Storia Americana

Fargo 4×11

Josto Fadda: What family? Whose family?

Ebal Violante: You cannot silence the truth.

Josto Fadda: Tell him!
Oraetta Mayflower: Yeah, like I said, as an honest person who likes to cross her t's and heart her i's, I'd be remiss if I didn't afford myself truthfully in front of the lord my savior and, uh... And these fine gentlemen. But, yeah... well, you kind of did.

Josto Fadda: She's a crazy person! And I'm the boss!

Ebal Violante: It's shit, no? The old way for the old world. Brothers, uncles, cousins... We live in the new world now. We need a new way.

Ebal Violante: You kill your father... So you can wear the crown. Then you kill your brother so you don't have to share... And this is why the family business doesn't work. Because families are crazy.

Josto Fadda: You don't have to do this. Hasn't there been enough killing?
Joe: .... Wait. That a serious question?

Josto Fadda: This is it... What they make us do. We're paisan. Come on. We-we change our names. We eat each other. We forget. For what? Don't you get it, Joe? This is a ladder, but there's nowhere to go.
Joe: Nah. Any last requests?
Oraetta Mayflower: Yeah, c-can you shoot him first so I can watch?
Josto Fadda: What?!

Ebal Violante: So, all is forgiven?
Loy Cannon: Back to business.

Loy Cannon: You want to take half our business? We had a deal. In the park. We made a deal!
Ebal Violante: Please, be calm. This is just part of the new plan. Our national plan. For the nation. New York, Chicago, Kansas City, Miami, Texas, California. You, too, are a national outfit, yes? Mm. Wait, no. You are one man in one city. What do they say? Big fish, small pond. But we are the sea. Mm. I can tell you are thinking, you can just kill me the way you kill the men before. But this is a mistake. Because when you look at me, you don't see the man behind me and the man behind him and all the men that follow. Forever. Mm-hmm? You see them now. The wave that never ends. We understand each other. Cheer up. Look at it this way: We are not taking half, we are leaving half. You work for us now. You do what we say or we kill you and find someone who will. Fine della storia.

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: History is a form of memory. But what does it mean to remember?
     We think naturally of our own past, our lives day by day, and through them we see the events of our times. We are black and white, rich and poor, foreign-born and domestic. And yet, if our pasts are separate, then aren't our histories separate, too? Segregated?
     Ask yourself, who writes the books? Who chooses what we remember and what gets forgotten?
     My name is Ethelrida Pearl Smutny. This is my history report.

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Happy

Fargo 4×10

Loy Cannon: He's gonna try to take over.
Buel Cannon: Maybe. But he's a country boy. Why's he want a big-city headache?
Loy Cannon: Power.

Loy Cannon: You're always losing, till you win. That's why it's called an underdog.

Lionel 'Happy' Halloway: Decades that tell us the only thing worse than livin' in darkness is steppin' into the light.
Loy Cannon: So, what, born on the bottom, die on the bottom?
Lionel 'Happy' Halloway: You get your picture in the paper, you think it's just a picture of you? We all in there, crowded together. Cops decide to bust a head, they don't care which head, long as the color's right.

Oraetta Mayflower: The devil's got a special place in hell for small minds who betray their better's trust, who take advantage of their charitable acts.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: Is that place above or below the place you're going?

Oraetta Mayflower: What does it feel like to be so sure you're right and know that nobody cares? Hmm? I'll see you in your dreams...

Loy Cannon: It was blizzarding when Satchel was born. Middle of the night. Why do babies always come in the middle of the night?
Opal Rackley: It's the moon, my mama said. Babies come like the tide.

Loy Cannon: Buel birthed him in a tub with her mama. I was downstairs with the girls. I swear I couldn't hear a sound. My missus. Passing a 12-inch head through a six-inch hole. On my best day, I'm half as tough as that.

Satchel Cannon: No you. No boy. No do what you're told. No everything. This is my world. I'm the boss. I tell you... What to do... Now fuck off.

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East/West

Fargo 4×9

Aldo: He-he came looking for some hardware... Uh, rifles, pistols... Said he was hitting the road, he had to kill some people i-in Kansas.
Willy: Kansas is a state.
Aldo: Like I said, Liberty or-or Liberal.

Aldo: You boys really think you can run things?
Willy: White man called my daddy "boy" once. He ended up with wooden teeth, just like George Washington.
Aldo: Yeah, yeah. Personally... I'm all for you coloreds breaking even. I mean, why should the bosses get all the fat when we're the ones down in the mud scrounging for dimes?
Willy: Oh. So you're one of us now?
Aldo: No, I'm not saying that. Just... Say there's a turtle.
Willy: Turtle?
Aldo: Mm, king turtle. He rules over everything he sees. Except he's a turtle, so he's real low to the ground.
Willy: I'm gonna put you back in the trunk...
Aldo: No, no. Hear me out. So, this king turtle, he calls two of his guys and he tells them to climb on top of each other, you know, like a ladder. And he climbs on their backs. So now he can see further but still just, like, 50 feet. So he calls even more turtles. And one by one, they get on top of each other. And up he goes. Till all the turtles are in a pile. And old king turtle... Oh, he can see for miles. Except... the guys on the bottom... are getting crushed. And I'm saying...

Satchel Cannon: What's that smell?
Rabbi Milligan: Fresh air.

Ina Botkins: Plymouth Rock or Sutter's Mill?
Rabbi Milligan: What?
Ina Botkins: Things work a specific way around here, so I got to figure out where to put you. Plymouth Rock or Sutter's Mill?
Rabbi Milligan: Well, that's in California, yeah?
Ina Botkins: McCarthy or Eisenhower?
Rabbi Milligan: Oh, we don't follow politics.
Ina Botkins: Eisenhower it is. Uh, lastly... Old Testament or New?
Rabbi Milligan: Which is the one where you get to be born again?
Ina Botkins: That'd be the New. West side it is.

Rabbi Milligan: Why east or west?
Ina Botkins: Why any one thing or the other? Just is the way it is.

Rabbi Milligan: If you can't run, just do like we practiced. Thigh, stomach, chest.

Rabbi Milligan: Remember, if I don't come back, I'm dead or in jail.

Hunk Swindell: Ask me a question.
Satchel Cannon: What?
Hunk Swindell: Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends and Influence People. "Six Ways to Make People Like You." Number one: become genuinely interested in other people. So ask me a question.
Satchel Cannon: Um... you got any food?
Hunk Swindell: Make 'em laugh. Yeah, that's rule number nine. Hard to dislike a man what's got a funny bone.

Hunk Swindell: Did you know that in the original Goldilocks, it was witches, not bears? In any case, ... think about this poor girl, no home of her own, just wandering the woods. ... Goldilocks is the classic example of an outsider in search of himself. If you think about it, the story's got no ending. I mean, the bears... They get justice... Chasing an intruder out of their home, but for the girl? Well, she's back out in the cold. No family, no home. Doesn't fit in anywhere.

