Flypaper

& Madge: Ooh! Come to mama. Mmm. Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, oh, oh. Son of a bitch!

& Kaitlin (by Ashley Judd): How may I help you today, sir?
    Tripp: Change for a hundred.
    Kaitlin: Absolutely. How would you like it broken?
    Tripp: Seven nickels, 31 quarters and 919 dimes.
    Kaitlin: What?!
    Tripp: Oh, you’re right, that’s too many dimes. I’m gonna do 107 nickels, 839 dimes, 29 quarters and seven half-dollar pieces, please.

& Tripp: You know what? I’m never gonna use the half-dollar pieces. Can I get 101 nickels, 157 quarters and 557 dimes, please?
    Kaitlin: Is this a joke?
    Tripp: No. I just have this thing for coins. I like their weight, I like their size, I like the way they jingle in my pocket.
    Kaitlin: That’s kind of weird... The numbers you mentioned, 101, 157, 557. They’re all prime numbers.
    Tripp: No one’s ever noticed that before.
    Kaitlin: I work with numbers all day. You do that in your head?
    Tripp: Yes. Good trick at math parties.
    Kaitlin: I bet.

& Tripp: You’re about to be robbed.

& Tripp: You’re here for the vault, right?
    Weinstein: Who the fuck is this guy?
    Tripp: And you guys said something about going after the ATMs?
    Peanut Butter: Maybe.
    Tripp: So, then what’s the problem?

& Weinstein: All right, everybody. Cell phones, pagers, fucking Twitter things... Anything with an on/off switch... Guns, obviously... Thank you for being a terrible bank guard.

& Jelly: These guys are awesome.
    Peanut Butter: Major league, baby.

& Tripp: I don’t have anybody to call.
    Weinstein: Nobody? That’s really sad. Just kidding. Go fuck yourself. This is the most pathetic group of hostages I’ve ever seen.

& Gates: You are totally breathing on me.

& Tripp: The most interesting thing about you is that you still work here, even though you don’t need the money. You’re an independent woman. I like that.
    Kaitlin: Damn straight, I am.
    Tripp: I’m sorry. When I’m off my meds, I’m not that good with...
    Kaitlin: People?
    Tripp: Especially ones I want to sleep with. And I say things like that.

& Mr. Clean: So where you from?
    Swiss Miss: No English.
    Mr. Clean: Yeah? I’ve never been to No English. I hear it’s right next to No Problem.

& Peanut Butter: Mother-roo!

& Jelly: You want the good news or the bad news?
    Peanut Butter: Good news.
    Jelly: The good news is we blew the door off. The bad news is, these ATMs got two doors.

& Tripp: So did you kill Jack Hayes?
    Weinstein: You know, in all my years of taking hostages, you are by far the most annoying.

& Tripp: How come you only pressed 10 buttons when you called your wife before?
    Mitchell: What are you talking about?
    Tripp: When everyone else used the phone they pressed 10 buttons and then they pressed Send. So that’s 11 buttons. But you only pressed 10. I count everything, okay?

& Weinstein: We don’t need you any more.
    Gates: Are you threatening me, you bald little Jew?
    Weinstein: Bald little Jews have done more for mankind than any other kind of person, ever! So go fuck yourself!

& Weinstein: Shit!
    Darrien: Relax.
    Weinstein: It never ends. Three thousand years we’ve been taking this shit.
    Darrien: Yeah, I know, man, I know.
    Weinstein: I mean, it’s not like I’m an accountant or a comedy writer or something really Jewy. I’m a fucking bank robber, for Christ’s sake. You know how many Jewish bank robbers there are?
    Darrien: Not many.
    Weinstein: Not very many! And even in this work environment, all they see is bagels and shmear and Goldman Sachs.

& Weinstein: We always said that we would bail on any job if the intel sucked. Already the vault specs are shit. We’re behind schedule. Our number-three guy Lancelot is a fucking psycho. We got two hillbillies in the lobby playing with weapons-grade plastic explosives. Our faces are in the open. Ten years ago, we would’ve bailed. You know I’m right!
    Darrien: Ten years ago we weren’t in a recession.
    Weinstein: Fucking bubble!

