Backdoors

Preacher 2×11

Starr: Hoover. Flufferman.
Lara: It’s Featherstone, sir.

Lara: Question, sir?.. All this seems like a lot of trouble. Can’t we just kill Custer?
Starr: ... I’m not a homosexual.
Lara: Oh. No. Of course not, sir. You’re the pinnacle of masculinity.

Starr: You’re missing the point, Hoover.
Hoover: The tarp, then, sir?
Starr: Yes, as much as I would enjoy seeing your insides spread out before me like a buffet breakfast in a five-star hotel, ...

Hoover: I’m sorry about the... the... t-the men.
Starr: I’ll have to live with that memory for the rest of my life...

Tyler: Seriously? I don’t even know why you hang out with that guy. Everyone knows you can’t trust Hitler.

Jesse: We’re... we’re gonna go. I want to go. It’s just... We have to find God first.
Tulip: He’s not here, Jesse! We looked!
Cassidy: It’s true. We’ve looked everywhere, man.

Tulip: They’re all imbeciles, Jesse. Jesus, Buddha, the president, and God’s probably the biggest imbecile of them all!

Jesse: Life is not just about bikinis and beaches, Tulip!
Tulip: The beatch was your idea!

Jesse: Maybe it is about the dog...

Elsa: Communists! They’re all vermin. They should be exiled!

Herman Hoehne: The watercolors are very capable... The lines are strong... Nice shading... /I like to be encouraging./ Your work shows capacity but lacks conviction. Vision. Daring. It’s... bloodless.

Elsa: He’s wrong, Adolf. What does he know? You can’t let yourself be discouraged by one homosexual’s opinion... You have to fight for what you want in this world!

---

Hitler: I don’t like strudel.

Tyler: So, because you looked like a bitch in front of that art guy and your girlfriend, you blew up Europe?
Hitler: Nein. No.

Tyler: Why should we do anything you say, plum cake?
Hitler: Because I’m... ADOLF! FUCKING!! HITLER!!!

Starr: That’s absolutely, 100%, a... possibility.
Jesse: What does that mean?

Jesse: Who told you that?
Starr: 78 billion people. Give or take, since time began. More arriving every day. Each of them with their own distinct hopes and fears. The numbers really pile up... You can imagine. Of course God wants to hear them all, but at a certain point, Heaven thought it best to create a backup system. Make sure nothing important fell through the cracks.

Starr: Let’s have a listen, shall we?
Jesse: Listen to what? What are they?
Starr: They are your prayers.

Jesse: God, forgive me for not eating my broccoli. Forgive me for sassing my daddy. Forgive me for falling asleep at church. God, forgive me for hitting Donnie on the playground... Even though he deserved it. God, forgive me for thinking You ain’t real. Forgive me for using Your name in vain. God, forgive me .............

Starr: I imagine you could take 100,000 little old ladies, walk them back and forth across the street for 100 years, and it still wouldn’t get you off the hook for all that.

Jesse: So, these are all my prayers?
Starr: Yes.
Jesse: Over all this time.
Starr: Every single one. I can make copies, if you’d like to take them...
Jesse: No, that’s all right. Why don’t you just... SHOVE ’EMP YOUR ASS?

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