Rabbi Milligan: The future is what?
Smoking Man: How's that?
Rabbi Milligan: What's it gonna say?
Smoking Man: Wait till it's finished. Then you'll see.
Rabbi Milligan: Well... finish the damn thing already.
Smoking Man: Moment I finish it, I'm out of a job. Plus, what do you care? It's just a sign.
Rabbi Milligan: It's the principle, making people live with uncertainty. It ain't right.
Smoking Man: Send a letter to your congressman, you're so irate.

Beachwood Indiana: I got a wife.
Haskell Indiana: I... I ain't married yet. Who's gonna feed the dogs?

Police Officer: Well... you want my advice, you gonna travel with a colored kid in a town like this... just keep him out of sight.

Rabbi Milligan: What the heck does that even mean?
Smoking Man: Got me... Could be a statement as to the underlying unreliability of time. Or a testimony along the lines of "seize the day." They don't pay me to write 'em, just slap 'em up. Which I did. And now it's done. And I find myself once more at a crossroads, unemployed. So I... suppose for me, the future I once feared has arrived, as predicted by this very billboard.

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The Nadir

Fargo 4×8

Josto Fadda: I say, let's go ahead and get this American dream started.

Oraetta Mayflower: Sorry? When you say h-he made a full recovery, what-what do you... Oh, that's... a joyous day that... And is, uh... is he, uh... Wh-What-what r... what room is he in? I-I-I should visit.

Josto Fadda: I'm saying I love you. I think.
Oraetta Mayflower: Get out!
Josto Fadda: Come on, beautiful. Don't do this to yourself. No, I'm serious.
Oraetta Mayflower: You... You get the... you get the... fuck out of my house! You make me sick! Do you hear me?
Josto Fadda: That's love! What it feels like. Believe me, I know. I almost puked in your commode just thinking about saying this.

Gaetano Fadda: I'm the lion, but... you're the snake.

Josto Fadda: I accept... this oath of poison, knowing that, from now on, no men will judge you... but that you will judge yourself. And if you ever betray me or this family...
Gaetano Fadda: I swear.

Opal Rackley: It didn't work. They're a team now, the brothers. So, what do we do?
Loy Cannon: Fargo.

Buel Cannon: People come to my husband, looking for money, at the end of their rope, and... and they all think the same thing. "I've got nothing left to lose." But... there's always lower you can go.

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: How come you know so much about music?
Lemuel Cannon: I'm a horn player. Trumpet.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: Then why you lugging boxes?
Lemuel Cannon: Oh, that? That's just an experience. Everything in life's an experience, from climbing a mountain to scrubbing a toilet.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: You climbed a mountain?
Lemuel Cannon: No, but I've scrubbed a few toilets.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Maybe instead of the six-shooter, you'd rather see my badge. I keep it real shiny. U.S. Marshal. Backed by the power of the mighty American eagle. And if that old raptor could talk, he'd say, "Son, stand aside now, for there's no power on earth that can keep a U.S. lawman from the execution of his duty."

Loy Cannon: Would you like a drink?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Thank you, no. For the Lord is my Shepherd, and as a wise man once said, "Alcohol is your friend-- with a knife."

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Is it still Thursday? These days feel like they run together.

Loy Cannon: I told those ladies no harm would come to them. That makes me accountable.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Should I tell you what I've learned about the criminal mindset?.. By definition, the criminal rejects accountability, as their identity is based on getting away with things. Similarly, the criminal-- you-- rejects morality and ethics, for if there is a larger right, then the criminal himself is always wrong. And you don't strike me as the type of man thinks himself wrong.
Loy Cannon: Rarely.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: So there goes morality out the window. But into that vacuum, what should rush but a code. A system of rules, mostly having to do with loyalty. And this way, the criminal detaches himself from the civilian world.
Loy Cannon: And yet, here I am. Family man. Community leader. Deacon in the church.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Oh, the criminal is capable of being all of those things. But it's a ruse. For though you claim to share the values of your... wife or preacher, the Lord knows it's a disguise. Ask me how I know for certain.
Loy Cannon: How do you know for certain?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Would a family man trade his youngest son to his enemy in exchange for power and monetary gain?

Loy Cannon: I like you.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: We Mormons are very friendly people.
Loy Cannon: No. Pretty unfriendly, really, but it's the way you're unfriendly. Like you're doing me a favor.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Hmm. See? I knew we could figure this thing out if we just... put our minds to it.

Odis Weff: I got a condition. When I was a kid, the teachers said "oversensitive." The army shrink told me I-I worried too much, which... How can you worry too much when you're at war?

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: You know what worries me? Dying with one boot on, caught short. That's a petty death. So, let me throw you a rope... You want to die like a man, you got to live like a man.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Cheer up, palomino. In times like these, my mind goes back to the wisest words I ever heard. And forgive me for the blueness of the final stanza, but here it is. "Behold the amazing pelican, whose beak can hold more than his belly can. He can hold in his beak enough food for a week. I'll be damned if I know how the hell he can." Geronimo.

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Lay Away

Fargo 4×7

Oraetta Mayflower: I'm just here with some early ho, ho, ho. The macaroon, you said. Now, I thought it was a French cookie, but not so, it turns out. Italian, in origin. Born, like all divinities, from the monastery. Chocolate, vanilla, strawberry. I did try my hand at pistachio, but the color alone was a wave off.

Oraetta Mayflower: Oh, come now. You have to try one. We are but human, after all, prone to the whim and allure of such sugary delights. And besides, these delicate creatures, they're meant for the most refined palates, such as your own. So, it really would be an honor...

Oraetta Mayflower: Mmm. Oh, vanilla. My favorite... And if it's not the best macaroon you ever ate, I'll hang up my apron.

Dr. David Harvard: Extraordinary.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: That's like Jonah saying he heard there's a big fish out there somewhere.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: What do you say, cowboy? Want to go in, guns blazing, take 'em down together?
Odis Weff: I, uh... I...
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Eh, relax. They'd chew us up for sure. And yet... Are you familiar with the blood atonement?... "And now, behold, I speak unto the Church. Thou shalt not kill, and he that kills shall not have forgiveness in this world, nor in the world to come. And again, I say, thou shalt not kill, but he that killeth shall die."

Buel Cannon: You ever go to the zoo?
Constant Calamita: Sometime.
Buel Cannon: Hmm. You see the mama lion and her cubs?.. You think she's in that cage for her protection? To be fair, it's what we call a rhetorical question. Now get the fuck out of here!

Odis Weff: Hey, you know you girls are wanted, right?
Zelmare Roulette: Silly boy. That's what girls are.
Swanee Capps: Everybody wants us, but we ain't to be had.
Odis Weff: You're gonna get yourselves killed staying here.
Swanee Capps: Got to die someplace.

Loy Cannon: Elevate, don't denigrate. That's what I tell 'em... My kids.

