& Kate: Did you do it more than ten times?
Carly: I think specifics are a bad idea... Okay, fine. Gun to my head, fifty.
Kate: 50 times?! Jesus Christ. 50 times?! Just... You had sex with my husband 50 times? Don’t you have a job? Or hobbies? What is wrong with you?
& Kate: I am not equipped to go on dates. The last time I was single, I was 24 and the dating pool was everyone. And now it’s like a shallow puddle of age-appropriate men who are old and gross and I don’t want to do that.
Carly: I know that you think that it’s that bad, but honestly, it’s a lot worse. You know why? Because even if you meet a nice guy— and when I mean “nice,” I mean that he’s, like, not an obvious sociopath— you can’t even actually get excited about it. You know why? Because it’s just a matter of time before someone gets bored and unhappy and is saying that it’s over, and that’s a happy ending. A shitty ending is that there’s lying and cheating and you ambush Prince Charming’s wife.
& Kate: So you’re saying I should stay with him?
Carly: I’m saying that everything fails eventually, and monogamy is not natural. If you can live with that, like the French, then go ahead and stay put, but if you can’t, then I suggest that you get a game plan and you leave.
Kate: But what about the people who try to work it out?
Carly: Maybe that would be an option. But... cheaters don’t change. And if you work it out, he’s just gonna do it again, and you’re gonna end up right back where you started, wishing that you had left the first time around.
& Carly: I don’t care about you or Mark or your marriage or your dog or anything in between. If Edith Piaf rises out of the grave, and you have a threesome, I don’t flipping care.
& Carly: Doesn’t Mark see you naked all the time?
Kate: No.
Carly: He doesn’t?
Kate: No. It’s... No.
Carly: What’s it like? Is it, like, a ’70s situation?
Kate: Is it like a... It is like... and I’m totally serious, like, not...
Carly: No man likes that... I’m not saying that you have to be bald or anything like that. I’m talking about, like, a fig leaf. That’s all they want. They just need to have a pretty little patch of happiness.
& Kate: No, you can’t have my husband and my brother. That’s... No. That’s being very greedy.
Carly: I think you’re being greedy.
Kate: I’m being greedy?
Carly: He’s your brother. What are you gonna do with him?
& Amber: How can you be so amazing you could be friends with your husband’s mistress?
Carly: Yeah, it’s like a dream come true.
& Kate: I want him to feel what I feel, but worse.
Amber: So you’re talking about maximum pain, right?.. We should kick him in the balls.
Carly: You know, that’s, like, a really good thought, and actually, I like the way your brain works, but I think we’re thinking about... something a little bit bigger than that.
& Carly: When you put the lawyer, the wife and the boobs together, you got the perfect killing machine.
Kate: I do?
& Lydia: Is somebody about to get screwed?
Carly: You screw me, I screw you back. I’m a lady like that.
& Kate: Fine. Rock, paper, scissors. Winner has sex with my husband.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
Carly: I think specifics are a bad idea... Okay, fine. Gun to my head, fifty.
Kate: 50 times?! Jesus Christ. 50 times?! Just... You had sex with my husband 50 times? Don’t you have a job? Or hobbies? What is wrong with you?
& Kate: I am not equipped to go on dates. The last time I was single, I was 24 and the dating pool was everyone. And now it’s like a shallow puddle of age-appropriate men who are old and gross and I don’t want to do that.
Carly: I know that you think that it’s that bad, but honestly, it’s a lot worse. You know why? Because even if you meet a nice guy— and when I mean “nice,” I mean that he’s, like, not an obvious sociopath— you can’t even actually get excited about it. You know why? Because it’s just a matter of time before someone gets bored and unhappy and is saying that it’s over, and that’s a happy ending. A shitty ending is that there’s lying and cheating and you ambush Prince Charming’s wife.
& Kate: So you’re saying I should stay with him?
Carly: I’m saying that everything fails eventually, and monogamy is not natural. If you can live with that, like the French, then go ahead and stay put, but if you can’t, then I suggest that you get a game plan and you leave.
Kate: But what about the people who try to work it out?
Carly: Maybe that would be an option. But... cheaters don’t change. And if you work it out, he’s just gonna do it again, and you’re gonna end up right back where you started, wishing that you had left the first time around.
& Carly: I don’t care about you or Mark or your marriage or your dog or anything in between. If Edith Piaf rises out of the grave, and you have a threesome, I don’t flipping care.
& Carly: Doesn’t Mark see you naked all the time?
Kate: No.
Carly: He doesn’t?
Kate: No. It’s... No.
Carly: What’s it like? Is it, like, a ’70s situation?
Kate: Is it like a... It is like... and I’m totally serious, like, not...
Carly: No man likes that... I’m not saying that you have to be bald or anything like that. I’m talking about, like, a fig leaf. That’s all they want. They just need to have a pretty little patch of happiness.
& Kate: No, you can’t have my husband and my brother. That’s... No. That’s being very greedy.
Carly: I think you’re being greedy.
Kate: I’m being greedy?
Carly: He’s your brother. What are you gonna do with him?
& Amber: How can you be so amazing you could be friends with your husband’s mistress?
Carly: Yeah, it’s like a dream come true.
& Kate: I want him to feel what I feel, but worse.
Amber: So you’re talking about maximum pain, right?.. We should kick him in the balls.
Carly: You know, that’s, like, a really good thought, and actually, I like the way your brain works, but I think we’re thinking about... something a little bit bigger than that.
& Carly: When you put the lawyer, the wife and the boobs together, you got the perfect killing machine.
Kate: I do?
& Lydia: Is somebody about to get screwed?
Carly: You screw me, I screw you back. I’m a lady like that.
& Kate: Fine. Rock, paper, scissors. Winner has sex with my husband.
--
+ quotes on the IMDb
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