Not Appropriate For Miners

The Last Man on Earth 4×8

Tandy: Oh, hey. STD, sorry to disturb. Just be a sec.

Tandy: You see a box in here labeled "adult magazines"?... It's not what you think. You know, it was just a bunch of, like, Economists and New Yorkers, Audubons. That kind of fare.

Todd: Are you lying?
Jasper: Yeah.
Todd: Well, thank you... for being honest.

Todd: E-explosives are not appropriate for minors. They're for adults and miners. Coal miners. It-It's a different "miners." Understood?

Carol: I was so focused on step one of repopulation that I completely ignored the next 50 steps.

Carol: I'm just gonna sit back and help nature take its course.
Tandy: Don't you mean let nature take its course?
Carol: Yeah. That's what I said.

Carol: You are gonna love this meal. I took all your favorite things, macaroni and spray cheese and ketchup and Pop Tarts, and I mashed them all together into one special casserole.

Carol: So... where to begin? Oh, how about a general discussion of the flora and fauna of coastal Mexico? Hmm? Hmm?

Carol: .... And then there were two.

---

Gail: Shoog, I've been on this planet a long time, and I figured out a couple of universal truths... One, you cannot domesticate a raccoon. I don't care how smart you think that raccoon is. It's just not happening. And two, you cannot use logic to win an argument with Carol Pilbasian. So just don't let her suck you in.

Tandy: Peso for your thoughtitos, bud.

Tandy: Look, bud, as someone who's been in the Dad game for over 100 hours, I can tell you that being a parent is rock hard, okay?

Tandy: .... And you'll be inside of me. And I will poo you out... So what do you think?
Todd: It's maybe a little harsh.

Erica: Let it go. Do not let her suck you in. Do not let her...

Todd: You. Thanks for the advice.
Tandy: You're welcome, bud. How'd it go?
Todd: Great. I tried to put my foot down. It landed squarely in my mouth.

Carol: Melissa, he's not just a nine to 11-year-old boy, He's the last nine to 11-year-old boy. And that changes everything.

Tandy: Oh, farts.

Tandy: As the de facto and basically facto leader of this group, I should've given you better advice.

--
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The Bitcoin Entanglement

The Big Bang Theory 11×9

Raj: Why are they making four more Avatar movies? It's not like the first one is even that good.

Stuart: I'm, uh, I'm running a special today, uh, buy something, keep having a comic book store to come to.

Raj: Wait, what's Bitcoin?
Sheldon: It's a new online currency that's been developed. Uh, it's just like actual money, except you can't see it, hold it, or spend it on anything.

Sheldon: to buy Bitcoin. You can mine it.
Leonard: Mine it? Like, mining gold?

Sheldon: There's a limited amount, and we find it, not by tunneling into the earth, but by using a computer to solve complex mathematical problems.
Howard: So let me get this straight. We have to write an elaborate program in order to find a fake coin that we can't spend on anything?
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: That sounds fun.

Penny: I thought you were looking at a cliff on the beach...
Amy: We were, but Sheldon didn't like any of them. Some were too beachy, some were too cliffy...
Sheldon: And all of them were too outsidey.

Sheldon: If only you had someone around with an eidetic memory...

---

Sheldon: I have grudges that go back to preschool. Someday, I'm gonna find a grown-up Elaine Dwyer and eat her favorite crayon while she watches.

Amy: Thank you. You may go now. It was nice to meet you, and I mean that politely, not sincerely.

Raj: Uh, not to brag, but all my breakups have lasted.

Penny: I cannot believe you're mad!
Leonard: I'm not mad.
Penny: Oh, really? Tell that to your eyebrows.

Penny: I was gonna write you an e-mail, but I'm a little drunk, and spelling is a sober person's game, so...

Penny: ...plus I have got to learn how to spell Hofstadter. I-I know there's a "D" in there, but it keeps moving every time I try and write it.

Howard: Okay, here's the Bitcoin folder...
Raj: Yeah, how much is in there?

Amy: Sheldon, what did you do?
Sheldon: I plotted my revenge. If you get a dish, I'll serve you some cold.

--
On the IMDb
+ Vanity Card # 573!

A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Young Sheldon 1×6

Dr. Ronald Hodges: ...before we can set out to explore the solar system, we've got a few minor problems to overcome. Not the least of which is, every time we launch, it costs the U.S. taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars... Yes.
Young Sheldon: If you want to save money, why don't you land the booster rockets instead of letting them drop in the ocean?
Dr. Ronald Hodges: That's a cute idea, but, uh, it's not technically possible.
Young Sheldon: Why not?

Mary: Shelly, you haven't touched your dinner. You feel okay?
Young Sheldon: Oh, yes. I was just thinking...
Mary: About what, baby?
Young Sheldon: The optimal height-to-width ratio for a reusable rocket.
Meemaw: I was just thinking the exact same thing.
Young Sheldon: Really?!
Meemaw: Oh, Moonpie, I love you so much.

Young Sheldon: I'm working on the hyperbolic calculations for a rocket return.
George: Need any help?

---

Young Sheldon: Dad, can we afford a computer?
George: You do my taxes. What do you think?
Young Sheldon: Never mind.

Meemaw: Uh-huh. How much is a computer?
Young Sheldon: Apple has a nice one for $2,000, but the kind I need costs three million.
Meemaw: Let me see what I got in the vault.... Nine bucks and, uh... Oh, look at that... a peso.

George: We need to ground him.
Mary: How? If you say "No playing outside," he says, "Thank you."

Young Sheldon: ..... And here... near apogee, we gimbal the engine to exert a torque that executes a pitchover maneuver to flip the rocket by 180 degrees.

Dr. Ronald Hodges: Anything else?
Young Sheldon: Yes. I'd like a glass of water. It's time to take my Zantac.

Dr. Ronald Hodges: ...you have to understand, Sheldon, that while your math is-is theoretically correct, we don't have the technical capability to execute it.
Young Sheldon: So I'm ahead of my time?
Dr. Ronald Hodges: Well... it would appear so.
Young Sheldon: All right, call me when you catch up.

--
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Bad Moms (2016)

Carla: Do you know what I hate? There are so many fuckin' rules now... "Don't punish your kids." "Don't say no to your kids." "Go to your kid's baseball games." "Tell your kids you love 'em." "Don't fuck the janitor at your kid's school..." I mean, what the fuck is this? Russia?
Amy: We're killing ourselves, trying to be perfect, and it's making us insane. In this day and age, it's impossible to be a good mom.

Jane: Aren't you gonna make us breakfast?
Amy: Oh. No.
Jane: But what are we gonna eat?
Amy: You guys are really smart. You can make your own breakfast.

Jessie: What is it with you moms? I am a middle school soccer coach. All I wanna do is make enough money to feed my cats and fill my fuckin' Prius.

Dale: I'm firing you.
Amy: Why?
Dale: Well, you quit coming to the office.
Amy: Okay, maybe I've been slacking off a little bit, but... Tessa took two weeks off when Jon Snow died on Game of Thrones, and he's not even a real person.
Dale: To be fair, we all took two weeks off when Jon Snow died. You're the only person that didn't take two weeks off.

Carla: It's because we love our kids. It's because we love our stupid, selfish, ungrateful, little shit-faces! That's why. We love 'em so much that we would do... Literally anything for them.

--
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>> A Bad Moms Christmas (2017)

Super Hard PCness

South Park 21×9

- Welcome to Netflix. Last year, we approved 16 original shows and movies, and this year, it is our goal to make that number 1,087...

Kyle: Guys! Guys, this has gone on way too long! Can't we all stop being so mean to each other?
Heidi: .... Shut up, Kyle. You sound like your mom.

Tweek: Fights over. Kyle ruined it!

Heidi: Oh, look, honey... Kyle's mom is here! Shouldn't you be at Temple, Ms. Broflovski?

Mr. Mackey: Excuse me. I-I'm sorry, but, uh, is anyone else hearing Hootie and the Blowfish like very, very softly?

Doctor: ...maybe you're having some feelings for her.
P.C. Principal: No, that couldn't be it. We work in the same place, so it'd be impossible for me to like her.

---

P.C. Principal: Do you know if Strong Woman has a boyfriend?
Mr. Mackey: What?! Are you out of your [BLEEP] mind?! Askin' if a co-worker is available in today's times?!