Loy Cannon: Every country has its own type of criminal. In America, we got the confidence man. Snake oil salesman, grifter. He don't rob you as much as trick you into robbing yourself. See, 'cause in America, people want to believe. They got that dream... And a dreamer, you can fleece.

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Camp Elegance

Fargo 4×6

Josto Fadda: You see, I'm not just fighting a few Italians. I'm fighting 400 years of history. I'm fighting a mindset.

Josto Fadda: You like those dolls, huh? You collect 'em? Uh... How you think they feel? Being owned. Imagine if these dolls rose up and became citizens of this apartment. Imagine if they asked for equal rights. You might say, "Man, fuck these dolls. I'm gonna crush these dolls. Thinking they all human. Thinking they equal." 'Cause that's your mindset.

Josto Fadda: Look, maybe you feel like these Italians own you. But you got no idea what it feels like to be actual owned. To be property. Until now. 'Cause I own you.

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The Birthplace of Civilization

Fargo 4×5

Rabbi Milligan: This problem you got... It's a math problem. Either you divide them, or they multiply. Capisce?

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: Aunt Zelmare, what would you do if you saw something wrong? Something you could fix?
Zelmare Roulette: Nothing.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: What do you mean?
Zelmare Roulette: I mean nothing.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: 'Cause you're a criminal?
Zelmare Roulette: I ain't a criminal. ......
Swanee Capps: We ain't criminals. We're outlaws.
Zelmare Roulette: See, criminals play the game.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: What game?
Zelmare Roulette: Life. The earth. Society, right? They got their rules. Banking and family. An honest dollar for an honest day's work. Politics and voting. And the criminal... He on the other side of that, but still he play the game. And if he plays it long enough, he even starts to talk about going legit.
Swanee Capps: The outlaw, on the other hand...
Zelmare Roulette: The outlaw, on the other hand... Well, we reject the game. Society.
Swanee Capps: Ain't nothing organized about our crime, 'cause our crime is freedom.
Zelmare Roulette: No rules. And nothing's ever broke, and there ain't nothing to fix.
Swanee Capps: All we want is to live while we're alive and... Die with a gun in our hands.

Josto Fadda: You know why America loves a crime story? Because America is a crime story. But here's the rub. When we hear a crime story, who do we root for? Not the poor sap that got taken. The victim, no. We root for the taker. The guy with the gat.
     See, this country loves a man who takes what he wants. Unless... Unless that man looks like you. Capisce?
     See, Johnny society looks at me, they see a fella that's using crime to get ahead. But you? All they see is crime. And that's why you're gonna lose. 'Cause I can take all the money and pussy I want and still run for president. But you? It's always gonna be the rope.

Gaetano Fadda: Milk and sugar? You know what's wrong with this country, hmm? Your Jesus... Looks like a lady, hmm? And everybody thinks they're gonna be president one day. So nobody do the job they got. In Italy, we paid to sweep... We sweep. We pay you to make a coffee, you make coffee like Michelangelo. Hmm?

Gaetano Fadda: You think it's funny because your lady Jesus tell you that I'm gonna turn the other cheek. Well... I'm Italian. And in Italy, they had to nail our Jesus to the cross. Otherwise, he comes down and kill every last motherfucker in Jerusalem.

Thurman Smutny: Mr. Cannon...
Loy Cannon: You need to invite us in, Thurnan.

Dibrell Smutney: Mr. Cannon, p-please.
Loy Cannon: No, no. We're past "please." now we're at, "Whatever you want, boss. Just don't kill me."

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: ...if you deem yourself a civilized person, and I know you do, you've got to act in a civilized manner. End of story. So... I'm asking. Where's your auntie at?
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: "Civilized"?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Mm-hmm. That's what I said.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: You know, do you not, that Africa is the birthplace of civilization? Which means both your ancestors and mine came from the same green Savannah. I got an "A" in anthropology. That's factual.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Fascinating.

Swanee Capps: Mister, either rape us or kill us already.
Loy Cannon: Dying's too easy. You owe me, and I'm putting you to work.
Zelmare Roulette: We ain't whores.
Loy Cannon: Don't need whores. Need soldiers, invisible soldiers. Soldiers the other side can't see coming. Who's more invisible than you?

Doctor Senator: Son, I hate to be the one to tell you, but... You got it all wrong. Your countryman Machiavelli... He wrote, "he who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command."

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The Pretend War

Fargo 4×4

: Violante When first I come to America, I know nothing. How to dress, what to eat. ... On the street I hear this phrase. "American values." And I think, "what does it mean?" Financial values I understand. Money. What a thing is worth. Human values, this also makes sense. The things we love. Family, I bambini... But this American values: land of the free, home of the brave this I don't know. And then I learn the history of this country. Your slavery, the smallpox in the blankets, how you stole the land from the natives... And I realize... To be an American is to pretend. Capisce? You pretend to be one thing when really you are something else.

Loy Cannon: Sell 200 to Mort Kellerman.
Doctor Senator: Out of Fargo?

Oraetta Mayflower: Mmm. I was reading the most delicious article last night about Istanbul. Even the word's romantic, don't you think? Istanbul... I think that's where they filmed Casablanca.
Josto Fadda: Mm... They filmed Casablanca in Casablanca.
Oraetta Mayflower: Oh, y-yeah, course. Silly me. Just... doesn't it sound divine? Getting away, laying out for the northern territories, wind in your hair?
Josto Fadda: I got mouths to feed, answerability.
Oraetta Mayflower: Oh. A box, you mean... Four walls of pine, which is... well, a coffin is what it is, mister. There are places in the amazon rain-forests where a million butterflies take flight all at once. Isn't that something a man should see before he dies?

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: How much?
Oraetta Mayflower: How much what?
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: The way I see it, this whole place... Sheets, dishes, three hours' work... That's at least a dollar.
Oraetta Mayflower: Well, aren't you a little capitalist...

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Son? Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your heart?

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: I'll be in the car, waiting for my friend, if you need me. You fellas have a nice day.

Thurman Smutny: What are you doing here? ... You're out here risking arrest to ask me who made dessert?
Zelmare Roulette: No. I'm your monopoly card.
Thurman Smutny: My what?
Zelmare Roulette: Your get out of jail free card.

Thurman Smutny: Where...? Where?
Zelmare Roulette: Thurman, can I give you some advice?
Thurman Smutny: Yeah.
Zelmare Roulette: When the money fairy comes to visit, don't ask questions.
Thurman Smutny: Why does it smell funny?
Zelmare Roulette: Also a question.
Thurman Smutny: How much?
Zelmare Roulette: ....

Thurman Smutny: She's not gonna like it.
Zelmare Roulette: No, she ain't. But she'll get over it. What we don't get over is being dead.

Zelmare Roulette: You tell my niece I'm proud of her. Tell her don't let no sorry ass cut in front of her in line.
Thurman Smutny: Uh, what line?
Zelmare Roulette: Any line.

Thurman Smutny: We're out. Out of danger. Out of debt.
Dibrell Smutney: Baby... What did you do?
Thurman Smutny: Whatever I did, it's done.

