You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (2023)

Stacy Friedman: All right, mishpachah, please say hello to our newest and most fabulous adult, Stacy Friedman! Your Bat Mitzvah is the first day of your adult life, and everyone knows an iconic adult life hinges on how it starts.

Stacy Friedman: Oh my God, this is important! I'm becoming a freaking woman, everyone!
Danny Friedman: Okay, woman. All you should worry about right now is your mitzvah project and practicing your Haftarah.
Stacy Friedman: Mm-hmm. That's not important! I mean, it is important to you and other old people and God and stuff. But to me, the party is important.

Danny Friedman: Listen, when I got Bar Mitzvahed, we had a party in Grandma's basement. We all split, like, this giant matzo ball. That was the fun. You know what the theme was? Being Jewish.

Danny Friedman: What's the matter? Something bugging you? It'll be fine. Whatever it is... Here. Don't tell your mother. Have some coffee.

Stacy Friedman: Oh! And one more thing... Lydia Rodriguez Katz, you are so not invited to my Bat Mitzvah.

Stacy Friedman: Dear God, Stacy Friedman here. And what the hell? ...

Rabbi Rebecca: Okay, today we're going to be talking about tikkun olam. Does anyone know what that means?
— If God exists, then how do you explain climate change?
Rabbi Rebecca: It's actually an amazing question. Um...
— Yeah, and why can't straight people get on gay TikTok?
Rabbi Rebecca: It's way funnier.
— And if God loves me, then why is he always giving me so many zits.
— And why does Apple keep changing their chargers?
— And why did my dad's doctor operate on the wrong shoulder?
— And why do I have to share a room with my grandma?
Rabbi Rebecca: Okay, okay, okay. I think I can explain zits and climate change and gay TikTok... Musically!

Danny Friedman: Hey. We don't slam doors in this house.
Stacy Friedman: Dad, I need a break.
Danny Friedman: Well, welcome to being an adult. And welcome to being Jewish. We don't get breaks.

Danny Friedman: You hate me?!
Stacy Friedman: I do. You're a jerk, and you won't let me have a mojito bar.
Danny Friedman: That's why we fought the Nazis? So you could have a mojito bar?

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