Kyle: I want a world... where laughter doesn't come at someone else's expense, where people can live freely without fear of being farted on. I want a world where you aren't ridiculed for trying to help! A world where a nice girl that I liked isn't turned into another Eric Cartman! These Canadians are in the way of that world and everything they do and everything they have done needs to be erased from the Earth!!

P.C. Principal: Vice Principal Woman, I need to ask you something.
Strong Woman: Okay.
P.C. Principal: This is very difficult, but, uh...
Strong Woman: What? What?!
P.C. Principal: Well, as you can see, there is a door in front of us.
Strong Woman: Yes, there is.
P.C. Principal: I would like to open this door for you, however I understand the gender-based biases that this could imply.
Strong Woman: Why do you need to open the door?
P.C. Principal: I don't need to open the door. I'd just be opening it and holding it the same way I would for counselor Mackey, a student, or anyone else.

--
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Peaky Blinders 1x1

Episode #1.1

Thomas: I think... Arthur. That's what I do. I think... so that you don't have to.

Freddie: What kind of a list would have the name of a Communist and the name of a bookmaker side-by-side?
Thomas: Perhaps it's a list of men who give false hope to the poor. The only difference between you and me, Freddie, is that sometimes... my horses stand a chance of winning.

Aunt Polly: You've nothing more to say to this meeting, Thomas?
Thomas: No. Nothing that's women's business.
Aunt Polly: This whole bloody enterprise was women's business while you boys were away at war. What's changed?
Thomas: We came back.

Aunt Polly: Speak. God and Aunt Polly are listening.

Aunt Polly: You have your mother's common sense, but your father's devilment. I see them fighting... Let your mother win.

Harry: You're too pretty.
Grace: Watch. And listen. .... In Ireland my singing made them cry and stopped them fighting.

---

Chief Inspector Campbell: The Peaky Blinders! The vicious... merciless gangs who blind those that see and cut out the tongues of those who talk. You are worse than them! Those of you who have taken their bribes these years since the war, those of you who look the other way, you... are worse than them! God damn you for soiling your uniforms!
    And then... there are the IRA Fenians and the Communists. Blacker hearts still. They feed on the puss of all this corruption like maggots in a corpse. And like maggots, if left to swell they will eventually swarm like flies and spread their rotten philosophy across the country and across the world!
    Those then... are our enemies! A three-headed beast. It is my job to decapitate each one and by God I will do it!

Campbell: I don't trust any of yous until you earn my trust! And that takes some earning.

Thomas: Are you a whore? Cos if you're not, you're in the wrong place.

Campbell: If it is IRA Fenians, I will find them and find the guns. If it is Communists, I will find them and find the guns. If it is common criminals, I will find them and find the guns. To me there are no distinction between any of the above.

Winston Churchill: Remember this, Mr Campbell. This is England, not Belfast. Bodies thrown in the rivers, wash up in the papers here. .... If there are bodies to be buried, dig holes and dig them deep.

Thomas: If they want them back this bad, they'll have to pay. That's the way of the world. Fortune drops something valuable in your lap, you don't just dump it on the bank of the cut.

Danny: Don't bury me anywhere where there's mud. OK?.. Bury me on a hill and tell Rosie where.

Thomas: In the bleak midwinter...

Uncle Charlie: You're a Peaky Blinder now, Danny.

--
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Brushes with Celebrity

Modern Family 9×8

Sam Anvilmaker: Look, listen, kid. I'm not here to collect panties with phone numbers on them. I'm here to experience the cold absurdity that is being alive.

Manny: Oh, uh... Sorry for bothering you.
Sam Anvilmaker: Here's a writing tip... show me you're sorry for bothering me. Don't tell me.

--
On the IMDb

The King, the Widow and Rick

The Walking Dead 8×6

Rick: ... We meet at Sanctuary in two days to end this, to win it all. It's not like we haven't fought before. We fought every step of the way to this place, to this moment. The path has led us here, to who we are, to each other, to now. And we're so close. This can be our last fight...

Jadis: Trust you? Shot you.
Rick: You grazed me. I woulda still been mad if you'd shot me.

Rick: My people know I'm here. And what they do next depends on what you do right now. Yes or no? What's it gonna be?

Gregory: People who aren't leaders always think they know better. Hmm? Always... pointing the finger at the guy, or, yes, sure, gal who's sitting in the hot seat.

Gregory: You need someone to tell you it's okay to follow your gut. And guess what? I'm that guy. Our hippie-dippie kung-fu-fightin' friend may try and make you feel bad about it, but at the end of the day, you're the shepherd. And you can't have wolves wandering around amongst the sheep. It's as simple as that.

Michonne: ...it's like this... siren's been going off in my head. I can't turn it off. I helped get this started. It's been a day and a half. And I have felt every second. So I just need to see it. Turn that alarm off in my head and turn around and go back home.

Carl: I'm gonna ask you a few questions...

Ezekiel: You could lead them.
Carol: But it has to be you. You inspired them to build this place... to believe in something. .... Those people need King Ezekiel. And if you can't be the king, then do what you do best and play the part.

Carol: I have to act every day. It used to bother me. But this is who I am, and I am still standing. I just have to act like everything is normal until it is.

--
On the IMDb

New Dimensions

The Orville 1×11

Yaphit: Ah, okay, how you want to do this?
Bortus: Do what?
Yaphit: I gotta go in and get the piece.
Bortus: What do you mean, "go in"?
Yaphit: I mean go in. I gotta go in. Pick an entry.
Bortus: I will not allow you inside me!
Yaphit: Doc, help me out here...

Dr. Finn: Now, if you two wouldn't mind leaving, this is more weirdness than I can handle in one day.

Yaphit: A joke? I spent an hour in Bortus' colon! You think that's funny?

Alara: It's not about that. Animals are just fun to have around. It's unconditional love, you know?
Isaac: I do not. Please, elaborate.
Gordon: It's just companionship. You cuddle with it, stroke its fur. Humans bond with animals that way. Try it sometime.

Isaac: Are we... bonding?

Blavaroch: Grahj-kalooga.
Ed: Anybody speak Horbalak?
Isaac: The direct translation is, "You can shove it up your..."
Ed: Okay, got it, got it.
Isaac: Do you wish to hear the rest of the translation?
Ed: No, no, I-I get the gist.

Yaphit: It's 'cause I'm gelatinous, isn't it? You guys can't handle the thought of a gelatinous person in charge of a department.
Ed: Yaphit, that is not it.
Yaphit: This is so racist, man, you're so friggin' racist!

---

Yaphit: You know what? There was less crap in Bortus's colon.

Ed: Wait, I'm sorry, didn't you just tell us that passing through that anomaly would be a death sentence?
Lamarr: The quantum bubble could protect us from two-dimensional space. We go inside, we hang out and wait until the Krill are gone.

Ed: Take us into the anomaly.
Gordon: Hold on to your asses.

Ed: Did you ever read Flatland?
Kelly: No.
Ed: It was a story written in the 1880s, about a two-dimensional society of shapes. The more sides they had, the higher the social status. The triangles were the workman class, the squares were the gentry, the circles were the most respected of all. It was a metaphor for inequality.

Kelly: I want you and I to be okay. But you were being a prideful ass.
Ed: What, are we in a Jane Austen novel? I'm a "prideful ass"?

Claire: So, the outside would be squashed, but the inside wouldn't.
Ed: More space inside than out, like Doctor Who's phone booth.
Kelly: Or Oscar the Grouch's can.
Lamarr: Or Snoopy's doghouse, yeah.
Claire: The miracles of quantum physics...

Lamarr: Initiating quantum bubble. All right. Let's do this.
Ed: Let's get flat... Sorry.

Kelly: It's not the feather, Dumbo. It's you.

--
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Стивен Кинг — Взаперти; Кольцо

Взаперти

  “Каждое утро Кертис Джонсон проезжал на велосипеде пять миль. ...

&  «Кризис среднего возраста», — говорил Сэмми...
     Хотя насчет кризиса среднего возраста звучало правдоподобно. Впрочем, так звучит весь новояз двадцать первого века.