Thurman Smutny: She'll be all right. This'll... It'll all blow over soon enough.

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Raddoppiarlo

Fargo 4×3

Narrator: Antecedently on Fargo...

Captain Martin Hanhuck: Jesus on a stick!
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Language.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: What?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Keep a civil tongue, I'm saying.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: Who the hot Christ are you?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: You always take the Lord's name in vain with this much gusto?
Captain Martin Hanhuck: You're fuckin'-A right.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: .... Black, two sugars.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Thank you, no. In my faith we abstain from caffeinated beverages, both hot and cold.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: In your...
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: There were 12 tribes of Israel. Ten were lost.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: Lost who, what, now?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Ten were lost. Two of those made their way across the sea to this great and sacred land. The Nephites and the Lamanites. Once here, the rebellious Lamanites were cursed by God with skin of blackness so they would not be attractive to my people.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: The... What do you... Nephites?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Mormons. You asked my faith. I'm a priest of the Mormon Church and a member of the Quorum of Seventy.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: Last time I checked, there's still a kill order on the books for all Mormons in the state of Missouri.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Sadly, the people of Missouri are not sympathetic to our faith.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: And yet here you are...
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: And yet here I am, solid in my beliefs and unafraid.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: I'm saying, with all due respect to Your Holiness, what the slippery fuck are you doing in my office at 8:00 a.m. on a Wednesday morning, Mormon or no?

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Captain Hanhuck, I can safely say you blasphemy more than any man I've ever met. And I've been to Cleveland.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: How about ... you help the deacon here?
Odis Weff: The deacon?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Dick Wickware, but people call me Deafy.
Odis Weff: You're-you're deaf?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: I could see how you'd leap to that conclusion, but, no, they call me Deafy on account of I hear what I want to hear.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: You got Satan in your heart, don't you, Palomino?
Odis Weff: What?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: I'm saying, here's you, a host of ticks and tells, which... Either the devil's got you or you got yourself a nervous condition.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Hands in the air, citizen.

Satchel Cannon: Are you Jewish?
Rabbi Milligan: No.
Satchel Cannon: Then how come they call you Rabbi? Isn't rabbi a Jewish priest?
Rabbi Milligan: You ever play poker?... But you know there's a game called poker, played with cards. Well, there's this saying in poker: you play the hand you're dealt. You and me, we're proof of that.

Oraetta Mayflower: Y-You won't regret this, sir. Just so I'm in the know, what's your favorite sweet, baked or otherwise?
Dr. David Harvard: That won't be necessary.
Oraetta Mayflower: Come now. Everyone's got a birthday.
Dr. David Harvard: I am... hmm... Partial to the macaroon.
Oraetta Mayflower: Mmm. Challenge accepted. Ta, for now.

Doctor Senator: Hubris to think that you can control things. That's why God created tornadoes. To remind us.
Loy Cannon: Yeah. But you can raise the odds.

Gaetano Fadda: We fight... or we die. Yes? Yes.

Swanee Capps: See, people think it's houses get haunted... But it ain't.

Swanee Capps: Well, in my experience, folks don't just hand over money... You got to convince 'em.

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Fargo 4×2

Gaetano Fadda: Business, family, country.

Loy Cannon: You seeing to his education?
Rabbi Milligan: I'm teaching him how the world works.
Loy Cannon: And how's that?
Rabbi Milligan: It's dog eat dog.
Loy Cannon: That's how dogs work. Men are more complicated.
Rabbi Milligan: Not in my experience.

Loy Cannon: You like staying here, in the master's house? He make you feel appreciated?
Rabbi Milligan: We live with the choices we make. Consequences.

Oraetta Mayflower: Well, I am no goat, Mr. Sneet. Oraetta Mayflower, she is no goat.
Mr. Sneet: Now, Nurse...
Oraetta Mayflower: Call the police, you're so concerned about malfeasance. About medicines removed without dotted i's. Heck, pick up the phone, tell them to send the paddy wagon. Take this woman away in silver bracelets. Or what about call the news boys?
Mr. Sneet: Now, hold on, there's no need...
Oraetta Mayflower: This is America, sir, last time I checked, not Soviet Russia, where a man gets rationed a quarter potato and has no rights under the law. And here's you, sitting like judge and executioner, tossing old Oraetta on the bone pile, and for what? The inability to read the handwriting of what appears to be an epileptic?
Mr. Sneet: Miss Mayflower... Nurse Mayflower... I'd be happy to... How does a month's severance sound?
Oraetta Mayflower: Three months.
Mr. Sneet: I'll... I can offer two, and of course a glowing recommendation to your next potential employer.
Oraetta Mayflower: In writing!

Oraetta Mayflower: Who would've thought they're teaching French down at the Negro school.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: They don't. I'm learning on my own.
Oraetta Mayflower: Mm, you got pluck. And I know, 'cause everyone always says I've got it, too. Sagittarius.
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: What's that?
Oraetta Mayflower: Sun sign... Astrology... See, scientifically, our birthdates correspond with celestial events. Happenstance that shape our destiny. What's the date of your birth?
Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: December the first.
Oraetta Mayflower: Mm. Like I said... Sagittarius.

Zelmare Roulette: That's one weird white lady...

Doctor Senator: Well, this ain't no robbery. No, no. No, this... this is what you call a transition of power. ... We're taking over.

Doctor Senator: You got to give respect to get respect...
Gaetano Fadda: Is that why you Americans are so soft? All this giving and getting?... In the land of taking and killing, Gaetano is king.

Doctor Senator: Molto bene. But remember: we'll be back. Because y'all just got here yesterday. But we're part of this land, like the wind and the dirt.

Loy Cannon: Lord, we know the road is long. We thank you for that road, because the journey makes us wise. We know the climb is hard. We thank you for that climb, 'cause climbing makes us strong. You made the land and the sea,and you filled it with injustice so that we would have work to do. And we thank you for that work. You made the meek, so the meek could inherit the Earth. And you made the mighty so that we could defend the meek... And we will be mighty for you, O Lord. You've shown us pain and loss... so that we would know the joy of victory when it comes. Hear our prayer now, O Lord... so that we might feel your blessing. And know that we can bear this burden you've given us... because our hearts are pure. Amen.

—
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Welcome to the Alternate Economy

Fargo 4×1

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: This report isn't about my history. It's about our history... Kansas City, Missouri. In the beginning there were the Hebrews, and they ran the underworld. Then came the Irish...

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: Logic dictates that in every fight, there is a winner and a loser. But this is a history report. And what does history tell us? Peace don't last for long. The Italians came next...

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: That's how it worked. Whoever was last off the boat, finding the doors of honest capital closed, rolled up their sleeves and got to work, getting rich the old-fashioned way.

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: Webster's defines "assimilation" as... "the process of becoming similar to something." You can check it if you want, but it's factual. But imbibing these words, dear reader, we are forced to ask, similar to what?

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: If America is a nation of immigrants, then how does one become American?

