Something Ricked This Way Comes

Rick and Morty 1x9

Jerry: Well, traditionally, science fairs are a father-son thing.
Rick: Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing.

Summer: I need a ride to work. ...
Rick: I'm busy.
Summer: Doing what?
Rick: Uh, anything else.

Mr. Needful: Tell me, Rick, what do you desire?
Rick: Eh, I make my own stuff. So, what are you-- like, the devil?

Jerry: You know, Rick's in his lab, making cyborgs and wormholes and all that weird stuff, but this is real science. A man and his boy, making planets... Hey, how about we use a ping-pong ball for Pluto? And then Jupiter--
Morty: Uh, actually, I don't think Pluto's a planet.
Jerry: Of course Pluto's a planet, son! I learned that in the third grade.
Morty: Well, yeah, but you know they changed it.

Jerry: I disagree.
Morty: You disagree?
Jerry: That's right. It's possible to disagree in science, Morty. Pluto was a planet. Some committee of fancy assholes disagree. I disagree back.

Rick: Hey, Morty, let me ask you a question real quick. Does evil exist, and if so, can one detect and measure it?
Morty: Um...
Rick: Rhetorical question, Morty. The answer's "yes, you just have to be a genius".

Rick: Your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.
Morty: Oh, boy, Rick. I'm don't think you're allowed to say that word, you know?
Rick: Morty, I'm not disparaging the differently abled. I'm stating the fact that if I had used this microscope, it would have made me mentally retarded.
Morty: Okay, yeah, but I don't think it's about logic, Rick. I think the word has just become a symbolic issue for powerful groups that feel like they're doing the right thing.
Rick: Well, that's retarded.

Mr. Needful: You didn't use it?
Rick: Sure I did -- to develop this. It detects and catalogs all your "twilight zone", "ray bradbury", "Friday the 13th" the series voodoo crap magic.

Mr. Needful: Summer, you know, your grandfather's right. This store curses people. That's my business.
Summer: Well, yeah. Fast-food gives people diabetes, and clothing stores have sweatshops. Is there a company hiring teenagers that isn't evil?

---

Jerry: Phew. I think I know what the "a" in NASA stands for.

Morty: Why don't we just make the solar system with eight planets? It's even easier.
Jerry: Sure, sure, and why don't we just burn Galileo at the stake for saying the sun is round? Science isn't always easy, Morty.

King Flippy Nips: You really gave it to those guys at NASA!
Jerry: I was-- you know, sometimes science is about conviction.

Mr. Needful: This is the best weekend I've had since Salem.

Rick: 'Don't pay for cool stuff with your soul. Pay for it with money. You know, like how every other store in the world works?'

Scroopy Noopers: ...Mines like these suck Plutonium up to the cities, where corporations use it to power everything, from diamond cars to golden showers...

Rick: Oh, look, it's Rosemary's baby.

Morty: You said science wasn't easy.
Jerry: I said science isn't always easy. Obviously, that means sometimes it is easy. Let's not debase ourselves with word games, son.
Morty: Dad, their whole planet is dying!
Jerry: Ha! You called it a planet. Checkmate.

Morty: Dad, what did you think about the recent report published by the Pluto science reader linking Pluto-quakes, sinkholes, and... surface shrinkage to deep-core Plutonium drilling?
Jerry: Well, son, what did you think when you were five and you pooped your pants, and you threw your poopy undies out your bedroom window because you thought it was like throwing something in the garbage? I mean, I'm trimming the hedges, and these things are just hanging there. Was I supposed to think the poop bunny left them?

Rick: Hey, Jerry, you in here being stupid?

Mr. Needful: It was a long six hours, but we've overhauled "Needful Things" into the globally-compliant web 4.0, "e-nomenon", "n33dful.com", spelled with threes instead of "e"'s.... Okay, that's it. We just got bought by Google!
Summer: I'm so proud of you, Lucius.

Summer: You're Zuckerberg-ing me?
Mr. Needful: I was Zuckerberg-ing people before Zuckerberg's balls dropped. I'm the devil, be-atch!

Jerry: Morty, I'm not as smart as your grandpa Rick, but I promise never to make that your problem again.
Morty: Hey, dad. Nobody's smarter than Rick, but nobody else is my dad. You're a genius at that.

Morty: And also, knock next time, you know? I mean, I'm sitting in here, I'm 14-- I got a computer in here, you know?

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