Bridesmaids

& Boot Camp Instructor: Hey! Hey! If you want to take this class, you’re going to have to pay for it like the rest of these bitches! ... What, are you dancing?! In the park... Dance class? You are not dancing. You are not dancing in the park! ... Freeloaders! I’m coming over there. I’m coming after you!
    Annie Walker (by Kristen Wiig): Sorry, Rodney. We’re on a budget.
    Instructor: Oh, come on! It’s only 12 bucks!

& Lillian: Ew! You had sex with him.
    Annie: We had an adult sleepover!
    Lillian: Ooh. Did you let him sleep over in your mouth?

& Don: Show me your “love is eternal” face. ... No, that’s two years, four years tops. That is not eternal.

& Rhodes (by Chris O’Dowd!): Please, stop. I believe you. You are not drunk. But I’m still gonna have to give you a ticket.
    Annie: What? Why?!
    Rhodes: It’s a funny thing about brake lights. You have to have them.

& Helen’s Stepson: I’ve seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.

& Annie: The three of us live here, it’s not fair for me to be paying half. We split it three ways.
    Brynn: What do you say?
    Gil: Well, she can’t work. She’s on a tourist visa.
    Brynn: Yeah. So, technically, I’m only allowed to tour. I have no way of earning money, unless I just go and prostitute down on the street.
    Gil: I don’t want you to do that, no.
    Brynn: “Hello, fellas. Here I am. Put your American sausage in my English McMuffin.”

& Annie: Don’t read my journal! Don’t go in my room!
    Gil: Well, hello! I think, before you make those sort of demands, you need to, maybe, think about putting a note on your door saying... “Do not come into my room, read my diary and wear my clothes.”

---

& Becca: That is lucky. It’s a gift. I can’t wait to be married for as long as you’ve been married. And to have kids. And be a mom.
    Rita: Becca?
    Becca: Yeah?
    Rita: The other night, I’m slaving away, making a beautiful dinner for my family. My youngest boy comes in and says he wants to order a pizza. I said, “No, we’re not ordering pizza tonight.” He goes, “Mom, why don’t you go and fuck yourself?” He’s nine.

& Lillian: It’s happening! It’s happening! It’s happening! ... It happened.

& Annie: So, how old are you? ... Do you watch movies?
    Tyler: ... Are you afraid of dying?
    Annie: Hmm?
    Tyler: Are you afraid of dying?
    Annie: Um... I don’t know. I mean, I guess everybody is. I don’t know. Why?
    Tyler: Because my mom is going to kill you.

& Tyler: Your hair looks burned.
    Annie: Okay.
    Tyler: Are you going to make a baby with my father?
    Annie: I don’t... I don’t know.
    Tyler: ... My grandma died where you’re sitting.
    Annie: She died right here?
    Tyler: Right where your underpants are. ... You wanna watch me dance?

& Ted (by Jon Hamm!): You know what? It’s getting really late. You should probably go. I’m going to miss you so much.

& Annie’s Mom: Come here... We’re gonna have fun. I, for one, am really glad you’re here. And guess what? Good timing. You know what just came in today on the Netflix? Cast Away. Tom Hanks. It’s like Forrest Gump, but on an island. Honey, you are gonna love it.

& Annie: Oh! Don’t... This didn’t happen because of Helen.
    Rhodes: This happened because you didn’t get your taillights fixed! It’s pretty simple. Do you have any idea how frustrating it is to see you, night by night, drive past me with your fucking taillights still broken? Do you have any idea how crazy that makes me? {...} Your problem, Annie, is that you just don’t understand that you can hurt people with these broken lights!

& Ted: You used me! No big deal. You are no longer my number three!

& Megan: I’m life, Annie, and I’m biting you in the ass!

& Megan: You got to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Okay, ’cause I do not associate with people that blame the world for their problems. ’Cause you’re your problem, Annie. And you’re also your solution.

& Lillian: The bride’s supposed to be crazy.
    Annie: Yes, technically.
    Lillian: You kind of stole all the crazy.
    Annie: I out-crazied you.

& Annie: Everything’s going to be okay.
    Lillian: Yeah? How do you know that?

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+ quotes on the Imdb.

__ Funny. A lot of times. But. Comedy which lasts > 2 hours?.. Are u kidding?