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: Winston Churchill said, "History is written by the victors." That's a fancy word for winner.

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: Here's the thing about America: the minute you relax and fatten up... somebody hungrier's gonna come along, looking for a piece of your pie.

Loy Cannon: Keep your head down. If there's trouble, swing for the balls, then the eyes.

Don Fadda: Learn everything. Sleep with one eye open. Be as Daniel in the lion's den.

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: And here's what you need to know about the people in that room. None of them were white. They were dagos, Negroes, micks, all fighting for the right to have been created equal. But equal to what? And who gets to decide?

Ethelrida Pearl Smutny: And that leads me to this conclusory idea, dear reader, which is that history is made up of the actions of individuals. And yet, none of us can know at the time we act that we are making history.

Mr. Winckle: I'll give you this, you boys have got a hell of an imagination. But the people I see day in, day out... hardworking people, family men... well, they're just not gonna spend money they don't have. And charging 'em high rates of interest, preying on 'em when times get tough, well, that's just not what banking's all about.

Oraetta Mayflower: When using illicit substances, it's very important to avoid obvious physical tells: redness of the eyes, inflamed epidermal tissue, say around the proboscis.
Josto Fadda: You got a funny way of talking.
Oraetta Mayflower: Yep. I'm from Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes.
Josto Fadda: No, I mean... you use big words.
Oraetta Mayflower: Well, I've found in my 36 years on God's green Earth that it's absolutely critical to be precise in your use of language so as to avoid instances of misreckoning.

Josto Fadda: He's in a lot of pain. And I don't like to see him like that. Will you take care of him?
Oraetta Mayflower: I shall attend to him faithfully until the Lord arrives.
Josto Fadda: Aces.

Oraetta Mayflower: Okay, my lovely, no need to fret. Mama's here... Does it hurt, my lovely? This earthly realm.

Oraetta Mayflower: I'm a people person, don'tcha know. Now, rest up, old-timer, for your Lord won't want you if you're ornery.

—
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Somebody to Love

Fargo 3×10

& V.M. Varga: That’s right. Just a few more. We’re nearly done here.

& Gloria: Say that name again.
    Dollard: Uh, V.M. Varga? I’m not sure what the «V.M.» stands for.
    Gloria: Don’t move. I’ll be right there.

& Nikki: Two hearts, three clubs, four spades, five no trump.

& V.M. Varga: You should be happy, Mr. Stussy. Your first action item is complete. The accumulation of wealth.

& Emmit: I’m just so tired.
    V.M. Varga: It’s perfectly natural. You see it all the time in the wild. The smaller animal going limp in the jaws of the larger. Genetic instinct. At some level, food knows it’s food.

& V.M. Varga: Are you a fan of progress, Mr. Stussy? Technology?.. You know, in the old days, only the strong were rich. It was all a question of how much you could carry. But then the Medicis invented banks, and wealth and pornography. This is what drives innovation.

& Gloria: It was her... Connecting the dots, Nikki Swango.
    Winnie: Why would she?
    Gloria: They killed her man.

& Nikki: Are you as low as you can go?
    Emmit: What?
    Nikki: I asked if you still feel you’ve got room to fall, or whether this is bottom.

& Nikki: He’s a kitten now, Ray. In case you were wondering.

& Nikki: «Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and though thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, sayeth...»
    Emmit: What?
    Nikki: «Though thou exalt thyself as the eagle, and though thou set thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, sayeth...»

---

& Gloria: And I wanna say more, I do, but there’s violence to knowing the world isn’t what you thought. And you’re just a boy...
    Nathan: I’m 13 now.
    Gloria: You’re still a boy. You’ve got your whole life to be grown, only a few more years to be young.

& Gloria: For now, just know that sometimes the world doesn’t make a lot of sense. But how we get through it is, we stick together. Okay?

& V.M. Varga: Ah, the nation state defending its borders. And me, a simple salesman.
    Gloria: What do you sell, Mr...
    V.M. Varga: Rand. Daniel. I sell accounting software.

& V.M. Varga: Are you familiar with the Russian saying, «the past is unpredictable»?

& V.M. Varga: Pitchfork peasants.
    Gloria: What?
    V.M. Varga: I said, it is a dangerous world for men of standing. Human beings, you see, have no inherent value other than the money they earn. Cats have value, for example, because they provide pleasure to the humans. But a deadbeat on welfare? Well, they have negative value. So, ipso facto, Emmit’s death is more tragic than the death of a wasteling.
    Gloria: That’s... You can’t believe that.
    V.M. Varga: Oh, it’s true. It’s true whether I believe it or not.

& Gloria: I’m gonna go home to my son, it’s his birthday tomorrow. I promised I’d take him to the state fair. You ever guess a pig’s weight? Or eat a deep fried Snickers bar? There’s no better way to spend a Saturday in this, our great American experiment.

& V.M. Varga: Agent Burgle. Gloria. Trust me. The future is certain. And when it comes, you will know without question, your place in the world. Until then, we’ve said all there is to say. Any further debate would be simply wasting our breath. And if there’s one thing I can’t abide, it’s waste. Goodbye.

--
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Aporia

Fargo 3×9

& Emmit: I want to be clear about something. If anybody comes here, claiming to be my lawyer, don’t let them in.
    Gloria: Like who?
    Emmit: Anybody.

& Emmit: A lie is not a lie if you believe it’s true, do you think that?
    Gloria: It’s not my story.
    Emmit: I think that. Or I did, I guess. I don’t know what I believe now.

& Emmit: You think there’s a special level of hell for people that killed their loved ones on Christmas Eve?

& Emmit: What’s that old quote, that... «The greatest trick the devil ever pulled... was convincing the world he didn’t exist.»

& Emmit: Thirty years I’ve been killing him. That was just when he fell.

& Nikki: What’s the «V.M.» stand for?
    V.M. Varga: How much and where?

& Gloria: Heck, I think I might finally put this thing to bed.

& Dammick: This guy must really hate Stussys...

---

& Gloria: And you’re aware what happened to Mr. Feltz, subsequently? His illness?
    Mrs. Goldfarb: I heard. Quel dommage. When it rains, it pours.
    Gloria: Sometimes it drizzles.
    Mrs. Goldfarb: It’s a saying... When it rains, it pours. Like a penny saved is a penny earned.

& Mrs. Goldfarb: You know how the memory can play tricks... That’s another saying.

& V.M. Varga: How quaint. I’ve never understood this repulsive affinity of playing games.
    Nikki: Oh, bridge isn’t a game. 58 octillion possible deals. Then you got the human factor. Symbiosis with your partner. The cheats and tells of your opponents. Strategy. That was my strength.

& Nikki: You tell people you work for a company called Narwal ’cause people look past middle management. But I know a boss when I see one.
    V.M. Varga: Very good. You just added a zero to your salary.

& Nikki: ...now it’s just me and you. And I want my money.
    V.M. Varga: ... You just added another two zeros to your salary.

