Two and a Half Men 2x3

A Bag Full of Jawea

& Alan: Jake, why did you flip Miss Pasternak off?
    Delores Pasternak: Excuse me. We don’t end our sentences with prepositions. We say, “Why did you flip off Miss Pasternak?”
    Charlie: I think that answers your question.

& Charlie: Come on, Jake.
    Jake: What, I don’t even get to tell my side?
    Charlie: Buddy, you’re 11. You have no side.

& Jake: This isn’t my fault! I was provoked.
    Charlie: You were provoked?
    Jake: Yeah, it means...
    Charlie: I know what it means. And it doesn’t matter. What you need to do now is apologize.
    Jake: But I’m not sorry!
    Charlie: You don’t have to be sorry. Just say it and look it. You’ve got those big, cute kid eyes. Use them.
    Jake: That would be lying.
    Charlie: That’s your line in the sand? You muttonhead, you just flipped off your teacher.
    Jake: Yeah, but I was being honest...
    Charlie: And look where it got you.
    Jake: ...... I think I just lost my innocence.

---

& Jake: Hey, Dad.
    Alan: What?
    Jake: How come only one finger is the bad finger?
    Alan: I don’t know, Jake.
    Jake: This one’s okay, right?
    Alan: ... Right.
    Jake: Dad.
    Alan: What?
    Jake: Anything?
    Alan: No.
    Jake: I don’t get it... Who decides?!

& Jake: Uncle Charlie, I had a weird dream... And it’s getting weirder.
    Charlie: Hey, buddy. Why aren’t you asleep?
    Jake: I’m hoping I am...

& Charlie: Boy, it’s weird being on the other side of one of these calls.
    Rose: I can imagine. Professional opinion?
    Charlie: Please.
    Rose: Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs... I mean, she barely knows you. Where does she get off being so forward?
    Charlie: Rose, we had one night together and you handcuffed yourself to my refrigerator.
    Rose: That was different. We were meant to be together.
    Charlie: Okay, I was gonna ask you the best way to end this... but I realize now that breakups may be outside your area of expertise.

& Alan: I think you know what you have to do.
    Charlie: Break up with Miss Pasternak, right?
    Alan: Hell, no. He’s getting A’s. He hasn’t gotten an A since naptime in kindergarten.
    Charlie: But he’s not learning anything!
    Alan: Charlie, get your priorities straight. I’m trying to get him into a decent middle school. After he’s accepted he can learn that Sacajawea... wasn’t “a bag full of jawea.”

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+ quotes on the Imdb.