Misfits 3x6

Episode #3.6

& Ruby: That’s it now. Oh, it’s on! It is on! Sweet child o’ mine! Are you ready?

& Simon: So are you going to call her?
    Ruby: No! No, I’m not. And I’ll tell you why. When you buy a dog, right, you know that one day, the dog, it’ll grow old and it’ll die. Oh! And you’re gonna be... you’re just gonna be heartbroken. Cos you loved that dog, he was just a cheeky little scamp. Here’s an idea. Don’t buy the fucking dog in the first place. Save everyone the bastard hassle*. All I’m saying is, it’s better that I make her cry a little bit now than break her heart in three years’ time when she’s totally in love with me and we’ve bought a load of shitty furniture together. It’s... it’s just the humane thing to do, isn’t it?

Clinic — I.P.C. Subeditors Dictate Our Youth

& Kelly: I’m gonna have to go inside.
    Seth: D’you have to?
    Kelly: Well, they always send a new probation worker after we’ve killed one.

& Ruby: What the fuck is that?! It fucking came off! Me fucking dick’s come off, man!

& Simon: Is there... is there something wrong with your penis? Jesus!
    Ruby: I know!

& Ruby: Come on.
    Simon: Double seven, double zero, nine, double zero. That’s all we’ve got. W... We’re missing the last two.
    Ruby: Right, well, I’m gonna have to try every combination till I get the right one, aren’t I?

& Ruby: Hello! My name’s Rudy. I was just wondering if you can help me. Did I have sex with you last night? Because I... Hello? Hell...? Hello? Well, I’m sorry, but how rude’s that? Eh?

& Simon: You need to try and remember what happened last night.
    Ruby: There was one gi... two gi... there was... There was three girls. There was definitely three.
    Simon: So it’s one in three. What were their names?
    Ruby: I’ve no idea.
    Simon: What did they look like?
    Ruby: Ankles... Collarbones... Ready Brek.
    Curtis: Ready Brek?
    Ruby: If you’ve nothing constructive to say, then please, man, shut the fuck up.

& Ruby: Anyway, stop chatting. We’ve gotta save me cock.

---

& Ruby: I want to be your boyfriend. We’ll settle down, we’ll get an ’ouse. In the weekends, we’ll go to Homebase, and in the evenings, we’ll cuddle up and watch DVDs... All that can be yours... Shall we seal the deal with a bit of sex?
    — Why would I want to be your girlfriend?
    Ruby: Because you’re a girl. It’s what you lot want, isn’t it?

Beastie Boys — All I really Want Is Girls

♪ All I really want is girls ♪
♪ And in the morning, it’s girls ♪
♪ Cos in the evening it’s girls... ♪

& Kelly: Hang on a minute. Let me have a wee before we start.
    Seth: Who says romance is dead?

& Curtis: I’m pregnant.

& Simon: This is her flat.
    Ruby: OK. OK, biatch. It is frigging payback time.

& Ruby: I’m going to fuck her so hard, man, I am going to fuck her into the middle of next week. I’m going to fuck her so hard she’s going to be like a... That wasn’t her. At least, I don’t think it was. Can’t have been that drunk.

& Alisha: Who’s the father?
    Curtis: I don’t know.
    Alisha: Well, who did you have sex with when you were a girl?
    Curtis: No-one!
    Alisha: It can’t be no-one’s. {...} Didn’t... Rudy try it on with you?
    Curtis: Motherfucker...!

& Simon: We need to think of something.
    Ruby: Mate, you need to think of something, cos you’re the ideas man. I’m wasting away down here.

& Curtis: Did you have sex with me?
    Ruby: What?!
    Curtis: Did you have sex with the girl me that time in the locker room?
    Ruby: No, no, dude, I only went down on you.
    Curtis: Well, then, how come I’m pregnant?!
    Ruby: Seriously? Mate, congratulations! Simon, our Curtis is pregnant! ... Yeah, mate, he’s speechless.

& Ruby: £16.76.
    Amy Goodwin: What for?
    Ruby: Just forget everything, take the money, have sex with me.
    Amy: You think I’m a prostitute?!
    Ruby: Or that you could be. If you wanted. Because you’re so beautiful... In the name of the Father, please, take the money and shag me!

& Alisha: So... you’re wanking off as a guy... and then swapping and doing it again... as a girl?
    Curtis: Uh-huh.

& Curtis: I can’t switch back! I’m stuck!

& Ruby: Just call me fucking Harry Houdini.

& Ruby: The future of my cock depends on the slim chance that she’s at some random nightclub? Is that what you’re saying?

& Alisha: So... what shall we call you? Like... Melissa or...?
    Curtis: I don’t give a shit! I’m going to have a baby.

& Ruby: Listen, look for a girl with beautiful collarbones, mate. All right? Good luck.

& Ruby: Your boyfriend helped save my cock, did you know that?
    Alisha: I’m so proud!
    Ruby: Yeah, and so you bloody should be.

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hassle — драка; ссора; склока

On Imdb.