& V.M. Varga: You know, I didn’t have any feeling about you before, but now I’m starting to really dislike you.
    Nikki: Good.

& Gloria: You think the world is something, then it turns out to be something else.

& Gloria: Who is he?
    Emmit: Who?
    Gloria: The master pulling the strings.

& V.M. Varga: The problem is not that there is evil in the world, the problem is that there is good. Because otherwise, who would care?

& Winnie: To showing up and fighting back.
    Gloria: Except... It’s over. The good guys lost.
    Winnie: For the present, but we all know Jesus wins in the end.
    Gloria: I’ll drink to that.

--
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Who Rules the Land of Denial?

Fargo 3×8

& Yuri: I knew a Helga once. All she do... Talk, talk, talk.

& Paul Marrane: Shartis?
    Nikki: Huh?
    Paul Marrane: «Job sat on his dung heap, covered in boils.»
    Nikki: Mister, it’s been a long day.
    Paul Marrane: Ah! They’re all long. That’s the nature of existence. Life is suffering. I think you’re beginning to understand that. Hmm?
    Nikki: Amen.

& Paul Marrane: Are you familiar with Ghuilgul?.. It’s Hebrew. It’s a word that describes how an old soul attaches itself to a new body.

& Nikki: Ray? Is that you?
    Paul Marrane: Unfortunately, some souls cannot find a body to enter. And they become lost.
    Rabbi Nachman believed the Jewish victims of the massacre of Uman were lost souls. 1768 in Ukraine, untold thousands killed by the Cossack. Women and children... Their bodies dumped in a hole and forgotten. When Rabbi Nachman first visited Uman, he saw the mass grave, and he called it... a garden. He told his followers that he wanted to be buried there. The master of the field. His soul, he said, would bind and comfort theirs.

& Paul Marrane: Have you been to this place before?
    Nikki: The bowling alley?
    Paul Marrane: Is that what you see?
    Nikki: Oh...
    Paul Marrane: Cheers.

& Nikki: I don’t...
    Paul Marrane: «Who will rise for me against the wicked? Who will take a stand against evildoers?»

& Paul Marrane: There’s a car out front. It’s a green Volkswagen Beetle. This is the universe at its most ironic. Don’t worry. Its sins have been swept clean. You and your friend should take it.

& Nikki: Thank you.
    Paul Marrane: Oh, don’t thank me. Simply deliver a message... when the time comes.
    Nikki: A message? To who?
    Paul Marrane: To the wicked. Tell them... «Though thou exalt thyself like the eagle, though thou make thy nest among the stars, thence will I bring thee down, sayeth the Lord.»
    Nikki: «Though thou exalt thyself...»
    Paul Marrane: It’s okay. It’s okay. You’ll remember.

---

& Yuri: Napkins. And some vodka.

& Paul Marrane: Yuri... You are Yuri Gurka, Cossack of the plains. Grandchild of the Wolves’ Hundred. I have a message for you from Helga Albrecht and the Rabbi Nachman.

& Nathan: Socks? Great. I... I needed socks. Thanks.
    Gloria: Don’t thank us, thank Santa.

& Sy: I’m... I’m not very hungry.
    V.M. Varga: No, no. It would be a shame to let it all go to waste. Think of all them starving children.

& V.M. Varga: Fancy a nice cuppa? ... It was me mum’s recipe, the secret of which she smuggled beneath her bosom all the way from Wales to Bristol.

& Sy: Five million?
    V.M. Varga: Bye-bye, Mr. Feltz.

& V.M. Varga: Emmit, are you listening?.. You won.
    Emmit: I won? What did I win?
    V.M. Varga: Life.

& V.M. Varga: There’s some papers to sign. You’re selling a shopping mall.
    Emmit: I own a shopping mall?!

& V.M. Varga: You have to remember that even heroes can lose sight of what’s real from time to time.

& V.M. Varga: Is the Bible a children’s book? What we’re doing here, the sober affairs of men... These are feats of great strength, of cunning and fortitude. Not child’s play. Not the best you can do.

& V.M. Varga: Nobody remembers the second man to climb Mount Everest.

& V.M. Varga: That’s it. Sleep now. Everything will be clearer in the morning.

& Emmit: My name’s Emmit Stussy. I want to confess.

--
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The Law of Inevitability

Fargo 3×7

& Emmit: Heck, you don’t get where I am by sticking to the plan.

& Dammick: He’s dead, in case you couldn’t tell.

& Dammick: See, I’m a simple guy. When it snows, I put on boots. Sun comes out, I wear shades. I see a girl like you and a guy like that, I think... «Now, how’s a working man with hillbilly hair and a beer belly land Miss State Penitentiary 2010?» And then I get the record...

& Yuri: You should think of what you’re doing... Man, alone, in a room full of books, talking to himself... In my country we call such people... bezumets.

& Sy: We agreed this was the way to... Quit while we’re ahead. What’s the saying? «If you love something, let it go.»
    Mrs. Goldfarb: «If it comes back, it’s yours.»
    Emmit: «If it doesn’t, hunt it down and kill it...» Is the version I heard.

---

& Esther: Oh! For Pete’s sake, hon, what’s wrong?
    Sy: The world. The world is wrong.

& Gloria: We both know he came here to kill you for something you saw or something you know.
    Dammick: That... We don’t both know that. I’m sticking to my mashed-potato theory from earlier.

& Nikki: Follow the money. That’s all I’ll say.

& Nikki: Coconut... I like coconut cream pie. With chocolate flakes on top.

--
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The Lord of No Mercy

Fargo 3×6

& Nikki: You ready?
    Ray: Oh, you betcha.

& V.M. Varga: This... is a true story.

& V.M. Varga: Perception of reality becomes reality.

& V.M. Varga: Another true story. The First World War was started by a sandwich. On June 28th, 1914, Gavrilo Princip, one of seven conspirators, failed to blow up the Archduke of Austria with a hand grenade...

& V.M. Varga: One last story, also true. ’Here men from the Planet Earth first set foot upon the moon. July 1969 A.D. ....’

& Sy: Wait. What?!
    V.M. Varga: It was a sound stage in New Mexico.
    Sy: That’s not... That never happened.
    V.M. Varga: «Let each man say what he deems truth and let truth itself be commended unto God.»

& V.M. Varga: Some books, not «the» books.
    Sy: What the heck does that mean?
    V.M. Varga: Let’s just say for testimonial purposes, it’s better that you don’t know.

& Sy: Oh, you think the IRS won’t... This is what they do. Catch cheats.
    V.M. Varga: Middle managers and movie stars, people who park their money in a Denver Wells Fargo under their mother-in-law’s maiden name. But I assure you, the IRS could not unravel an intricate web of shell companies and loan-outs with secret accounts in Monaco, Luxembourg, and the Cook Islands, if you gave them the account numbers.
    Sy: What?!

& V.M. Varga: Your problem, Mr. Feltz, is you think you started a parking lot company. You started a bank. This is a true story.