&  Часть его мозга разрывалась от страха и смятения, но другая работала так четко, как не работала со смерти Бетси. И даже дольше. Этой частью он обдумывал вероятность собственной гибели.
     Вдруг я больше не съем ни единого кусочка хлеба? При этой мысли обе части его мозга слились в одном чудовищно сильном желании — выжить.

  ... Мы все-таки соседи.”

---

Кольцо

  “Однажды поздно вечером летом 1970 я перевернулся на бок и спросил лежащую рядом со мной девушку, хочет ли она выйти замуж. ...

&  Утром она сказала, что женитьба – это не очень хорошая идея, а на самом деле, даже очень плохая, но она все равно согласна.

&  Жизнь хорошо обошлась со мной в вопросе карьеры. Я написал бестселлеры и заработал миллионы долларов. Но я ни разу не снимал это дешевое кольцо с левой руки с того самого дня, как моя жена с дрожащими губами и руками и блестящими глазами надела его. Знаю, знаю, похоже на песню в стиле кантри. Но в жизни так часто и бывает.

  ... Прошло уже 42 года, а зеленого следа все еще нет.”

Sassenach

Outlander 1×1

Claire: There's two more over there. We seem to be surrounded by homes marked with blood. Perhaps Pharaoh has refused Moses, and the spirit of death will travel the streets of Inverness tonight, sparing only those who mark their doors with lamb's blood.
Frank: Well, you may be closer than you think. Could well be some sort of sacrificial ritual, but I suspect pagan rather than Hebrew.
Claire: I had no idea Inverness was such a hotbed of contemporary paganism.
Frank: Oh, my dear, there's no place on earth with more magic and superstition mixed into its daily life than the Scottish Islands.

Claire: When confronted with the impossible, the rational mind will grope for the logical.

--
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Oh Captain, My Captain

Grimm 6×3

"You will face yourself again
in a moment of terror."
Mihail Sebastian, «For Two Thousand Years»

Wu: I have no idea what you're talking about. But I think I like it.

Monroe: Okay. Oh, blue or red?
Adalind: What?
Monroe: I don't know. Blue might be the smarter choice, you know, but I gotta say, a lot of people like red. It's a power color, but Nick's not really a tie type of guy, but then again, it's not actually gonna be Nick...
Adalind: Oh, my God, just pick one!
Monroe: Right, right. I'll take 'em both.

Rosalee: You need to take some deep breaths...
Monroe: Nick, Nick, Nick, listen to me! You can control this! You just have to, like, let yourself go emotionally, right? And then just, like, Zen yourself out!
Rosalee: Okay, that's not... no, not helping.

---

Renard: I guess I can be a little late. What's on your mind?
Adalind: Well, a lot of stuff.

Wu: Captain.
Renard: Get out of my way!
Wu: You don't want to go in there... 'cause you're already in there. It might be a little awkward. Just sayin'.

Renard: So, if I shoot you, is that considered suicide?
Renard: I thought we were here to talk? At least one of me is good for my word... I really think there's only room for one of me in this city.
Renard: Which one is that gonna be?

Nick: ...And Adalind comes with me.
Renard: Eh, take her.

--
On the IMDb

Дмитрий Быков — Июнь (14/14)

<< Ранее

&  Столько гнилья и плесени обнаружилось и наросло, в том числе в недавних гражданах нового мира, что выжечь все это мог только всемирный огонь; в огне кое–что могло уцелеть, а в болоте перегнило бы все.

&  Как всякий человек, долго и целеустремленно над чем–нибудь работавший, он давно понимал, что мир не просто так, что мир не сам собой, что мир есть почерк, и почерк указывает на акт творения.

  ... Он расслышал, как в воздухе что–то — непонятно что, но несомненное что–то — словно сказало ему: да, да, да.”

~ ЭПИЛОГ ~

  “Ранним утром в воскресенье Леня с женой и дочкой отправился в лес. ...

  ... Никто не говорил, и репродуктор тоже ничего не говорил, вообще не было ничего, кроме музыки; но он догадался.”

eps3.6_fredrick+tanya.chk

Mr. Robot 3×7

Leon: If nothing else, "Knight Rider" should've won a fucking statue for his dope ass theme song. I mean, the shit just stays with you. Stuck in my head right now, in fact.

Elliot: .... What--what-- what we both may have done, I don't know if I can say it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I don't know if I can say it. ....

Mr. Robot: Why do we have to keep going through a middleman? Why can't he just speak to me himself?

Mr. Robot: You wanna know what's really going on? Look around, sweetheart. I'm not the only one under their thumb. They're manipulating everything, always, just to line their own pockets, to have total control... But that's the conspiracy, man.

Krista: So you are a supporter of Five/Nine?
Mr. Robot: Supporter? I was no supporter. I was the architect!

Angela: They're gonna be okay, right?
Darlene: Who's that?
Angela: All those people who died. Do you think that they're gonna be okay?

Trenton: Besides, what are you even doing on J-Date? You're not even Jewish. And doesn't sound like she is, either.
Mobley: I told you, my 23andMe said I'm 6% Ashkenazi, and for your information, her full name is Juanita Rosenberg.

Angela: Told you. Everyone's okay again. Everyone's gonna be okay.

Mr. Price: Why come after me?
Whiterose: Think back on that fateful night...

---

Mr. Price: No! You give me the real reason, motherfucker. ... What in God's name do you hope to gain?
Whiterose: The opportunity to teach a lesson.

Mr. Price: You had to destroy so much! Why?!
Whiterose: Because, Phillip... I had to ask you twice.

Leon: I kinda like you two. You guys are funny, in a George-Elaine kinda way.

Irving: See, kid, that's been your mistake the entire time, thinking this whole thing's about your silly little plan. No, your revolution was only allowed to happen 'cause it was bought and paid for by people like them.

Irving: Face it, no matter how hard you try... That's always the end result.

Irving: You see what I mean?... Literally nothing can stop these shindigs, not thousands dead across the country, not a lifeless mistress in the guest bathroom.

Grant: In the Dark Army, we understand what it's like to believe in something. We're willing to die for our cause, without thinking twice, because we know we are all soldiers of something much larger. ...
Something else we all believe in: self-sacrifice, because when you serve a higher power, no act is more honorable than suicide. There is no greater gift one can offer the cause... Than everything.

--
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Chloe Does Lucifer

Lucifer 3×8

Amenadiel: Imagine my disappointment when I realized there was no raging party.
Lucifer: It's a security thing. Worked for that Home Alone kid, but, obviously, you can't take a hint.

Lucifer: Oh, you know me, Brother, wine, women and song.

Ella: A fellow nerd. I'm sure you're in a better place now.

Chloe: Ella, what's the cause of death?
Ella: Uh, BABFT.
Chloe: Hmm?
Ella: Big-ass blunt force trauma to the head.

Linda: You know, you're exposing yourself to dreadful consequences. And I'm not talking bad Yelp reviews, I'm talking Hell. Turns out: real!

Lucifer: Partial profiles pics... Such a telltale sign of low self-esteem.

Lucifer: What? You, Detective? Socialize and flirt? Come on.
Chloe: Yeah, but for the investigation, I can sacrifice. Can't be that hard being frivolous and shallow. I'll just channel my inner Lucifer.
Lucifer: What, you want to become a female version of me? Okay. I'll gladly train you.
Ella: Chloe does Lucifer?
Chloe: I wouldn't exactly word it that way...
Lucifer: Get ready to go full me, Detective!

Linda: Dealing with mortality was so much easier when I was just another clueless idiot. Being a celestial insider... really sucks.

---

Linda: I used to walk around thinking maybe reincarnation was real... Sure, it sounded bonkers, but I could still wonder, still hope. What if I came back as a chameleon or something?... Chameleons are cool. But now I know that's never happening, because I know, you know, everything, including where I'm headed when... when this is over.
Amenadiel: And where is that?
Linda: Where do you think? I wish I'd never met any of you!

Charlotte: Seasoned killers know to leave [a murder weapon] at the scene, but first-timers, they tend to take it with them. I can't count the times I've allegedly helped a client unmake that mistake...
Chloe: Really!?
Charlotte: What? I said "allegedly."

Chloe: You were just the face.
Slater: Just the face? [She] was Wozniak. I'm Jobs. No one gives a crap about Wozniak.

