Clouseau: I will decide what is ridiculous.
Hercule: Monsieur, you surely don't believe—
Clouseau: I believe everything... and I believe nothing. I suspect everyone... and I suspect no one. I gather the facts... examine the clues... and before you know it... he case is solved. Hmph.
Clouseau: Oh! My coat is on fire!
Clouseau: ....have—have testified that—that... that Miquel Osto beat Maria Gambrelli frequently! And, now, finally, comes the sworn statement of monsieur and madame Ballon, as well as all the members of the staff— each of them with perfect alibis. Now then, Hercule... what is the inescapable conclusion?
Hercule: Maria Gambrelli killed the chauffeur.
Clouseau: What? You idiot! Impossible! She's protecting someone.
Hercule: How do you know that?
Clouseau: Instinct.
Hercule: But the facts?
Clouseau: You are forgetting the most important fact... Motive.
Hercule: He beat her.
Clouseau: He was Spanish.
Hercule: He tore her dress off.
Clouseau: Oh, don't be ridiculous. Would you kill somebody who tore your dress off?
Hercule: N-no, I—I suppose not.
Clouseau: No, of course not.
Clouseau: You're in love with the man that raped you?
Maria Gambrelli: That what?
Clouseau: ... Referring to Osto, you described him, and I quote, "as that crazy Spaniard who raped me in my father's field."
Maria Gambrelli: He did not rape me.
Clouseau: He did not force you?
Maria Gambrelli: Well, you see, I tripped over a root, and I grabbed Miquel to keep me from falling. and somehow we both fell.
Clouseau: Mmm.
Maria Gambrelli: I cried a little bit afterwards, but that wasn't because I was sorry it happened. It was something he said.
Clouseau: He insulted you?
Maria Gambrelli: Oh, no. He lit a cigarette and took a long puff and...
Clouseau: Tell me.
Maria Gambrelli: Why do so many men smoke afterwards? No wonder tobacco companies get rich.
Clouseau: Hmm. Yes, I must admit, I'd never thought of it quite that way.
Clouseau: Facts, Hercule. Facts. Behind them, lies the whole fabric of deductive truth. Now, Hercule, let us examine these facts...
Clouseau: Then I submit, Inspector Ballon, that you arrived home, found Miquel with Maria Gambrelli, and killed him in a rit of fealous jage!
Benjamin Ballon: I admit to the affair, but kill for her? Would you kill for her?
Clouseau: Of course... uh, not.
Dreyfus: Give me 10 men like Clouseau, and I could destroy the world.
Turk Thrust: Ah-ah-ah. And where do you think you're going?
Clouseau: I do not think, sir. I know where I am going. I am going to the recreation area.
Turk Thrust: Not like that, you're not.
Dreyfus: That nincompoop, that megalomaniac! He's setting the science of criminal investigation back a thousand years. And I can't do anything about it.
Psycho-Analyst: Why not?
Dreyfus: Why not? What if he is right?
Psycho-Analyst: What if he is?
Dreyfus: I'm finished. washed up. Sanity and reason become things of the past. Madness reigns.
Maria Gambrelli: Promise me.
Clouseau: What, darling?
Maria Gambrelli: Afterwards... you will not smoke, hmm?
Clouseau: I give you my word as an officer and a gentleman, also a policeman.
Clouseau: I have a plan.
Hercule: What sort of plan?
Clouseau: A plan that cannot possibly fail.
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++ Quotes on the IMDb
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