& Nikki: Third fella. Could be the head honcho.

---

& V.M. Varga: May I? What exactly is the connection, in your mind, between Emmit’s alleged brother and the victim?
    Gloria: His alleged? Are you suggesting somehow Ray Stussy isn’t...
    V.M. Varga: It’s your story, Detective. I’m merely looking for clarification.
    Gloria: Chief, not detective.
    V.M. Varga: My apologies. My point is, all this sounds like mere surmise. Two brothers, a traffic skirmish, a dead man in another county.
    Winnie: Mere what?
    Gloria: All named Stussy.
    V.M. Varga: You see, in 1932 there were, what, 24 Hitlers in a German phone book. Now, are you suggesting that they were all responsible for the Final Solution?
    Gloria: Twenty-four, exactly?

& V.M. Varga: There is a police station in Eden Valley with no computers...

& Yuri: One or two? .... Quiet or loud?

& Ray: Heat’s on. We better blow.

& Emmit: It’s finished, okay? Words said in anger, crimes committed... We’ve both done things. It’s a certain madness, I think. Brotherhood. Buttons you push in me, that I push in you... Grudges... But I don’t want that anymore.

& V.M. Varga: Mr. Stussy. Do you know what Lenin said about Beethoven’s Piano Sonata Number 23?.. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov. Not the bloody walrus. He said, «I know nothing that is greater than the Appassionata, but I cannot listen too often. It affects one’s nerves, and makes one want to say kind, stupid things, and stroke the heads of those who, living in such a foul hell, can create such beauty. Better to beat the person unmercifully over the head.»

& Emmit: There’s been an accident.
    V.M. Varga: Things of consequence rarely happen by accident.

& V.M. Varga: I’m so rarely seen, maybe I don’t even exist.

& Emmit: I didn’t mean to...
    V.M. Varga: No one ever does.

& Gloria: Screw it.

--
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The House of Special Purpose

Fargo 3×5

& Nikki: On the sofa, I thought. Unless you’re attached to a more classic bed narrative.

& Nikki: Maybe in a cowgirl, or a doggy scenario, favoring our rears, in other words, keeping our faces slightly absurd.
    Ray: «Obscured.»
    Nikki: What did I say?

& Nikki: This whole time, we’ve been playing to draw. It’s time we start playing to win.

& V.M. Varga: You have a fat wife.
    Sy: Excuse me?!
    V.M. Varga: ... Which part of what I just said is giving you trouble?

& V.M. Varga: Do you know what a chicken is?.. A chicken is an egg’s way of making another egg. You see, it’s all a matter of perspective. The chicken sees it one way, the egg another, so let’s start again.

& Sy: I had an upsetting experience this morning. To be honest, I feel as if I’ve left the known world. You ever had that feeling? Like you, uh, stepped off the map into the, well, unknown, I guess?

& Mrs. Goldfarb: ...and, as my late husband always used to say, «You don’t want a Goldfarb for an enemy.»

& Emmit: You’ve gotta fix this. Whatever it takes.
    Sy: Shackles off?
    Emmit: And throw away the key.

& Gloria: Well, you don’t have to like the truth for it to be true.
    Donny: You sure?

& Sy: Congratulations, you’re officially the stupidest person alive.
    Nikki: Who is this?
    Sy: It’s Menachem Begin. Who do you think it is?

& Nikki: It’s a fact.
    Sy: It never happened!
    Nikki: That doesn’t make it any less of a fact.

---

& Dammick: That’s... A true story. These things happen all the time. Coincidence, random life.

& V.M. Varga: .... I’m not sure we can trust the Jew.
    Emmit: Who?
    V.M. Varga: Feltz.

& Emmit: So, you said that this was just a routine drop in, or...
    Agent Dollard: Yes. And, no. Routine, in that we make these kind of calls all the time, so routine for me.

& Emmit: Since when was it a crime for a citizen, a tax paying citizen to use their own money?
    Agent Dollard: No, sir, it’s not a crime. Not exactly. But, uh, any transaction, deposit or withdrawal greater than $9,999.99, it triggers an alarm with us.
    Emmit: An alarm?

& Agent Dollard: because of your withdrawal, which I am required by law to question, you’ve been selected for additional review. Screening, minimally invasive, day surgery, versus, say, having your colon removed... Little IRS humor.

& Emmit: Wait. We have fake books?

& Yuri: Sy, Sy... What’s the matter, buddy? You drank from the holy cup, but here you are. Not being a good boy.

& Yuri: Have you been to Siberia?... It’s very much like this. Except the dirt. The earth soaking in blood, frozen red. All of Russia.
    Hundreds of years, millions the tsar killed, then it was Lenin, then Stalin. Ten thousand, 20,000. But here you have, like, what? Malls. Few dead Indians.
    Twenty million Russian died fighting Hitler, 20 million. I see from your face that you can’t even imagine that. The pogroms, the starvation, 20 million more. Mothers cooking and eating their babies...
    That’s why the snow falls white. To hide the blood.

& Yuri: This is what comes after the cup.

--
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The Narrow Escape Problem

Fargo 3×4

& Narrator: Each character in this tale is going to be represented by a different instrument of the orchestra.
    For instance, the bird will be played by the flute, like this...
    Here’s the duck, played by the oboe...
    The cat, by the clarinet...
    The bassoon will represent grandfather...
    The blast of the hunter’s shotguns, played by the kettledrums...
    The wolf, by the French horns...
    And Peter, by the strings...
    Are you sitting comfortably?.. Good. Then I’ll begin.

& Nikki: Remember. Richest guy in the room is always the boss.

& Buck Olander: Milly. Uh... More in the «nice to look at» category than, say, brainiac.

& Ray: While you’re at it, I’ll take 10 grand in hundreds and a buck in quarters for the meter.
    Buck Olander: That’s, uh... well, of course. You’ll just have to fill out a... Or, you know what? I’ll get the paperwork handled myself. Although, es, may I suggest, um, well, it’s just that whenever you take out anything more than $10,000, it automatically triggers a...
    Ray: If I wanted an opinion from an asshole, I’d ask my own. Got it?

& Emmit: Christ on a stick, you think you know a guy. I mean, used feminine hygiene products in a man’s desk drawer is one thing, but now, the ridicule of beloved remains.
    Sy: «Cremains» is the, I think, preferred nomenclature.

& Emmit: What are we in the middle of?

& Yuri: When Putin was a boy, he already knew he wanted to be FSB...

& Yuri: You see, in Russia, there are two words for truth. Pravda is man’s truth. Istina is god’s truth. But there is also nepravda, untruth. And this is the weapon the leader uses. Because he knows what they don’t. The truth is whatever he says it is.

& Moe Dammick: There you go. Using three-syllable words again for a one-syllable problem.

& Winnie Lopez: Well, happy trails.

