30 Rock 3x14

The Funcooker

& Dr. Leo Spaceman: My lab works is in the field of sleep research... Mostly because I checked the wrong box on a form once.

& Jenna: Does it work?
    Dr. Leo Spaceman: It’s kept my lab rats awake for days. But we’re looking for human subjects.
    Jenna: Where do I sign up?
    Dr. Leo Spaceman: Please, we don’t want a paper trail. Take 25 of these a day for the rest of your life.

& Kenneth: Who’s in charge while you’re gone?
    Liz: Let’s see... Pete is spending spring break with his kids, so... no one. No one here is in charge in any way!

& Tracy: I learned that if you pay some money afterwards, you can say whatever you want on TV. I can even say what Ernest Borgnine whispered to me at...
    Liz: Stop. That’s not the lesson!
    Tracy: That’s always the lesson. If you have money, you can do whatever you want.

& Liz: I am not asking you this as the boss you love to undermine, but as the friend whose birthday you love to forget...

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& Jake: I need your creative input. I’ve spent the better part of last 3 years developing a portable, miniature microwave oven. Most of that time has been spent focused on coming up with a hip name for the product, that will appeal to the marketing holy trinity: college students, morbidly obese*, and homosexuals. Unfortunately, legal just informed me that the name we settled on for our bite-size microwave, The BiteNuker, is highly offensive to those who speak French or Dutch. A Franco-Dutchman would pronounce it “Bedneuker.”
    Laroche-Van Der Hoot: Zat’s awful.

& Liz: I’ve been put on a jury. I’ll head up there as soon as we are dismissed for the day. Try not to let anything else bad happen.
    Kenneth: ... I’m in charge! Attention, everyone! All menstruating women go home immediately.

& Liz: Hi, it’s Liz. I should be able to get up there in an hour.
    Rochelle Gaulke: Where are you rushing off to?.. Work?.. Not me. I’m gonna have a sandwich in my cell and take a nap. This man opens doors for me. I’m free. I’m freer than you. Freer than you!

& Jake: We’ve both had a rough week. You went firebug, and I’m sitting on four million... mini-microwaves that legal won’t let out of the warehouse. I suggest we both go to our respective homes, open a bottle of wine, and heat up some ham in the shower.
    Liz: It works in the shower?! You know what?.. This really is the best day ever.

& Tracy: Here comes the funcooker!

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morbidly — патологически
obese — тучный

+ quotes on the Imdb.