Linda: I was in a really dark place. But... someone helped me gain perspective. How's that saying go? We're all in the gutter, but some of us are looking up at the stars.
Lucifer: The stars are just gas bags, and I never would have fed Oscar that line had I known how much I'd have to hear people quote it back to me.
Linda: Oscar freakin' Wilde?

Linda: So... Oscar, huh? Tell me everything.
Lucifer: Well... he was straight when I first met him...

Charlotte: ...And bonus. I'll be around here more.

Chloe: You know, it can be scary sometimes, but... being who you really are is never a bad idea.

--
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Дмитрий Быков — Июнь (13/14)

<< Ранее

&  Описать то время смог бы только тот, кто в нем не жил, ибо у того, кто жил, сломались все механизмы для описания. Ужасна была именно постепенность этой перемены, ибо когда привыкаешь — перестаешь понимать, что, собственно, тебя не устраивало.

&  На Крастышевского словно навалилась гигантская тяжесть большинства, мешавшая себя сознавать, ибо если большинство так терпело и, более того, так хотело — значит, ему было так надо. Крастышевский не мог сформулировать, почему надо. Он знал лишь, что здесь не было и следа оргиастической радости фашизма. Немцы мечтали быть плохими и с энтузиазмом бросались в бездну, русские же мечтали быть хорошими и могли стать хорошими только ценой покорности. Страх сковал все их потребности. Они строили из–под палки, почти не читали, о творчестве не могло быть и речи. Но они были хорошими, и ими были довольны.
     Опрокинуть такую власть было невозможно.

&  Бог явил ему один из своих главных законов: бойся своих желаний, они осуществляются. Или, как говорил Сенека в нравственных письмах, ... — смело проси Бога: ничего чужого ты у него не просишь.

&  Они так долго, так сильно готовились к всемирной схватке! — но вместе с двадцатыми годами иссяк пыл. Ничего, ничего больше не было. Крастышевский читал — и физически чувствовал нервную дрожь, которая их там била: они говорили об отказе от оборонной тактики, о новых командирах, о неизбежности войны, — а слышалось ааа, ыыы! И о чем бы ни заходила речь, сквозь всю мнимую уверенность он слышал, чувствовал дрожь. Хотя на поверхности было сплошное «разгромим».
     Выходило, что они привыкли бить своих, и это понравилось. Они не встретили ни малейшего сопротивления — и теперь панически страшились любого врага. Как всякий многолетний правитель, они расслабились. Как всякий мещанин, состарились. Молодого, цепкого хищника больше не было; герой, прославившийся эксами, то есть в сущности мародерством, — оказался неспособен к открытому бою. Все это время продолжали жрать своих; все это время место дубов занимали осины; все это время они гнили. Не было больше ни великих строек, ни грандиозных планов; кажется, они уже смирились с тем, что станут сырьем для другого хищника, отдадут ему всю свою сырость, всю нефть — и будутсмотреть, как он грызет остатки Европы, косясь уже и за океан.

Окончание >>

Number Two

This Is Us 2×9

Kate: We're having a serious talk?
Rebecca: No. No.
Kate: Mom, every time you sit on my bed, it's a serious talk.

Rebecca: It's not your job to make me feel better. It's not. It's my job. It's my job to keep standing there with my arms wide open, waiting for you to maybe someday fall inside if you needed it. And if you do, I'll love you. And if you don't, I'll love you, too. Because that's what it means to be a parent... You'll see one day.

--
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Gender Friender

The Last Man on Earth 4×7

Tandy: Guys. Guys. I did it! Boop.... I finished a whole side.

Erica: Tandy, I have a question... if you're so smart, why are you calling us "guys"?

Carol: We're all women... and now with the twins and Dawn, there's seven ladies and only three men. I mean, we more than double you. Don't you think calling us "guys" is a little sexist?

Tandy: I can't be sexist. Okay? I am a father of two baby women. I mean, I think girls are so nice I made 'em twice.

Tandy: I am super pro-lady. I wouldn't lie to you, guys.
- Tandy!
Gail: There it is. Sexist pig.
Tandy: No, no, no, no, no. You're absolutely right. We are living in a brave new world, where there are more hot dog buns than hot dogs. So if I have offended you, guys, at all...
- Tandy!

Tandy: Hey, Gail? Gail? Gail? Yeah, on that, we're in total agree-woment. Agree-men-t? Nah. Agreewomen-t. Yeah, that's my current jam.

Todd: Uh, killing Nazis, huh? Yeah. Don't have any problem with that, no, sir. Even the ones just following orders. You know, you got to be held accountable for your actions.

Gail: Women...

Gail: It's not that I wouldn't want to be married to you, I just don't want to be married to anybody. It's a flawed institution. It's like bread bowls or... the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Gail: The only thing we don't have is just some stupid piece of paper.
Erica: Yeah, stupid piece of paper... that says you'll always be there even if the other person gets sick or they get fat or they... drool in their sleep, because you can't imagine your life without them.

---

Tandy: Hey, gals. ... Woman, oh, woman, is it hot out! Yeah, plus all the pollen. Think I might have to go take a anti-her-stimine.
Melissa: Wow, you're really doubling down on all this crap.
Tandy: Yeah. If by "crap," you mean smashing the patriarchy and being a full-on gender-friender, then yes, I'm 100% full of crap.

Tandy: I am entering phase two of what I'm calling my "Sex Change Operation." 'Cause well-behaved Tandies seldom make herstory.

Tandy: Vagina-doodle-doo! Rise and shine, everyone! What a beautiful daughter-rise...

Gail: Now, listen here. In my experience, marriage has never been about love. It's about doing what other people expect of you. The first time I got married is 'cause I thought I was pregnant. The second time was because I was pregnant. And the third time was because a wife can't testify against a husband in court. It's a long story.

Tandy: Ladies and gentl-women, ...

Tandy: ...I want to be clear: this is not a gay wedding. Because now, we're living in a world in which men and women don't exist. Which means gay doesn't, either...

Tandy: I feel like Bill Clinton right now. A simple man between two legendary Bushes. One of them a little older...

Tandy: ...And do you, Erica... wait a minute. What's your last name?
Erica: .... Dundee.
Tandy: What?!?!

Tandy: Then, by the power invested in me, I now pronounce you regular married. You may kiss as deep and hard as you want to.

Carol: I'd like to say something. Mom, you're married. Who saw that coming?

--
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Дмитрий Быков — Июнь (12/14)

<< Ранее

&  Крастышевский начитался ужасов о войне четырнадцатого года и помнил общую патриотическую истерику. Это была дичь, мерзость, позорище.
     Вдруг словно разрешили наихудшее, и люди этим разрешением радостно воспользовались. Он был в седьмом классе, и все, кого он ненавидел, тут же ринулись в погромщики.

&  Разрушение было не за горами. Но если даже оно предопределено, ... это не повод приближать неизбежное. Мы все умрем, но лучше не торопиться.

&  Завоевать Россию было нереально, последнюю в истории попытку покорить и покроить ее предпринял Наполеон: положим, он вовсе не собирался захватывать Россию целиком, но Россия не понимала всех этих тити–мити, всех этих рыцарских представлений и локальных задач. Кто с мечом к нам придет и так далее, ради каковой концовки и был переделан убийственный сценарий под характерным названием «Русь». Можно былозахватить столицу России — и все равно закончить войну в собственной столице, с полным разгромом. Россия непобедима, поскольку колоссально и огромно необхватна; Россия не знает никакой другой войны, кроме как до последнего человека; локальных поражений она не замечает вовсе, и ни Крымскую, ни Японскую войну не принимает всерьез. Те, кто негодует по поводу этих поражений, элементарно не понимают собственной страны.

&  Уже кое–кто припоминал лозунги «На Берлин»; уже напечатали в собрании сочинений плакаты Маяковского о том, как у Вильгельма Гогенцоллерна размалюем рожу колерно, — страшные вариации на тему «Француз не тяжелей снопа ржаного»; «В славном лесе Августовом битых немцев тысяч сто вам. Враг изрублен, а затем он пущен плавать в синий Неман». Уже такое печаталось, что стыдно было всегдашних разговоров о миролюбии; уже и самые эти разговоры были непредставимы.

