Franchise Prequel

South Park 21×4

Jimmy: My name is Jimmy Valmer. And I am very f-f-fast.

Jimmy: And now I look for others like me to fight crime as part of a superhero team. I am... Fa-Fa-Fastpass.

Eric: Fastpass, welcome to Coon and Friends. You are about to make a shit load of money.

Toolshed: Whoa, whoa. Wait. How come we gotta start off with a Netflix series? Can't we just go right into movies?
Eric: Netflix is starving for new shows right now, Toolshed. They will literally buy anything people pitch them. We need to strike while the iron is hot.

Eric: Later, in phase three, we can finally get to Civil War, where we will all...

Craig: Somebody is messing with our Facebook page. They're spreading all these lies and saying we like, burn the American flag and pee in each other's mouths.
Toolshed: Spreading lies how?
Craig: Take a look. Someone is systematically targeting our Facebook followers and feeding them misinformation.
Eric: Who would deliberately use Facebook in such a horribly reckless way?

Kyle: Butters, you can't just make stuff up about us. People are thinking it's true.
Butters: Look, fellas, you have a right to be on Facebook, and I have a right to be on Facebook. And sometimes, that's going to cause a little... chaos.

Randy: You know what I say we do? Let's invite Mark Zuckerberg to come and talk to us all about our concerns in this community.

Butters: You see, what we do here is utilize Facebook not only to spread chaos but to actually profit from it.

Butters: You see, what I've done, Adam, is built a completely self-sustaining chaos machine... Doing nothing more than what Facebook was designed to do. I make money from Facebook for my fake content in order to pay Facebook to promote my fake stories. And thusly, we're growing bigger every day.

Butters: You can take this workstation, Adam. Just start writing horrible things about people and presenting it as reality on Facebook. All right! Don't forget we have a chaos quota, gang! Let's really fuck shit up.

Eric: Wilson Aubrey? It's us, your heroes, Coon and Friends. We're, uh... just wondering why you stopped following us on Instagram.
Wilson: Because you victimize innocent people and poop in little girls' mouths.
Eric: That's not true, Wilson. We're Coon and Friends, not Harvey Weinstein.
Wilson: Facebook says it's true.
Eric: But it's not true.
Wilson: But Facebook says it's true.

Jimmy: Who cares what everyone else thinks? I joined this franchise because I believe that it can make a lot of money. And being a superhero means you keep believing in that money no matter how hard things get.

---

Mark Zuckerberg: I am the founder and chairman of FACEBOOK. But I also have a style that is completely unblockable.

Mark Zuckerberg: Now, you try to block me. Brzzz! Byeow! Now you have learned that you cannot block me, yes? Yes. What is your question?

Mark Zuckerberg: Ah! I see what you did there. Trying to block me, right?

Mark Zuckerberg: This puny refrigerator could not block me. What makes you think you can?... Bzzt! Oh! Jrmm! Pyow! Wha! You are no match for my style.

Mark Zuckerberg: You call this a car? It wasn't even remotely able to block me. What is this car's style?

Mark Zuckerberg: So, you are trying to block me, huh? That's fine. What's your style?

Butters: It's the 21st century, gentlemen. There's nothing illegal about what I'm doing.
Jimmy: Yeah? Nothing illegal about us kicking your a-a-ass either.
Butters: Actually that is illegal.

Toolshed: Dude. This kid is deliberately lying about us on your platform for no other reason than to cause harm. Why are you protecting him?
Mark Zuckerberg: Simple. He paid me $17.23.
Butters: It's the Facebook safeguard program. Just $17 monthly gets you personal protection from Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: Come on! What's your style?

Capt. Yates: All right. All right. Everyone! I just want to know one thing. Who invited him here?..... Come on. Who invited Mark Zuckerberg to town in the first place?

Capt. Yates: Uh-huh. That's what I thought. You all brought Mark Zuckerberg into your lives and now you want the police to shoot him.

Capt. Yates: .... Well, that doesn't mean he's done anything illegal. Now, the police will help deal with Mark Zuckerberg, but... we aren't going to shoot him... I'm sorry, that's just the way it is. You all should have thought harder about this before letting him into your lives.

Eric: We are just kids trying to have our voices heard for black, handicapped and Jewish rights. Cut down in our prime by Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: But... but hold on. That... that's not true!
Eric: Facebook says it's true.
Mark Zuckerberg: Nooo!

Stephen: Go on! Tell Mr. Putin what you told me!
Butters: Well, I was just... Well, I just said how I just used Facebook like Russia did and really didn't break any rules...
Stephen: Didn't break any rules! Good job teaching our children that's all that matters! Just because there's a way to cause chaos in a town or disrupt an entire country doesn't mean you go and do it, does it?
Putin: Нет, сэр.

Eric: Go ahead. I bet you don't even get halfway through phase one on your franchise, DC Comics!

Craig: I thought Civil War wasn't supposed to happen until phase three.

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