Lecture Circuit: Part 1

The Office 5×14

Jim Halpert: This morning, the phone guy comes in and he shows Michael that our phones have a PA function. And then he just left.
Michael Scott: This is your captain speaking. The office will be flying at an altitude of two stories. Look out your left-hand window and you will see Vance Refrigeration...

Michael Scott: Every magician has a hot assistant and every rock star has a roadie and Pam is my hot roadie.

Pam Beesly: Yeah, I love being on the road, but I especially love the time and a half pay, 24 hours a day for three days. 'Cause I have a mortgage now. Got to bring home the bucks.
Michael Scott: No, don't say "bucks." It's not ladylike.

Jim Halpert: Hi, Kelly.
Kelly Kapoor: Screw you.
Dwight Schrute: Excuse me. That is no way to address a superior!
Kelly Kapoor: Oh, yeah? Screw you, too.

Michael Scott: Don't be nervous. Just picture her naked.
Pam Beesly: Stop it.
Michael Scott: That's what I do. Steal my trick.

Michael Scott: Wow. Oh, man. My head just exploded. Whoo! Thank God for everybody, right? Wow, you're huge! That's incredible. I... God, sorry, sorry. My head is... I'm just... I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had sex, and...
Karen Filippelli: Let's just get this over with, shall we?
Michael Scott: Okay. Mmm-hmm. Ten? Ten months?

Jim Halpert: Why have you chosen brown and gray balloons?
Dwight Schrute: They match the carpet.
Jim Halpert: What is that?
Dwight Schrute: "It is your birthday," period. It's a statement of fact.
Jim Halpert: Not even an exclamation point?
Dwight Schrute: This is more professional. It's not like she discovered a cure for cancer.

Dwight Schrute: Have you collected the money from everyone?
Jim Halpert: I am working on it.
Dwight Schrute: How much do you have?
Jim Halpert: $6.
Dwight Schrute: That's how much you and I contributed! Damn it, Jim!

Michael Scott: I don't know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I've asked you to go around and tell me your names. I have an amazing mnemonic device by which I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy, sugar boobs, black woman. I have taken a unique part of who you are and I have used that to memorize your name.

Michael Scott: Baldy, your head is bald, it is hairless, it is shiny, it is reflective, like a mirror. "M," your name is Mark.
Mark: Yes.
Michael Scott: Got it. It works!
Karen Filippelli: Uh, it's very insulting.
Michael Scott: But it works.

Michael Scott: You remember Holly? She used to work for HR.
Pam Beesly: No, remind me.
Michael Scott: Blonde hair, nice boobs. Not too big, not too small.
Pam Beesly: Perfect boobs. Of course I remember Holly.

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