Scrubs 1x4

My Old Lady

& Elliot: I called down and requested a Spanish-speaking nurse... No English, huh?.. I’m a chunky monkey from funky town.
    Carla: I’ll have trouble translating that.

& JD: I admitted this really neat old lady today.
    Turk: Neat?! Dude, the 1930s called and they want their lingo back.

& Turk: I got a hernia* patient to take care of.
    JD: What’s his name?
    Turk: His name’s Hernia Patient. But we’ve gotten close so I call him Hernia.

& Dr. Cox: Listen, cookie. You’ve been here over a month. This is Medicine 101. I don’t want everything run by me. I don’t wanna give my two cents but if you do want my opinion, rest assured it will always be that you’re an incredible pain and every time I see your Kewpie-Doll face it just makes me want to pick you up and shake you until all the hours of my life that you’ve wasted fall out. Now laugh.
    Elliot: What?!
    Dr. Cox: Laugh so that she doesn’t think I’m yelling at you.

---

& Turk: David, right? I’m Turk.
    David: What’s up? Want some IV?
    Turk: No, I’m good.

& Elliot: I increased the heparin to 1,500 units per hour. Does that sound like enough?
    Carla: Should be.
    Elliot: Speaking of heparin... have you slept with Turk yet?
    Carla: What?!

& Carla: I like to wait. I like a guy to want it so bad he thinks he isn’t gonna get it ever. When he’s lost the will to live, I jump him.
    Elliot: So how long does that take?
    Carla: A month, maybe two... What about you?
    Elliot: I like to use sex as an ice-breaker.

& JD: We’re gonna have to start you on dialysis. I’m not a big fan of dialysis. We don’t really have a choice.
    Mrs. Tanner: Actually, I do have a choice... I think I’m ready to die.
    JD: ............
    Mrs. Tanner: You’re gonna have to shut your mouth at some point.

& Turk: He’s a good kid and he needed a friend.
    Dr. Kelso: Your patients don’t need friends, they need a doctor.

& Carla: She needs to know what’s going on.
    Elliot: I... I’ll be right back.

& Dr. Cox: If she declines dialysis, there is no ethical dilemma.
    JD: But what about our duty to do everything...
    Dr. Cox: “What about our duty...?” Look, this has nothing to do with the patient. This is all about you. You are afraid of death. And you can’t be. You’re in medicine. You gotta accept that everything we do here, everything, is a stall. We’re just trying to keep the game going, that’s it. But, ultimately, it always ends up the same way. ... Hope I helped.

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hernia — грыжа

On Imdb.