Winner Winner Turkey Dinner

Modern Family 9×7

Manny: Everybody's heard of the H. Bronfman Clothiers Black Friday sale where the hoi polloi fight over tuxedos like animals.

Mitchell: No, you... you are not gonna confess. You're gonna smash that anxiety into a little ball, and you're gonna push it into that little, tiny hole in your soul where childhood traumas go.

Gloria: You said some pretty harsh things to Mrs. Barrish.
Jay: In my defense, um, this banquet she's planning is not historically accurate. For example, I don't remember a tandoori chicken option at the first Thanksgiving...
Principal: We have children here from many ethnicities, and we try to make them all feel included.
Jay: Be that as it may, history does not record Pocahontas asking John Smith to pass the sashimi roll while Myles Standish helps himself to gluten-free huevos rancheros!... After that, it got heated, and we got expelled.
Gloria: "We"?

Gloria: Hey, Google, how much time left on the turkey?

Jay: Joe... tell us about the first Thanksgiving. Come up here, buddy. You got this.
Joe: There was once a land of godless natives. They did not know any better until, one day, the white man arrived... The white man took pity on these primitives by teaching them to cultivate the land. But their kindness was mistaken for aggression, and a war began.
Mitchell: What kind of school is this?
Cameron: This is what I was taught.
Mitchell: What?!
Joe: Eventually, peace was restored, and we bestowed them with our nation's highest honor... naming football teams for them.

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On the IMDb