30 Rock 3x12

Larry King

& Jake: Obviously I care about her a lot, but she keeps confusing me with this ridiculous notion that “sex” and “love” are somehow connected.

& Liz: OK, two things: one, be honest, if this is a big deal to her do not take that next step unless you are sure, and second, and more importantly, in 2009 I have done it two more times than you!!

& Pete: What’s that, you’re calling me, how’s that possible? Hello!
    Asseef: This phone was left in my cab by a woman wearing the shirt of a man.

& Liz: Hey, Jack, how are you doing?
    Jake: Like a lion, ready to take its mate.

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& Kenneth: You lied to me!
    Liz: Yeah, alright, I lied, so what? You want the truth Kenneth, you want the truth?
    Kenneth: I can’t handle the truth!
    Liz: There’s an adult picture of me on that phone!
    Kenneth: Adult? You mean like you’re driving a car or wearing a suit?
    Liz: It’s a boobies picture, Kenneth, and I only kept it because for once they were both pointing in the same direction.

& Jake: Look, this is an emergency, if I’m not here, tonight...
    Elisa: What? What’s gonna happen? People are gonna die?.. No. You’ll all just get poor like the rest of us. You’ll eat cereal that comes in a bag, and you’ll keep the free hand wipes from the casino. You might even have to spend some time with your children.
    — Who is this woman, why isn’t someone shutting her up?

& Jake: I love you, Elisa and I don’t wanna be with anyone else.
    Elisa: Okay. But I want a ring so big, that it gives me back problems.

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+ quotes on the Imdb.