&  Враг, при всем внешнем сходстве, сильно отличался. Дело было даже не в том, что здесь для порядку иногда заговаривали о будущем, а там превозносили прошлое, великую эру ледяных титанов. Истинное различие коренилось в том, что здесь преобладала религия аскезы, простоты, гражданской скорби — ибо хорошим жителем считался только тот, у кого почти ничего небыло, а если что–то давали — то нехотя, и с таким видом, будто надо было немедленно поклониться и вернуть. Там же царила сплошная радость, цветущее физическое здоровье — особенно контрастное на фоне местной желтолицести, сероодетости, постоянной пришибленности. Там с восторгом, с ликованием позволяли себе встать на четвереньки; там всё понимали, но продолжали с упоением лгать. Фашизм в том и заключался, чтобы с радостью преступать осознанный, отлично понимаемый моральный закон: с оргиастическим детским криком пасть в объятия дьявола.

Далее >>

Meeseeks and Destroy

Rick and Morty 1x5

Rick: You okay, Morty? I told you not to trust that tuna.
Morty: I just killed my family!..
Rick: I don't know, Morty. Some people'd pay top dollar for that kind of breakthrough.

Rick: Come on, Morty, don't be like that. The universe is a crazy, chaotic place.
Morty: You're the one that's crazy and chaotic! Adventures are supposed to be simple and fun.

Mr. Meeseeks: I'm Mr. Meeseeks! Look at me.

Mr. Meeseeks: Can do! I'm Mr. Meeseeks!

Morty: All we got to do is find the treasure room, okay? It's nice and simple. You know, I'm sorry everything's going so smoothly and adventurously.

Rick: Just give up, Morty. This is game over. I'll take us home right now. You just say the word.
Morty: No way, Rick. This is all part of it. Adventures have conflict. Deal with it.

---

Morty: Usually, walking down the courthouse steps is the easy part of the adventure.
Rick: What do you say, Morty?... Yeah, Morty, this is the part of the story everybody loves scaling down 650,000 oversized steps.

Slippery Stair: Y'all need to ride down the stairs? My name is slippely-slippery stair. I'll take you down there for 25 shmeckels.

Morty: You know, you were right about the universe. It's a crazy and chaotic place.
Rick: Well, you know, maybe that's why it could use a little cleaning up every now and then, you know.

Joyce: I realized the Meeseeks are like the guys I went to high school with willing to say anything to "complete their task."
Jerry: Was I one of those guys?
Joyce: The difference is you didn't disappear afterwards.
Jerry: Well... I got you pregnant.
Joyce: Yeah...

Peasant #1: Sir, I think you're going to want to see this. We found it inside a lockbox inside king Jelly Bean's closet. We have to tell the people.
Peasant #2: .... Wait. Destroy it... Our people will get more from the idea he represented... than from the jelly bean he actually was.

--
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The Big Scary U

The Walking Dead 8×5

Gabriel: I might die. I very likely will die. I'm not asking to live. You've given me redemption, and it's that which makes me no longer fear death. What I fear... is a fruitless death. What I ask for... after you have given me so much... is purpose.

Simon: You said you could solve the problem... Today's the day, Gregory. You fill your belly up with my love, and then you solve it.

Gregory: Negan, let me lay this down straight for you. I know how it is... negotiating the slippery, steep terrain of managing resources and the population and... the big, scary you. But you might know, it's called the unknown.

Gregory: Negan, I don't like killing people any more than you do--
Negan: I like killing people.
Gregory: Oh. Well, I--
Negan: I say it's about killing the right people. So, you kill the right people at the right time... everything falls into place. Everybody's happy... Well, some people more than others. But you kill one, and you could be saving hundreds more. And that is what we are all about... We save people.
Gregory: That's... That's why you're called the-- the Saviors. Oh.

Negan: People. Are. A resource. Money on the table!

Negan: Who the hell do you think you're talking to? Are you confused about who we are? Are you confused about who is in charge?

Negan: Your friend Rick is an asshole.
Gabriel: You're an asshole.
Negan: Yeah. I am. But he's gonna get people killed.
Gabriel: By you.
Negan: See, I killed the widow's husband and the ginger. But I didn't get them killed. That was your boy Rick. Big difference.

Gabriel: Maybe this is the reason.
Negan: What?
Gabriel: I think... I'm here to take your confession.

---

Gavin: Sometimes it doesn't take a gun. The right kind of rat... can kill plenty of people with just some talk.

Simon: Good meeting, people. Now let's make today the best today it can be.

Eugene: I'd like to express my sincere thanks for your support at the recent confab. I was doing my level best to stay fully on the DL, but sometimes the mouth-brain neuronal connection experience is a misfire, and foot met mouth at an unavoidable velocity.

Eugene: I fully understand the reasoning behind yours truly being prime suspect in pretty much any Benedict Arnold type situation. And in light of that, I'm doubly grateful to have you watching my six.

Gabriel: Why are you weak?
Negan: That's the wrong question. It is how I am weak. You see, the thing is, I am also strong. Everyone is a mix. You can use your weaknesses to drive your strength, and obviously, I am strong as shit.

Gabriel: Tell me how you're weak. We might be dead soon...

Daryl: We gotta win.
Rick: Yeah, we gotta... Choke hold's illegal, asshole.
Daryl: Mm-hmm. Yes, it is.

Gabriel: You're forgiven.
Negan: Thanks... You can keep your gun.

Negan: You ever done this trick with the guts before?... These are putrid, decaying organs, dead blood, piss, and shit that have been cooking all day in the Virginian sun. None of your people ever gotten sick from this?
Gabriel: We're from Georgia.

Negan: Well, here's a little refresher on who the hell I am... I wear a leather jacket, I have Lucille, and my nutsack is made of steel.

--
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Off The Record

Lucifer 3×7

Lucifer: I know what this is about.
Reese: You do?
Lucifer: Yes, and the answer is no. I will not sleep with you.
Reese: Excuse me?!
Lucifer: It's not because you're a man. It's just because... Well, I don't find you attractive.

Reese: So, someone's killing charlatans...
Lucifer: Ah. The worst kind of scum. Next to boy bands.

Reese: I wanted to write a piece that showed that your partnership was a dangerous joke. That Lucifer was a fraud. But the truth is he's just frustratingly, annoyingly... a charming guy.

Reese: Okay, I know this sounds crazy, it... He's the Devil. And I-I don't mean in-in a, in a douchebag, club-owning kind of way. I mean... he's the actual Devil.

---

Linda: When I first learned who he really was, it... it-it turned my world upside down. But he's not what you think.
Reese: He's the Devil!
Lucifer: Oh, it's not like I've hidden that fact.
Reese: He's evil incarnate!
Linda: No. No, he's a good man. He's my friend.

Lucifer: What is it with you humans? Huh? Always blaming me. I never make any of you do anything.
Reese: That's not true. You trick us into sin, damnation.
Lucifer: I have a story for you, reporter. One I've never told a human soul before...

Lucifer: I take no part in who goes to Hell.
Reese: Then who does?
Lucifer: You humans. You send yourselves. Driven down by your own guilt. Forcing yourselves to relive your sins over and over. And the best part... the doors aren't locked. You could leave anytime.
Reese: It says something that no one ever does, doesn't it?
Lucifer: No.

--
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Дмитрий Быков — Июнь (11/14)

<< Ранее

&  Годочек, русачки, жидочки, кровушка — все было мерзко, ласкательно, как подслащенное дерьмо.

&  Теперь начиналось такое, что он забывал, на каком свете засыпал, — потому что просыпался каждый раз на другом. Все портилось стремительно, бесповоротно и так наглядно, как он себе даже не представлял. И самое ужасное, что многие были рады. Удивительно еще было, что радовались не все. Но общий восторг был нескрываем...

  ... И что–то мигнуло в воздухе, но он не понял — что; словно взорвалось где–то, но не рядом, а километров за семьсот.”

~ ЧАСТЬ ТРЕТЬЯ ~

  “А вот у Игнатия Крастышевского все время было свободным, а между тем времени не было совсем. ...

&  Слово стояло в центре русского мира, служа универсальной компенсацией. Большинство названий русских романов содержало «и» — «Преступление и мир», «Война и дети», «Отцы и думы», «Былое и наказание», — но это было «и» в значении «зато»: война, зато какие дети! Отцы, зато какие думы! Мы живем вот так — зато какое у нас слово! «Зато» было более важным, более значимым словом, нежели «авось».

