Our Mrs. Reynolds

Firefly × 6

& — ...And I think maybe you gonna give me a little one-on-one time with the missus.
    Jayne: Oh, I think you might want to reconsider that last part. See, I married me a powerful ugly creature.
    Malcolm: How can you say that? How can you shame me in front of new people?
    Jayne: If I could make you prettier, I would.
    Malcolm: You are not the man I met a year ago.

& Inara: ...So, explain to me again why Zoe wasn’t in the dress.
    Malcolm: Tactics, woman. Needed her in the back. Besides, those soft cotton dresses feel kinda nice. There’s a whole airflow.

& Malcolm: You can’t open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I’m a mystery.

& Malcolm: What are you doing on my boat?!
    Mrs. Reynolds: But... You know I’m to cleave to you...
    Malcolm: To-wubba-who?

& Malcolm: Wh... Who are you?
    Mrs. Reynolds: Mr. Reynolds, sir... I’m your wife.

& Malcolm: Zoe, why do I have a wife?

---

& Kaylee: Oh, sweetie, don’t feel bad. He makes everybody cry. He’s like a monster.

& Malcolm: I’m sorry. You... You have very nice qualities, but I didn’t ever marry you.
    Book: I believe you did... last night. ... It says here... “The woman lays the wreath upon her intended...” which I do recall. “Which represents his sovereignty...” “And he drinks of her wine. And then there’s a dance with a joining of hands.” The marriage ceremony of the Triumph settlers. You, sir... are a newlywed.
    Malcolm: What’s it say in there about divorce?

& Malcolm: Hello! Woman... person.

& Malcolm: Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back.

& Malcolm: Look, wife or no... you are no one’s property to be tossed aside. You got the right, same as anyone... to live and try to kill people.

& Mrs. Reynolds: I’d be a good wife.
    Malcolm: Yeah, well, I’d be a terrible husband.

& Book: If you take sexual advantage of her... you’re going to burn in a very special level of hell... a level they reserve for child molesters... and people who talk at the theater.
    Malcolm: Wh... I am not... Preacher, you got a smutty mind.
    Book: Perhaps I spoke out of turn.
    Malcolm: Per-maybe-haps, I’m thinkin’.
    Book: I apologize. I’ll make her up a room in the passenger dorm.
    Malcolm: Good.
    Book: ... The special hell.

& Malcolm: I would appreciate it if one person on this boat would not assume... that I’m an evil, lecherous hump.
    Zoë: Nobody’s saying that, sir.
    Wash: We’re pretty much just giving each other significant glances... and laughing incessantly.

& Saffron: You don’t want to finish?
    Malcolm: No, I just... I have captainy things to do, but truthfully, that’s a fine meal.

& Saffron: Do you need anything else?
    Malcolm: No. No. You just have something to eat yourself, and, uh... and I’m gonna go... captain.
    Saffron: If you’re done with supper... would you like me to wash your feet?

& Malcolm: Can I come in?
    Inara: No.
    Malcolm: See? That’s why I usually don’t ask.

& Malcolm: Are you touchy because I got myself a bride or ’cause I don’t plan to keep her?
    Inara: I find the whole thing degrading.

& Malcolm: Maybe you’re right. Maybe we’re soul mates.
    Inara: Yes. Great. I wish you hundreds of fat children.

& Jayne: Six men came to kill me one time... and the best of them carried this. It’s a Callahan, full-bore, auto-lock... Customized trigger, double-cartridge thorough gauge... It is my very favourite gun.

& Malcolm: My days of not taking you seriously are certainly comin’ to a middle.

& Malcolm: Jayne... Go play with your rain stick.

& Malcolm: Hey! Well, you’re... Well... there you are.
    Saffron: I’ve made the bed warm for you.
    Malcolm: It... It looks, uh... warm.
    Saffron: And I’ve made myself ready for you.
    Malcolm: Let’s ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means.

& Saffron: But we’ve been wed. Aren’t we to become one flesh?
    Malcolm: Well, no. Uh, we’re still two fleshes here... and I think that your flesh oughta sleep somewhere else.
    Saffron: I’m sorry. When we talked, I’d hoped...
    Malcolm: Hey! Flesh...

& Malcolm: Saffron... It... it ain’t a question of pleasing me. It’s more a question of what’s... of what’s morally right.
    Saffron: I do know my Bible, sir. “On the night of their betrothal... the wife shall open to the man as the furrow to the plow... and he shall work in her... in and again... till she bring him to his full... and rest him then upon the sweat of her breast.”
    Malcolm: Oh. Good Bible.

& Malcolm: Saffron. You’re pleasing. You’re... Hell, you’re all kinds of pleasin’... and, uh, it’s... it’s been a while... A long damn while... since anybody but me took ahold of my plow...

& Malcolm: Oh, I’m gonna go to the special hell...

& Malcolm: Is it Christmas?

& Malcolm: What was she after?
    Book: Besides molesting innocent captains?

& Wash: Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere.

& Jayne: I don’t get it. Where are we headed?
    Book: The end of the line.

& Jayne: What do I do?
    Malcolm: You go get Vera.

& Wash: Captain, don’t you know kissing girls makes you sleepy?
    Malcolm: Sometimes I can’t help myself.

& Malcolm: Honey, I’m home.

& Malcolm: Come on, Inara. How’s about we don’t play? You didn’t just trip, did you?
    Inara: ... No.
    Malcolm: Well, isn’t that something? I knew you let her kiss you!

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+ quotes on the IMDb

Σ Sometimes it reaches 11 from 10 level.