Lucifer 3×5
Lucifer: "Bad" words. Determined by a set of arbitrary rules. Just like my Father's.
Lucifer: Here, child. This should buy you plenty of juicy words. You swear away.
Ella: Oy vay. Someone forgot to exfoliate.
Lucifer: Mum?
Lucifer: Not at all accurate, but... I approve. .... Ugh! So conflicted, but... can't look away.
Grace Foley: My greatest desire... is to... stop shooting this exploitative garbage.
Lucifer: Garbage? What are you talking about? What you're doing is art! ....Well, despite the unwelcome reminder of Dad and my wings, I've never wanted pudding more in my life.
Grace Foley: Exactly. Because we're selling sex... Which has absolutely nothing to do with pudding... To distract people from the fact that my pudding tastes like crap.
Lucifer: Ooh, that's an odd choice of flavors.
Chloe: She called her math homework a "cluster duck" and her teacher a "mother flunker."
Lucifer: Did she not call anyone a "sock sucker"?.. What? It's just someone who sucks socks!
Chloe: I can't believe you're teaching my daughter loophole swear words.
Lucifer: In my defense, "mother flunker" was entirely the little deviant's creation. And very clever of her, I might add.
Chloe: I'm trying to teach my child a lesson, and you just made my job that much more difficult.
Lucifer: You parents, always with your lessons. Or as I like to call them... mind games.
Lucifer: It's Charlotte time!
Lucifer: What in Dad's name are you doing?!
Lucifer: I can assure you that you and I have not or will not ever, ever, ever... sleep together!
Charlotte: It feels almost like I was in...
Lucifer: Hell?
Charlotte: Now you probably think I'm crazy, too.
Lucifer: Do you realize who you're talking to?
Charlotte: Right. Lucifer. The Devil. Yeah, well, if you believe me, then you're just as crazy as I am.
Charlotte: Well, on the ridiculous... off chance that Hell actually is possible... how do I make sure I never go back?
Lucifer: Well, uh, this is your second chance, correct? So perhaps avoid doing devious and dastardly things from now on. I mean, it's boring, I know.
Charlotte: If you have hundreds of millions of dollars, and you get sued for a couple of million, you still have hundreds of millions of dollars. ...it's the same calculation the car manufacturers make when they find out they have faulty airbags. Which costs them less, recalling the car or enduring the lawsuits?
Lucifer: Charlotte, where are you going?
Charlotte: To join the Peace Corps or donate my entire savings to an orphanage or build a shelter for blind, one-legged puppies!
Lucifer: Do you think Charlotte will be all right?
Chloe: Yeah. Why wouldn't she be? That woman's like a rock. Like a very mean, scary, hot, well-dressed rock.
Charlotte: Turns out... there are no loopholes. If you're guilty... you're guilty.
Chloe: Monkey, I want to talk to you about what happened today at school. Did you tell Miss Morgan to "go to shell"?
Trixie: I didn't technically break any rules.
Chloe: ...the truth is if you go looking for loopholes, you'll always find them. And I can't force you to do the right thing. You'll just have to learn that on your own.
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