&  Самым перспективным жанром двадцатых был плутовской роман. Первым плутовским романом было Евангелие — рецепт был прост и включал десять составляющих.
     В центре странствующий Учитель, превращавший воду в вино и даже воскрешающий мертвых. Носитель прогресса, смягчающий жестоковыйный мир отца. С отцом всегда были проблемы: иногда его вовсе не было видно, иногда — призрак. Учитель непременно умирал и воскресал, ибо сам плутовской роман бывал наиболее успешен в яме, в период темных веков между двумя светлыми полосами. Так, христианство родилось между античностью и Ренессансом, а Гамлет и Дон Кихот были последышами Ренессанса в преддверии Просвещения. Возникновение шекспировского вопроса объяснялось тем, что во времена Шекспира сам он был никому не интересен, рукописей его не собирали, личность не только не помнили, а старались забыть. Интересны были Бомонт и Флетчер, которых сегодня в рот не возьмешь. Воскресение Учителя было залогом наступления новой светлой полосы, в которой, собственно, он и становился главным героем — как Рождество и Благовещение сделались главными сюжетами Возрождения. У Учителя всегда был глуповатый друг (иногда — ученик) и предатель (иногда — из числа учеников). Учитель всегда странствовал, потому что за повторение трюка в одном и том же месте могут и побить; иногда странствовали его альтер эго, как актеры в «Гамлете». Рядом с Учителем не могло быть женщины — она всегда ждала где–то, иногда за сценой; лучшим финалом было возвращение к ней и совместное рыдание, что так удалось в «Пер Гюнте»... Правариантом плутовского странствия была «Одиссея», в которую укладывались все прочие сюжеты. Любимым инструментом Учителя служило безумие, ибо часто только оно позволяло избежать расплаты. Так, Одиссей надеялся было избежать призыва на Троянскую войну, в порядке симуляции засевая поле солью, но Паламед оказался хитрей и положил под плуг Телемаха. Тут Одиссей быстро вошел в разум и сказал: «Всё, всё, поехали на войну». Здесь важно, что Одиссей не хотел войны. Он понимал, что от войны ничего хорошего не будет. Война нужна была Менелаю и Агамемнону для решения внутренних проблем. Елены, конечно, не было. Casus belli всегда выдумывается задним числом.

Далее >>

Rust and Bone

Stéphanie: You fight for 500? Get beat up, put your health at risk, for 500?
Alain: Risk my health? Don't overdo it.
Stéphanie: I can give you 500. Cancel. I'll pay you tomorrow.
Alain: If you're loaded, sure. But I said I'd do it.
Stéphanie: If it's not the money, why?
Alain: I never said it's not the money.
Stéphanie: So why?
Alain: What a pain! Why? To fight. For the fun of it. Like you and your fish. Why? Because it's fun. The money and the fun.

Alain: Was it good or not?
Stéphanie: Yes, it was good.
Alain: Well, when you feel like it, call me. If I'm OP, I'll come.
Stéphanie: What does that mean, 'OP'?
Alain: Operational. When I'm available, when I can.
Stéphanie: When you're OP, we...
Alain: Yes... What?
Stéphanie: Nothing, it's great.

Alain: You okay, RoboCop?

Alain: Twenty-seven bones in a human hand. Certain monkeys have more. Gorillas, 32. Five in each thumb. A man has 27. You break a hand, you break a leg... after a while calcium joins it back together. It may even end up stronger than before. But break a bone in your hand and you'll see it never heals. You'll remember it at each fight, with every punch. You'll be careful. But one day... the pain will come back. Like needles. Like broken glass.

--
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A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Young Sheldon 1×5

Sheldon: In Texas, the Holy Trinity is God, football and barbeque... not necessarily in that order.

Young Sheldon: When the Aggies give up the ball on their own five-yard line, the opposing team has a 92% chance of scoring. When they punt from deep in their own territory, the other team still has a 77% chance of scoring. But since they convert on fourth down 50% of the time, the math says they should never punt again.
Meemaw: Okay, you can tell me, who's his real daddy?

Georgie: Everybody knows you punt on fourth down.
Young Sheldon: Why does everybody knowing something make it right?
Georgie: Because... That's what makes this country great.
Sheldon: Many years later, my brother would use this same argument in front of a judge. He was still convicted for urinating in a phone booth.

Meemaw: Can I ask you a favor?
Young Sheldon: Sure. What?
Meemaw: You know those statistics that you were talking about with your dad? Could... could that be applied to, say, who might win the Cowboys-Packers game next week? And, more specifically, by how much?

---

Young Sheldon: I was touched 82 times this afternoon.
Tam: What do you mean, "touched"?
Young Sheldon: Not inappropriately. Joyfully. Affectionately. A cheerleader hugged me to her bosom.

Young Sheldon: No more high fives. I can't keep washing my hands.

Young Sheldon: I don't need a calculator, Dad. I am one.

Sheldon: ...I made a mistake on a math test. In my exhaustion, I did all the calculations in my head, and, like a common zoo animal, forgot to show my work.

Young Sheldon: A B-plus... that's the beginning of the end.
Tam: The end of what?
Young Sheldon: My life. If I don't make some changes, who knows how far I'll fall. I could wind up a drug addict, or a lawyer.

Meemaw: Will you take a down payment in quarters?

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtrack

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Valerian: What can I do to make it up to you?
Alex: Beginning descent in three minutes.
Laureline: Nothing that you can get done in three minutes.

Doghan-Dagui: We know how humans work.
Doghan-Dagui: They are all so predictable.
Laureline: Clearly, you have never met a woman.

Jolly the Pimp: Let's not talk about business. Can we just talk pleasure? What kinda music you into, huh? You like Techno, Macro, Bio, Nano?
Valerian: I'm more Retro.
Jolly the Pimp: Ah, me too. Oldies are goodies. Sit down. Relax. And enjoy the show.

Bubble: You really liked my performance?
Valerian: Best I ever saw.

Bubble: I've never played a Boulan-Bathor before!
Valerian: What? Are you an artist or not?
Bubble: Yes, but, I need time to get into my role, and capture my movements and behaviors, and character's arc, we do a couple rehearsals, you give me some notes...
Valerian: Well, a little improv never hurt anyone.

---

Bubble: So, how did you come to lose your partner?
Valerian: Because I'm stupid... All I do is flirt and joke. Oh, tryin' to be cool rather than being honest. Story of my life.
Bubble: How young were you when you lost your mom?
Valerian: Please don't go there right now.

Bubble: I leave you my kingdom. Take good care of it. But most importantly... Take good care of her. Love her without measure. "There's beggary in love that can be reckoned."

Tsûuri: We can forgive, but how can we forget?

Commander Filitt: Major. History is on the march. And neither you nor a bunch of savages are gonna stand in its way.

Commander Filitt: I'm a soldier. A soldier will always choose death over humiliation. Annihilate them all.

Laureline: And what does the future hold?
Valerian: You. Me. Us.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Firestorm

The Orville 1×10

Ed: People seem to think that being brave means not being afraid. The way I see it, if you're not afraid... there's nothing to be brave about.

Alara: You do realize that there are planets where a military career is a very honorable thing. The humans view it with great respect.
Dad Kitan: Well, yes, the humans. The hillbillies of the galaxy...

Ed: All weapons are to be kept on stun. We want the clown alive.

Ed: Well, if it's impossible, then it doesn't really exist. And if that's the case... there's something wrong with us.

Claire: I understand what you're feeling. Nobody likes going to the doctor...

Claire: The best way to get accurate results with a brain examination is to go in through the abdomen, up through the chest, and through the base of the skull.

---

Claire: Captain. Do you ever sit in your quarters and look out the window?.. Do you ever stop and watch the darkness out there?.. It's very, very dark in space. Looks so empty. But there are terrors lurking all around us in the infinite shadows. You can't see them, but they're there.

Claire: You have no idea... what's coming for you.

Lamarr: How would we know we were in purgatory? What's purgatory even like?
Ed: You ever been married?
Lamarr: No.
Kelly: It's like that.

Isaac: Foolish little girl, you cannot stop me! Soon, this ship will run red with your blood!

Alara: So who's afraid of clowns?
Lamarr: That's me.
Alara: You really are afraid of clowns?
Lamarr: Yes. Please stop saying the "C" word.

