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Fargo 4×3

Narrator: Antecedently on Fargo...

Captain Martin Hanhuck: Jesus on a stick!
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Language.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: What?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Keep a civil tongue, I'm saying.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: Who the hot Christ are you?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: You always take the Lord's name in vain with this much gusto?
Captain Martin Hanhuck: You're fuckin'-A right.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: .... Black, two sugars.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Thank you, no. In my faith we abstain from caffeinated beverages, both hot and cold.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: In your...
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: There were 12 tribes of Israel. Ten were lost.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: Lost who, what, now?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Ten were lost. Two of those made their way across the sea to this great and sacred land. The Nephites and the Lamanites. Once here, the rebellious Lamanites were cursed by God with skin of blackness so they would not be attractive to my people.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: The... What do you... Nephites?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Mormons. You asked my faith. I'm a priest of the Mormon Church and a member of the Quorum of Seventy.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: Last time I checked, there's still a kill order on the books for all Mormons in the state of Missouri.
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Sadly, the people of Missouri are not sympathetic to our faith.
Captain Martin Hanhuck: And yet here you are...
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: And yet here I am, solid in my beliefs and unafraid.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: I'm saying, with all due respect to Your Holiness, what the slippery fuck are you doing in my office at 8:00 a.m. on a Wednesday morning, Mormon or no?

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Captain Hanhuck, I can safely say you blasphemy more than any man I've ever met. And I've been to Cleveland.

Captain Martin Hanhuck: How about ... you help the deacon here?
Odis Weff: The deacon?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Dick Wickware, but people call me Deafy.
Odis Weff: You're-you're deaf?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: I could see how you'd leap to that conclusion, but, no, they call me Deafy on account of I hear what I want to hear.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: You got Satan in your heart, don't you, Palomino?
Odis Weff: What?
Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: I'm saying, here's you, a host of ticks and tells, which... Either the devil's got you or you got yourself a nervous condition.

Dick 'Deafy' Wickware: Hands in the air, citizen.

Satchel Cannon: Are you Jewish?
Rabbi Milligan: No.
Satchel Cannon: Then how come they call you Rabbi? Isn't rabbi a Jewish priest?
Rabbi Milligan: You ever play poker?... But you know there's a game called poker, played with cards. Well, there's this saying in poker: you play the hand you're dealt. You and me, we're proof of that.

Oraetta Mayflower: Y-You won't regret this, sir. Just so I'm in the know, what's your favorite sweet, baked or otherwise?
Dr. David Harvard: That won't be necessary.
Oraetta Mayflower: Come now. Everyone's got a birthday.
Dr. David Harvard: I am... hmm... Partial to the macaroon.
Oraetta Mayflower: Mmm. Challenge accepted. Ta, for now.

Doctor Senator: Hubris to think that you can control things. That's why God created tornadoes. To remind us.
Loy Cannon: Yeah. But you can raise the odds.

Gaetano Fadda: We fight... or we die. Yes? Yes.

Swanee Capps: See, people think it's houses get haunted... But it ain't.

Swanee Capps: Well, in my experience, folks don't just hand over money... You got to convince 'em.

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