---

& Gloria: I’m, uh, looking into the, uh... The, uh, murder of... Now that is... Truly, what are the odds?
    Ray: You said «murder»?
    Gloria: Yes, sir, of Ennis Stussy in Eden Valley. And here you are, how many miles away, a Stussy as well.
    Ray: Well, I mean, it’s... Go figure. It’s a pretty common name.

& Ray: «Chief.»
    Gloria: Ignore that. We’re doing some restructuring.
    Ray: They always find a way to screw you, don’t they?
    Gloria: They try.

& — What if she’s manipulating you, using her poontang to hoodwink and bamboozle?

& Emmit: Jesus, it’s dinnertime!
    V.M. Varga: Schweinekoteletts... Pork chops.
    Emmit: With applesauce, but...
    V.M. Varga: Marvelous. We’ll talk as we eat.

& V.M. Varga: Why do I feel that you’re not happy we met when all I want to do is make you rich?
    Emmit: Look around. I’m already rich.
    V.M. Varga: ... No, you’re not.

& V.M. Varga: ...And now might I be so forward, madam, as to ask for the location of your WC.
    Stella: Our what?
    Emmit: He means the crapper.
    Stella: Emmit!

& V.M. Varga: You see it, don’t you? Millions of people bought houses they couldn’t afford, and now they’re living on the streets. 85% of the world’s wealth is controlled by 1% of the population. What do you think is gonna happen when those people wake up and realize you’ve got all their money?
    Emmit: Hey! I just charge for parking!
    V.M. Varga: Oh, you think they’re gonna ask questions when they come with their pitchforks and their torches?

& V.M. Varga: You think you’re rich. You’ve no idea what «rich» means... «Rich» is a fleet of private planes filled with decoys to mask your scent. It’s a banker in Wyoming and another in Gstaad. So that’s action item one, the accumulation of wealth, and I mean wealth, not money.
    Emmit: What’s action item number two?
    V.M. Varga: To use that wealth to become invisible.

& V.M. Varga: Do you know there are 25 chapters in the book of Genesis that refer to the feuds of brothers?.. Cain and Abel, most famously, but Joseph was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. Not to forget the sons of Isaac. «And my brother Esau was a hairy man, but I am a smooth man.» Then not another peep. Corinthians, Leviticus... You’d think all the brothers of history had worked things out, but, of course, we both know that’s not true.

& V.M. Varga: I hear things. I hear them because I listen. I see them because I watch. Emails. Phone calls.... You can never be too careful. That’s my motto.

& V.M. Varga: I’ve studied your books, and, uh, you’re not just in the parking lot business anymore.
    Emmit: What business am I in?
    V.M. Varga: The billionaire business.

& Narrator: ... But Peter paid no attention to his grandfather’s words. Boys like Peter aren’t afraid of wolves.

& Winnie: ... The name. See, it turns out that one of the victims has the same last name as the fellow that owns the company that leased the car. So I looked it up, and, get this, they’re brothers, which... Then I remembered that you were at the parole board about a murder, and so I looked it up. I mean, Eden Valley’s had one death by foul play in 16 months. And the victim’s name is...
    Gloria: Ennis Stussy.
    Winnie: With the same as...
    Gloria: My suspect’s parole officer.
    Winnie: And his brother, who owns the company that leased the Humvee, and who lives, get this, in Eden Prairie.

--
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The Law of Non-Contradiction

Fargo 3×3

& Motel Receptionist: Uh, room 203. Very nice room. Very nice. It’s got air conditioning. You can smell the ocean.
    Gloria: There’s a view?
    Receptionist: No. There’s a smell. At low tide.

& Vivian: No, it’s not a very clear time for me.
    Gloria: Which?
    Vivian: The ’70s.

& Vivian: Gloria. I’m 29 years sober. Long time.
    Gloria: Mmm.
    Vivian: Before that, I wasn’t.

& Hunt: You don’t use Facebook? You’re kidding me. Everybody’s on Facebook. It’s... Facebook.
    Gloria: Could you stop saying «Facebook»?

---

& Hunt: Look, I’m just gonna cut to the chase here, gorgeous. Am I getting laid tonight or what?
    Gloria: What.

& Old Zimmerman: Let me ask you something... Do you know about science?
    Gloria: Do I know...
   Old Zimmerman: Science. Well, science has this thing. It’s been proven. They call it «quantum» — something. It talks about how we’re all just particles... we’re floating out there... we’re moving through space... nobody knows where we are. And then every once in a while... BANG! We collide. And suddenly for... maybe a minute. We’re real. And then... we float off again. As if we don’t even exist. I used to think... it meant something. These collisions. The people we found.
    Gloria: And now?
   Old Zimmerman: Don’t let... the door hit you on your way out.

& Zimmerman: Everybody’s got a role to play. Yours is to cough up the cheddar and then screw. You understand?

& Gloria: No. It’s just a story. None of this has anything to do with... O-kay.

& Donny: Hey, uh, Chief. Old Chief...
    Gloria: You gotta stop calling me that.

--
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The Principle of Restricted Choice

Fargo 3×2

& Gloria: Does yours do that?.. Every time I make a call, it’s like I’m in a silent movie.

& V.M. Varga: Zdraveyte, as the Bulgarians say. ... Ni hao is the Chinese. The Corsicans use the simple salut. And guten Tag, if German’s your thing.

& Parking Lot Attendant: Is that... Are they with you?
    V.M. Varga: Surmise.
    Attendant: What?
    V.M. Varga: Because we arrived together, we are together. Surmise.
    Attendant: Well, are ya?
    V.M. Varga: Yes.

& Gloria: It’s not that I don’t like them. I don’t like them, but that’s not... The old way works just fine. Type out a report, send it via telex.
    Moe Dammick: You do know what year it is, right? The future. We don’t use... Who uses telexes anymore?
    Gloria: So that’s why no one ever writes me back...

---

& Nikki: Besides, you said yourself, he messed up, your man, killed some random geriatric in the sticks who happened to have the surname. So, even if they wanted to solve it, the police, what possible solve is there, besides unfathomable pinheadery?
    Ray: You’ve thought of everything.
    Nikki: That’s us. Thought and action.

& Emmit: Who died?
    Ray: When?

& V.M. Varga: Did I tell you what I like about this place, Minnesota?.. It’s so perfectly, sublimely bland. Have you been to the Danube? Or Gansu? And the African continent... Forget it. North and south. Anarchy. And, yes, you can still find some relative stability in the brutal nation states, North Korea... Putin’s done some great things with Russia. You just have to know which palms to grease. But one wearies of the constant remunerations and the petty shakedowns... Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. Am I right?

& V.M. Varga: You see, that’s the problem with you Americans. You watch too many movies, and you think the deal can always be changed, and it can’t. We’re partners now, and that’s all there is to it. So, you might as well just lie back, as they say, and enjoy yourselves.

& V.M. Varga: Let me tell you what it is that attracts me to the parking lot business, yours in particular. It’s three things. It runs on cash. You don’t use technology. And that makes your income impossible to verify. ’Cause who’s to say how many cars parked in which spots and for how long?

--
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