shown once back in '86. ..... I got up at 3:00 a.m. to snag the tickets. There's only room for 60 cars. I got one extra ticket if you want it. Not cheap.
Chad: What's it even about?
Quinn: I don't know. I don't even know what the title means.
Milo: I guess we'll find out. If we live through it.

Kelley: What does the title even mean?
Chad: I googled it. It's, uh, an old British superstition. On the first day of the month, you say "rabbit, rabbit." It's supposed to buy you 30 days of good luck.
Milo: Weird title for a movie that's cursed.
Quinn: How bummed are you guys gonna be when the movie ends and everyone's still alive?
Milo: There's always tomorrow...

Rabid Ruth: Listen to me! It starts right away! Don't look! Don't let her look!

Chad: Die! Die! Fucking die! Die! Die! Bitch, die!

Chad: Are you good with that?
Kelley: My dad's a Marine. Point, pump and pull.

Chad: Who lives in a trailer and drives a Rolls-Royce?

Larry Bitterman: "Everyone"? Every person who watched was affected? The response was 100%? Unbelievable!

Larry Bitterman: It's an experience. It's a cinematic happening. A horror movie where the horror isn't on-screen. It's in the audience. Try to appreciate what I'm talking about!

Larry Bitterman: You must know about the, uh, subliminals in The Exorcist?... William Friedkin cut two frames of a demon's face into reel six. People were throwing up in the aisles. There were cases of women going into labor. One gave birth right in the theater. People thought they were possessed, and all because of two frames, two little frames, and some creative sound.

Larry Bitterman: I applied everything I learned like Edison creating the light bulb...

Chad: You put us in a horror movie. Now we're just returning the favor.

Larry Bitterman: You think this is the end of the movie? It's only act one! And the rest is gonna be fucking epic!

Larry Bitterman: My name will go down in cinema history. Kubrick! Coppola! Spielberg! And Larry fucking Bitterman!

Larry Bitterman: I got a fucking Rolls! You want to know why? Ask yourself why! You won't like the fucking answer!

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Rubber (Wo)man: Part Two

American Horror Stories 1×2

Ruby: Sadists are patient motherfuckers.

Scarlett: Why here?
Ruby: Anyone who lives in L.A. knows about this place. Anyone obsessed with famous murders, at least, which is, like, everyone.

Dr. Andi Grant: Hey, I'm sorry, but we need to schedule a session. You'd think in death I'd want to stop working, but you know what, not even death can stop ambition.

Scarlett: I like it here. I like how it feels to be in this house.
Michael: Honey, you don't feel all the pain that's been inflicted here?
Scarlett: Of course I do. That's what I like about it.

Adam: You ever hear the saying, "A man who defends himself in court has an idiot for a client"?
Troy: Sure.
Adam: Do you know what a man who hires himself as a contractor to fix his own house is?... Broke. Usually divorced.

Troy: "A coping mechanism"? We are dead. Can't we at least be liberated from the worst parts of being human when we die?
Dr. Andi Grant: Apparently not. At least not in this house.

Troy: So this is it? This? This is, this is the great mystery of life and death? Just an endless prison of more of the same? Sure, I was worried about hell. What gay Catholic isn't? Torture and torment are at least kind of sexy. The one thing I did not worry about in the afterlife was that it was gonna be mundane.

Michael: Do you have time for a one-on-one?

Michael: We're just trying to protect you from what we're going through. I mean, isn't that what fathers do?
Scarlett: You guys were dumb enough to get yourselves in over your heads with this house and then get killed in it. Why should I listen to anything you say?

Ruby: You ready to go?
Scarlett: You can't come with me.
Ruby: Yes, I can. It's Halloween. It's the one day of the year when the dead can walk the earth.

Scarlett: So, what do you want to do with your one night in the world, my love?
Ruby: Are you kidding? Hey. I want to have a nonstop orgy of trouble and pain!

Scarlett: You're the only person in my life whose suffering brings me no pleasure.

Ruby: A wise man once said happiness is something to look forward to. I never understood that until I was dead. When you're dead and stuck in a haunted house for all eternity, there's not much to do but wait and wait. And the waiting, like another wise man once said, is indeed the hardest part of love. If it's real love.

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Rubber (Wo)man: Part One

American Horror Stories 1×1

Scarlett: You know what, never mind, I'll just hurl myself from the moving vehicle, okay? Maybe I'll die and go to hell because that would be an improvement on what I'm living through at the moment.

Scarlett: Can't you guys be into normal gay music, like Britney or Madonna or even showtunes?

Troy: Are you aware of what the seventh-most popular ride at Disneyland is?... It's the Haunted Mansion.

Michael: And did you know what the third-most popular holiday in America is? Halloween. And Christmas is actually second to Thanksgiving, believe it or not.

Troy: People love to be scared. Psychiatrists say that the kind of controlled fear that you get from a roller-coaster or a haunted house or a-a bungee jump... It's like a vaccination. A little bit of the anxiety virus helps you with healing your overall anxiety.

Scarlett: So you guys are not concerned about the fact that people actually, like, died here? You know, whole families, the curse?
Troy: Come on, ghosts aren't real and curses aren't real. People do terrible, horrible things to each other. They don't need the help of an evil spirit to do them. Your father doesn't believe that and neither do I. This place just seems to have attracted some bad folks, that's all.
Michael: And we're gonna take advantage of that to make some dough.

Scarlett: It's easy to not be afraid. People do it all the time. They... get on airplanes and drive really fast in their cars and ask people out on dates. Fear isn't what stops us from doing what we want.
Rowena: So then what does?
Scarlett: Shame... Shame is what keeps us from being our true selves. I bet everybody in here could face their fear with enough encouragement, but... not one would be able to face their shame.

Maya: You know, if a boy stared at me like that, I'd probably report him for harassment...

Maya: Smart is the new perfect ten.

Troy: I'm sorry, we don't believe in haunted houses.
Michael: Seriously, why would a spirit stick around on Earth when it has the whole universe to explore?
Troy: The stories are absurd. We believe in science in this family.
Dr. Andi Grant: I don't believe in haunted houses, either. But I do believe that knowing what dark things have occurred in a place can create a darkness in someone's psyche. It's the reason why cemeteries feel scary or old dungeons or "haunted" houses. If we know what terrible things have happened in a place, then we are forced to confront the truth that terrible things can happen at all. I mean, it's impossible not to get a little dark, a little depressed. It affects all of us.

Scarlett: I like violent stuff. Extreme S and M, pain.

Maya: We're all going in there together. What's she gonna do? There's four of us. Come on.

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