The Narrow Escape Problem

Fargo 3×4

& Narrator: Each character in this tale is going to be represented by a different instrument of the orchestra.
    For instance, the bird will be played by the flute, like this...
    Here’s the duck, played by the oboe...
    The cat, by the clarinet...
    The bassoon will represent grandfather...
    The blast of the hunter’s shotguns, played by the kettledrums...
    The wolf, by the French horns...
    And Peter, by the strings...
    Are you sitting comfortably?.. Good. Then I’ll begin.

& Nikki: Remember. Richest guy in the room is always the boss.

& Buck Olander: Milly. Uh... More in the «nice to look at» category than, say, brainiac.

& Ray: While you’re at it, I’ll take 10 grand in hundreds and a buck in quarters for the meter.
    Buck Olander: That’s, uh... well, of course. You’ll just have to fill out a... Or, you know what? I’ll get the paperwork handled myself. Although, es, may I suggest, um, well, it’s just that whenever you take out anything more than $10,000, it automatically triggers a...
    Ray: If I wanted an opinion from an asshole, I’d ask my own. Got it?

& Emmit: Christ on a stick, you think you know a guy. I mean, used feminine hygiene products in a man’s desk drawer is one thing, but now, the ridicule of beloved remains.
    Sy: «Cremains» is the, I think, preferred nomenclature.

& Emmit: What are we in the middle of?

& Yuri: When Putin was a boy, he already knew he wanted to be FSB...

& Yuri: You see, in Russia, there are two words for truth. Pravda is man’s truth. Istina is god’s truth. But there is also nepravda, untruth. And this is the weapon the leader uses. Because he knows what they don’t. The truth is whatever he says it is.

& Moe Dammick: There you go. Using three-syllable words again for a one-syllable problem.

& Winnie Lopez: Well, happy trails.

---

& Gloria: I’m, uh, looking into the, uh... The, uh, murder of... Now that is... Truly, what are the odds?
    Ray: You said «murder»?
    Gloria: Yes, sir, of Ennis Stussy in Eden Valley. And here you are, how many miles away, a Stussy as well.
    Ray: Well, I mean, it’s... Go figure. It’s a pretty common name.

& Ray: «Chief.»
    Gloria: Ignore that. We’re doing some restructuring.
    Ray: They always find a way to screw you, don’t they?
    Gloria: They try.

& — What if she’s manipulating you, using her poontang to hoodwink and bamboozle?

& Emmit: Jesus, it’s dinnertime!
    V.M. Varga: Schweinekoteletts... Pork chops.
    Emmit: With applesauce, but...
    V.M. Varga: Marvelous. We’ll talk as we eat.

& V.M. Varga: Why do I feel that you’re not happy we met when all I want to do is make you rich?
    Emmit: Look around. I’m already rich.
    V.M. Varga: ... No, you’re not.

& V.M. Varga: ...And now might I be so forward, madam, as to ask for the location of your WC.
    Stella: Our what?
    Emmit: He means the crapper.
    Stella: Emmit!

& V.M. Varga: You see it, don’t you? Millions of people bought houses they couldn’t afford, and now they’re living on the streets. 85% of the world’s wealth is controlled by 1% of the population. What do you think is gonna happen when those people wake up and realize you’ve got all their money?
    Emmit: Hey! I just charge for parking!
    V.M. Varga: Oh, you think they’re gonna ask questions when they come with their pitchforks and their torches?

& V.M. Varga: You think you’re rich. You’ve no idea what «rich» means... «Rich» is a fleet of private planes filled with decoys to mask your scent. It’s a banker in Wyoming and another in Gstaad. So that’s action item one, the accumulation of wealth, and I mean wealth, not money.
    Emmit: What’s action item number two?
    V.M. Varga: To use that wealth to become invisible.

& V.M. Varga: Do you know there are 25 chapters in the book of Genesis that refer to the feuds of brothers?.. Cain and Abel, most famously, but Joseph was betrayed by his brothers and sold into slavery. Not to forget the sons of Isaac. «And my brother Esau was a hairy man, but I am a smooth man.» Then not another peep. Corinthians, Leviticus... You’d think all the brothers of history had worked things out, but, of course, we both know that’s not true.

& V.M. Varga: I hear things. I hear them because I listen. I see them because I watch. Emails. Phone calls.... You can never be too careful. That’s my motto.

& V.M. Varga: I’ve studied your books, and, uh, you’re not just in the parking lot business anymore.
    Emmit: What business am I in?
    V.M. Varga: The billionaire business.

& Narrator: ... But Peter paid no attention to his grandfather’s words. Boys like Peter aren’t afraid of wolves.

& Winnie: ... The name. See, it turns out that one of the victims has the same last name as the fellow that owns the company that leased the car. So I looked it up, and, get this, they’re brothers, which... Then I remembered that you were at the parole board about a murder, and so I looked it up. I mean, Eden Valley’s had one death by foul play in 16 months. And the victim’s name is...
    Gloria: Ennis Stussy.
    Winnie: With the same as...
    Gloria: My suspect’s parole officer.
    Winnie: And his brother, who owns the company that leased the Humvee, and who lives, get this, in Eden Prairie.

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