Ready, Aim, Marry Me

Arrested Development 2×10

& Michael: Gotta stop quoting when you drink.

& Lucille: She’s trying to prove that she’s closer to my children than I am... but the joke’s on her, because she doesn’t know how little I care for Gob.
    Michael: Think that makes the joke on Gob.

& Michael: You all right? Sorry. Your grandmother had a little accident here.
    George Michael: Oh. Does that mean she’s gonna have to come live with us?

& Michael: So what do you say? We got a basketful of father-son fun here.
    George Michael: What’s Kama Sutra oil?
    Michael: Maybe it’s not for us.

& Michael: You got one of these too, didn’t you?
    Tobias: Well, yes, but I’m afraid I prematurely shot my wad... on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will. So now I’m afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.
    Michael: It’s just— There’s so many poorly chosen words in that sentence.

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& Michael: Why don’t you let me ask her for you?
    Tobias: Well, Michael, you really are quite the Cupid, aren’t you? I tell you, you can zing your arrow into my buttocks anytime.
    Michael: Okay. You know what you do? Buy yourself a tape recorder. Record yourself for a whole day. I think you’re gonna be surprised at some of your phrasing.
    Tobias: Butterscotch! Want a lick?

& Buster: She is not a whore, Mother. She happens to be the new secretary of the Bluth Company. And, yes, she’s more experienced than a normal girl. But sometimes love should be terrifying.

& Michael: Now tell me what you found out at Sitwell.
    Lindsay: Oh. You still want me to do that?
    Michael: You didn’t? Lindsay, I give you one thing to do for the business, and you can’t even do it. I mean, if you’d tried and failed, I’d understand, but you didn’t even try.
    Lindsay: So... I didn’t even fail, and I don’t see you giving me credit for that.

& Lindsay: So, what did he say about the money?
    Michael: He said he’d like to sleep on it.

& George Sr.: You are pimping out your sister?
    Michael: You were pimping out my mother.
    George Sr.: Yes, because she was sleeping with my brother, but your sister?

& Michael: So, uh, Tobias... I’m afraid that your wife might not actually end up here with you.
    Tobias: You know, Michael, perhaps I should buy you that tape recorder. Do you have any idea how often you say the word “afraid”?
    Michael: Well, I know I used it in the Jacuzzi.
    Tobias: And I apologize for that. I thought it was a pool toy.

& Tobias: ’Even if it means me taking a chubby, I will suck it up.’ Nothing wrong with that.

& Tobias: Tobias, you blowhard!

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+ quotes on the IMDb