Scrubs 1x3

My Best Friend's Mistake

& Dr. Cox: His TV is broken, so when you two start tagging each other, the least you can do is wake him up and let him watch.

& JD: I’m just a little lonely. I haven’t been hanging out with Turk since he’s been dating Carla.
    Dr. Cox: First of all, who’s Turk? And don’t answer. Look, if you have a medical question, I’m forced by hospital policy to answer you. However, if you ask me about a personal problem, I’m going to start doing this...
    JD: Ouch!

& Janitor: You seem unhappy... I like that.

& Todd: T-Man. I’m gonna get my grub on.
    JD: ???
    Turk: Means he’s gonna go eat.

& Dr. Kelso: OK, gang, it’s time for rounds. Let’s see who’s The Weakest Link.

& JD: I have a quick legal question... I’m just curious. What if, hypothetically...
    Lawyer: Oh, God! You killed somebody.
    JD: No!
    Lawyer: Someone else did?
    JD: No, no one killed anyone.
    Lawyer: Maimed*, mutilated*, disfigured*.

& Elliot: Dr. Cox...
    Dr. Cox: I’m really hoping there’s another Dr. Cox sat behind me.

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& Elliot: Sending me to Kelso like that, I’m not sure what you were trying to teach me.
    Dr. Cox: The value, and this is important, of leaving me alone.

& Dr. Cox: I’ve had enough. The next whiny intern that comes to me for a cookie and a hug, I swear to Aisha, I’m going to hurt them. And you, you one-woman freak show, take your blah-blah to the blah-blah-ologist. If you’re so stupid as to confront the Chief of Medicine, over some quasi-offensive endearment, then you’ve got to replace the captain of your brain ship because he’s drunk at the wheel.

& Elliot: You don’t wanna hear about my day...
    JD: You’re right. Kiss me.
    Elliot: Right now?
    JD: We can wait three, four seconds.
    Elliot: But I just ate, I feel gross.
    JD: Not gross, pretty.

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Maimed — искалеченный; изувеченный
mutilated — изуродованный
disfigured — изуродованный; истерзанный

+ on Imdb.