Sea Glass

Maid 1×3

Gary: Celery sticks and hummus, whole-grain crackers, seedless grapes if they're over the age of 2. Low-fat Greek yogurt with granola and berries. Some string cheeses, bananas, kiwis, pears.
Jasmine: Is this motherfucker just gonna keep listing fruits?
Gary: .... Blueberries, tangerines, and apples with peanut butter. Okay, moms, what's a healthy snack we can give Jimmy from anywhere on the food pyramid?

Paula: Don't start. I'm really busy.
Alex: Doing what?
Paula: Oh, I'm embroidering little tits and vaginas onto T-shirts. I got a big order on Esty.
Alex: It's Etsy.
Paula: Some sorority is doing a girl-power thing.
Alex: A sorority is paying you to embroider boobs and vaginas?
Paula: Yep. Embroidered tees are the new pussyhats.

Kiara: Let's divvy this up. Dusting's where I shine, so I'll take bedrooms. You take the kitchen and the bathroom.
Alex: Why do I get the worst rooms?
Kiara: You're new.

Paula: What do you want me to say?
Alex: That I'm a good mom. That I take great care of Maddy. If you add that Sean is abusive, that would be helpful.
Paula: Sean?
Alex: Emotional abuse is abuse.
Paula: What does that even mean? How can emotions be abused? Where do people get this stuff?

Basil: Let me explain something, Alex. Your mother and I, we're in love.
Alex: You're gonna be gone in three months, and I'm gonna be like, "Bye!"
Basil: That's an awful lot of meanness coming from someone who scrubs toilets for a living.
Alex: Meanness? Is that what they say in fake Australia?

Alex: You are the shittiest mother on the planet.
Paula: I'm not the shittiest. I never lost custody of you.

Sean: You know why there's so much sea glass on this beach? It was a dump once. Way back. Sea turns trash into treasure over time. Why don't you like me anymore?

Sean: I'm sea glass. I'm not trash. Just give me time.

—
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