2 мая 2017 г.

Louis C.K. 2017

& I don’t think it’s killing a baby. I don’t. I mean, it is, it’s a little bit... It’s a little bit killing a baby. It’s a little bit... It’s 100% killing a baby. It’s totally killing a whole baby. But I think that women should be allowed to kill babies. That’s what I think. They should be allowed to kill babies.

& You know, like, when people say, abortion should be legal, safe and rare. Why rare if it should be legal? If it should be legal, it’s... It’s shitting. If it should be rare, it’s murdering babies. But, again, women should be allowed because...

& Two reasons I think women should be allowed to kill babies.
    Number one, I don’t think life is that important. It’s just not. It is not.

& Life is okay. I like life. I like it. I don’t need it. I’d be fine without it. I like life, though. I do. You know how much I like life? I have never killed myself. That’s how much I like it. ... I like it precisely enough to not kill myself.

& The second reason is because that’s their job. Women have to decide who lives and dies. That’s because they’re the female of the species. In the reproductive arena, that’s what the female does.They are the selectors. They have to decide this.

& «But when is it okay? When should they be allowed?»
    When it’s in their pussy. That whole time.
    It’s in her pussy. If there’s a dude in your pussy, you get to kill him. I think that’s pretty fundamental. You’re allowed to kill people if they’re in your house.
    So... that’s what I think.

& Jesus.
    We are counting the days since Jesus.Together.Which makes sense if you’re Christian.But what the fuck are the rest of us doing?
    «Jesus was here. Jesus was here. Jesus was here.» Everybody. Scientists, historians. «Jesus. Jesus.» «Jesus plus two, Jesus plus three, Jesus plus four.»
    Jesus plus 2017 years, four months and three days is when your license expires. How is that not a win for the Christians? How is that not a complete win?


& Here’s the thing... stereotypes are harmful. That’s the truth. But the voices are funny. And I don’t know how to reconcile those two facts. I enjoy doing the voices.

& Please. Please, don’t. You’re not gonna like it. You’re not gonna like where it’s going. I don’t recommend clapping at any things. You’ll regret it at the end of the thing.

& It bothered me. ’Cause here’s what the story of Achilles teaches me, is that, if you’re a parent, it’s never enough what you do for these motherfuckers. It’s just never enough. It’s still gonna be your fault.

& I just think when people die, it means they did their jobs. And you should forget them. That’s what I think. ’Cause it’s unfair what we put on dead people.
    «Are you watching over me?» «Yes, I’m watching all of it.»

& Everybody’s in a shitty thing. That’s what it is to be with somebody. You’re either alone, or you’re in a shitty thing. That covers 100% of human beings.

& I can see there’s young couples here. You’re like, «No, we’re in a good one... It’s really good.»
    «Yeah, fuck you. Who do you think you are? It just didn’t get shitty yet. So arrogant.»
    «Yeah, I think we figured it out.»
    «No... Yeah, you’re the first ones.» Of course it’s going to get shitty. That’s part of it.

& It’s like going to a horror movie, and in the first minute, you’re like, «I think they’re all gonna be fine.» No, they’re all gonna die. And you’re gonna hate the person you love right now. That’s the way it works. Love plus time minus distance equals hate. That’s just the way it goes.

& Is there any more disgusting modern human behavior than reading your own already sent e-mails?

& I’ve never watched the whole movie. I’ve never seen Magic Mike in its entirety. Because I don’t wanna see it. I don’t wanna see the end of Magic Mike. I know what the end of Magic Mike is. I’m pretty sure that the end of Magic Mike is that I’m gay. I’m pretty sure that’s how it ends.

& I want to stay like this. You know why? ’Cause I’m 49 years old. I don’t want to enter the gay community now. This is not the version of me that’s gonna have an awesome time as the new gay guy. So, fuck that. And that’s my right, by the way. Because that’s about me. That is my life. I’d never discriminate against another person for being gay. I wouldn’t dream of it. But I have every right to oppress and discriminate against my own possible budding homosexuality. That’s mine to just violently push down.

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