& Darrien: Look, look, listen to me. I’m about to be 40 in a couple of years. That’s like 80 in criminal years.

& Kaitlin: Well, you know what they say. Normal’s just a cycle on the washing machine.
    Tripp: To the crazy person, the normal are insane.

& Mitchell: They’re gonna fucking kill me. Jesus God in heaven!
    Mr. Clean: Relax. You can always turn state’s evidence and go to jail.
    Mitchell: What? Is that supposed to make me feel better?!
    Mr. Clean: Ah, the joint ain’t so bad. Really, it’s not as gay as everyone thinks... Well, for you it might be. You’re pretty rapeable.

---

& Peanut Butter: Set ’em up to knock ’em down.

& Peanut Butter: Okay, so, for our first activity, we need one very special badger, preferably who can read Chinese, to detonate some totally not dangerous explosives for us.
    Jelly: Dude, if you ask like that, no one is gonna volunteer.

& Peanut Butter: New rule! From here on out, we only rob human beings.

& Peanut Butter: Why does this bank hate us?

& Jelly: Buddy, I swear, if you was a woman, I’d marry you.
    Peanut Butter: Well, I ain’t.

& Gates: This will drastically...
    Darrien: Get the fuck off me!
    Gates: Look this will drastically affect your rankings, mate. That’s all I’m fucking saying, all right. And I thought you people had balls! You’re a fucking disgrace to black criminals everywhere!

& Gates: All right, we start with the vault on one condition... When the time comes to do ’em, I get to do ’em all. Yeah?
    Peanut Butter: Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem. We ain’t really into mass murder. But if that’s part of your MO, that’s totally cool with us.

& Jelly: Dang! He always throws scissors. Why do I go with paper? Why, Jelly? Why do you always go with paper? You know he’s going with scissors. Go with rock!

& Gates: All right, I’m closing this door for the last time. Are we clear? I said, is that clear, you fucking cunts?!
    Tripp: Oh! Oh, I don’t... I don’t like that word.
    Gates: What did you just say?
    Tripp: I don’t like the C-word.
    Gates: Now you try saying that one more time and I’ll out your...
    Tripp: I said I don’t like the C-word! And in America we never use it!

& Tripp: Why the fuck did you do that?
    Kaitlin: Because I thought it would help clear your mind.
    Tripp: No, it doesn’t work like that! For fuck’s sake. I got 8,000 things going on in my mind right now, and I have to think about the kiss, too? Are you kidding me? Oh, my God, my brain is gonna explode!

& Jelly: Oh, man. What a waste.
    Peanut Butter: It’s like extra sad when a hot chick dies. When a ugly chick dies, it’s like, their life probably sucked anyway, so it’s no big deal. But when a hot chick dies, it’s, like, totally tragic. I know, I mean, hot chicks, they’re like unicorns or leprechauns. They’re rare and they’re precious and they need to be protected.

& Gates: You’re a fucking dead man. Hakuna matata, motherfucker!

& Tripp: You are not listening to me. This is not a bank robbery!
    Peanut Butter: ..... Well, this is the best damn non-bank robbery I’ve ever seen.

& Kaitlin: So what more do you need? Whichever guy goes for the goggles is Vicellous Drum.
    Tripp: ... Or whatever girl.

& Peanut Butter: Shoot anything that moves. Unless it’s me.

& Blythe: Where is he?
    Peanut Butter: We ain’t seen dick-all, bro.

& Peanut Butter: FDIC, baby. You got to love the New Deal! Mother-ROO! Thanks, badgers. I just wanna say one thing... From here on out, me and Jelly is going straight, ain’t we?
    Jelly: Yeah. Straight to the Hooters in Cancun!

& Madge: I want two months off, paid.
    Bank Manager: Yes, ma’am.
    Madge: I wanna wear jeans five days a week, not just Friday. And I want LASIK, both eyes.

--
+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Funny.