Mia & David

Dates 1×9

& Stephen: Believe me, I’m going to make it worth your while.

& Stephen: You know when you meet someone you have a... total, instant connection to? Spiritually, sexually, everything.
    Mia: Maybe.

& Frankie: So... who won? He lost, but who won?
    Mia: Well, no-one... won.
    Frankie: So, you just... build a tower, and make it fall down?
    Mia: Yeah. It’s fun.
    Frankie: It’s fun, but stupid.

---

& Stephen: Mia, I need to look at David’s hand. Where’s the bathroom?
    David: It’s in here.

& Stephen: I love London. It’s all... It’s just... It’s all there, laid out for you. You can just... mess about, do whatever you want. So you don’t... you don’t really know where you’re going or what you’re doing. You have all these stories in... in your head, and excuses or reasons... as to why you can’t stop... passing the time. And eventually you think... “I’m a fuck-up.”
    Mia: Just two big, fat fuck-ups.

& David: You see, you say you’re looking for love. What are you going to do about it?

--
On the IMDb

Σ It was... intriguing. And often spectacular. Season 2’s wanted!

Jenny & Christian

Dates 1×8

& Christian: How many’s that?
    Jenny: Seven. Last week.
    Christian: Right.
    Jenny: Four this week. Well, three. You’re the fourth.
    Christian: Wow. Right, so that’s 11 in two weeks. Wow.

& Jenny: I mean, how hard can it be to just meet a nice, normal guy? That’s all I want.

& Jenny: It’s not fair, you know? Some of the world’s worst people have managed to get married. Hitler got married. Stalin got married. Those people on I’m A Celebrity get married every day of the week. Just, what is so wrong with me?

& Christian: Don’t feel guilty. Guilt? It’s just something that organised religion has invented, to make people feel bad about themselves, you know? Jesus Christ never, never had any time for guilt.

& Jenny: What’s this?
    Christian: It’s the Perfect Ten.
    Jenny: Perfect Ten?
    Christian: Basically it’s just the Ten Commandments, except more, like... user-friendly. ... So the idea, right, is that it’s simple. It’s really easy, accessible. No bells and whistles. So instead of, erm, “Honour Thy Father and Thy Mother”, it’s, erm, “Look After Mum and Dad.” “Thou shalt not steal”? “Don’t steal.” It’s easy, you know?

---

& Christian: Stealing isn’t just about stealing things, you know? It’s about feeling “I’m not enough. I need to steal!” But you are enough! You know? You are enough! You. You’re enough.

& Jenny: My relationship with God is complicated... In that I don’t think he actually exists.

& Jenny: You know, if he exists then why do so many bad things happen, you know? Why would he let people die of liver cancer, or why would he let wars and natural disasters happen? Why would he let children get brutally murdered, or people’s weddings get cancelled a few weeks before the ceremony, leaving them completely humiliated in front of their friends and family? Why would he do those things if he exists? Makes no sense.

& Jenny: Are you mad?
    Christian: Not mad, Jenny. Not mad. Married.

& Jenny: No, no, no, I’m not taking this any more. I’m finished with all this. I’d rather spend the rest of my fucking life by myself than put up with any more of this bullshit!

& Jenny: It’s pretty simple, actually. Just fuck off.

--
On the IMDb

Stephen & Mia

Dates 1×7

& Stephen: Er, seeking strategic partnership. There’s a real shortage of those in Scotland.
    Heidi: How do you usually go about that?
    Stephen: Adventurously.

& Stephen: ...I see.
    Heidi: You do?
    Stephen: I’m just, just listening.
    Heidi: You’re pretty good at it.
    Stephen: Well, it’s in a rather tightly focused group of things I’m actually competent at.

---

& Heidi: We’ll probably never see each other again after all.
    Stephen: What happens in London, stays in London.
    Heidi: Er, nothing’s gonna happen.

& Stephen: I’m 40 years old. It smells of disappointment. Not for me, other people. But, erm, hey, I can still entertain.

& Heidi: You’d screw me... if you thought I’d let you, but you’re enough of a gentleman not to push it.
    Stephen: Correct. Reluctantly.

--
On the IMDb

Erica & Callum

Dates 1×6

& Callum: Are you Erica?
    Erica: Yeah?
    Callum: I’m your date!

& Callum: Smartphones. Magic, eh? A few years ago we had no way of telling that you’re wrong and I’m right.
    Erica: Yeah...

& Callum: The food is extraordinary. But, um, you cannae trust them.
    Erica: Who?
    Callum: I’m no racist, right? But to them we’re just imperialist pig dogs. They’ll screw you over as soon as look at you.
    Erica: Right, er... They?

& Callum: Cannae mess about with these people. Tiananmen Square, man. Look it up.

& Callum: So tell me about yourself. You’re in PR, no?
    Erica: Er, yeah.
    Callum: PR, man... Public Relations. Way I see it, the public don’t need relating to. The time for relating is over. All this fucking X Factor bollocks. The public need a smack up the bracket, wake the fuckers up.
    Erica: Yeah. I just try to sell them perfume...

& Callum: Well, let me tell you... looking out for folk is overrated. It’s a mug’s game. Only you can decide who you are, what you do, who you fuck, whatever. I’ve thought long and hard about this because people used to try and tell me what to do. “Callum, stop doing that. Callum, don’t go in there. Callum, she’s too young for you...” Eventually I thought, “Ah, fuck off!” Cos nobody gets to tell you or anybody what to do. It’s the only law we’ve got. No matter how they make you feel, no matter how good the advice seems, never let anyone ever, ever, ever tell you what to do. Ever.

