South Park 23×4
Randy Marsh: You see this? This right here? That's us plateauing. We no longer get any of that sweet Chinese money and now, all the money we do make doesn't even cover our expenses. So, how do we sell more weed? Stan?
Randy Marsh: What's an Impossible Burger?
Rick: It's a plant-based burger, sir.
Randy Marsh: Plant based? You mean, like, it's not, like, a cow?
Rick: No sir, it's completely vegan, but it's engineered to replicate the taste and texture of beef.
Randy Marsh: Hey, this tastes like shit. You guys make money off of this?
Rick: They're very popular, sir. A lot of people care about the environment and sustainability.
Randy Marsh: Ah, that, that's amazing. I mean, this seriously tastes like dog shit. And you get people to buy it? Wait a minute...
Randy Marsh: Wait a minute... Plant based... Plant. Based... Plant based. Oh, my God.
Randy Marsh: I think I've perfected it, Gerald. I've made a sustainable, healthy alternative to meat. I want you to to try it.
Gerald Broflovski: It's a hamburger?
Randy Marsh: It's a Tegridy burger. Go ahead. Try it... Well?
Gerald Broflovski: It tastes like shit.
Randy Marsh: Yeah, it's plant based. But keep eating it though.
Gerald Broflovski: I just... I just don't think it's very good.
Randy Marsh: Wait for it... Wait for it...
Gerald Broflovski: Oh. Oh-ho! Yeah, it's good. It's really fucking good, man. This is like the best burger I've ever had!
Randy Marsh: And you can eat a lot of 'em and not feel bloated. Towelie's had, like, 12!
Towelie: Best burgers I ever had.
Wendy Testaburger: Look, guys. We're supposed to be the young generation, right? We're the ones upset about the world our parents left us.
Nichole: Yeah, but eating this kind of food makes us all just as guilty. The millions and millions of cows and pigs and chickens that we harvest every year are a huge reason for climate change.
Wendy Testaburger: It is up to us as students to protest for change.
Vegan 1-st-grader: Young voices matter!
Wendy Testaburger: Without sustainable and ethical food choices now, we're proving to be no...
Eric Cartman: We all have freedom of speech but stop talking about climate change during lunchtime!
Incredible Meat Founder: I take plants and I process them into goo. I am a goo man. I have factories all over the country. I have trucks right now loaded with goo that can be here within the week. The goo I speak of can be made into anything. It can be made into tacos. It can be made into hot dogs. And I promise you that none of your students will know the difference. I would very much like to be the plant-based meat vendor for your school. I would like to be the plant-based meat vendor for your town. I'm a simple family man and a vegetarian. I would like the opportunity to make you all vegetarians as well. And I thank you.
Randy Marsh: Eating meat doesn't just hurt animals, it hurts people. It takes 13 pounds of grain to produce just 1 pound of animal meat. All that plant food could be used much more efficiently if people just ate it directly.
Randy Marsh: Huh?... Oh, I was just saying that adopting a vegan diet is way more effective than switching to a "greener" car in the fight against climate change.
Randy Marsh: For your health, for our planet, for the animals, and for each other. We have to switch to plant-based foods. Now, i-it just so happens...
Incredible Meat Founder: I'd like to do business with you. Your establishment here is perfect for my plant-based meats. You see, I am a goo man. If you carry my product, Incredible Meats, we can put the word "incredible" before all of your dishes.
City Wok: You mean, instead of Shity Chicken, I could have Incredible Shity Chicken?
Biggest Cattle Rancher in South Park: I got 300 cows that the world has suddenly decided they got no use fer! What am I supposed to do with 'em... Put em in a zoo? What they gonna do now, go start a cow circus? Go make some cow TV show? You are single handedly making cows extinct, you! You gotta plan for 'em all?!
Towelie: Can't you find anyone else to take 'em?
Randy Marsh: Nobody wants cows anymore! They're bad for climate change.
Incredible Meat Founder: You see, I am a goo man. What I serve in your school cafeteria is a synthetically-modulated plant protein. I have taken over nearly all the fast food restaurants here in town and teamed up with the fine people in your community. ... You see, I'm trying to reach all the school cafeterias, all the stadiums, fast food restaurants, all the places that serve shitty food and serve shitty goo. The goo for these kind of places is made in a factory. It's made in a lab. It's just down-market goo. But I can tell people it's healthy and earth friendly, and I can send my goo through a network of pipes running all the way to the ocean. So, that it can be eaten by people who eat crappy food anyway from coast to coast. ... But you see, It doesn't work unless I own all the crappy food places.
Eric Cartman: What are you sorry about? It's me who owes all you guys an apology. I thought you guys were all trying to force me to eat healthy, but... I've learned that a lot of this stuff is made in a factory and processed with tons of salt just like all my favorite foods! SpaghettiOs, Rice-A-Roni... Here I was thinking what you wanted was stuff from a farmers market. I just didn't want my food to change. School cafeteria meat is just processed crap that comes in a box, and this is... just processed crap that comes in a box. I don't have a problem with it. All I wanted was to be able to eat the same garbage I always have, and this is definitely garbage. And hey, if it happens to be more ethical and sustainable, well, I guess I'm fine with that, too. So, you see, guys? There was actually no reason to protest! We were actually all on the same page all the time! At least we learned that freedom of speech truly doesn't matter! Come on, let's eat!
♪ It's Processed Meat-Like Substance Day ♪
♪ It's Processed Meat-Like Substance Day ♪
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+ Soundtrack
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