The Big Day

The Last Man on Earth 3×16

& Erica: Oh, Gail, you’re my rock.
    Gail: And you’re my roll.

& Tandy: I have been waiting for this moment for so long, and it finally came...
    Jasper: What are you all hyped up about? It’s no big deal.
    Tandy: No, this is a very big deal. Do you know how long you’ve been promising me you’d paint my go-kart pink for breast cancer awareness?

& Tandy: Melissa, Todd, we just heard a beautiful rendition of your coitus anthem, «She Drives Me Crazy.» And now, you are uniting your souls, much the same way you did your penis and vagina so many times to that beautiful song.

& Tandy: And now, that song has taken on a whole new meaning, when the bride went medically crazy after killing a man she did not know...

& Melissa: Todd, you are my savior. And I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

---

& Tandy: The ring. It is round like the sun, the moon, and, of course, the woman’s cervix. The cervix is heavily on my mind these days, as I’m about to deliver our child from Carol’s gorgeous womb. And Carol and I couldn’t be more happy about it. We are both so excited about it.

& Gail: The only thing that man is qualified to deliver is rancid farts.

& Melissa: Tandy! You ever had a spoon up your butt?

& Gail: You’re not good at most things.
    Tandy: Name one.
    Gail: Math, jokes, basic hygiene, ideas, knowing what others think about you.
    Tandy: You named five... fail.
    Gail: Name’s Gail. You can have your «F» back.
    Tandy: Sometimes I get my "F"s and my "G"s mixed up. So why don’t you fo guck yourselg.

& Tandy: Now, before me is a baby doll baked into Jell-O. The doll represents our baby, and the Jell-O represents Carol’s delicate womb structures. Carol, does that look about right to you?
    Carol: ... Yeah.
    Tandy: And, Gail, would you like to taste the Jell-O to make sure that it’s actual Jell-O?

& Tandy: Why didn’t you just tell me?
    Carol: I’ve been trying to for a long time, but I knew how important it was for you to make your dead parents proud.

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