A Bad Moms Christmas (2017)

Bad Moms (2016) <<

Amy: I'm Amy Mitchell. And this year I ruined Christmas.

Amy: Christmas is by far the most stressful time of the year for moms. There are a million things to do. And you have to do them all perfectly or else you will never forgive yourself. And more importantly, neither will your kids.

Lori: Mommy, is there a Santa Claus?
Amy: You bet there is, buddy.
Lori: Are you lying to me, mommy?
Amy: Oh, God, make it stop.

What else have you lied about? Carla: Since when did every woman in America need a completely hairless vagina on Christmas?

Isis: Why are you wearing black pajamas?
Carla: Oh, uh... No, yeah, I, uh... I work at a spa.
Isis: You have a fucking job?
Carla: Yeah. Yeah. I'm tryin' to be more responsible and shit.
Isis: Oh, you always were so weird.

Amy: Oh, God, make it stop. The point is [my mom]'s perfect at everything and she is impossible to please.
Jessie: But if she's impossible to please why're you tryin' so hard to please her?

Amy: Listen, I'll tell you the truth. Daughters spend their whole lives trying to please their mothers, and mothers spend their whole lives shitting all over their daughters. It's just how the world works. Okay? I can't fix that. I'm not, I'm not fucking Beyoncé.

Ruth: Amy, it's December 19th. Even the Jews have Christmas trees by now.

Carla: I am disappointed in this threesome. We are mothers. And if things are not going our way, then what do we do?
Kiki: We hide in the bathroom.

Carla: We s... No, we stand up. And we fight back. So if we wanna do Christmas our way this year then we're gonna do Christmas our way.
Amy: No more perfect gifts, no more perfect decorations no more perfect anything. Let's take Christmas back.
Carla: Let's put the "ass" back. In "Christm-ass."
Kiki: What?

Amy: I don't know, I-I didn't wanna waste time tree shopping this year. I actually wanted to enjoy Christmas.
Ruth: Amy, you are a mom. Moms don't enjoy, they give joy. That's how being a mom works.

Amy: How much did this cost?
Ruth: How can you put a price tag on a child's happiness, Amy?... It was very expensive.

Lori: I love "The Nutcracker."
Amy: Oh, no, no, no, no! Not like the Sugar Plum Fairy "Nutcracker." No, the original, the five-hour long version that's all in Russian, where a bunch of people die.

Carla: This is my mom, Isis.
Ruth: Hello. Ruth. Like Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
Isis: Huh. Isis. Like the terrorist organization.

Sandy: I am from Ottawa, which is in Canada. And then my husband Dirk wanted a faster life so we moved to Bismarck, North Dakota... And then I had Kiki when I was only 18 years old. And then Dirk died. A long, slow, painful death. But we're all gonna die sometime, alone and afraid.

Ruth: Now, are you done ironing my pajamas, Hank?

Carla: You learn a lot about a man when you wax his sack. You know, some guys cry. Some guys act real tough. But... But Ty, he was so calm. It was almost like waxing the balls of the Dalai Lama.

Sandy: Well, today my daughter told me she needed "More space." I don't even know what that's supposed to mean.
Ruth: Yeah, well, my daughter just kicked me out of her life forever.
Sandy: Why?
Ruth: Because I push her to be the best and she can't handle it. Of course, my mother pushed me twice as hard and I turned out amazing. But I guess not everyone is as incredibly strong as I am.

Hank: Sweetheart, she loves you more than anything in the world. She's just got a... a deeply fucked up way of showing it.

Hank: Look, I've been married to your mother for 36 years.
Amy: Hm.
Hank: And she is a pain in the ass even on a good day. But you know what? I love her more now than I did the day we got married. Because I know the real her.

Isis: Hey, psycho bitch your daughter just apologized to you. You're now supposed to say "I'm sorry" to her. That's the way human beings talk to each other.
Ruth: Yeah. I'm also basically sorry.
Sandy: Okay, good. That was good.
Isis: Now, tell her what you're sorry for...
Ruth: It is possible that I should not have thrown a secret Christmas party at your house. Obviously, you made an incredible number of bad decisions this Christmas as well. But... for the tiny fraction of blame that falls on me I am... I am generally... apologetic.

Ruth: God, Chinese food on Christmas... I feel like such a Jew.

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