Mommie Dearest

Feud 1×3

& Joan Crawford: No. No, I don’t believe I will. Do you think my mother ever sent me flowers? Do you think she ever sent me anything? I was earning my own room and board by the time I was 12 years old, scrubbing toilets. But did I complain? Not once. Did I expect cards and flowers? Never. But I’ll tell you what, it made me tough. Gave me ambition. No, we’ll... we’ll see how her reviews are and then... we’ll think about sending flowers.

& Bette Davis: I just admire that you make your pictures a family affair.
    Robert Aldrich: It’s called nepotism. The town runs on it.
    Bette Davis: That is so true. Perhaps we should cast my daughter as the neighbor girl...

& Joan Crawford: My secret? Well, uh... I’ve always been a strict disciplinarian. Some people perhaps find that I’ve been too strict, especially with my first two... Christina and Christopher. I find that giving children a task to perform occupies the mind, and-and gives them a real sense of accomplishment and responsibility. I mean, my twins, for instance... they just love... sewing and cooking.

& Joan Crawford: Well, we called him «Daddy Cassin,» but he wasn’t really my daddy. We weren’t blood relations, so it wasn’t incest...

& Joan Crawford: ... I was glad to get out of there. Get away from my mother. I mean, the nuns were brutal, but... nothing compared to the way my mother treated me. The nuns actually taught me a great deal, things I still cherish. Discipline, the importance of cleanliness and order.

& Bette Davis: [My mother,] I think maybe sh... She was my only true female friend.
    Joan Crawford: You’re lucky.

& Robert Aldrich: You like him.
    Bette Davis: I like talent.

& Bette Davis: You’re good.
    Victor Buono: Oh. It’s like Mommy just gave me a new pony.

& Bette Davis: Where’s your wheelchair?
    Joan Crawford: It’s on the set, of course. Why?
    Bette Davis: Because you’re gonna need it after I break your goddamn legs.

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& Robert Aldrich: Ladies, why are we fighting about the Oscars? We haven’t even finished making this movie yet. Can we please concentrate on the matter at hand? There’s room for both of you to succeed.
    Joan Crawford: In this town? Are you nuts?
    Bette Davis: Fuck off, Bob.

& Joan Crawford: Oh, Mamacita, don’t you just love a Monday?.... This is gonna be a long goddamn week.

& Bette Davis: She’s beautiful. She’s not an actress.
    Robert Aldrich: No, she’s not. ....
    Bette Davis: She should be billed as B.D. Merrill, not Davis.

& Mamacita: Children are hard work. Once the work is done, silence is the reward.
    Joan Crawford: Reward? You know, Mamacita, one of the things I loved most about having these children... all of them... was that no matter what I was doing, making a picture, or out for an event, the mad rush that was once my life... was that I’d always come home to this wonderful noise and joy. Well, it’s the condition of being a professional woman, I suppose. Maybe all women.

& Robert Aldrich: Joan. Good morning. Let me show you where you’re going to be dying.

& Robert Aldrich: Is it me, or is she getting younger?
    Pauline: You’re just now noticing? Every time she comes back from her trailer, she’s lost five more years.

& Joan Crawford: I hate this fucking picture. But if it’s successful... I can make a pretty penny.

& Hedda Hopper: You won’t have to be painted as the bad guy.
    Bette Davis: I win awards playing bad guys.
    Hedda Hopper: But that’s on the screen. This is real life.
    Bette Davis: Real life? Ha! This isn’t real life. This is Hollywood, Hedda. It’s all fake, from the manicured lawns in the desert to your manufactured concern.

& Hedda Hopper: I am a truth teller. I must report the facts, regardless of how ugly they may be.
    Bette Davis: You have been circling this project like a vulture from the start. It’s women like you, who’ve nurtured venom and resentment for years, that make it such a battle for the rest of us who are actually putting our asses on the line and risking something. Truth teller.

& Jack Warner: And get that hangdog expression of your face. Come on, come on. It’s not like you just took a dump all over Casablanca. It’s a B movie. It’s always been a B movie. Always will be a B movie. B-b-b-b-b-b...

& Joan Crawford: It’s my deepest desire to offer a loving home to a motherless child. It’s no longer 1940. I mean, the notion of a single mother adopting should no longer be an issue.

& Joan Crawford: You’re turning me down?! Why?
    Administrator: Because it’s no longer 1940. You’re simply too old.

& Blanche: You didn’t do it, Jane. I did it myself. Don’t you understand? I crippled myself.....

& Jane: .... Then, you mean... all this time we could’ve been friends.
    Robert Aldrich: Cut.

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