Cedar Rapids

& Tim Lippe: One of the reasons I love Brown Valley so much is that when you do business here, chances are good you know the person you’re dealing with. They’re a neighbor or a friend or a friend of a friend. And you can trust them because they’re part of a community. If there is a bad egg around, people find out pretty fast.

& Tim: Do you realize I used to just stare and stare at you when you were teaching us about the rainforests or whatever?.. And I would think, “I wonder what Mrs. V looks like with her clothes off.” And then, boom, we run into each other in line at True Value and, boom, here we are, making love... Like, once a week... It’s like it was fate or something. Did you ever used to look at me and think dirty things?
    Macy Vanderhei (by Sigourney Weaver): ... You were 12.

& Tim: Oh, here we are. Mi casa. Junior suite. Hang on a second here. ... Figure out how this deal works... The key is like a stinking credit card...
    Macy: What is it? Tim?!
    Tim: There’s an Afro-American man standing in my room!
    Macy: What’s he doing?
    Tim: He’s smiling at me.
    Macy: Oh, no. Run for your life.

& Dean Ziegler: What? Why are you showing me a picture of your mom? She’s hot. No offense.
    Tim: She’s not my mom. Okay? She’s my girlfriend, and we’re basically pre-engaged.
    Dean Ziegler: Whoa, whoa. My bad. Beautiful woman, in any case. Wait a minute, what’s “pre-engaged”? ’Cause if I was “pre-engaged,” I will be pre-porking anything with a pulse.

& Ziegler: Who wants to get wasted?!

& Ziegler: You think you’re the Pope, Orin. And you’re not the fucking Pope. And ASMI is not a church. There is a separation between religion and insurance. It’s in the constitution!

& Ronald Wilkes: You gotta admire Ziegler’s style of debate: volume, proximity and repetition.

& Wilkes: What is wrong with you, Ziegler?
    Ziegler: Shit! What isn’t wrong with me? I talk too much. I drink too much. I weigh too much. I piss people off.

& Ziegler: One, two, three, down your hole!

& Macy: Hey, Tim.
    Tim: She’s not that pretty and she smokes!
    Macy: Tim?
    Tim: I made love to a woman, Macy. Her name is Joan. She’s from Omaha, Nebraska and her mouth tastes like cigarettes.
    Macy: You slept with someone?
    Tim: It was a mistake. You mean everything to me. Will you marry me?

---

& Macy: I was married for half my life. I’ve been divorced for all of six months. I wanna enjoy my freedom.
    Tim: What?! Like, is there someone else?
    Macy: Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. I mean, there’s no one person in particular, no.
    Tim: What do you mean, “No one person”? There’s people? Like, plural, people?

& Macy: Bye-bye, little birdie Tim.

& Tim: I love you!
    Bill: Yeah, you better love me if you’re gonna fuck me in the poop shoot the way you done.

& Ziegler: All right, listen. We look like a couple of homos out here. Let’s go in the room and discuss this like gentlemen, over Bloody Mary’s.

& Tim: I’m prepared to show you a little teat*. Will you dance with me, President Helgesson?

& Bree: I’m going to a party at my Uncle Ken’s house. You should come.
    Tim: I don’t know, Bree. I did something today I don’t feel very good about.
    Bree: I do that, like, every day.

& Tim: This would be marijuana, I take it?
    Bree: It’ll make you feel better. Suck the glass dick, dude.
    Tim: It’s not...
    Uncle Ken: Suck that fucking dick, man.

& Tim: Deanzie! I miss you. I miss your smile.
    Ziegler: Yeah, yeah, I miss your smile, too. What are you doing?
    Tim: I’m high on drugs. I’m a 110% blotto*.

& Tim: You don’t have to do those things that you do with, like, strangers. You’re good, and you don’t need to do that.
    Bree: You’re so sweet, Tim. But, you know, we’re all just selling something. A fuck, dope, insurance...

& Gary: Who’s this motherfucker?
    Wilkes: I may look like some suit wearing businessman to y’all, truth is, I’m straight up gangster. And I always keep one in the chamber in case you pondering. So, I suggest for the time being, you let my nigger be, motherfucker.

& Tim: I sold my soul, Dean.
    Ziegler: I know, I know.

& Bill: Ziegler, Jesus. What the hell is this? Some kind of goddamn pajama party or something?
    Ziegler: No, it’s a circle jerk, Bill. Drop your pants and grab some lube.

& Tim: I went into my one-on-one session with Orin in the Tiffany Suite, and we engaged in a filthy act of which I am totally ashamed... I let Orin inside of me, where he tainted the most sacred and special part of me... Of course, I’m talking about my integrity, which I thought was priceless, but turns out it’s only worth $1,500...

& Sherri: Oh, hey, you. Jeez, what happened?
    Tim: Well, let’s see. I got beat up, and I got completely blotto on drugs and alcohol, and I befriended a prostitute... It was awesome.
    Sherri: Well, I guess someone deserves two bags of honey roasted peanuts.

--
teat — сосок
blotto — одурманенный

+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ The life of the ordinary insurer is heavy and homely, that's it.