---

& Callum: Zero tolerance, love. The name of the game.

& Erica: Why do all your stories involve balls?
    Callum: I don’t know. But they do, eh?

& Erica: So where are you on this continuum, hmm? From one to ten — one being straight as a line, ten... as gay as Christmas.

& Callum: You’re not a ten. You’re not even a nine, or an eight. I’d say... you’re a solid six.
    Erica: Six?! So, what, that’s... one above bisexual?

& Erica: Er, listen...
    Callum: No, no, you listen. I’ve been on a lot of dates with a lot of girls...
    Erica: Really?!
    Callum: Well, two, including this one, and the other so-called “girl” turned out to be... That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you had a chance to go and you never took that.

& Erica: Callum?
    Callum: Let me tell you something, missy... I may be an arrogant Scottish twat, but at least I’ve got my self-respect! This oh-so-meek bollocks may fool your brother, but it doesnae fool me! You’re just a scared wee girl, who doesn’t know who she is or what she’s doing.
    Erica: No, I... I’m not...
    Callum: I might be arrogant, but I’m also a beautiful, flawed, multi-faceted, complex individual with a lot of love to give, and you’re... just a ghost. A big, gay ghost, who thinks that I’m arrogant, and doesn’t fancy me!

& Callum: Never surrender! Zero tolerance!

& Callum: No, Erica, if you’re going to be a lesbian, you’ve got to grow a pair...

--
On the IMDb

David & Ellie

Dates 1×5

& Ellie: I know I look about 15 now but, if this works out, you should know that by the time I’m 30, 35, I should have the porcelain skin of a sun-starved Icelandic orphan, so... lucky!

& David: It’s funky. Do people still say funky?
    Ellie: Ironically, maybe... My dad says it all the time.
    David: That’s not good.

& Ellie: Can I have the Classic American, onion fries and a large White Russian, please?
    David: White... Russian. You sure?
    Ellie: Yeah. It’s delicious. But don’t mix milk and vodka thinking it tastes the same, cos it does not.

& Ellie: So, what do you do in the real world?
    David: What, my job? Um, I’m a driver.
    Ellie: All right, Ryan Gosling. Keep it vague! What do you drive then, Driver Dave?
    David: I just-just drive lorries, really.
    Ellie: You’re a trucker?
    David: Yeah, yeah, like a trucker. Yeah.

---

& Ellie: Well, until recently, I was employed in the transitional world of media...
    David: Sounds exciting. Like the movies? So, what, you’re going to try and stay in that field?
    Ellie: No, they closed down Blockbusters.

& Ellie: So, what does it feel like, then?
    David: Does what feel like?
    Ellie: 34.
    David: Surprisingly similar to 33.
    Ellie: And what’s that feel like?
    David: Shit.

& Darcy: There was this massive rumour doing the rounds that you were... You know...
    Ellie: You thought I... Vera Draked?
    Darcy: Well, everyone kinda did in an unspoken Facebook kind of way.

& David: You’re not 25, are you?
    Ellie: Um... I’m in my 20s.
    David: How old are you?
    Ellie: 19.

--
On the IMDb

Erica & Kate

Dates 1×4

& Kate: Ever been to a molecular mixology bar? It’s really cool. They use chemicals and foams, dry ice and stuff.
    Erica: Right. And salmon jerky?
    Kate: Erica: It’s imaginative.

& Kate: Maybe you’re just straight and bored...
    Erica: So what?

---

& Erica: What are you doing?
    Kate: Being gracious.

& Kate: Erica, you can do what you like. Don’t you understand that? The world won’t stop turning.

--
On the IMDb

Mia & Stephen

Dates 1×3

& Stephen: You must be thinking of someone else.
    Mia: No. I remember every man that paid me for sex. Every single one.

& Stephen: Why are you even on the site?
    Mia: Because I want to fall in love.

---

& Mia: Hello, Margaret. How are you?
    Patient: You’re very pretty to be a nurse.
    Stephen: She’s a doctor, Mrs Black.

& Mia: Which one do you think then? This one or the other one? Red lorry, yellow lorry. Red lorry, yellow lorry.

& Stephen: I don’t know what to do now.
    Mia: .... Think about it.

--
On the IMDb

Jenny & Nick

Dates 1×2

& Jenny: I love London. It’s so... anonymous.

& Jenny: Everyone makes mistakes. Is this mine?

---

& Jenny: In fact, you can have too many compliments.
    Nick: I just can’t stand all that false modesty crap, you know. You tell a woman she’s beautiful, she says she’s fat. You say you’ve got nice legs, she says they’re tree trunks. Just fucking boring.
    Jenny: We should probably just learn to say thank you.

--
On the IMDb

Mia & David

Dates 1×1

& David: She’s half an hour late... She’s fucking blown me off.
    Monica: Out. She’s blown you out, David. Learn to talk.

& Monica: What’s her name?
    David: Celeste.
    Monica: That’s not good. Who the fuck is called Celeste?

& Mia: Just don’t wear the tie with the jeans. It makes you look like a Belgian.

& Mia: When you’re drunk, everything looks like a Porsche. Even a lorry.

---

& Mia: You drive lorries, you’re looking for love. I like to fuck, I’m... looking for love.

& David: Just... Just tell me something that’s meaningful, something... Not clever shit or... Just something. Something that matters. Come on, something.

& David: See, I think you are too clever for the world and it’s hard being this beautiful and one step ahead of everyone all the time. I think it wears you out. Because most people, but men especially, we kind of lie to you and you can see straight through it. It’s just a bit shit that you don’t let people see who you really are.

& David: Fucking nightmare.

--
On the IMDb