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb

Sausage Party

Frank: Boo and yah, motherfuckers. Red, White and Blue Day is tomorrow!
Carl: Dudes, basically every single sausage... gets chosen on Red, White and Blue Day.
Frank: By this time tomorrow, we're all gonna be 5 inches deep in some bun, son.

Frank: That's super fucked up about Bill and those guys. They stayed in their package, followed all the guidelines of the song. What do they get?
Barry: We're not supposed to understand... the will of the gods. They work in mysterious ways.
Frank: Since we base our lives on the song, it might be nice if there was some proof.
Carl: Proof? All the proof you need is right in front of you. Look at these big old buns...

Carl: Dude, I just don't why you're limiting yourself to one bun. There's plenty of buns out there.
Frank: Because I believe in bun-ogamy. I'm a bun-ogamist, and when a bun this fresh is into you, all you ask is when and how deep.

Honey Mustard: You're celebrating your doom! Wake up! They're lying to your fucking faces! The Great Beyond is bullshit! Why isn't anybody listening to me?

Brenda: There is no Great Beyond without you, Frank.
Frank: Well, according to Honey Mustard, there might not be a Great Beyond at all...

Frank: I was told that you might have some answers?
Firewater: Answers I have. But first... I must know the question.

Firewater: Okay. The thing about the Great Beyond is... we invented it!
Frank: What?!
Firewater: I know, right? As soon as you're out those doors, the gods kill our asses.
Frank: What, are you crazy?! That doesn't make any sense! Why would the gods kill us?
Firewater: Because it makes them stronger. Every kill gives them more power, and it's never enough. Over the years, they've grown bigger, stronger, fatter. Their hunger's insatiable, buddy. I mean, fuck.

---

Firewater: The melody came to me one night when I was getting super, super, SUPER baked. Like fuck-a-guy, baked. You know what I'm saying?... The song had a great hook and it caught on, I mean, you know... In time, everyone accepted this false truth. But over the years, things started to get a little... fucky. The aisles started changing my verses to support their own views, fucking with Twink's tight-ass lyrics, remixing my shit without my permish... Now, every morning when I hear that song, I'm like, "What the fuck are you guys saying, hey?" Wasn't their a part today about exterminating juice? I didn't write that shit, I love juice. Always have, I mean, juice are hilarious. Who the fuck do these guys think they are?.. Anyway, at least it's still distracting them from the truth: that they get brutally devoured.

Frank: I don't get how you can just believe stuff you don't have any proof of.
Brenda: How come all of a sudden you only believe if there's proof?
Frank: I'm not walking around with my eyes closed!
Brenda: What are you saying? I should believe in nothing? That everything is pointless?
Frank: Better than believing bullshit that you can't explain!
Brenda: Maybe I don't need to explain it because it's something I feel.
Frank: Well, I feel like that makes it hard to have a rational conversation.

Druggie: Oh, no, not Mr. Pizza! Oh, fuck! I've eaten so many of your family members! I've committed pizza genocide!

Sammy: I literally can't wait to be home. I'm so excited, I'm plotzing. Gefilte Fish will be there. Matzah. Even Hummus...
Lavash: Wait a minute. You know Hummus?
Sammy: Know him? I'm gonna go so far as to say I consider Hummus one of my dearest friends.
Lavash: Really? I too know Hummus! And I too consider him a dear friend.
Sammy: We both like Hummus.
Lavash: Well, any friend of Hummus is a... Get the fuck away from me!

Gefilte Fish: Sammy, bubula, where have you been? Oh, I'm surprised that savage Lavash didn't stone you to death.
Baba Ganoush: You had to travel with a bagel? How much did his dirty hands steal from you?
Lavash: ... A ton.

Frank: I am Frank... and I am a sausage. A little sausage with some pretty big news. Everything we've been led to believe is a lie. When we get chosen by the gods, they're choosing us for death. Murder. Automatic expiration. The Great Beyond is bullshit.

Indian Chutney: So we cannot run, we cannot hide... and we cannot stand up to them because they're fucking gods... and they are immortal! So, basically, there's no hope, and we're royally fucked!

Pop Bottle: You ready for this?
Geronimints: I don't know.
Pop Bottle: It's better to die a free candy than to live in bondage!
Geronimints: This is gonna hurt so fucking much....

Douche: Look, sausage, I relish the fact... that you mustard the strength to ketchup to me. ... I sucked a juicy box's dick, and I'm shoved up a god's asshole. And this is the weirdest thing that I've done so far, bro.

Frank: I can't believe we were saving ourselves for the Great Beyond when...
Brenda: It was in front of us the whole time.
Frank: ...It was in front of us the whole time.

--
+++ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Vegas With Some Radish

Lucifer 3×6

Lucifer: I want you to focus on one thing only, Detective... That is getting older.

Chloe: It's my birthday!
Lucifer: Shake your booty while you still can.

Ella: Mmm, you smell that? That is pleather, cigars, and vomit, my friend.
Lucifer: I have to say, I didn't have a good Catholic girl like yourself pegged as a fan of Sin City.
Ella: Mm, not a fan, exactly. More like a tiny, helpless space capsule being sucked into a deadly black hole.

Ella: Ixnay on the ot-nay andy-cay.
Lucifer: Sorry, is that German? 'Cause if it is, it's absolutely awful. Trust me, I should know. Hitler was a talker. Well, screamer, actually.

Lucifer: Poker?
Ella: No, poker involves bluffing, also known as lying. Something you claim you don't do.
Lucifer: Bluffing and lying, two totally different things.

---

Candy: I might pretend to be someone a little less threatening sometimes, but I don't lie. I call it bluffing. Totally different things.

Chloe: Damn it, 6-6-6 didn't work, either.
Linda: Try 8-0-0-8.
Chloe: 8-0-0-8?
Linda: It spells "boob."
Chloe: Ah.

Chloe: This... look at this. This is nuts.
Linda: Yeah, but super fun.

Lucifer: ...well, I didn't want to dredge any of those up again. So, I... bluffed. But I've come to realize that perhaps bluffing is the same as lying and that's, as you know, something I never want to do. Especially to you.

Lucifer: It's the bullet from when you shot me. Remember in the warehouse, early in our partnership?
Chloe: Oh. Yeah. I remember.
Lucifer: Well, I thought since I'll never likely penetrate you, I'd commemorate the one time you penetrated me.

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks

Дмитрий Быков — Июнь (10/14)

<< Ранее

&  И вообще, заметил Боря, все эти люди, которые исчезали, имели свои «но», за что их непременно следовало арестовать, и только мы, оставшиеся, были совершенны и ни в чем не виноваты. Это сформировался такой подход, его усердно воспитывали в последние пять лет — и воспитали.

&  ...вот ты увидишь. Я не говорю, что это идейно близко. Но это стилистически близко, а стиль решает все, вот ты увидишь.

&  Вы все исходите из каких–то теоретических вещей, а нет ничего, что отбрасывалось бы легче теорий. Есть только дух, а дух един. Сказать ли тебе, чьим любимым чтением был старик Гегель?

&  Я чувствую их кровную близость, потому что общий враг у них один; нет, не евреи, как ты подумал. Просто евреи всегда стараются оседлать будущее, чуют его первыми. Вот будущее и есть тех двоих единственный враг, потому что в будущем их одинаково нет, — понимаешь? И даже если они сцепятся в какой–то момент — во что я не верю, потому что это будет самоубийством для обоих, — если даже они сцепятся, то с единственной общей целью: положить в этой схватке побольше будущего, убить всех.

&  Сергеев тогда меня не понял, а надо было прислушаться: есть народы, которых сама история научила заранее трепетать, и есть представители этих народов, которые особо приспособлены к трепетанию. Эти представители — изгои среди изгоев, и среди евреев тоже такие есть — те, кто оторвался от корней. Они ни для кого не стали своими, но перестали быть и частью своего гетто; всё, что они выиграли, — сорванную кожу, невыносимо обостренное чутье. И потому я знаю все, что будет, говорил Боря невидимому Сергееву.

Далее >>

Great Again

American Horror Story. Cult

7×11

Kai: Now let's get down to business. We have more corpses in our future...

Kai: This isn't a gang. It's an army. These are my soldiers, and this place is a fertile breeding ground. While women destroy the world outside...

Ally: Exciting night, isn't it?
Beverly: Yes. The Divine Ruler's wisdom is an inspiration. I'm very privileged to be making this watermelon and feta salad, a glorious recycling of the Night of a Hundred Tates practice session. Nothing goes to waste with this amazing crew.

Ally: Beverly, you didn't fit the profile. A black woman in a cult of angry white nationalists?

Beverly: If she turned down Lana Winters, why would she talk to Rachel fucking Maddow?

Ally: ...you are trapped in a cage with nothing but other men. Your sick, ugly, necrotic DNA will rot in prison until you die. And then it will be gone from the world forever.

Ally: ... Which is why I am here today to announce my run for the office of United States Senator from the great state of Michigan.

Ally: It's time we band together to bring down all cults... The Democratic party, the Republican party, the entire two-party system.

---

Ally: On Capitol Hill, they my not want to listen to a woman who will take a sledgehammer to their antiquated system of oppression, but with your support, they're not gonna have a choice.

Ally: Isn't it sad when a strong woman scares people more than clowns?

Ally: You can call me a snowflake if you want to, but I am one of millions and together we make a goddamn blizzard.

Kai: Killing people doesn't get the men hard and the ladies wet anymore. But Americans lose their ever-loving shit when you destroy their symbols, statues, flags, pledges of allegiance, $20 bills, white Jesus and Merry fucking Christmas!

Ally: You were wrong. There is something more dangerous in this world than a humiliated man: a nasty woman.

Ally: No, honey. Not like Kai. Never again like Kai. Women. A group of powerful, empowered women who want to change the system.

--
On the IMDb

eps3.5_kill-pr0cess.inc

Mr. Robot 3×6

Mom: You wanna know what I believe?
Angela: What?
Mom: That this isn't the end, that there's another world out there for both of us, that we'll see each other again. And we'll play and dance and... bake and sing. Doesn't that sound beautiful? Will you believe with me?

Elliot: You met White Rose? What the fuck is happening?!

Angela: I'm sorry, Mr. Alderson, but are you even allowed to be in this building?

Whiterose: All will be done by end of day. You have my word.

---

Price: Another fine choice of venue by Sergey...
Whiterose: Utterly tasteless.
Price: I passed that buffoon of an owner in the lobby. You're gonna take him up on his offer to go boating tomorrow?
Whiterose: Oh, please, don't remind me. Those swim trunks he insists upon wearing, a bit too snug... and a bit too short, wouldn't you say?
Price: Mm. I believe the appropriate term is "hanging brain."

Elliot: Kill process: when an unwanted process is running and you need to terminate it. I need to kill Stage 2 before it kills anyone else.

Darlene: I can see your big ass eye. Open up.

Darlene: You can lie to yourself all you want... But when you're alone at night, this shit will haunt you. Trust me on that.

Elliot: Does everybody know something I don't?

--
On the IMDb
+ Soundtracks!

Winner Winner Turkey Dinner

Modern Family 9×7

Manny: Everybody's heard of the H. Bronfman Clothiers Black Friday sale where the hoi polloi fight over tuxedos like animals.

Mitchell: No, you... you are not gonna confess. You're gonna smash that anxiety into a little ball, and you're gonna push it into that little, tiny hole in your soul where childhood traumas go.

Gloria: You said some pretty harsh things to Mrs. Barrish.
Jay: In my defense, um, this banquet she's planning is not historically accurate. For example, I don't remember a tandoori chicken option at the first Thanksgiving...
Principal: We have children here from many ethnicities, and we try to make them all feel included.
Jay: Be that as it may, history does not record Pocahontas asking John Smith to pass the sashimi roll while Myles Standish helps himself to gluten-free huevos rancheros!... After that, it got heated, and we got expelled.
Gloria: "We"?

Gloria: Hey, Google, how much time left on the turkey?

Jay: Joe... tell us about the first Thanksgiving. Come up here, buddy. You got this.
Joe: There was once a land of godless natives. They did not know any better until, one day, the white man arrived... The white man took pity on these primitives by teaching them to cultivate the land. But their kindness was mistaken for aggression, and a war began.
Mitchell: What kind of school is this?
Cameron: This is what I was taught.
Mitchell: What?!
Joe: Eventually, peace was restored, and we bestowed them with our nation's highest honor... naming football teams for them.

--
On the IMDb

Дмитрий Быков — Июнь (9/14)

<< Ранее

&  В Америке могут дружить люди разных взглядов, а в России нет. В чем дело? В том, что помимо взглядов у американцев есть нечто общее, и это больше любого разногласия. В России же людей не связывает ничего, кроме разве виноватости. Американцы ... объединены тем, что за ними стояла Америка, и это делало их защищенными. Их нельзя было трогать — как послов. Даже в России, где не действовал ни один закон — и даже закон всемирного тяготения действовал прихотливо, — с ними лучше было не связываться. Когда Борис встречал американца, он понимал, что американец неуязвим: его можно ограбить или убить, вот только худо тебе будет. Когда же — в Париже, например, — Боря встречал русского, и не жалкого эмигранта, а гордого советского гражданина, он чувствовал прежде всего эту уязвимость, потому что защищать такого человека никто бы не стал. Наоборот, Родина была бы только рада от него избавиться, у нее и так их слишком много. Чтоб ты лопнуло, проклятое, да зачем ты и родилося.

&  В России нельзя быть хорошим человеком, ... потому что все коллизии, которые продуцировала Россия, были коллизии увечные, выморочные. Вот почему всякий моральный выбор непременно превращал тебя в подлеца. Если ты сопротивляешься, ты желаешь зла миллионам, которые счастливы. Если не сопротивляешься, ты предатель собственных взглядов.

&  Он принимал решения только за себя, отшвырнув подлый принцип — «Действуй так, чтобы тебя можно было взять за образец». Тут никого нельзя брать за образец, и сама идея образца — глупая, подлая — чужда человеческой природе. Каждый решает в первый и последний раз.
     Не сказать, чтобы он на этом успокоился, но ему полегчало.

&  ...ей было, кажется, совершенно не до него: была сосредоточена на своем. Она словно ощупывала больной зуб, который страшно было лечить и нельзя выдрать, — занятие увлекательное, спору нет, но совершенно бесплодное.

&  ...ссылка — единственный способ пересидеть все прочие кары: тот, кто успеет пострадать раньше всех, в сравнительно мягкие времена, так и будет числиться уже наказанным, а возможно, исправившимся...

Далее >>

The Dark Tower

Jake Chambers: It's not a dream. Okay? I'm not crazy. I always see the same thing. The Tower, the Man in Black, the creepy guys with the fake skins.
Dr. Hotchkiss: ... What if the Tower were destroyed?
Jake Chambers: Darkness and fire.
Dr. Hotchkiss: ... Let's talk about your dad.
Jake Chambers: Surprise.

I do not aim with my hand. He who aims with his hand... Has forgotten the face of his father. I aim with my eye.
I do not shoot with my hand. He who shoots with his hand has forgotten the face of his father. I shoot with my mind.
I do not kill with my gun. He who kills with his gun has forgotten the face of his father. I kill with my heart.

"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed."

NCP Terminal: One, nine, one, nine. Mid-World. One-way destination.

Man in Black: Love your mask. Choose a pretty face and the world is your oyster.

Roland Deschain: There is no "we," Jake. All that matters to me is that I find... and kill Walter. That's it.

---

Sayre: I thought all the Gunslingers were dead.
Man in Black: Roland's always had an annoying ability... to resist my magics. So I killed everyone he ever cared about.

Arra: He's Roland of Gilead. Last of the line of Eld... But the Man in Black has his soul in his pocket... and his heart's consumed by vengeance. He's not a Gunslinger. Not anymore.

Roland Deschain: Do the animals here still speak?

Roland Deschain: For your services. May your days be long.

Roland Deschain: You have both forgotten the faces of your fathers.
Jake Chambers: You probably shouldn't talk to people here.

Man in Black: We both know that no matter who crosses the finish line first... the universe will die out eventually. Death always wins. That's the deal.

Man in Black: Bye. Have a great apocalypse.

Roland Deschain: What is this?
Jake Chambers: Hot dog.
Roland Deschain: Savages... What breed?

--
+ Quotes on the IMDb
+ Trivia
+ Soundtracks

+ Origins: 1, 2, 3